I can't do what ten people tell me to do, So I guess I'll remain the same.

Sherlock has texted me to inform me he really NEEDS a pet owl, and even if we won't let him have one, he'll get one when he's older.

So...there we go. I wasn't even sure how to respond. Except obviously he actually texts me using John's phone, so when my message 'Right. Do what you like once you move out.' appeared on the screen I think John thought he'd missed half an argument or something! I got a very questioning text back...



...just realised I started writing this many hours ago, and never continued. Stuff came up.

One of my officers fell down the stairs while searching a house this morning...Bruised ego luckily seems to be the worst of his injuries.

I feel like I've been in meetings forever recently. Not why I became a police officer!!

Mycroft's back with us this weekend. He is currently being regaled with tales of guinea pigs. Lucky that was last weekend - I'm not sure we could have coped with the dogs in the mix as well! The pigs would have made a nice mouthful for them...

Not sure what we're going to do with ourselves.

I heard a good quote which makes me think of Mycroft the other day - "The night hides the world, but reveals the universe."

And have you heard they're going to move Dippy in the National History Museum?? Unbelievable! Going to replace him with a blue whale. Which I'm sure will be spectacular, but... Dippy... (Mycroft has shaken his head and said he can't believe people have given it a nickname.)


They re-created Winston Churchill's Funeral today, on the river. Would've been interesting to see. I think the river police led the boats out - they get all the best jobs! Maybe I should apply for a transfer.

She won't let you fly, but she might let you sing

So, home, dried off, gear now dripping dry over the bath. I'm snuggled up with my husband, who I've missed a lot today.


Went to see Mum today. Although I suppose I mainly went to see Nicky.

We met up at Mum's old house. The little garden is really overgrown, and now all dead for winter. Needs a lot of tlc. But it wasn't the weather for that today. And anyway, whoever gets it won't care. It's theirs to do as they like with, they'll undoubtedly just be happy to have somewhere to live.

The house does seem empty, without her, and her few things she's taken. They let you sort of, do out your room, if you want, with your own furniture. So she took the table out of her room, and one of the armchairs, and a bookcase and TV. And there wasn't loads else. Beds, the rest of the three-piece suite, a horrible kitchen table and chairs.

Nicky said she'd asked if any of the others wanted anything, but Sam and Rach didn't. Danny didn't answer.

We went through the few books she'd left - there were barely any anyway. Just recipe books, a few things people have bought her over the years. Mostly untouched, spines still uncreased.

And then there's photos. As Nicky said, none from when we were small, unless other people had given them to her. But some from later in our childhood, when the others where still quite young.

Very few, though. Cost money, didn't it, to buy your film, get it developed. So it only happened on special occasions. There's a few holiday pictures. Mostly with the men of her life in them. I don't know if she'll want them.

'Cos I find comfort in decay

Sherlock took my stitches out earlier. He was fairly careful. Hard to balance care with excitement, sometimes.

John watched (very carefully) over him. He snipped through them (and almost me, on one occasion), then used tweezers to pull them out ("Your skin is stretchy!" "Will there be a scar? I want there to be a scar.")

Then gave me a swipe with an antiseptic wipe and shot off to look up scar tissue on the internet. Leaving John to give me the all-important 'all better now' kiss ;)

John frowned and said there might be a slight scar from the stitches, because they were in for so long - but that was because it was quite deep. So, we'll see. I'm not sure you'd see it if I didn't tan quite so vigorously!

Had a fairly good day today. But got nights on Saturday and Sunday... still, means days with JOhn and Sherlock. It's not a bad trade.


I think allowing Sherlock to unstitch me has made up for my terrible sin of feeding the degus last night. I... wow, Sherlock has just leapt all over the room yelling about exploding whales, I just have to go and see...


...Well, thank you, HHHG - you've made his day! He's watching it over and over, identifying exploding sperm-whale parts!

Anyway, away from exploding animals, back to cute ones.

Look at them! How could I resist giving them a treat, looking like little tiny furry prisoners in their travel cage!

Ooh, did I tell you I need you, Every single day of my life?

Sherlock is finally in bed. The degus are also in their comfortable bed. Not jealous there, not at all. Nope. There need for my scarf is the greater, as Sherlock explained to me earlier. "You can go and buy a new scarf, they can't!"

Still, they are very cute. And it's not like they knew what their new bed was made of.


Yesterday was a hard day - as it should have been. We need to be held accountable for our actions. I needed to be questioned over it. I needed to prove that we did what was right, and better to start with people who know and trust you, before any sort of official enquiry gets going, if it does. Hopefully it won't.

Today was more back to normal. Bloody cold, but I rather like that. More work to be done.

Sherlock was asking me everything he could think of about this body that was found in a well down near Surrey. I do know some of the guys working on the case. Always odd, when you find bodies that have been there a while. Always very difficult. Sherlock is fascinated.


I got my new warrant card today. Says 'Detective Inspector Gregory M.F.W Lestrade - Metropolitan Police.'

John smiled a lot, and said "Not really what you needed, is it? Another initial?"

But I'm very proud to have it anyway :)

John cooked a lovely dinner today. And put up shelves yesterday! Domestic God, my husband.


There's snow on the ground in some parts of the UK. Sherlock is hoping we get some soon.

And Nicki and her lot are talking about coming down for a visit before Christmas, which would be nice.

They've also encased Eros in a snowglobe, for Christmas, to protect it. A very neat solution!

I have Eros facts...anyone else know any interesting facts about that little statue?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-24997591

Another evening just flew past tonight

Right. Waiting for my rolls do to their second rise. Stopping Sherlock prodding them. Putting up with his protestations that white ones are better than wholemeal. Eating Smarties. I don't even know why we have Smarties in the flat... probably cake decoration?

There is also a degu cleaning itself as close to my keyboard as I allow it. It is obsessed with sitting just where I'm trying to type and stuffing it's shed fur into my keys, I think. As we need more fur around, now the dogs are gone. It also tries to steal my Smarties. I think that would kill it, so it's failing.

Had a nice day today, although the weather's been a bit crap.

Just nice spending time in the flat, sometimes.

And one day off now means...oh yes, two days off in the week!!

For those of you who didn't spot the answer to the paperwork question - 11 forms, plus prepping interviews for transcribing, doing interviews, doing disclosure, charging, fingerprinting, etc. ... paperwork takes 4-6 hours (I can do it faster these days!) and the rest takes a good 5 hours...


Here's a pic of the GLORY that is a mushy pea fritter and chips. All smothered in vinegar and salt, with ketchup on the side. Look at the lovely gorgeous fresh green tones. And then ponder why on earth John doesn't like them. Delicious.

John is reading a book. He's slid so far down into the sofa I can only see one foot. Maybe the sofa's turned sentient and has eaten him. I wouldn't be surprised. It's probably in league with the wallpaper.

There's some reality TV programme about Harrow going to start soon. We asked Mycroft about it. The reaction was such that we won't be asked again!

Sherlock is still trying to prod the dough. I might go and prod Danger....

There's a man I've found could remove his sorrow

How about this for a wedding song? Good, right? John rolled his eyes at me. Well, it was an eyeroll or a really high lob he was watching in the tennis...






We had a pretty good day today. Not sure we've found 'the suits' yet, but definitely getting closer.

After last night's degu-escape (well, I don't think she really escaped - just wandered off), Sherlock is being extra-careful with them both. He's sitting in the little run-thing we have in the sitting room with them, not just wandering around holding them.

We think she was in the sofa, but we're not sure, because one minute John and I were lying on the floor, talking about stuff, the next the pile of degu-treats (which we were halfway through eating...) had an extra guest nibbling at it.

My head has been given a clean bill of health - well, roughly speaking. Sherlock is most annoyed he didn't get to remove my stitches.

Jump up, look around, Find yourself some fun

Mrs N's visit was largely unremarkable. John and I managed to both make each other panic and calm each other down before she arrived, and I don't think either of disgraced ourselves during :)

She enjoyed the baking, and was very impressed how much Sherlock knew about it. But when she asked if he wanted to be a cook when he grew up he scowled and said "No, Lestrade does that." So apparently I'm safe in my job as dinner-provider to him for some time yet.

She was also very impressed at how much reading John does with Sherlock, and says it shows as he's pretty advanced even for their school.

But, as we knew, the areas he needs to pay more attention to in class are being patient, giving others a turn, not monopolising things and not getting so frustrated when other kids don't understand or master things as fast as he does.

But the school are working on all those things too. So between all of us, we'll get there.

Mrs N was also impressed about how he cares for the degus, and how much he knows about them.

Overall she said he was a lovely boy, and an asset to the school, which I've got to admit made both me and John swell up with pride a bit, I think.


I've got work over the weekend, which Sherlock has already declared 'not fair', but we're going to go and see Mycroft together, and I'm sure Sherlock will be proud to share what Mrs N said with his big brother.

Mycroft's busy with all his schoolwork, but he says it's not too much and that he's enjoying it. And that he has time for us to take him out to dinner!

And now, I have no idea how it got that late...but I'm off to bed.

Get Your Hands Out Of My Trousers

Sherlock has changed my blog. He was bored of the old one, and this is a nice picture. I was also sort of missing my grey and blue colourscheme.

It was taken in Ireland, for his birthday weekend. Down into the sea in a little gap in the cliff.

There seems to be nothing but bad news around at the moment. It's all a bit depressing, isn't it?

Although I did have a bright spot to my day today. Was buying a coffee (yeah, there's a surprise, right?) when I was staring out of the shop window, waiting for the nectar of the Gods to be brewed and ready...and noticed a very familiar face outside. Someone I thought was...inside. Just chatting to someone on the other side of the street. So I called up control and enquired, thinking that if he'd gone away then it was a bloody short stretch and I'd want to look into why the judge had been so lenient.

You can walk, you can talk, you can fight

I'm feeling a bit better. You lot are good therapy. Or I really needed to break myself on that punchbag. One or the other.

Mycroft organising a bit of time for John and I alone was brilliant. We had such a good time together. I'm very glad to say that Mycroft and Sherlock both had a good time too.

The film was fantastic - sitting on a blanket in amongst the gravestones as night fell, watching on the big screen and hearing people shriek around us in the dark. It was perfect.

We also gave the degus a bath, and afterward they clearly decided they needed to get reacquainted...

And I'll still catch you when you fall through a past that steals your sleep

Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
 

This was hard. I didn't really know what to do. So here's a picture from the internet, and a picture I took.

That's right now. Grey and tired and well cared for under a blanket on the sofa, because my boyfriend is a god.


In fact, add a degu to that picture and it could be me.

 And...stretched in all directions, holding just as much as I can in one go without breaking.


Day Ten: One confession.

Got Friday off work, and the weekend, although I'm on call again. Feel like it's been a very long time since I had any time off, even though I've only been at work for three days!

Getting nowhere fast.

Mycroft sent us this. I hope I've done this right and it shows up. It's really beautiful. You need to make it big on your screen, and turn the sound up. The music was composed especially for it. You can watch it here, but the link goes to the article with a bit about it.



Thanks to all of you for all your help with me thinking about my Mum. I'll talk to Nicky first, see what she thinks, as she's currently our go-between.

John's looking at pictures of Greek Islands. All of them gorgeous white-and-blue, with clear seas and sunny skies. It's relaxing just looking at the pictures.

And just to balance up, a picture of the goos, doing what the title of the post suggests. I don't know how they manage to run in unison so well...

Cause when I've learned enough to really live I'll be old enough to die

Sherlock's dancing around the flat because it's Friday and he's all excited about amphibians.


I've caught John pretending to ride a motorbike at least once. He isn't doing sound effects though. Yet.

I'm okay. Was a bit down earlier. Think it's a combination of yesterday, and being on my own, and finishing all the painting, and Nicky calling. Feel better now I've been out with John and Sherlock's talking non-stop whilst letting the degus have a bath. 

I get a bit...stuck. I expect everyone does. Get emotional, get angry. Hate that I'm angry, try and stop it. Get emotional again. A very well established 'thing' in my life is that doing something 'wrong' equals physical punishment. So then I go for a stupidly long run or something to make myself hurt. Which works very well, until someone questions it...rinse and repeat.


I've tried to weed out and save the questions from the other day - thought I'd try and answer some more here. I will try and get around to them. And there's one I know of that I still haven't answered from last time, too.


I hope you'll forgive me if I sort of mash a few I think go together up.

So 'adorbs' it should be illegal.

(I was going to ask if there would be a time when we don't understand what Mycroft's talking about - in the same way I only understand about half of what Carla says - but I already don't understand half of what Mycroft says, not because he speaks like a teenager, but because it requires a PhD or something.)

Anyway, not much to say. Work is...work. I still feel oddly guilty for having so much time off. I'm sure it's a feeling that will fade! We've been so busy at home I have no idea how I ever fit working more in.

Have a very sweet picture.

Bikes, bling and blues.

Today started far too bright and early with a small hand shaking me, attached to a small Sherlock who was, according to him "Starving. But you don't have to get up, just get me breakfast" Hmmmmm.

Got up, fetched him a glass of milk and a banana, to prevent his imminent demise, and told him I was going back to bed, and he was too, but he could choose which bed he went back to, and we'd have proper breakfast together later.

He chose his. Then ours. Then his. Then ours with degus in tow, at which point John chose that the goos went back to their own bed, and Sherlock got in with us. Well, he sat on top of the covers reading a medical textbook, anyway. And then asked if I was really having my piercings done today. Which I was (planning to, anyway, at that point), which opened me up to a world of 'why?'. I'm not sure he was ever satisfied with the answer, beyond that I wanted to. He thought it sounded painful and pointless!

Our Feelings We With Difficulty Smother

I'm more tired tonight than I was yesterday. Not that it matters, as tomorrow I'm on a rest day, and intend to take full advantage of that. Not sure Danger's actually told me when his bike lesson is - hopefully not too early. Although we still have to walk the boy wonder to school...

As mentioned in comments yesterday, my team is not a happy one right now. Well, most of them are okay, but one of my DCs is having a very difficult time. He's just not cut out for the MIT. I've helped him put in a transfer request, told him I'll give him a good write up. He's a very good copper, very conscientious, caring, thorough. But whereas in his CID he saw the early stages of a few murders, that's quite different to working them day in, day out. And I'm really glad he came and talked to me about it. There are loads of other departments he'd be great in. Not everyone's cut out to spend all day long thinking about the worst of humanity. I don't know how the officers on the team dealing with paedophilia or child pornography cope - I couldn't. But somehow, a body I don't really mind. Suppose it's just a bit...numbing, over time. You learn which things to focus on, how to keep going. And I'll admit that black humour comes into it, too. It sort of has to. Sometimes you need to laugh, or you'd cry.

Anyway, tomorrow's another day. John's lesson in the morning. My appointment at 1pm, re-arranging the Degu cage after we fetch Sherlock.

Speaking of, let's end on a high note. Have a pile of Goos. Mercury is making Argon look a little chubby here - although the amount of food they snaffle, it's not that surprising! But I do love them when they pile up and have a cuddle.

Resolutions...

It's very odd, having a blog that you can look back on and see how the year's gone.

It's been brilliant, largely. A few...well, bits that weren't so fun. But overall, fantastic.

Reading over the past year has made me determined to dwell less on the past, and try to stop having so much self doubt. As many of you have pointed out, John and the boys don't seem to have those doubts, so I shouldn't either. That's been difficult to get my head around, really, but it's clearly true. And I think, a year in, I feel more confident about my place in their lives, what we are to one another, all of that. And that helps a lot.