They'll think of something funny, When they write your epitaph

Sometimes I think I'm really not cut out to deal with people who actually seem to like me. I'm fine at work, because it's rare anyone does. 'Customers' I mean, not colleagues. Colleagues are...well, they're all fine, but it's not as if I worry if they like me or not. As long as it doesn't get in the way of the job, I don't really care. It's a job, not a popularity contest.

Anyway, sometimes I wonder where that comes from. Or if everyone doesn't feel a bit like that.

I don't like self pity. I'll come straight out with that, because what I'm about to say probably sounds much like it.

I suppose I like being in control, is what it comes down to. And accepting there are things I'm not in control of. Or not responsible for. I want to fix everything. So I try to. And then, inevitably, I fail, because...they are not things of which I am in control. And then I feel bad. And then I feel bad about feeling bad, because it's as if I've not only failed to fix the (unfixable) problem, but then I am the problem, too. Or deflecting attention from the problem. When...really I shouldn't have stuck my oar in at all and it definitely shouldn't be about me.

I've sat here looking at that for quite a long time now and I'm not sure it makes any sense.


Tomorrow we're cleaning up the school. The outdoor area has been neglected over the winter, and now the kids are gearing up to play outside more again, it needs a good tidy. And Sherlock wants the pond tidied before any frogspawn appears. He says it's 'due any time now', so there we go. Need to attract the spawniest frogs, clearly. No one'll come and live in a scruffy pond. So there's been a quick ad hoc gardening party organised for tomorrow afternoon, where people will come if they can for as long as they can, and get stuff done. I want to clean out the pumps at the least, cut back some vegetation, that sort of thing.


The seminar went well. Odd place to go back to. Not the best memories in the world, that hotel.

Alright don't worry even if things end up a bit too heavy

Hope you all brought your washing in, UK-ites. Battened down your cats. Tied any elderly relatives to a sturdy object. Put children in the basement. That sort of thing.

We're not taking Mycroft back to school - he is, sadly, still going - but Anthea's taking him in a vehicle that could probably survive the apocalypse, let alone a bit of a stiff breeze.

Motorbikes wouldn't have been a good idea. I have no desire to take up any emergnecy service's time and energy by doing something stupid.

Although I think it fairly likely I'll get some work off the back of it, if it is as bad as they say it will be.

Sherlock is desperate to stay awake and see it all. Although it'll probably result in a few recycling boxes and bin lids blowing around and the odd tree giving up and having a lie down.


Today. Today was...I'm still a bit lost for words.

The more I learn, the more I ignore

Firstly - something I found interesting.

This guy creates the most amazing sculptures out of egg shells. Uses...a dentist's drill, I guess? Something very like it, anyway. Must take hours. I'm sure I'd break loads if I tried - and just at the point they were getting good, too :)

Open up your skull, I'll be there

Dealt with some annoying people today. Industrial accident, so lots of people desperate to pass the buck, and certain people who seem to think I fell off the top of the Christmas tree, instead of getting more than my share of grey hairs becoming DI the traditional way.

Anyway, got home, leant against the worktop having a rant at John about it (he told me to!) and Sherlock, as he occasionally does, decided to climb me.

It was only about halfway through that I realised how completely...normal it all is :) Made me smile.

He starts standing on my foot, then grabs my arms because I usually have them crossed, and pulls up, then either I cross my legs so he can jam his foot in at knee-height, or he uses the top of the stitched padding in my knees (biking trousers.) to get to the next point, then he tries to grab around my neck and I automatically cup a hand for his other foot to go in, then today, he used the worktop for the final ascent onto my shoulders... And all this is now done without a word! He knows I'll stand there, I know he'll climb me, I attempt to keep up the conversation with John, as I peer around arms and hands and knees that obscure the view.

This sort of thing just makes me so happy. From the little boy who ran away and hid from us, to a little mountaineer...

I also made a rash promise to Sherlock about what we'll do if John does go on this course. I will be held accountable, clearly. He's not going to let me forget! (Neither is John...)


We're waiting to see what tomorrow brings, now...snow is forecast. Not that much, but Sherlock has begged to go out in it, and I'm sure we will. He said parts of the pond at school have frozen, so he's keeping an eye on it all.

"You! Yes, you behind the bikesheds, stand still laddy!"

We're finally off to take Mycroft back to school. Everything is packed. Well...everything he absolutely needs right now. I'm sure we'll deliver some things in the future, and take away others...

Sherlock is a bit quiet. Think he'll miss his big bro really. Although he's excited about this thing on Friday that Mrs N has suggested - a sort of food+drinks thing in the school grounds, with the added bonus of frog spotting.

It'll be good for parents to get to talk to her, as I'm sure all the kids there have odd little quirks and things that she's probably best warned of. Sherlock very grumpily said that Mrs T has passed on 'Sherlock's Big Book of Things Not To Do'.

So...it'll be odd, the flat being rather a lot emptier, without one fairly small (but tall) boy, and two very large dogs.

Mycroft, I saw this and thought of you:

I've printed you out a copy, so you can put it up in your room ;)

(and yes, you can have one too, dear reader, if you know what the song lyrics is from today without cheating. You will have to print it yourself, though...)

Maybe if we think, and wish, and hope, and pray, it might come true

Well.. it feels like a lot's happened since my last post.

I don't want to start off a whole debate again. But I would like to say a few words. And then there are picture of newts.

Cheese and school and newts

Yesterday I got in trouble like John said on his blog, and Mrs T said she was disappointed in me and so did John and Lestrade and I wanted to go and see the pond because at the moment there are tiny newts and frogs and the newts have still got their external gills and I just wanted to see them and I wasn't allowed which wasn't fair and then I wasn't allowed out later either which was even more unfair because the cheese barely even hit her.

John was angry because of me and he made the tap leak worse and work wasn't fun and Lestrade was late home and when he did get home he just told me I needed to think about why I'd done it so I could explain myself and he said that it not being fair wasn't good enough for an explanation and I had to think more than that about why I thought throwing the cheese would make it better and it didn't anyway and in the end at bedtime he said that the last person who threw food at him was Bryan and that I wouldn't want anyone to think I was like Bryan because I'm not but that I should think about what I do because he wouldn't want anyone to think I was like that just because I got angry and did one thing that wasn't nice and so I did and I'm not like Bryan at all because everyone hates him and he's mean and I'm not so I went in to John and Lestrade this morning and said I wouldn't throw things again like that and I said I'd say sorry and then we had pancakes with banana and syrup and normally we're not allowed syrup for breakfast.

Then later we went to see the pond because I really wanted to show John and Lestrade the baby newts and how now it's really easy to tell them apart from the frogs and there's loads of them and then we went and had lunch and then for a walk out away from the city and there was really long grass to hide in and trees to climb and John and Lestrade held hands and we took a frisbee even though we didn't have the dogs but it was hard because it was windy so we looked for bugs instead and there were loads.

Here's a picture of two little newts but it was hard because they're hard to see and it's through water they're about 30mm long and Lestrade's given the blog a new tag for the pond because it needed one.