I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take.

So, I think I've discovered that I like Wasabi. Which is obviously odd, given that I don't like hot curries. But there's something about wasabi that is hot without being burny... I can't explain it. But I think I might have become addicted to wasabi coated peas, courtesy of one of my sergeants, Amy. It's probably a slippery slope. This time next year I'll be living under a railway arch mainlining scotch bonnets.

The rest of this, until just above the picture, is about my current work in child protection, so please don't read it if it will be upsetting.

My team is small (but, they inform me, perfectly formed). Honestly, it's frequently a very odd office - well, room - to work in. We're a bit squashed in, and frequently 3 or 4 people will be sitting at their desk, headphones on, notebooks out watching what would commonly be called pornography, but is in fact abuse. Until you've spent a whole day trying to note down every distinguishing feature on an offender and their surroundings whilst doing your best to ignore the actual content of the video you can't really understand how horrible parts of this job are.

On the one hand, it's a nice feeling to think you've 'saved' victims - albeit too late, obviously, for the ones you know about, and the ones you've saved before it happens, well, neither of you will ever know that. Because I'm under no allusion that without being caught these people would ever stop offending.

on the other hand, sending a body to a morgue for PM and having forensics hopefully give you a plateful of evidence will forever be easier and more pleasant all 'round than trying to interview a terrified 4 year old for evidence.

So, it's a job that is unbearable hard, but also incredibly worthwhile, and I'm still coming to terms with that, whereas most of the team are old hands and better at this than I am. Overseeing kids being removed from their parents/guardians, making decisions about informing completely unsuspecting parents about what's happened to their kid, explaining to wives (so far it's only been wives, although obviously won't always be) why we are arresting their husbands, and watching them realise their marriage has been full of lies, it's all...wearing. And wearying.

Which is why one of the things I'll be bringing back to my team is our 10am tea-break, where everyone who's in the office is welcome to gather around, with a brew and discuss whatever they want - from casework, to something that's made them cry, to how bad their suspect smelled when arrested - whatever, it's a time to share experiences and ideas, and it works really well. Brings everyone together, keeps everyone up on what other cases we have in.


On a far brighter note, both Mrs Holmes and John's parents and Nicky have all invited us for Christmas...or part of it, given work.

And here's a picture of the rugby we went to see. I believe if you look closely you can see SH, winning the trophy ;)

NZ, doing the Haka at Namibia.

Aaaaand....there was a great clamouring for another Upstanding Column (well, okay, one of you asked). So...have at it. As always, all information given is completely unfactual and entirely possibly wrong ;) the topic is anything, from recipes to romance, pet care to plumbing.

One by one we're going to stand up with pride

Happy Thursday, everyone.

I can't say there are many officers today who are crying a tear for Andrew Mitchell. Hopefully the whole sorry drama can be put to bed now.

Very sad to hear about Phillip Hughes. What a tragic way for a young man's life to be cut short - playing the sport he loved. And the poor bowler, my heart goes out to him.


Been dealing with a few cases recently - one of them is a very disturbed young man, who clearly completely believes what he's telling us, but we think it's happening in his head. We're trying to get him some help, but it's very difficult! Also taking up a lot of time, because we have to act and investigate things.

Then there's the regular criminals - the regular running around, trying to protect witnesses and things.

I nearly lost it on the phone to the CPS the other day. Words were had. Sal says she knows when I'm ranting because I pick up the whole phone and walk around the office, and have to untangle everything afterwards. Anyway, eventually, I got my way. But that took up a huge amount of my time I could have done with spending on other things.

Got tomorrow off, to spend with John.

Mycroft has invited us all to his school carol concert, which I'm sure will be amazing - a proper choir and everything. Churches generally aren't my thing, but I feel certain this will get us all in the Christmas spirit. And it's nice to get the chance to sing a few good carols. And it's only a couple of weeks until he's back home with us for the holidays.


And, because some youngster has covered it, here's a previous cover of a song I like:




Oh, by the way, feel free to start placing bets as to what Maf will attack and destroy out of the many Christmas decorations Sherlock will insist we put up.

To be honest, I'm only betting on what will survive - far shorter list.

John mentioned walking Hadrian's Wall earlier today. It sounds like a great thing to do - I'd love to spend time with John and the boys doing something like that. Sounds like heaven, frankly.

Despite the heat it'll be alright

Yesterday was a lovely day. John didn't get called in until the afternoon, so Mycroft accompanied us to see about suits in the morning. We've chosen! They measured us, so those are being adjusted now. We need to go back for a second fitting in a week or so.

Sherlock needs to come in too, if he wants a suit. He's a bit unsure.

Then in the afternoon Mycroft and I went to the park with the dogs and our guitars and we jammed :) He's a very good player. Very precise, meticulous. I'm not. He called me a 'fingering slob'. But we had a lot of fun. Then we headed off to fetch Sherlock from school, and all came home to cook John a nice dinner.

Today was sports day! John was on-call for medical emergencies, and also got roped into to 'running'...well...briskly walking....a race where you had to balance more and more hats on your head. It's the adult equivalent to the kids one where they have to stop and put on more and more clothing.

I completely failed in the sack race, got caught up in a pile-up! Involved far too much laughing and not enough racing for coach Sherlock, who said I 'didn't even TRY'.

Anyway, he'd also told me that I had apparently agreed to bake 'millions' of cakes for the school fete tomorrow.

And every lock that ain't locked when no one's around

Played at the pub again tonight, which was good. Sherlock and John both came, and I sang one of 'Sherlock's' songs - 'King of the Road'.

As far as I can figure out, their show is sort of the part of the nativity where Joseph and Mary are trying to find a place to stay....and then the Kings trying to find them? It gets a bit blurry....anyway, it seems to be about helping each other on a journey, and celebrating good things together, whoever you are... or something. It's hard to tell, when it's Sherlock explaining, as he's far more concerned with what he's doing in the play at given moment, and if he isn't on stage, it's not important...

Here's a fantastic video of two brilliant guitarists/singers. Wish I had half their talent. A quarter of it, even!

It's got one friend, That's the undertaker

Today the weather has been horrible. Rain, rain, rain, some more rain... probably the last gasp of hurricane Sandy - we always get it a while later.

Anyway, this meant, as always, we had one seven year old, hopped up on life, confined within four walls.

And who wanted to make many things...cake, biscuits, milkshakes, a pie, a halo, wings, shoes with wings, a degu run the size of the flat, a fort, a maze, a sausage-making machine, a new dance move, some prog rock involving a violin and a guitar, a new no1 Christmas song, some streamers, and the stinkiest stink bombs in the world.

When faced with such a list, John came up trumps. And presented him with this:

Soothe my mind and set me free

Well... I thought today would be calm, we didn't have a lot planned.

I had a word with Sherlock this morning, before John was up, about today being Armistice Day. He's already done a bit at school, and they'd got poppies - and drawn pictures of them - and even looked at a little bit of war poetry. So he was already ahead of the game, really. So then I said about the eleventh hour, and he agreed he'd be quiet.

He took that very seriously, as it turned out, and turned on the radio so we could 'hear the silence', and shushed us all in plenty of time so we wouldn't miss it. And he stayed still and quiet the whole time, which I was very impressed about, because two minutes is a long time.

I didn't know if John would want to do anything...be alone, or go to the cenotaph, but we just stayed in. So I gave him a hug for the two minutes.

It took us a while to realise he'd also unplugged the phone - and the internet - to ensure we had silence. Security came up to ask if everything was all right and check we weren't all hostages!

Anyway, then Sherlock disgraced himself a bit later by having made himself a sheet of ice to form a dagger with and try and stab me - me being the available test subject. Nothing personal...

I thought he'd hurt himself at first, but he'd just got a really cold hand, creeping up on me, and then when his ice dagger didn't actually stab me, but slid through his hand, I think it hurt. Anyway, he's banned from the internet now, and got a good telling off. He's a bit sulky.


So, anyway, as Sherlock is temporarily off the blogs I thought we might try another

Lestrade's Upstanding Column Of Love...

So, ask away. Anon posting is welcome, as usual. Have at it, commenters of the world....

*Please note, all replies may be utter bollocks.

It's for CHARITY

I'd like all your opinions on whether I should do a very very good thing for charity.

Some clever officers at the yard are organising one of those TASTEFUL nude calendars that are entirely not pornographic and would raise lots of money for CHARITY. So what do you think, should I do it? I mean, look at me, lots of people would buy it if it had me in it, right? And you wouldn't be able to see anything, as it would all be posed all arty like in the film when the old women did it.

Here's a picture of me from yesterday so you can all vote a big 'YES, DO IT' and then everyone will be dead pleased that I agreed and lots of money will be raised and Sally (who is also doing it) will buy me coffee for a week.

EuroLiveBlogginVision

Right, Mycroft tells me this is called 'liveblogging'. Although I'm not sure I'm doing it right...

Anyway, nearly Eurovision time, so we're watching and I'll probably be commenting on here, with help from my beautiful assistant(s).

Now...plates, takeaway, tv buttons, Pimms, and if anyone gives us 'nil points'...

DANGER SMASH!

(Insert any amusing comments regarding fist....s here.)

I don't believe in Peter Pan, Frankenstein or Superman...

So Bashful won. Which was...a surprise.

To me, anyway.

I cannot wait for this week to be over. Partly because of today, last week, the last few weeks...I don't know. I just know I'm really really looking forward to getting away from everything with John and the boys.

Today we went to talk to a boy who is known to us - he's like a hanger-on to a gang. Been in some minor trouble. The sort of person we lean on to see what they do. Not the brightest kid in the world, but not such a bad lad either.

Got the usual when we knocked on the door and his Mum opened it. "He wouldn't get mixed up in that, not my boy, he's a good lad" etc. So she let us in, led us up the stairs, knocked on his door...and when it opened he was standing there with a pistol pointed at us, shaking, crying, saying if we moved he'd kill us.

Took a little while to sort out. Needless to say his Mum changed her tune. But was all okay in the end. Sal's still giving me evil looks for grabbing her and standing inbetween her and him. It was just instinct, Sal, nothing to do with you being the fairer sex, promise ;)

Oddly enough, when I got back to the yard after picking out a bike with John and enjoying the sunshine, there was a memo telling me I'm on the firearms course next month. Coincidence? Don't think much in my life is these days.

 Quick! Vote in the new poll!

Dreaming the lonely night through...

No more news on...everything. Which I suppose is good news.

Haven't been doing much dreaming, though. Mainly thinking.

Arsenal winning - and coming from behind to do so, more good news.

Mycroft going back to school this evening - not such good news, but he wants to go on the bike, so that's nice. We're just packing up now. Or he is.

Was going to write an entry about the appalling injustice of you lot voting John innocent and me guilty on my polls...but it sort of feels less funny being voted guilty now than it did at the time. So maybe leave that for another entry, when all this is over with.

So, given I've got time on my hands (well, inbetween coats of paint, anyway), I'll go with DW's suggestion (okay, to be honest, I can't remember who suggested it. But it was probably DW.)

Questions please, for Lestallion's Upstanding Column Of Love. (obviously, even if you don't usually, you can feel free to go Anon.)

And as a disclaimer...every answer could be complete bollocks. Okay?

On twenty-seven street nothing will keep you warm, everything will bring you harm

I've been researching, slightly, piercings. As always, there's stories from every side of the argument. Some people say it really hurts, others say it doesn't. I think I'd be all right. I can't pretend I enjoy pain that much, but I think I'd enjoy the results!

And I've found a whole world of different 'jewellery' that you can put in to keep it as discreet as possible when you want - weird soft 'filaments' of see through plasticy stuff, to keep the piercings open when you don't want to wear shiny metal bars or rings. If that had existed back in the day I'd probably already have it done. So now my main concern lies with healing time...I don't want to have painful nipples forever. And I definitely don't want to risk injury via fighting some suspect. I think work will always require very discreet jewellery. Which is fine once healed and I can change it. Less ideal during the first few months. I suppose I'll just ask whoever does it (if I get it done) for advice.

New poll up, by the way.

Question today: DW asked 'Big spoon or little spoon' and then qualified it with 'both in bed or sprawling'. I shall admit to not knowing what that meant at first...I've never seen it referred to, really. But anyway, obvious once you Google it know.

At first I was afraid...

Right. Well, at least I wasn't met with a stony silence on my requests post. Not that I ever worried about such a thing...

In answer to, er, Nameless's(?) question, you can just ask a question once and I'll try to remember/check back. But equally, don't feel like you're nagging if you want to ask again because you think I've forgotten. Right?

So today, because it's topical, I thought I'd go with:

Lupe said...

In the spirit of Halloween and All Saint's Day and Día de muertos, what about a scary story? Something weird or could-be supernatural that's happened to you? :D Have you ever been inside a haunted house? Have you ever seen a ghost or something that could be a ghost? :3 Or maybe a local tale from your home town? :D Please? *v*

I know I'm going to regret this...

Right. Danger's said he'll try to post every day for a month (hah, dropped you in it now, Doc.) So I thought...well, I could try too.

Except I've no idea what I could possibly write about.

So every day you lot can ask/suggest things as a topic for the next day. If you don't, you'll get a post about police procedure or something.

I reserve my right to remain silent/ignore you/refuse to answer anything I don't want to.

Remember kids read this too...

So, what do you want to know about on Nov 1st?

Nothing is impossible in my all powerful mind...

It's a beautiful day! Even now we've got the windows open in the flat. It's an odd mix of trees thinking it's autumn, and being beautiful colours, and the sunshine meaning swimming outdoors is still brilliant, not chilly.

We all walked Snoopy this afternoon. Well, obviously Sherlock held the leash, as is his duty. But we all went, kicked about in the park, stopped for coffee (me), tea and cake (John. I may have helped a little bit with the cake...) and cake and a milkshake (Sherlock, although he had a sip of my coffee too).

Now he's very studiously putting all his drawing materials into precise colour order, I'm meant to be doing paperwork - some Italian - because I really, really don't want to have to go over there and testify for the inquest, but really I'm wondering what - if any - things John and I could have done to us on our weekend away. Massage? Relaxation? Different weird sort of massages with hot stones or oil or aromatherapy? Floatation? Dry floatation? It's like speaking another language. Feel free to offer opinions if you've ever done that sort of thing.

John is reading a book, and answering Sherlock's questions on colours. And agreeing it is annoying that the paint/plastic colour of a pencil/pen doesn't match the actual colour...


As for you lot, in the last poll exactly half of you agreed blaming John was the right thing to do, really. Even though some of you wouldn't allow Sherlock to fly the plane. A lot of you found religion, and a surprising number would have put him in restraints.

Forts, fortissimo, photos

Realised I haven't posted any pictures of the fort. (I typed 'my fort' then. Has my brain been buying things online whilst I've been working? Danger, do we own a Fort?) So instead of boring you all about the usual old crap, have some photos.

I wanna hold your hand...

I think I've talked about this before. Sorry if I'm boring you.

Spending the day eith John today was lovely. It really was. Sunshine, fresh air, the bike running like a dream, no major traffic snarl ups, good coffee, walking by the river...you know, just sickeningly perfect, like you see in films.

Except... Just sometimes, I want to hold John's hand. Or put my arm around him whilst we walk, or wrap my arms around him when we look in a shop window or any number of other things.


And I don't. Or if I do it's because I've looked around and decided there's no one to witness it.

But a part of me wants to do those things so people can witness it. A part of me wants to get a big sign out saying 'look at me, look at this gorgeous man who chooses to spend his life with me. Aren't I a smug, lucky, bastard?'.

I don't want to be stared at though. Or have anyone comment on us. Or worse. Especially if we're with the boys.

But someone has to do it, right? To ever have a hope of it being 'normal' then people like me just have to suck it up and do it and stop worrying. And why shouldn't that someone (those someones) be us? I mean, coming out at work was/is probably easier than I expected. I know people talk about me, and I get the odd occasion of someone thinking they're funny by sticking rainbow stickers on my nameplate or flyers for gay clubs on my car or bike or that sort of stuff. But generally everyone just gets one with it.

So, what do you think, John? Next time we're out...should I be brave? Would it make you uncomfortable? What if there was trouble? Do we run, or stand and fight...

Am I massively overthinking this? I'm sure I didn't used to. But then again, I used to get in far more fights...

Just like Mamma used to make...

In the sea just pipped outdoor swimming pool to the post in the last poll.

Apologies to all you who don't like swimming at all. I should've thought of that.


Today was D day. M Day, rather. We went to see my mother. Escorted, for safety, by Nicky. (Nicky - 'I've told her we're coming, and she's to be on her best behaviour'. Mum - 'It was only the one, to steady my nerves.' One bottle, I presume.)

Okay, she wasn't utterly pissed, but she wasn't exactly sober either. Which probably shouldn't have bothered me as much as I let it.

A lot of things probably shouldn't bother me as much as I let them.

Thunder, Lightening, a little bit...exciting?

Excellent things about today:

• John.

• Proper thunder/lightening/rain storms.

Bizarre...

So, the poll results are...well, amazing, really.

Love and Hate both got 13 votes.

Would like to try/wouldn't like to try both got 20 votes.

What? and 'Don't care either way' both got 11 votes.

Did you guys rig that??


I feel like I should have more to say about the weekend, but...well, lots of it isn't mine to say.

So I won't.

Tomorrow I have to go and do two prison visits, in two prisons. Really not my favourite way to spend a day. Prisons make me nervous. That lack of any sort of control over your life. The thought of being trapped in a little cell for hours and hours on end.

I wouldn't hack it.

But anyway, part of the job, so off I trot, like a good boy, and interview a few murderers. Lovely.

Repetition, reputation, replenishment.

Spent all day knocking on doors (well, walking up to doors and demanding to be let in) of various businesses on this murder case.

It's going quite well. We're fairly sure the net is tightening nicely. It's just a LOT of work. Everyone who doesn't let us in we get a warrant for. I've got two of the team living at the court to get them for us. Although now word is spreading, most people don't bother giving us the runaround.