Look to the future now, It's only just begun

I've spent too much of today on the phone to work and not nearly enough helping out with the boys.

They found some wrapping paper when we were out - it was a photo of bookshelves. So they carefully cut them out and made us some literary paper chains. Very highbrow.


They also got the basic start of a wreath. Mycroft is for tasteful decoration involving ribbon and possibly buying some small baubles. Sherlock is all about tinsel, glitter, spiders, ninjas, stars...the list goes on. And there's trouble brewing over what goes on top of the tree.

I'm not quite sure when we'll get the rest of the decorations and the tree. I don't mind waiting until next weekend, really.

The office is already filling with bad taste decorations. dangling about everywhere, baubles and tinsel in the cheese plants, gaudy santas on the doors. Completely incongruous sparkly banners around the case boards, surround photos of dead bodies.

'Tis the season to be jolly...

Insert witty title here.

I was going to answer Anon's question from ages ago, but I think I've lost the use of my brain.

I feel like...I don't even know what I feel like.

The Murder investigation is on, and after a day of talking to nosey neighbours I think I've already got a list of suspects, and am pretty happy that my prime suspect is a decent shout. Just got to find the evidence.

I almost want to go in tomorrow and get started on it, but I've left the team work to do and I don't want to miss Mycroft's first day home, especially when John is feeling...under the weather.

There's also got to be some point at which my brain decides to shut down to such an extent that my body goes into stand-by. I mean, there just isn't enough coffee in the world. And I keep thinking I should cut down, while all the time I just up it instead.

Sherlock seems to be winding up to have some sort of epic meltdown about school, too, now Mycroft's finished. I'd almost be scared, if I had the energy.

And I completely forgot what I was doing earlier. Serving out dinner, doing John's killer soup of doom, which has about the same heat level as the surface of the sun, I licked the spoon.

I almost swore in front of Sherlock. Happily my tongue had been melted to a useless lump of flesh and I couldn't. I can't believe anyone would eat that stuff. It was pure torture. There's no flavour, apart from pain.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate...

Another day in the Stinky House of Stuff. Although today was less stinky because now all the animals have been removed the heating has been turned off, and it's pretty cold out, so the smell level has decreased. And we found some really expensive items. I'm really unsure whether we're looking at murder or death by misadventure here.

There was another Big Wing Op today. Domestic violence and hate crimes. Wonder if the Commissioner's been reading this blog...seemed oddly fitting.

Anyway, over 150 arrests. It all goes with a massive campaign against domestic violence we're having. 1 in every 5 murders in London is domestic violence.

So...yes, today I went back to the court, paid my money, made my choice. Now I just have to wait for them to find a moment to sign it all off and get the Final Order posted out to me (and to Bry, obviously).

When my fist clenches, crack it open, before I use it and lose my cool

One of the best songs...ever, really. Brilliant. Bit of a theme tune for my youth. Except it would've been 'behind brown eyes' then.

We've had a great day today. I took the bike out and John brought Sherlock up so they could both have a go on it. John's getting a lot more confident in his riding - and smoother. Which is nice for my nerves. And we gave Sherlock a few rides, too, which got him very excited. He keeps claiming he's 'almost' big enough to ride on his own. Hah.

Now it's rapidly getting dark, so we're all tucked up warm at home again. Sherlock wants to decorate the house, but for now we've pacified him by letting him make decorations, but not put them up until Mycroft's back next weekend.

I'm unsure exactly how glittery spiders are directly related to Christmas, but who cares? He's happy and content, and we're getting a rest. Except he also wants a Sunday Roast for tonight, so I really should start cooking...

After I've taught Danger how to sing the song....

Understand that sexuality is as wide as the sea.

 Understand that sexuality is as wide as the sea. Understand that your morality is not law. Understand that we are you. Understand that if we decide to have sex whether safe, safer, or unsafe, it is our decision and you have no rights in our lovemaking.

Derek Jarman

So, after all of yesterday's drama today was pretty calm.

We made pancakes for breakfast, then Sherlock went down to Mrs Hudson and John and I headed to Harrow via the pet shop. We met up with Mycroft, Anthea and the dogs in the park. Presented the dogs with their new chews - those big weird marrowbone things, and a chewy/throwing toy for them each. They seemed satisfied.

Never regret yesterday. Life is in you today, and you make your tomorrow.

Today has been...pretty hellish, really.

I mean, it started fine. And then I saw John's post.

It just...it's not what you expect, hearing that Mycroft's been in a fight. I mean, I don't know, I thought there had to be some mistake. And then I wondered what could possibly have made Mycroft feel the need to resort to using his fists.

Like REReader said, it was a bit like a punch in the gut, finding out it was because some of the boys had been saying things to him about me and John. I suppose we should have thought about it. It just seems so...nice...there, and times are changing. But not fast enough, it seems. So, along with their cuts and bruises both the boys are being punished. I'm...torn. I don't want Mycroft to be put in detention for what he did, because he was just standing up for himself, and us. But I can see why the school have to do it. I hope they also do something about educating the boys to be more tolerant and stop that sort of bullying.

I'm not exactly doing well on the 'not feeling guilty' front. If I hadn't popped that stupid wheelie then I wouldn't have been asked to go in. If I hadn't thought it would be funny to drag John along with me then I doubt anyone would ever have thought anything about us. Not that that in any way makes it our fault that some homophobic little shit started on Mycroft, but we could have been more subtle. I don't suppose they even know what anyone else's parents/guardians look like.

And whilst I'm deeply proud - and touched - that he would stand up to anyone on our behalf, as well as on his own, I don't condone fighting. As I said, I don't think either John or I can blame him, because we both got in our fair share of fights when we were younger. And maybe now I've gone too far the other way.

The thing that changed me was that incident I wrote about a while ago - when I got into trouble and could have been thrown out of the force. While I was suspended I went to see Nicky, and Mum was there. I told her what had happened and she just said "I always knew you'd turn out just like your father". And I was so determined not to be that I changed myself. I don't know. Don't feel like I know anything tonight.

And finally, because Sherlock is being completely wonderful at trying to cheer us up, he showed me this just now and I thought it might make a few of you smile.

 

I've no idea if it's real, but Sherlock is desperate to see whatever it was that was there.

The first day of the rest of my life...

Well, that was the month that was...

I didn't think I'd manage to do the post per day - I didn't think you'd all still be reading by the end! I definitely didn't think I'd manage to find a title for each post.

But wow, it's gone so fast!

Yesterday...well, thanks, to all of you. And for those of you who said that what I'd written had helped a bit, that really helps me, so thank you for letting me know. And...well, yeah, I think it was probably good for me. Probably.

However, there are still some questions remaining from the month of living dangerously...

Anon, I will get to answering your question. I'm just not in the right frame of mind, given the discussions today. So instead I'll answer Small Hobbit's question.

You're obviously very good with children - have you ever wished you had a child of your own?