Go shave a sheep and knit yourself a sweater

Apologies for the poor quality of this blog. I'm too tired to write much.

So far...we've been rubbish at the training schedule, because I worked too late.

Bryan was in court today. I asked someone who works there to let me know the outcome. Fine and suspended sentence. Not sure how I feel about it. I don't know if prison would do him some good, or put him in touch with some 'real' criminals. Nor do I know why i care.

The weekend was so completely amazing - John worked it all out, with just a tiny bit of help from Mrs H somehow getting us into a corporate box! It was amazing. And we won! And the weather was gorgeous - and Anthea even delivered Mycroft to us, so he didn't miss out! He's home this weekend, so I definitely wasn't expecting to see him - well, I wasn't expecting any of it. It was just brilliant, everything, even my sneaky sergeant fixing the rotas at work.

So...some of you have expressed the need of more pictures of my gorgeous husband.

But clearly if you actually find him irresistible then... you wouldn't be able to resist him. Which would end badly for me.

Therefore I'm only actually using this picture for his (my) own good, right? And he doesn't have any food hanging out of his face! Sorry for the bizarre colour/quality. I messed with my phone setting and don't know how to un-mess.

Don't accept average habits, Open your heart and push the limits.

We're home! We're a bit wet around the edges, but we're home.

(Big debate this morning - train or bikes? The boys were immediate and unanimous in their answer - BIKES.)

So we headed off and up to Bletchley Park. A nice ride this morning, although Sherlock was wriggling about - like having an eel behind me on the bike.

Once we were there, an in, Sherlock obviously wanted to DO everything, while Mycroft wanted to know what was going on, and when.

So off we strolled, having been kitted out with little ...well, earphones and screens, that fit in your pocket, you know? To the main house, to find out which talks and things we could go and see/walk around with.

Well...the boys decided we needed to do a walking tour, then a talk about the Enigma machine, then a talk about The Bombe... so we did.

The walking tour was very interesting. Amazing to think of all those people, not even knowing what each other did, let alone telling anyone outside what was happening in there! The poor guys who were getting abuse for not being in uniform, as if they weren't 'doing their bit' and unable to defend themselves... the people who arrived single, and left married...still without knowing what their new spouse did! The people who arrived married...and left married to someone different!

And the pressure...the thought that so many lives were in your hands, when they were only 18, 19 years old. Amazing.

Anyway, after that we got coffee (this is a bit of a theme...) and then headed for the first talk. It was in the ballroom - very impressive.

It was...very interesting. I do sort of understand it...sort of. Clever machine.

Then I got another coffee... and we went to the talk about The Bombe. Same old guy... well, I was lost. I mean, really really early on, when we were still on the 'simple' part, I was completely lost...I'm still lost. If you find me, do tell me where I am.

I mean, I can tell it was completely amazing, what they did. I just...don't quite understand how they got there. Mycroft tried to explain, but...well, maybe I should do some reading on it. Mycroft went and spoke to the guy afterwards, and thanked him for his very informative talk.

I don't care if the ocean gets rough, Just a little is enough

I don't know what to write about tonight.

I'm glad I've got tomorrow off. I hope John doesn't get called in too much, but...then again it's kind of nice, doing the school run, spending time with Mycroft. And knowing John's out there doing what he's trained to :) Although given it's meant to be another nice day, much better if he does get to stay with us and relax, I suppose.

I've been writing my vows. Trying to. It's hard, thinking of things you want to declare in front of everyone. Easy thinking of things to say just...to John.


Work was pretty bad today. We're not quite sure what's happened, but it involved a severely overflowing toilet, a body and the body of a dog. It's...possibly suicide? But we're waiting on the pm results. The smell was quite something. But you get used to it.

Got another meeting on human trafficking on Friday to look forward to. Hopefully only the morning, though, so I can get to Sherlock's sport's day in the afternoon.

When it's family, they're a mirror of the worst and best in you

Just in case you missed it, someone won Wimbledon.

I mean, they didn't win the place. The Wombles would go mad, being sold off and privatised. They just won a game of tennis.

I won't tell you who, just in case. But anyway, you probably heard John whooping about it.


So...Friday night. I got to Nicky's, and we drove over to Danny's. I don't know what we thought we'd do. I honestly...no, I just don't know. But I hoped we'd be able to talk. Like adults.

But no, felt like I was ten again, holding Danny while he bit me and tried to knee me in the bollocks and Nicky was crying and...nothing was ever going to change.

Ask me I wont say no, how could I?

I've been staring at this cursor for a while, and I've no idea what to write about.

Busy day at work. But nothing...special.

Mum's going home this week. Not sure how I feel about that.

So...anything you lot want to ask?

Work, London, Life, Me...anything.


And have a letter that caught my eye from The Guardian at the weekend:



If badgers are indeed responsible for the decline of hedgehogs and bumblebees (Letters, 4 May), they are clearly cunning and devious enough to play the waiting game, living in balance with these species since the ice age, biding their time and waiting to launch their attack just as we began to spray pesticides and pave over our gardens.

Stuart Darmon

Theddingworth, Leicestershire

If I Stay Here Won't You Listen To My Heart

Feels like a long time since I updated.

Some of that is because it felt wrong to talk about anything here when I wasn't talking to John about it. We got in a bit of a mess. Like he said, both of us were making assumptions about the other. Neither were actually asking the other one though.

I... Didn't realise that John wouldn't mind talking but was sort of waiting for me to talk too.

I find it very hard to tell him things - difficult, horrible things - when I feel like he'll then worry about those things, keep them inside him, stewing over them, and not talking about it. I don't want to put him in that position. So I decide on his behalf it's better if he doesn't know. And honestly, I don't have to talk about things. So it seemed fairer, in my head, to sort of meet John on his ground, and just not talk about any of it. Which obviously didn't work for us.

And a lot of you asked me if I was talking to him. Which I never answered because I sort of wanted to say it was him not talking to me, actually. Which isn't fair. But in my head, that's how it was going, and that was better for him. And saying it would make it seem like I was accusing him of being the one in the wrong. Whereas I didn't really think he was. I thought we were doing what he wanted. I don't know, like I said, it's a mess.

But yeah, we're better now. I mean, not better, but better than we were.

I don't know how to make anything he feels 'better'. As he said, he wishes they could have done more, found me sooner. But that just wasn't possible. The moment they had a clue, they were with me faster than I could believe.

Nor do I know how to try to stop people worrying. I mean, I know John and a few of you felt better that I did nights with Sally, but I don't full understand why yet.

Don't quite know how to talk about a few things yet. But at least I know I can, and should, when I figure out what to say.

Having spent a day or two contemplating life without John and the boys, and that seeming like a reasonable alternative to asking him if we coukd talk... Just shows how skewed my way of dealing with things got there.

Maybe if we think, and wish, and hope, and pray, it might come true

Well.. it feels like a lot's happened since my last post.

I don't want to start off a whole debate again. But I would like to say a few words. And then there are picture of newts.

If you can't...

Blog readers of the world.

I honestly never thought I'd have to say this, but here it goes.

Please all act respectfully towards one another. These blogs are supposed to be fun. Treat others as you would wish to be treated.

We're never going to take away the option to post anonymously. Lots of people in the past have participated in otherwise very difficult discussions which they otherwise wouldnt have, because the Anon function gave them the chance to talk about things.

Please don't abuse it.

I don't think John or I ever expected these blogs to grow into quite such a 'community'. As with any group of people, I certainly don't expect everyone to get along. But if something or someone irritates you, please try to rise above it and ignore, instead of sniping or baiting or being rude.

This post does not require anyone to comment on it. It doesn't need debate, discussion or validation. It just needs everyone to take a moment to think about their actions.

And I Still Believe That I Cannot Be Saved

The course today was hard. We were working with simulations - an acted out scenario on computers. We had to make choices during the action. Choices about deploying weapons, using them, orders to give, how to react to what was happening, that sort of thing.

It wasn't about being right or wrong, it was just about what we each did - how we dealt with the situation. It was fast paced, like it really would be - you had seconds to make your choices.

Homework is to write our incident reports. It's hard because you have to remember everything, remember why you did certain things, why you didn't do others. But in that way it's realistic, because you only get to live through a situation once, and then we would have to report on it.

Next week we'll all look at how we handled it, why we did different things to each other, what we'd do differently next time, all that sort of thing.

Next week we'll also be firing real guns at real targets, and doing live training scenarios, obviously not with real bullets, but acting it all out as if it is real, no more computers.

It's a scary thought, being in charge - because on the beat, it's unlikely there would anyone higher than a DI hanging around, so it really could be down to me.

Anyway, weekend now, and apart from homework, a lot of time with Mycroft, Sherlock and John. The boys are back at school next week - Mycroft will go back Sunday, Sherlock Monday. And I assume John back to work.

I realised, looking back at old entries for something, that a year ago yesterday was when I got back in touch with Bryan, to arrange the dissolution. I said it in comments, but I think it deserves to be said again - because you all played a part in it, along with John, Mycroft, Sherlock, and everyone else. In that year my life has become immeasurably better. And I couldn't have - wouldn't have - done it without your support. But mainly without John's support and patience.

I love you, John Watson.

He would always win the fight

The course is going well. There's a small group of us, and we all get along. At the moment we're all in together, but later we'll split for a day, I think. There's one other inspector, four sergeants and the rest are PCs. Obviously the PCs want to end up transferring to Firearms, and I think some of the sergeants do, too. Whereas we inspectors are learning how to manage firearms situations more. So today, having all done our homework, we actually got issued Glocks, and took them apart (a little bit) to see all the bits and understand how they actually work. It is interesting. It would be fair to say my name is...known, here and there, in the Met. So people keep asking me if I'm moving departments, or what I'm doing there. So far I've pretty much got by with just shrugging and saying I don't know either. There are a lot of rumours. I mean, I know why I'm there, but it's still interesting to hear what theories people have. Been trying to manage my team via phone and email, which isn't easy. But todays bike ride went peacefully. Really dark clouds on the way back, looking as if they'd burst any moment... But I got home dry. And I think stilton ice cream sounds nice, Mycroft. Should have got some brown bread ice cream to go with it...

I'm not very good at doing clever things on here...

here's a song I like. I'm not very good at finding things on YouTube. It's the first one he sings. I'm teaching myself to play it on the guitar. YouTube is brilliant for that - being able to listen, over and over, picking out the sounds. I can't really read music very well, I've always done it this way. Far easier than having to put the needle back on the vinyl over and over, I tell you. Plus I can change the words to 'Pretty amazing Danger'.

Happy Birthday, Ma'am

We're watching the Trooping of the Colour. Mycroft really likes all this sort of thing, and knows a lot about the traditions and stuff. Obviously John knows quite a lot about the different parts of it - different marches, kits, uniforms, etc. Although, to Sherlock's disappointment, John wasn't a guardsman, so didn't have a Bearskin hat and never trooped the colour himself.

Closest I've ever been is as a PC, working on the route. It is a pretty amazing spectacle, I've got to admit. Here (if I've done this right) is a bit of YouTube from last year.

broken...

It seems the blogs are broken. Well, getting better, as at least I can post this now!

Bear with us...them? We'll get Mycroft on the case.

As for me...I don't have enough of a brain left to update. Between work and home I feel like I'm done in.

All I can say for sure is that Danger has the patience of a saint. And deserves every hug you can send his way. The day that man walked (limped?) Into my life was a good one, and no mistake!

First Class...

Firstly, trying to update via my laptop connecting through my phone, on a train. Completely unsure if this will work at all. Technology playing nicely together? Hmm.

On the way up to John, the boys and Mrs Holmes. You'll need to read his blog to see where they (we) are staying. It looks stunning. Mrs H got me first class tickets. Very nice of her.

Some of you will have spotted in comments last night (on John's blog again) that I got hit in the face (again. Why do people like hitting me so much?) so am sporting a pair of black eyes like a panda. Just how I wanted to look for the boys' Mother. Great.

Can't compete with the photo Danger posted, but here's a bit of London for you all:

 

Bit hazy, but the Thames looking quite nice.

Well...

...I'm home. Well, at John's, which I seem to refer to as 'home' more than anywhere else.

John and I have talked. Which was hard, but good. And did just involve talking, not shouting, or walking out, or slamming doors or anything else that such 'talks' often do involve.

So far, so good. So brilliant, actually.

I can't believe John or Sherlock didn't catch on, but I think it's safe to say a weekend away was a total surprise for him. Going by the look on his face and torrent of abuse.

We're currently on the beach, with beer (or juice, depending on age.) And have set up a target range of bits of wood and feathers stuck in the pebbles. Doing our bit for coastal erosion by chucking the stones back down the beach at it. It's sunny now, but not incredibly warm. All the more reason to sit very close to Danger. Although given his utter prowess at stone throwing perhaps I should be nervous. I suppose it's good that the only one who can aim straight was in the army. Sherlock's adopted a more carpet-bomb strategy, throwing handfuls of stones. Mycroft aims very carefully and I just ignore the targets and see how far out to sea I can chuck them. Or that's my excuse, anyway.

It doesn't feel like the weekend is only just starting. Hope you all have a good one!
And apologies for any random words or mistakes in this post. All done with my fat fingers on a small phone!

Poll quickie...

Well, Mycroft is very dissapointed in you all, as 'Pluto isn't a planet' won the poll, despite not answering the question in the slightest. But Pluto also got the (sympathy?) vote as people's favourite. Poor old Venus trailed in last.

New poll is about the hot topic of music.

It seems I won't be able to hold out for very long before I'm forced to play something for John and the boys. And Mycroft has been very interested in the whole guitar idea. Sherlock is more interested in the state of my hands, and what other instruments cause similar wear and tear on the body.

So what's your favourite musical era? Feel free to expand your answer in comments. I won't tell you mine, for fear of influencing the results.

help! i need somebody.

Right, my appearance as a member of the living dead didn't do anything to put Sherlock's teacher off putting me in front of her class.

So what can I talk to them about? they are all intelligent kids, but not all up to Sherlock's standard. And I don't know anything about what children like. I'm fairly sure they won't all enjoy murders as much as Sherlock.

all help gratefully received.

HOLD THE FRONT PAGE!!

Harry has just been kind enough to send me a picture of Danger, when he was younger - in retaliation for the current poll on his blog

testing

Mycroft is doing his very best to teach me how this works. It'S AN ic'm smarter than you phone. His fingers are a blur on the screen, and he's set up my emails a nd this blog and John's blog onto it. He's also pointed out numerous flaws in the software.

I feel very old. We didn't even have a phone in the house when I was little. Now I've got a work one and this thing the Yard set up the blackberry though. Only so the can bother me day and night though.

Well igot this far , now to change to the laptop. Did I do well, Mycroft?

Um...

As you can see Sherlock 'helped me' create a poll.

By that I mean, I sat by Sherlock whilst he tapped away on my laptop very fast, firing questions at me about different ways to kill someone. And this was the result.

Of course, I have no idea how to delete it. Maybe that should be the next thing I learn - how to delete things from my hijacked blog!

I should add, if it sounds like Sherlock's getting all the 'fun' here, that I also brought Mycroft a copy of the 'Police Code of Practice', which we have to issue to everyone we arrest, if they want to read it. He asked the other day about the rules. I can't think of anything more boring...but he seems really interested!