30 June 2012

Maybe if we think, and wish, and hope, and pray, it might come true

Well.. it feels like a lot's happened since my last post.

I don't want to start off a whole debate again. But I would like to say a few words. And then there are picture of newts.

26 June 2012

Flying without wings...

Migraine has gone. Headache has mostly gone. this is all very good, because tomorrow is bike-time.

John will clamber on my bike behind me, he will be taken somewhere for breakfast. He will then be chauffered to our destination, which, I hope will be nice and muddy.

There, we will meet the guides and other people, get given our safety gear, and meet our bikes for the day.

23 June 2012

Cheese and school and newts

Yesterday I got in trouble like John said on his blog, and Mrs T said she was disappointed in me and so did John and Lestrade and I wanted to go and see the pond because at the moment there are tiny newts and frogs and the newts have still got their external gills and I just wanted to see them and I wasn't allowed which wasn't fair and then I wasn't allowed out later either which was even more unfair because the cheese barely even hit her.

John was angry because of me and he made the tap leak worse and work wasn't fun and Lestrade was late home and when he did get home he just told me I needed to think about why I'd done it so I could explain myself and he said that it not being fair wasn't good enough for an explanation and I had to think more than that about why I thought throwing the cheese would make it better and it didn't anyway and in the end at bedtime he said that the last person who threw food at him was Bryan and that I wouldn't want anyone to think I was like Bryan because I'm not but that I should think about what I do because he wouldn't want anyone to think I was like that just because I got angry and did one thing that wasn't nice and so I did and I'm not like Bryan at all because everyone hates him and he's mean and I'm not so I went in to John and Lestrade this morning and said I wouldn't throw things again like that and I said I'd say sorry and then we had pancakes with banana and syrup and normally we're not allowed syrup for breakfast.

Then later we went to see the pond because I really wanted to show John and Lestrade the baby newts and how now it's really easy to tell them apart from the frogs and there's loads of them and then we went and had lunch and then for a walk out away from the city and there was really long grass to hide in and trees to climb and John and Lestrade held hands and we took a frisbee even though we didn't have the dogs but it was hard because it was windy so we looked for bugs instead and there were loads.

Here's a picture of two little newts but it was hard because they're hard to see and it's through water they're about 30mm long and Lestrade's given the blog a new tag for the pond because it needed one.

19 June 2012

Some people might get some pleasure out of hate

Saw this quote today. Made me smile.

"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous toy."

Friedrich Nietzsche.

Damn. I just want Danger and play, no women... ;)

Someone asked about the case the other night.

We haven't made any arrests yet. Someone was stabbed down in the tube system.

I hate working in the tube. It's normally hot down there, but late at night, once the trains have stopped running, it gets roasting. (the only way that air gets circulated in the London Underground is that the trains push the air around through the tunnels.)

And nowadays, that reminds me of the hours - days - we spent down there after the bombings. Working in the sweltering heat, trying to find evidence, body parts, any clue as to who did it. Any items belonging to the dead or injured. Anything out of the ordinary. Squeezing into tiny spaces, through gaps in the twisted wreckage. We were down there for so long you had no clue when you came out if it should be night or day. You couldn't drink enough water, the paper suits stuck to you the second you walked in, sweat running off you.

Obviously it was all worth it. But now, whenever I'm down there, that's what I think of. The chaos, but also the calm, where there should have been millions of people heading to work, through the rush hour, the sound of the trains whistling through far off tunnels. There was none of that.

Anyway, one more day of work, then I shall be taking John out on a date on Thursday.

18 June 2012

Brian Hibbard RIP - Only You

I know I've posted this before. You should really just go to YouTube and look at all their videos.

Brian Hibbard's death was announced today. (He's the lead singer). A sad loss.

Sherlock is still being...testing. Although he seemed to enjoy yesterday.

It's hard to know what to do with the boys on Father's Day. So it was really lovely when Mycroft said that he wanted to take us somewhere he remembered going with their Dad. I mean, he's the only connection Sherlock really has with their father. But we don't want to push them to talk, or, well, do anything, really. So it's great when they just have a nice time together, doing something like that.

And it meant John and I got a bit of time together, too, walking hand in hand in the countryside. Doesn't get much better.

Made me think about my Dad, too.

16 June 2012

God Save 'Er(II)

As I said, today we decided distraction was better than trying to ride out the storm... so, as it happened to be today, we headed to The Mall for Trooping the Colour.

We didn't get right in the crowds, but Sherlock saw the Queen's carriage from my shoulder, and we could hear the music. We also saw some of the bands marching past.

Then we headed down to the river, hoping to see the flypast, and because Sherlock was 'starving'.

He was dissapointed there weren't many planes, but he liked the helicopters and the AWACs Boeing the best, he said.

Planes.  And Her Maj. Official salute at the front. Commoners' salute of the cameraphone behind.

Anyway, I started writing this hours ago, so long ago now the highlights are on the telly. Some of the horses looked a bit frisky in the wind.

Ah, the highlights just said the reason the Battle of Britain flight wasn't there was the weather, which is what we thought.

Sherlock has put in another appearance now, having spent most of the afternoon under his bed. He's vowed never to go back to school, except when it's shut, to see the pond...although at one point he threatened to take all 'his' tadpoles with him.

Think I'll go and see if he wants to help with dinner.

It's Father's Day tomorrow. We're going to go and meet Mycroft, have lunch together.

14 June 2012

Scared to confess

"Deep in my heart I'm concealing things that I'm longing to say. Scared to confess what I'm feeling - frightened you'll slip away."

Day Ten: One confession.

Confess: To disclose (something damaging or inconvenient to oneself)

Been thinking about this one for the last few days. Knowing it was coming. And I wasn't really sure I had anything I wanted or needed to confess. No childhood misdeeds, or pranks I was never caught for at school. No skeletons, really - stupid to have, in this job. No dark deeds of adulthood that have been gnawing away at me.

So you're getting something that's been in the back of my mind more recently. Something I've wondered about saying out loud before, but never have.

 It was number four. And you don't need to be paranoid. We can talk about it. Now I've written this, I think I'll actually feel a lot better if you know.

For the rest of you, I disappeared earlier because I wasn't dealing with the whole idea of getting my back sorted very well, and, if I'm honest, some of the comments made me feel as if I was being whiny and pathetic. So I just went and sat in the park until I was dealing with things better, and John called, which helped.

13 June 2012

And I'll still catch you when you fall through a past that steals your sleep

Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.

This was hard. I didn't really know what to do. So here's a picture from the internet, and a picture I took.

That's right now. Grey and tired and well cared for under a blanket on the sofa, because my boyfriend is a god.

In fact, add a degu to that picture and it could be me.

 And...stretched in all directions, holding just as much as I can in one go without breaking.

Day Ten: One confession.

Got Friday off work, and the weekend, although I'm on call again. Feel like it's been a very long time since I had any time off, even though I've only been at work for three days!

12 June 2012

Touch me, save my life

Well, I did promise Danger I'd go first...

So here goes.

Day Eight: Three turn-ons.

1. Well, if you didn't guess this already I lose hope for you... Nipples. Mine. Being fairly...rough with them. I'm not talking crocodile and bulldog clips! Just...fingers and teeth :)
2. The other person being very enthusiastic. Nothing nicer than knowing they're enjoying themselves.
3. Taking everything very slowly, and really letting the excitement build. Lovely. (And no, we don't get time often. Makes it all the better when we do.)

Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

In other news - here's a very good article about the CoE's ridiculous statement out today. Just makes me mad that a tiny minority can say they speak for so many people.

Now I have to go and sit through more meetings... hoping that now I've written those three things down I might stop thinking about them! Hah.

To Ask The Sea For Answers...

Here it is, before any of you explode with curiosity and frustration...

The answers post!

Don't read the comments unless you want to know the answers to all these word games that have been going on.

I think it's best only the person who set the riddle gives the answer, so we're certain it's correct, and so it's easy to tell which solution is for which problem.

You're all very very clever, by the way. I think I got...two solutions? Three, maybe? I'm still lost on the rest. Give me a murder to solve any day...

11 June 2012

Found a demon in my safest haven

Day Seven: Four turn-offs.

Right..going quite shallow with some of these.

1. Manipulation. Particularly in a relationship. Particularly 'If you loved me you'd do it'.

2. Men who are incredibly skinny and hairless - too pre-pubescent. Doesn't seem right.
3. Really long hair. And it getting on things. In things. Particularly my face.
4. Condoms. I know, I know, it's not responsible, it's not a good message. But wow, they are horrible slimy nasty things. Constricting, smell bad, taste bad, and... yeah, well, I don't like them. But I've always been responsible. Pretty much. That's how I know how much I don't like them.

Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

So far, we haven't found anything too disturbing in the washing. Sherlock is joyously playing with the degus. Mrs Hudson did not manage to train them to do any new tricks, to his disappointment. But she did feed and water them.

He's full of excitement about tadpoles and newts, too.

Mycroft called to say he was back at school safely, and that Anthea was definitely feeling better. He's looking forward to the summer holidays, though.

If you can't...

Blog readers of the world.

I honestly never thought I'd have to say this, but here it goes.

Please all act respectfully towards one another. These blogs are supposed to be fun. Treat others as you would wish to be treated.

We're never going to take away the option to post anonymously. Lots of people in the past have participated in otherwise very difficult discussions which they otherwise wouldnt have, because the Anon function gave them the chance to talk about things.

Please don't abuse it.

I don't think John or I ever expected these blogs to grow into quite such a 'community'. As with any group of people, I certainly don't expect everyone to get along. But if something or someone irritates you, please try to rise above it and ignore, instead of sniping or baiting or being rude.

This post does not require anyone to comment on it. It doesn't need debate, discussion or validation. It just needs everyone to take a moment to think about their actions.

10 June 2012

The boys are back in town...

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

As if five is enough...some will be..compressed.

1. John
2. The boys
3. Nicky and hers
4. My Nonna and Nonno (both dead.)
5. The rest of my family, Mrs Hudson, Sally, countless friends. All of you. (I know that's cheating.)

Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

So, yes, we're back. Have a picture of a little sort of...castle-y turret thing. There may have been hiding and snogging inside it, until we were discovered with the announcement 'kissing is SO BORING! There's an owl pellet over here, come and see!'.

9 June 2012

Regrets. I've got a few. But then again...

Right, now mountains have been conquered, Danger has been massaged, boys and dogs are bedded down for the night...

Six things I wish I'd done differently/handled better.

1. Divorcing Bryan as soon as we split up, not waiting months and damaging my relationship with John. Yes, there were reasons, but I wish I'd done it differently.

2. Refusing to go to my Mum's last wedding. It was stupid. She would have appreciated it, and it wouldn't have done me any harm. I should have gone.

3. I should have gone left, but I went right. Literally. Thought instead of filtering between two lanes of traffic I'd do a proper overtake. Van pulled over and knocked me off. Was off work for weeks.

4. Wish I'd never told myself he would change. He didn't. It just meant I blamed myself more.

5. Wish I hadn't repeatedly told Steve it would be okay when we all knew it wouldn't. Wish I'd talked to him about his fears, tried to help, instead of denying him that chance.

6. Wish I hadn't made every single mistake I've ever made as a police officer. Each one of them damaged someone irreprably.

Back to London tomorrow. It's all gone very fast. I...hope we all got something out of it. I'm definitely glad I met John's parents.

8 June 2012

Skipping over

Well...I've been thinking about the eight things most of yesterday and allof today. Come up with precisely nothing.

Which isn't to say there isn't a way to win my heart, just that I'm not sure what it is. Apart from, you know, be John. But he already took that basic idea for his list.

Thought about things like 'not mind that sometimes I seem to spend more time caring about dead people than live ones'. But that's not really winning my heart, it's just what you have to put up with if you decide you want to spend time with me.

So, thought I'd skip to things that cross my mind a lot.
1. John
2. The boys
3. Old cases we never solved, the people involved, the victims.
4. Sex. Which I suppose comes under #1, so to speak.
5. My Dad
6. My family
7. The future

7 June 2012

Feeling as good as lovers can

Lestrade wrote these and now everyone's being boring and he said I could post them and then we can play more games in comments.

John's parents are a bit boring and strict and they don't like the dogs or noise or mud and Louisa said I shouldn't call Lestrade Lestrade because his name is Greg but we all call him Lestrade and we're not going to stop even if she thinks it's not very friendly. But she said thank you for the hedgehogs and that they were charming and John looks like his Dad except his Dad has greyer hair.


Day Two: Nine things about yourself.

1. I can sing along to a million songs, but I'm terrible at remembering song titles.

2. I've never had a guitar lesson, but I can pick up most things by ear.

3. I used to write some love songs. But I always put in girls' names, in case anyone ever found them.

4. I found my first grey hair before I was twenty. Happily most didn't turn up until I was nearly forty.

5. When I was a teenager I really really wanted curly hair. So I used Mum's rollers.

6. I hated milk when I was little. And then, when I was about 6, it's like a switch went inside me. Now I can drink pints of it.

7. I used to be able to fit my fist in my mouth. I haven't tried for a long time now. I refuse to say if I can fit a fist anywhere else...

8. Apparently I really wanted Mum to call Nicky 'Marmaduke'. I've no idea why.

9. I have had...relations with another... on the back of a motorcycle. A stationary one. It was logistically quite difficult...

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

And we're in a restaurant and I folded my napkin into a chicken shape.

6 June 2012

We're Leaving Together...

Danger made me do it*

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

1. Everything I can think to say to you to try to help I know you'd take as criticism, which is the last thing you need. So talking to you always feels as if I've left everything important unsaid.

2. Sometimes you fight too hard, and it turns people against you. Calm down, let your actions speak for themselves, everyone important will realise how good you are.

3. After years of never wanting to see or speak to you, I'm in the right place now to finally talk to you. But I'm still too scared to take that final step, for entirely new reasons.

 4. It would be completely unfair, but sometimes I want to push you until you snap, just so I know where that point is.

5. You're beautiful, talented and one of the kindest people I know. What scared you from letting people in?

6. It's not all about you. Stop being an arsehole and just take a look at yourself. You did that, you and nobody else, so stop blaming other people.

7. I worry about you, I hope my fears never come true.

8. It's horrible and ugly and wrong, but I'm jealous of you, and I know you'd laugh at that, but I can't help it.

9. I'm sorry now for all the times I wished it had been me instead of you. Sorry because now I'm so glad it wasn't, and that feels like I'm betraying your memory.

10. Whatever anyone says, I'll always blame myself. But in some ways, I think you'd hate that more than if I blamed you.

Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

*He didn't really. Obviously. He just said I could if I wanted.

5 June 2012

When we kiss, Fire...

Awake. Just about. Coffee. Sherlock telling me about fireworks so fast it's all just one long word. John making me toast.

Nicky sent me this, to make up for me not going to see a beacon being lit. It's the one they went to.

Sherlock wants to play music on top of Buck house. I actually believe he might one day, too :)

Last night was fine, I mean, not great, too many people, terrible crime scene, in terms of evidence being messed up, too many people. Someone had been stabbed, lots of people walking past until they realised he wasn't just a drunk, he was in trouble. So not good from our point of view.

He's alive right now...but it's not looking good. too much blood loss. So it's going to be a difficult one. Don't want to think about it right now.

Mycroft said he really enjoyed last night. I get the impression they were somewhere with a very good view, and he thoroughly enjoyed the whole show. He told me off earlier for calling her Lizzy. Or Her Maj. Sorry, Ma'am. Boss.

Just caught Sherlock with another ninja bread man. I swear that boy has hollow legs. Or worms. Or a tardis for a stomach. He says it's my fault for making them so nice. Flattery, gets you everywhere.

Going to try and flatter John into making me more coffee...

2 June 2012

Family ties

Wish I hadn't been at work today. Not that it was bad, but it was the first day of the holidays for Mycroft and Sherlock, and it would've been great to spend it with them.

Still, we had lunch together and when I got home John had bought me a big bunch of flowers - assisted in his choice by Mycroft and Sherlock.

And tomorrow I'm off. And we're going to meet Rachel.

And I'm nervous. Or at least...maybe not nervous, but... it's a bit weird. Rach was only 5 when I left home. It's not like we really grew up as brother and sister. So it's odd, thinking of her now, with a partner, and due to give birth in a month!

I hope we don't overwhelm her... I haven't seen her in ages. I'm hoping Nicky has prepared her for the boys. Well, Sherlock, really. He's already asked a few questions about pregnancy... she might be in for a grilling. And he's asked which half of me and her is related...