Must be someone else. Must be someone else. Must be,

Having one of those days. When everything feels like it's far too hard to deal with. Thinking, doing things, everything. But life goes on around, so have to try and keep up, right?

We're...about 90% sure that Mum needs more care than she can get at home. Nicky and I have both talked to her about it.

She's less...against it than she has been.

Nicky's going around some places that have wardens and things - so she'll still have her own space, but she'll also have more help. We hope.

Obviously she still thinks we're just spying on her and don't trust her. But I think she's realising she needs it, too.


Ah, forgot I was writing this. Can't remember what I was going to say now.

Have a song. It's on a playlist I've been listening to a bit recently. I like it.




Sherlock is full of beans about fireworks. I'm not sure what we'll do this year. I'm trying very hard to keep up with his enthusiasm. It's not easy. I don't know how John manages for so many hours a day.

I feel bad when I'm like this, at work, at home, feel like I'm just about keeping up with the essentials and not really...involving myself any more.


One of my cases is very difficult at the moment. I mean, they all are, in their own ways, but this one...there's three young boys, and we believe one of their parents murdered the other. Then committed suicide. How do you deal with that when you're only 6 or 7 years old? That's your whole world, isn't it. Everything you know.

I do just want to bring them all home. Take care of them all.

Last night I headed out to the river, by the barrier. I like it out there.

Except when I went to start the bike up again I realised that I'd forgotten I was almost out of petrol...and now I wasn't going to get far. Anyway, luckily, John and Sherlock came to my rescue. I'm very lucky to have them, willing to help me.

Alright don't worry even if things end up a bit too heavy

Hope you all brought your washing in, UK-ites. Battened down your cats. Tied any elderly relatives to a sturdy object. Put children in the basement. That sort of thing.

We're not taking Mycroft back to school - he is, sadly, still going - but Anthea's taking him in a vehicle that could probably survive the apocalypse, let alone a bit of a stiff breeze.

Motorbikes wouldn't have been a good idea. I have no desire to take up any emergnecy service's time and energy by doing something stupid.

Although I think it fairly likely I'll get some work off the back of it, if it is as bad as they say it will be.

Sherlock is desperate to stay awake and see it all. Although it'll probably result in a few recycling boxes and bin lids blowing around and the odd tree giving up and having a lie down.


Today. Today was...I'm still a bit lost for words.

Running Rings Around The Moon

I'm so tired I may fall asleep before finishing this.

Sherlock seems to have enjoyed today. I don't know why he's always wanted to be put on a stainless shelf in a mortuary freezer and shut in. But he has, ever since he first went in there.

Today he finally got his wish. He couldn't ever go in one when there was a body in there (they each hold four) - and as much as he begged, Molly wasn't going to get a body out for him to see. So he just had to wait until there was a vacancy. Today there was.

So he's been slid into a giant freezer and locked in for a few seconds.

By the time we opened the door again he'd rolled onto his front, and was completely beaming.

He still hasn't managed to explain why he wanted to do it. He just did. Which is probably as good a reason as any, when you're 8.


Our little jaunt yesterday morning has led to one person in custody and the other released on bail. Not a bad result. Sometimes you just need to go in hard, shake the tree, see what falls out.

Friday I've got my MOE course. This is basically an entire day of breaking into things people would rather we stayed out of. So I will spend 8 hours breaking down doors, smashing in windows, all that. And discussing 'dynamic risk assessment'.

It means I spend a day in full gear - from steel toes and shin guards to goggles and a nice helmet. Occasionally with  a shield... I will doubtless need to have some TLC from my lovely doctor once I'm done. It's hard work wielding an enforcer!

I've heard a rumour it'll be taser training too - we do different sorts of entries. Rapid, General, Shield and Taser call-out. So...yeah, we'll see. I'm supposedly allowed a taser now I'm firearm trained...

Not sure what we'll do tomorrow. Last night's weather was so horrible - and then this evening it was all blue skies and gorgeous pink clouds! So there's no telling what it'll be like. Maybe a museum.


Am hoping to get to take to John out to dinner on Saturday, to celebrate a year since he asked me to marry him.

Then Sunday morning it's tank-time with Mycroft... I go through stages of looking forward to it, then getting a bit...I don't know, not worried, but wondering if I'll like it. I can always get out if I don't.

I know I’d never be me

Once I've done this, I'm getting up and getting Sherlock some ice cream with chocolate sauce.

I'm going to have ice cream with a shot of espresso and a shot of amaretto poured over it. John might just join me... Mycroft can have whatever he wants ;)

We all went swimming this morning, which was lovely. The pool  have these little weighted sticks that stand up on the bottom of the pool when you drop them in. So we were dropping a little 'course' of them, and standing in the middle of it all, so Sherlock had to duck under, swim along, picking them up, through my legs, pick up more, through John's legs and then come up for air. He did really well - we got him going further and further. Although I worry he'd actually pass out from oxygen deprivation before failing to pick them all up!

This afternoon was all domestic, homework, quiet things. Well, quiet after Sherlock long and vocal protests. This despite the fact none of us where doing anything he was interested in. And better to get it out the way now, so he doesn't miss out on doing anything fun later in the week, right?

It was nice.

Here's some MASSIVE chard from our allotment.

And here are some wet Autumn leaves.

And there is no god with a plan

Everyone's been very quiet. I've been working. Sherlock's been trying to read things he shouldn't, which serves me right for bringing it home.

John's been pottering about, mainly trying to sort out Sherlock's school gear, and helping with homework and tidying the kitchen that we all made a mess of. And offering me tea. Lots of tea. (Because he wants to help, and can't, so tea is the closest to help.)

It's very eye-opening, meeting the families of murder victims. There is such a broad range of reactions. Some people are so angry, some are numb.

The family I'm dealing with at the moment are incredibly quiet, polite, thankful. Makes me feel so much worse that we haven't caught anyone yet. The eldest, a boy, today when I was talking to his mum he fetched me some water and a got out biscuits. I mean, most kids wouldn't do that at the best of times - his dad's just been killed.

Doesn't make you any more determined to catch those responsible - you always want to do that. But maybe once it's done I'll feel more...glad. That they have that.


And I've been staring at this for so long it's now time to put Sherlock to bed.


Someone asked me today if I thought John and I would foster/care for other children, once Sherlock and Mycroft are all grown up.

Made me think.

It's not the game, it's a scar

So, back at work today. In the pouring rain and general misery of the wet, cold city!

Lots to catch up on, as always, as well as trying to book myself on various refresher courses before my training record looks bad again. Shit might hit the fan tomorrow, with an announcement about direct entry to the police.

Still, John and Sherlock came and visited me once the rain had stopped, which was nice.

Sherlock read what we were talking about last night and gave me a big hug this morning (and told me I couldn't get kidnapped again).

It's odd. I sort of thought, at the time, that although I didn't know what to think or do then, that it would sort of... come to me.

It hasn't. I still don't know what to think about it all. I don't really know what to say about it. I wouldn't mind talking about it all...except I still don't know what to say. It's just a thing, and it happened, like a lot of shitty things have happened, and...now they're done. And better things are happening. And you can't do anything about the stuff that's happened, you can just make the future better. So...


We saw the space station tonight - Mycroft told us it would be really bright, and it was. Amazing.

John hasn't been called out yet...but I imagine he will soon...

And have a picture of the kitchen in our little cabin we stayed in, because...I have one.

He Came To My Window

Had a lazy day today, apart from a bit of shopping.

This afternoon I was playing guitar on the sofa, and I could see out of the doors onto our deck.

Across the way there was a little boy - maybe three or four? He was pressed against the railings on their deck, staring at our bikes.

I went out after a bit, and asked if he'd like to sit on them - providing his parents didn't mind (they were right there.) His face just lit up - and now his mum's got lots of pictures of him, beaming, sitting on our bikes.

Nice to share a little happiness :)

We had a nice dinner tonight, big fresh tuna steaks.

Sherlock's hopefully home by now, having had dinner with Murray - we're phoning in a minute.

I hope London's still standing, and everyone survived!


We're watching the first episode of Peaky Blinders - anyone else watched it? Not 100% sure yet, but it looks quite interesting.

Loving all of you the rest of your life

Got off the phone to Sherlock and Mrs Hudson a minute ago. They've both survived so far. Although Sherlock's bartering skills need some work, if he'll settle for swapping cupcakes for cabbages... He was also indignant that Reg called Mrs H by her first name. I'm not sure he knew she had one...

We've had a lazy day. Went for a walk earlier. I held my husband's hand all the way :) Had to walk off our large breakfast!

Then, obviously, we had to spend some more time in hot tub. I do get hot feet though, which John doesn't believe, because they are traditionally cold...

I can honestly say, at the moment, I feel really loved. In the past...people have wanted me for my money, I guess. My help, maybe. And a few people have wanted me for my body. But John...I don't know, feels like he wants me for me. We can talk, we can have a laugh...and he doesn't seem to mind my body either ;)

So yeah, ridiculously happy.

It's your imagination...

Too busy, didn't sleep for an unknown reason last night, which meant I wasn't a very nice person today, and have had to bring loads of work home with me. Still, one more day, then we're off ;)

Last did this way back in May! So I'll just put this link here for those of you who, like me, have forgotten exactly what was going on.

A poem.

Today
is National Poetry Day.
John loves poems
and I love John
So I thought I would find him
A poem.
I texted Mycroft for
Some ideas
And he said 'Write
A poem
Yourself
Idiot.
(Okay, he didn't say
Idiot.)
And I said I didn't know
How to write
A poem.
But he said I could write anything.
So I am.
Because John loves poems
And I love John.
And even if I can write
A poem
I don't think I can
Ever find the words
That will tell him how much
I love him.

Bands won't play no more, too much fighting on the dance floor

Is it true Mars Rover is on strike?

Seems to be the day for it (although I can't pretend to understand the ins and outs of the American shut down.) I do understand teachers here though. I still can't believe how many people seem to moan about teachers. I mean, long holidays seems to be all they focus on. Never mind having to deal with 35 of the little....darlings on your own. Plus it's another scenario where people moan about someone in another profession 'having it easy' - if it's that bloody easy why don't they go and sign up for it?? Understand the fire service, too.

Anyway, got that out of my system. Maybe ;)

Having a rant because I've just been dealing with press queries forwarded to me ... honestly, I am all for people knowing what we do, how we do it (to a certain extent) and an open and honest relationship with the public we serve. But certain members of the press ask such leading questions, with such obvious motivation. Still...all part of the job.


Had a lovely day today, once we managed to persuade Sherlock he really was off to school. John and I had a very peaceful day. Bit of a run on the bikes (yes, bad us, we took Sherlock to school on the bikes so we could carry on out - and it's international Walk to School Month! Ooops...) Anyway, yeah, then back home, did some chores, then John...persuaded me to go to sleep. So I got a few hours kip ;)

We went to the park after school, also good. And nice to get to chat to other parents/carers too.

Apparently 1 in five Brits have tattoos now. (Good for us - we like lots of identifying marks!). I can't ever imagine anything I'd want for the rest of my life. What made me laugh was that people who get them 'have a stronger desire to be seen as 'unique' - but loads of people get the same tattoos! You're 'more' unique (sorry, sorry, Mycroft, I know you can't be 'more' unique...) when you don't have them, then, surely!

Right, have I rambled on enough?

Danger...now I've volunteered, when is Sherlock's swimming lesson?