I strolled all alone through a fallout zone and come out with my soul untouched

So. The flat is quiet again.

 Mycroft has begun his new journey - the next chapter in his life. His college is lovely - small, old, all the things you'd expect from a college founded in 1897 really - although they kicked off in 1281, they just had a rough time for a while and only got back in in 1897.

Well, I'm not sure I'd have expected the monks, but Mycroft prepared us.

He got himself settled in, and then we went and found coffee. Which is obviously the next most important thing. Then had a little walk around the area, before going back and meeting yet more of his new...college mates?

Very odd, to be dropping him off at a new place, after seeing him off to school so many times. It is really nice though.

His mum is going to have dinner with them all at the end of the week. We've been invited to go back for dinner sometime, too, which is nice.

Sherlock scowled a lot. Even though he was getting a day off school for free.

Sort of for my birthday the guys got me a camera. I do like taking photos, and I usually just use my phone. But they asked Jo for advice and got me a great DSLR. Except it's for all of us to use, obviously.

Anyway, Sherlock took it up the allotment when we went up a few weeks ago and very politely asked some other allotmenteers if he could search their patches for things to snap. Then he was very quiet and patient and got some brilliant shots, which he wanted to share with you.

I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take.

So, I think I've discovered that I like Wasabi. Which is obviously odd, given that I don't like hot curries. But there's something about wasabi that is hot without being burny... I can't explain it. But I think I might have become addicted to wasabi coated peas, courtesy of one of my sergeants, Amy. It's probably a slippery slope. This time next year I'll be living under a railway arch mainlining scotch bonnets.

The rest of this, until just above the picture, is about my current work in child protection, so please don't read it if it will be upsetting.

My team is small (but, they inform me, perfectly formed). Honestly, it's frequently a very odd office - well, room - to work in. We're a bit squashed in, and frequently 3 or 4 people will be sitting at their desk, headphones on, notebooks out watching what would commonly be called pornography, but is in fact abuse. Until you've spent a whole day trying to note down every distinguishing feature on an offender and their surroundings whilst doing your best to ignore the actual content of the video you can't really understand how horrible parts of this job are.

On the one hand, it's a nice feeling to think you've 'saved' victims - albeit too late, obviously, for the ones you know about, and the ones you've saved before it happens, well, neither of you will ever know that. Because I'm under no allusion that without being caught these people would ever stop offending.

on the other hand, sending a body to a morgue for PM and having forensics hopefully give you a plateful of evidence will forever be easier and more pleasant all 'round than trying to interview a terrified 4 year old for evidence.

So, it's a job that is unbearable hard, but also incredibly worthwhile, and I'm still coming to terms with that, whereas most of the team are old hands and better at this than I am. Overseeing kids being removed from their parents/guardians, making decisions about informing completely unsuspecting parents about what's happened to their kid, explaining to wives (so far it's only been wives, although obviously won't always be) why we are arresting their husbands, and watching them realise their marriage has been full of lies, it's all...wearing. And wearying.

Which is why one of the things I'll be bringing back to my team is our 10am tea-break, where everyone who's in the office is welcome to gather around, with a brew and discuss whatever they want - from casework, to something that's made them cry, to how bad their suspect smelled when arrested - whatever, it's a time to share experiences and ideas, and it works really well. Brings everyone together, keeps everyone up on what other cases we have in.


On a far brighter note, both Mrs Holmes and John's parents and Nicky have all invited us for Christmas...or part of it, given work.

And here's a picture of the rugby we went to see. I believe if you look closely you can see SH, winning the trophy ;)

NZ, doing the Haka at Namibia.

Aaaaand....there was a great clamouring for another Upstanding Column (well, okay, one of you asked). So...have at it. As always, all information given is completely unfactual and entirely possibly wrong ;) the topic is anything, from recipes to romance, pet care to plumbing.

Everybody's on the run, Hang in there love, You gotta hold on

Work's been..busy. As you can probably imagine.

Otherwise, life is good! We've dialled our running schedule right back, in preparation for the weekend...Yes, we'll be doing the half marathon this weekend. Terrifyingly.

We are going to be cheered on (well, if they can drag themselves away from ice cream and the excitement of the parks) by Sherlock, Mrs Hudson, Jo, Lisa and Tadgh. Unless it's horribly rainy etc, in which case they might all amuse themselves doing far more fun things, and we shall wearily trudge home at the end with the hope of hot drinks and lots of food...

So here's our route.

John and Sherlock are going to pick up our 'race packs' after school on Wednesday - when we'll get our numbers, and it'll all feel horribly more real than it already does...

Distressingly, I qualify as a 'senior man'. Hrmm.

We'll dance until we die, Wanna go out every night

I'm writing this, lying on the bed, with a glass of champagne on one side of me, and my husband on the other, in Paris.

Yup. Paris.

A short bike ride, a short train ride, a short bike ride....and we've gone from London to Paris!

On the way down from Calais we stopped at some war graves. Had some quiet time to think.

Also stopped near a little village and ate our lunch on a bench overlooking a stream - idyllic! Got bothered by some French ducks (they seem to speak the same language as English ducks. But prefer a better quality of bread.)

We did some of the journey on main roads, some on smaller roads that run parallel. It was great - and there was no rush. Then managed to get lost a few times in Paris itself, but it's quite nice getting lost - you find some lovely parts of the city! And you can generally see enough of a landmark to re-orientate yourselves, anyway.

We called home - Mrs Holmes was there with the boys. Mycroft commented that Paris had a very interesting sewage/water system. Sherlock then asked what was interesting about it... we suggested they could talk to each other instead of using us as intermediateries! So sorry, Mrs Holmes, if your dinner conversation was entirely about foreign sewer systems.

So...we've got so much we could do and see! We've both agreed that we have to go up the Eiffel Tower. Probably late one afternoon, and stay up until it's dark. Or we'll just go up twice, as it's open until Midnight... but tomorrow there might be lightning, apparently...so maybe not then ;)

I'd also like to take John up the Pompidou :) (there's a bar at the top!). And there's other things, but you'll hear about them, no doubt, as we go. Anyone has any very particular recommendations, don't keep them to yourselves.

Here's a picture of our room, and one from the top of the hotel, n the little roof terrace.

Our very Parisian view from our room.

Our very Parisian view from our roof.

Merci, John. J'adore tu!

Bonne Nuit tout le monde!*

*there is no guarantee anything written in Franglais for the next few days is vaguely correct, or even what I intended to say.

She won't let you fly, but she might let you sing

So, home, dried off, gear now dripping dry over the bath. I'm snuggled up with my husband, who I've missed a lot today.


Went to see Mum today. Although I suppose I mainly went to see Nicky.

We met up at Mum's old house. The little garden is really overgrown, and now all dead for winter. Needs a lot of tlc. But it wasn't the weather for that today. And anyway, whoever gets it won't care. It's theirs to do as they like with, they'll undoubtedly just be happy to have somewhere to live.

The house does seem empty, without her, and her few things she's taken. They let you sort of, do out your room, if you want, with your own furniture. So she took the table out of her room, and one of the armchairs, and a bookcase and TV. And there wasn't loads else. Beds, the rest of the three-piece suite, a horrible kitchen table and chairs.

Nicky said she'd asked if any of the others wanted anything, but Sam and Rach didn't. Danny didn't answer.

We went through the few books she'd left - there were barely any anyway. Just recipe books, a few things people have bought her over the years. Mostly untouched, spines still uncreased.

And then there's photos. As Nicky said, none from when we were small, unless other people had given them to her. But some from later in our childhood, when the others where still quite young.

Very few, though. Cost money, didn't it, to buy your film, get it developed. So it only happened on special occasions. There's a few holiday pictures. Mostly with the men of her life in them. I don't know if she'll want them.

Little things I should've said and done, I never took the time

Today's been good.

Sherlock was up bright and early, demanding breakfast and wanting to go out right then and start having fun.

He was persuaded to sit down and eat his breakfast on the end of our bed. Then, once he'd settled down a little, he was persuaded to re-enact his parts of the play yesterday.

It was slightly hard to tell what was going on, given that he thought I'd somehow be able to work out exactly what all the missing characters were also doing... but anyway, he was a nasty storm, and very angry, with lots of lightning bolts, at first...but then, through some sort of...well, I'm not really sure why, but eventually he ended up showing that the earth needed his rain to grow things, and...he stopped being so nasty? Turned into gentle rain? I'm unsure... there was singing, and violin playing, and it all seemed to end well, which was the main thing, I suppose? It would have been nice seeing all the other kids. But from John's photos I think there were farmers/gardeners, plants, some animals...and assorted other things. A rainbow, there was definitely a rainbow.

He might be able to explain more, if he chooses to. You know what kids are like, once his attention is elsewhere, this will seem so unimportant it's as if he can't even remember it.

Anyway, Mycroft took us all ice skating at the Natural History Museum this morning, once we'd congregated. I do wish there was a way we could get the dogs on the ice - they'd be hilarious. But we can't. And luckily they aren't allowed in the museum, or they'd be on their toes with half a diplodocus before you could say 'sit!'.

Whilst John, Mark and the kids all dived into the museum (well...John may have been dragged... entry is not made faster by Sherlock quizzing the security guards, I believe. "Are you looking for bombs? Have you ever found a bomb? What would you do if you found a bomb? Why would people want to blow up a museum?" etc...) Nicky and went and found coffee and had a chat about Mum. Well, Mum and her house, all her stuff. She can only take a certain amount with her, into her new place. She's being very unhelpful about it, and Nicky's got the hard task of going through everything. Dragging up a lot of memories. I feel bad for not being there, but...well, I'll go down as soon as I can. Sam's been back and forth, helping. Danny hasn't, but I feel sure he'll turn up at some point, see what he can get.


Anyway, then Mycroft cooked us all a lovely dinner, with only a bit of help, from me and Carla, and Sherlock helped make mince pies, and took some down to Mrs Hudson (and probably ate most of them while he told her about our day...we'll take her some more.)

And finally...peace.

Tomorrow Nicky etc. have to go home, so in the afternoon there is a rumour we may buy a tree....

Alright don't worry even if things end up a bit too heavy

Hope you all brought your washing in, UK-ites. Battened down your cats. Tied any elderly relatives to a sturdy object. Put children in the basement. That sort of thing.

We're not taking Mycroft back to school - he is, sadly, still going - but Anthea's taking him in a vehicle that could probably survive the apocalypse, let alone a bit of a stiff breeze.

Motorbikes wouldn't have been a good idea. I have no desire to take up any emergnecy service's time and energy by doing something stupid.

Although I think it fairly likely I'll get some work off the back of it, if it is as bad as they say it will be.

Sherlock is desperate to stay awake and see it all. Although it'll probably result in a few recycling boxes and bin lids blowing around and the odd tree giving up and having a lie down.


Today. Today was...I'm still a bit lost for words.

It's a nice day for...

So, here we go. Some details :)

Cake!

Like I said in comments, bottom was rich fruit cake, chocolate and Brandy. Lots of Brandy. Really, lots. I reckon I could have set my breath on fire!

Top was chocolate sponge with chocolate and raspberry filling, in two places - so, three bits of cake, two layers of gooey choccy raspberry. Not that I got to try much, as a certain cake-devouring boy was there..

Anyway, we had a bit of a purple theme, but we didn't want anything too....showy.

There you go.

We got married in Oscar Wilde's old club, Kettners... famed for it's risque parties, once! It was lovely. Perfect. A beautiful room for the ceremony, then a bar and larger area for after. And there's an 'apartment' where John, Mycroft, Murray, Sherlock and I all got prepped and changed and ready. It has a secret entrance!

Everything was just...amazing.

Here's the Champagne Bar -

:)

Just like a star across my sky

Mycroft got three A* grades. He won't tell you because he says it feels like showing off. But I will, because I'm happy to show him off. He worked so hard, and we're very proud.

We went out for celebratory tea after we'd picked up the results.

Before we got them John was practically climbing the walls, he was far, far more nervous - outwardly -than Mycroft. Especially once Mycroft had the envelopes and was walking back towards us. I'm amazed my hand still works, the way he was crushing it.

I did feel sorry for some of the older boys, who were looking very downcast, with slightly irate, or - possibly worse - very 'sorry' parents.

Mycroft's headmaster shook his hand, and his head of year clapped him on the back and was very pleased for him. Of course, now there's talk of AS levels and A levels, as well as next year's GCSEs! Poor kid.

It's also made Sherlock vow HE will get A* too, which is good - always nice to have goals!

I'm glad to say Murray is still suffering after ambushing me. I think, probably, that I passed the test of...whatever he was testing me. He hasn't yet had Mrs Holmes evict me, anyway. So probably done something right.


I missed John and the boys so much - don't really enjoy being alone. Don't sleep particularly well. Still, it was only for a few days. And the seminar went well - got a bit of feedback already, people saying it was useful. All I can hope for, really. Might help an investigation sometime, get some criminal caught.

Now I give you this to ponder:




There's...something I very much want to say, to end this post. But I can't. So...well, this is here because I know this is where I would say it, if I could. May come back to edit...

Edit - so, I can say it now. This was my last post as an unmarried man :)

We are sailing stormy waters, to be near you, to be free.

Had a brilliant day yesterday. We went 'for a walk'...which ended up with canoeing on the Thames! It was brilliant (except John's phone drowned) - but yeah, loads of fun. The dogs swam and ran about, we paddled, got splashed, did things wrong, had a laugh... We saw duckling and cignets (quite big now) and said hello to other boat-users. And then we came back home and the boys made dinner, and a cake! And also gave me very nice presents - tickets to see Arsenal, and a little camera for my bike.

I've got next week off! Nights, then off for 5 days (two from this week, three from next, jammed together.)

Slight crossover between Danger's shift on Friday 4-10, and mine, 7-7...but we'll work it out :)

Sherlock's ideas for camping are getting ever more elaborate. Desolate islands and things...

Then I've got a conference thing. Three days, Mon-Weds. I've got to run a seminar on cross-border policing with Europe...so got to write that between now and then! I've worked quite a lot of cases with Interpol and Europol, so I don't mind - some forces barely ever have to do anything like that.

I thought about working for Europol after a split with Bryan. Seemed like...seemed like it would make a good change, get me away from everything. Bit of a new start. I got a few job descriptions and things for posts they had open at the time. Serious organised crime, trafficking of people or weapons, that sort of thing. But...I don't know. It obviously wasn't right because I never quite got round to applying.

John has a new phone. He's accidentally called me twice, and sent me two text messages 'Oooio opinion popping' and 'Gggghgyhf gadget hugging jug'. And his swear words cunning disguised into other words has increased 'Fuuu..oooh, why won't this work?' and 'Wan....ted to get on the internet, not ask you a question, stupid phone!'

Mycroft, as always, is a saviour. Whereas Sherlock just wants apps and to find out new things to do on it.

Anyway, for a while now I've had this photo of John which was...just taken at the wrong moment. You know the sort, where you're blinking? But...he's got his tongue out, in a cute way. so i didn't delete it.

Say you'll be all right come tomorrow, But tomorrow might not be here for you

Had a bit of a shit day. It was all going fine until i got asked to go down to a crime scene - not my case, glad to say - and look at something. Sometimes I'd rather not have 'expertise'.

Anyway, it was just a smell. Brought back some really strong memories. Ones I'd really rather not remember. I mean, I carried on and did everything but...just, I don't know. Left me feeling really off. Coffee with John made me feel better. Sometimes just need reminding about here and now.

In happier news, when I was in with SOCO earlier they'd finished with a little item I'd asked to have, providing it wasn't needed for the case...

Ask me I wont say no, how could I?

I've been staring at this cursor for a while, and I've no idea what to write about.

Busy day at work. But nothing...special.

Mum's going home this week. Not sure how I feel about that.

So...anything you lot want to ask?

Work, London, Life, Me...anything.


And have a letter that caught my eye from The Guardian at the weekend:



If badgers are indeed responsible for the decline of hedgehogs and bumblebees (Letters, 4 May), they are clearly cunning and devious enough to play the waiting game, living in balance with these species since the ice age, biding their time and waiting to launch their attack just as we began to spray pesticides and pave over our gardens.

Stuart Darmon

Theddingworth, Leicestershire

Your lovin' give me a thrill, but your lovin' don't pay my bill.

So...this sort of follows on a bit from John's post last night. And also from some of the recent comments, which I've found...helpful in understanding myself a bit better, I guess.

I'm sure this won't be comfortable reading for anyone, but, well, I don't want to upset any of you either, so don't worry, I won't be offended if you choose not to read.

Basically, this is an example of one of the 'controlling behaviours' Bryan used. And how that felt then, and now. And you know, if this helps anyone else have it not happen to them, then all the better.

Without saying a word you can light up the dark

Having a day where I don't want to be grown up. Don't want to be responsible. Don't want to have anyone relying on me.

Worried at work, that we'll let down a family badly, because of a mistake made. I...hope it won't come to that. But it could. And it's out of our hands now.

And...and.

I've spent my whole life second-guessing people. Reading every tiny change in their body language, their expressions. The way people breathe. Their eye movement. The flex of their hands. The shift of their weight. Nervous tics, wetting lips, rubbing face, cracking joints. I can read a thousand words into a silence.

I don't think it's bragging to say that most of the time, I've been fairly good at it. Practice, experience, all comes into it.

But all my practice has been on people who've ... not had my best interests at heart. And I'd never really noticed that, particularly. I mean, not...not in relation to how I read people. Because that's just how it's been.

And now I suppose I'm realising that I go into everything with such a skewed vision of how people work that...that sometimes I really can't read them at all.

And on here...even less.

I'm also becoming more aware that I get so completely tied up with trying not to make anyone feel bad, that I probably send completely mixed messages, most of the time.

Even saying this, I seriously worry how people will read it.


In other news. Trying to get Sherlock to pick out some veggies for the allotment. John and the boys have been working there today - digging over the ground, planting up, making what sounds like and area for hippos to wallow in, should any be passing.

Sherlock has brought about 90% of the soil home with him. And is currently planting cress seeds in a variety of pots/holders/substances. And also Googling fertiliser. I'm trying to keep an eye on him, for fear he stumbles across bomb-making info. Or just alerts the security services by ordering us a few tonnes of it...

On the subject of - an interesting article on the kind of crime we're currently fighting.

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome

Well today was...dramatic.

I mean, it didn't start that way. I was in meetings most of the day. Then I went to fetch Sherlock. It was a nice day, and I'd promised him we'd go to the park. Some other kids and parents were going to, so we all headed off.

It was all fine, kids running about, us old folk huddled up on the bench/by the fence.

Sherlock shouted at me to watch him, but I was right in the middle of talking to someone, so I told him to wait...and then there was a thud. I just saw him dropping off the frame out of the corner of my eye. And everything....I don't know, froze. Like, there was no sound at all, and then he screamed, and I don't know, I think my heart started beating again, because I really thought he might have fallen on his head - he'd been hanging upside off the frame, being a bat. And I ran.

He was already picking himself up, sort of, and when I knelt down he pretty much threw himself at me, and through the sobbing he said his arm hurt. It already looked like it was swelling, and he was...I've never seen him cry like that.

Doctor Doctor

We were sort of going to save this for Valentine's (for 'we', read 'I'), but Sherlock insisted he's rehearsed enough, and wanted to perform to John tonight.

So this was our surprise for the good Doc - me playing the guitar and singing, Sherlock dancing and SHOUTING the chorus:

Cause I'm happy just to dance with you.

I'm off work on Thursday and Sunday. Giving up one day in an attempt to salvage a few of my hours back for next week, when I'll be doing the school run. It's going to show me just how few hours pass between sending Sherlock off to school and getting him back!

Just read a 'fact' (I have no evidence) - 'Sarcastic people are more creative'... thoughts?

Anyway, yes, Thursday, was going to take John out to meet Ella - our dance teacher :) Have a chat about what sort of thing we want to do. Should be fun. Or mortifyingly embarrassing. Or both?

And then ideally I'd like to get to the pub and play some guitar.

I can't stop thinking about John being away. I'm kind of excited - I mean, it'll be a challenge, fitting in work and keeping Sherlock entertained. But in a good way. I'm not sure I'm prepared for how much I'll miss John, though. Even thinking about him not being around at time like right now... just gets me right in the chest. Which is horrifically soppy, right? Been on my own plenty. But... yeah.

Finally, can't really let this post go without mentioning that the Commons passed the bill on same-sex marriage today, meaning it will now move to the stage of discussion by committee. And this has been pushed through by the same party who brought in Section 28 (although it was a minority of their members who actually voted for it) - hard to believe how times change.

(If anyone's confused by the Commons, the Lords, divisions, lobbying, the whips - just ask. I can't promise to give any sort of understandable or even accurate answer, though.)

Open up your skull, I'll be there

Dealt with some annoying people today. Industrial accident, so lots of people desperate to pass the buck, and certain people who seem to think I fell off the top of the Christmas tree, instead of getting more than my share of grey hairs becoming DI the traditional way.

Anyway, got home, leant against the worktop having a rant at John about it (he told me to!) and Sherlock, as he occasionally does, decided to climb me.

It was only about halfway through that I realised how completely...normal it all is :) Made me smile.

He starts standing on my foot, then grabs my arms because I usually have them crossed, and pulls up, then either I cross my legs so he can jam his foot in at knee-height, or he uses the top of the stitched padding in my knees (biking trousers.) to get to the next point, then he tries to grab around my neck and I automatically cup a hand for his other foot to go in, then today, he used the worktop for the final ascent onto my shoulders... And all this is now done without a word! He knows I'll stand there, I know he'll climb me, I attempt to keep up the conversation with John, as I peer around arms and hands and knees that obscure the view.

This sort of thing just makes me so happy. From the little boy who ran away and hid from us, to a little mountaineer...

I also made a rash promise to Sherlock about what we'll do if John does go on this course. I will be held accountable, clearly. He's not going to let me forget! (Neither is John...)


We're waiting to see what tomorrow brings, now...snow is forecast. Not that much, but Sherlock has begged to go out in it, and I'm sure we will. He said parts of the pond at school have frozen, so he's keeping an eye on it all.

Sitting here wasted and wounded

I don't really know what to say about Mum any more.

Nicky said that she'd said she didn't want me bringing 'him' (John) to see her. That she had enough doctors telling her what to do.

Christ, I know it can't be easy for her, but she still should be able to realise that I'm bringing John because he's my partner - my family, not because he's a doctor.

They say it's good to talk to people in hospital about what's going on - so I was telling her about Mycroft being home, how well he gets along with Carla, and Sherlock's play, and she just didn't want to know. I thought...maybe being sober, she might...take it in, more, I suppose.

It certainly doesn't make me feel like making the effort to see her again any time soon. Perhaps that's what she wants. Who knows.


Anyway, onto more interesting things. Found these pictures. They're just beautiful. The guy found a way to replace the pigment in living, growing flowers with pure water. Amazing.

And your mind, your tiny mind

After breakfast today we walked through the city a bit, discussing the killing room sat Smithfield (used to talk to a bloke who worked there - he said when it was new the killing rooms were 15' square. When he worked there they were 10' square because of all the blood and gore that was never cleaned off the walls - they only sluiced the floors.) Discussed when they used to drive the animals down to the market, through London, alive.

Then ended up near Monument - which none of us had ever climbed before, so we did.