I've been trying to write this for a while now. I mean - I have been writing it for a while now, but I've been trying to get the words right. Which hasn't been easy, because I don't find being very serious that easy, outside of work.
A few of you have said, recently, how much I've changed since the start of this blog, over a year ago. And I have, I know.
Reading back over some of my entries...I don't know. I don't like myself much. And I don't mean that in...well, a bad way. It was how I was, and it's taken everything it's taken to get where I am now. No shortcuts available. A few of you said you liked a quote I put up in comments, and if any of you missed it, I think it bears repeating:
Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time. - Mark Twain
I think at the beginning of my relationship with John and the boys I was...prepared to fail. Almost so prepared that I was sabotaging myself. I was imagining they were thinking things which, now, I can see they weren't. I was seeing them as their backgrounds and their education and projecting my past experiences onto them, and not seeing them really at all.
I thought they'd quickly get bored of me and move on to better, brighter, things. Not because that was something they'd do, but because it was something others had done to me.
Whereas now I know that I'm more than my upbringing and my education and my background, just as they and all of you are. There's no point in worrying and comparing when there's nothing to compare - we compliment each other, we're not competing.
So I hope that as I've gained confidence and trust because they've shown me patience and love, I've managed to reflect that back to them, and we've all grown together.
Mycroft's off back to school on Sunday, and we really really miss him when he's gone - I think it's almost harder knowing he's so close, but not with us. But in a way, our missing each other shows even more how we've all come to rely on one another.
I never thought I'd have this sort of a family. I never thought I'd meet someone like John. Honestly, I never really thought I'd fall in love again. And now I haven't just fallen in love with an amazing, kind, wonderful man, who surprises me with nights in posh pubs with huge bathtubs, but I've fallen back in love with life.
I couldn't have done it without you lot.
I couldn't have done it without The two Mrs Hs, or Anthea. Definitely couldn't have done it without the boys.
And above all, couldn't have done it without John Watson.
Like I said, I've been struggling with the words for this, and John Deacon sort of sums it up best, so I'll let Queen say the rest: