12 June 2012

Touch me, save my life

Well, I did promise Danger I'd go first...


So here goes.

Day Eight: Three turn-ons.


1. Well, if you didn't guess this already I lose hope for you... Nipples. Mine. Being fairly...rough with them. I'm not talking crocodile and bulldog clips! Just...fingers and teeth :)
2. The other person being very enthusiastic. Nothing nicer than knowing they're enjoying themselves.
3. Taking everything very slowly, and really letting the excitement build. Lovely. (And no, we don't get time often. Makes it all the better when we do.)

Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.



In other news - here's a very good article about the CoE's ridiculous statement out today. Just makes me mad that a tiny minority can say they speak for so many people.


Now I have to go and sit through more meetings... hoping that now I've written those three things down I might stop thinking about them! Hah.



126 comments:

mazarin said...

The CoE thing is what we're dealing with over here - all state-passed marriage laws don't force churches to marry people, but allow marriage in a registry office like any het couple can have if they want. But the churches are against that, too! ARGH YOU DO NOT RULE THE WORLD AND ALL THE PEOPLE. I'm about another stupid statement from the Pope from leaving the Church proper.

On a happier note - here's three things I can do NOTHING about despite the two-room hotel.

1. A smart mouth and a quick wit. Snappy retorts really do it for me.
2. I love having the back of my neck, right where it meets my back, kissed. And nibbled on. And other things...
3. Knowing that my partner finds me attractive, long before anything starts. Smoldering looks from across a room? Yeah. I love the long, slow burn.

Hokay, off for another day of lovely vacation. DW - yeah, the husband made it to 9AM Monday before his boss called. Maybe if we pretend we're going to a funeral we'd get a vacation? (That's horrible. Yet possibly true. He ended up on doctor-ordered bedrest with pneumonia once and they still called.)

John H. D. Watson said...

I suppose this means I have to do this one too now?

pandabob said...

There is nothing quite as offensive as supposedly religious and god loving people displaying hatred for other people. Until they can find a way to explain to me how God is the all loving father of creation making it in his image and yet he will punish people for eternity for living their lives the way he made them, I will treat them all with the contempt they deserve. (I do not need anyone here trying to explain it to me thanks, I assume that people here don’t have an issue with Gay marriage or they wouldn’t be commenting here)

The whole nipple thing is kind of obvious Greg but two and three make me feel a little bit sorry that you’ve had kids since you first met because they really aren’t conducive to either of those ;-) maybe you need to take your friend up on her offer to take Sherlock to do something interesting :-)

I’m not sure I can do this one but I will give it some thought!

John H. D. Watson said...

I manage two just fine! Just...quietly. :)

ryo said...

I was so tempted to say "you're so wrong, pandanon! of course I'm against gay marriage" as a joke but then I was worried people would freak out.

What I don't get about this whole debate is why these people think gay marriage is such a threat? a threat to the church, a threat to the institution of marriage, blah, blah. But then if you ask, they can't explain it all and instead say things like "well, we don't know what might happen, unintended consequences, gay agenda, blah, blah, blah..."

Why does it matter what other people who don't share your belief system are doing? It doesn't affect you!

This was really incoherent. I will therefore sum this up with a complete nonsequitur by quoting what a friend of mine said after watching "The Next Best Thing": "gay men good, madonna bad"

ryo

pandabob said...

quietly just isn't quite the same though sometimes is it John ;-)

ryo - I would have taken it as a joke :-) and most people would if you put your name to it don't worry about that :-)

Anonybob

rabidsamfan said...

Great article, L. Although it led me to the weather report! I hope your basement is staying dry -- aren't the security team down there? And will the pond at the school overflow?

My three. Hm.

1. Gallantry. Not necessarily to me, but the kind of unconscious gallantry that is ingrained toward everyone.
2. Backrubs. Yessssssssss....
3. Fresh batteries. (Hey, I live alone!)

*waffles about admitting to being the one who wrote this, realizes style is indelible and posts with a name anyway*

imachar said...

The CoE thing makes me think of the new bumper sticker I just acquired "Jesus would slap the shit out of you." I'm still debating whether I should put it on the car since I've had my car vandalized for less...

In all seriousness I don't get the fear either, or even why it's anyone else's business who you marry. The upside in the UK is that, while it's distressing for the many active members of the CoE who don't feel this way to be represented by such neanderthal asses, the majority of the population doesn't seem to really give a damn *what* the hierarchy of the CoE has to say about anything...Here on the other hand, I take great pleasure in pointing out that evangelical Christians have the highest divorce rate of any group in the US and if they are so concerned about the sanctity of marriage, maybe they should address that issue first. Given where I live and the current political climate, this is an argument I get into at least once a week...

As for the list, lets see...

1. Experience....I really like someone who knows what he's doing ;)

2. Chest hair (sorry to dive into the shallow end so soon) but seriously, I've married two guys and been involved with many more, and every time the first thing that gave me that little shiver was the hint of fur at at neckline....

3. My husband - since he embodies the first two and all the other things too numerous to mention (witty, smart, kind, great with kids...etc.)

Hope you managed to concentrate on your meetings...or maybe not :)

REReader said...

About that CoE article--as has been mentioned, this sort of thing has been going on in the US for years, and I remain at a complete loss to understand what the reasoning for religious institutions opposing secular gay marriage is. (I've yet to get any remotely intelligible answer. Because THERE ISN'T ONE.)

Small Hobbit said...

As a member of the Church of England I would apologise if I thought the spokesmen were speaking on my behalf but they aren't so I won't bother.

piplover said...

Someone wise once said, "Being upset about gay marriage is like being mad at someone for having a doughnut while you're on a diet."

Amen!

rabidsamfan said...

Piplover, if I had a car, I'd put that quote on a bumper sticker. Excellent.

Greg Lestrade said...

It does mean you have to do it, yes, Danger.

The thing that really gets me about the CoE thing is that they presume to speak for so many.

I do think individuals should have the choice to marry gay couples or not. Afterall, no one would want to be married by someone who didn't wish you well, I assume.

"...in sickness and in health... But it will be sickness! The great plagues sent down to punish your sort will take care of that! ...til death do you part... but you won't be parted, you will forever burn in the fiery pits of hell! Where your sort belong! "

(Danger, if we do ever get hitched, we can write our own vows, right? I'm having fun here...)

John H. D. Watson said...

It was very kind of you to go first. Thanks.

Only if they include burning together eternally in the fiery pits of hell...terribly romantic.

pandabob said...

writing your own vows will only lead to one of you writing loads and the other fitting it all on a postit note ;-)

heaven for the weather hell for the company :-)

rabidsamfan said...

Now I wonder what sort of vows you'd make to include two boys and two dogs and two degus and two motorbikes...


Ro, I think you may have a woodlouse spider.

Here's a picture: http://www.flickr.com/photos/striving67/4446047730/

They're not native to Australia, but seem to have been introduced there when I google around.

http://www.nhm.ac.uk/nature-online/life/insects-spiders/identification-guides-and-keys/spider-bites/woodlouse-spider.html

Greg Lestrade said...

I would be certain to include fiery pits for you.

AnonyBob - yeah, probably! I can't think of many that sound... serious but not silly, if you know what I mean. Can easily veer into terrible cheesy greetings cards type sayings!

pandabob said...

I can't think of anything you would need past I love you more that I ever thought possible and look forward to a long and mostly happy life together. Job done :-)

The whole heart on your sleeve in front of lots of people thing makes me want to cringe!

Desert Wanderer said...

"To hug and to hold, for Andre or for Federer, in leathers and uniforms, until the day Arsenal prove why they belong in the Premier League or the boys stop asking questions, whichever comes last (probably the Arsenal thing), Amen."

John H. D. Watson said...

With the promise of fiery pits, who could say no?

The traditional ones are pretty good, but there ought to be something about cleaning out Sherlock's pockets as well.

pandabob said...

'Than' not that obviously :-)

Anon Without A Name said...

I'll do my three later, but in the meantime...

I've been spluttering with incoherent rage all over twitter about the CofE response. For those who are interested in this sort of thing, their actual response to the Government consultation is here: http://www.churchofengland.org/media/1475149/s-s%20marriage.pdf

For those in the UK who care, the Government consultation survey is here: http://t.co/0tgewSu2 Please, please do fill it in if you haven't already (I think it closes in two days).

Whilst I was tweeting this morning, an acquaintance who is a member of the CofE pointed out that polls and surveys show that the majority of members of the CofE support same-sex marriage (and requested that people separate their feelings about the hierarchy from their feeling about everyone else).

Friends got married last month - they promised to make each other laugh :-)

Greg Lestrade said...

DW - you just lost the job of flower girl, or whatever people do at weddings.

Danger - don't mind the 'to have and to hold', anyway. You can have me and hold me anytime, married or not :)

Done your post yet?

John H. D. Watson said...

Anytime? That's quite a promise...

We've probably covered in sickness and in health sufficiently thoroughly already.

I haven't. I'm...working on it.

pandabob said...

Poor Dw she tries to help and you tell her she won't get to wear a pink frilly dress, I'm sure she's gutted ;-)

I like the making each other laugh nameless that's not a bad thing to try and do for your partner :-)

Desert Wanderer said...

*sniffle*

What Anonybob said. Gutted.

Greg Lestrade said...

DW - it was Arsenal who helped me solve one of these word games earlier. All credit to them.

And I am going home! (with a whole new book to read on policy and the press. Be getting a good nights sleep tonight...)

EBSanon said...

I can kind of understand some people being against gay marriage, there are always people against everything but normally we cast those people out as small groups of narrow minded people and give them all the consideration they deserve, which is very little. The thing with people against gay marriage is they are given so much time to speak and offer their thoughts and I can't work out why! The BNP are against inter-racial marriage but we wouldn't have a national debate about whether they were right or not we just tell them to get lost.

Anyway 3 turn ons

1. safe domination
2. taking time to do things right
3. remembering what I like so I can relax and enjoy

Greg Lestrade said...

EBSanon - Yeah, it's the way that small minority have presumed to speak for so many people.

I know lots of people who are CoE, and none of them have a problem with it - most are like the guy who wrote the article - furious that they've had the decision made for them and announced to the world.

rabidsamfan said...

Nameless, thank you for linking to the pdf of the CoE statement. I'm amused by how many holes I can punch in it. Especially since a co-worker of mine got "married in the church" after fifteen years of civil marriage. Granted, she's a Catholic, but the idea that religious marriage and civil marriage are equivalent just doesn't hold up.

Small Hobbit said...

Too right - L.

Thanks for the links Nameless, have completed the survey and fumed at the document. Quite clearly marriage was created so that the little woman could have children. I would guess that a same sex marriage would stand a better chance of lasting than a church marriage chosen mostly because the couple think it's a pretty venue.

Very Cross Hobbit

Greg Lestrade said...

...I don't know if Sherlock's just been holding this opinion of the whole statement, if he's sick of John and I being soppy, or if it's inspired by something John's said about work... or what.

But he just gleefully presented me with this:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/21/Bristol_stool_chart.svg

I'm...touched.

pandabob said...

Is it not still possible to have a marriage annulled if children aren't born in a certain period of time? and have we changed the legislation to stop marriage being the transfer of possession of a woman from dad to husband?

The people who say well marriage and civil partnerships give the same rights so what is the need for gay marriage really bug me because if the two are to bestow the same rights why aren't they able to be the same thing?

REReader said...

That's a very...interesting ...chart there... *blinks* Has Sherlock offered an explanation, or is it a stand-alone?

(How does one know if a headache is a migraine or not?)

Greg Lestrade said...

It did arrive to me complete with a degu-poo and the question did I think sheep-poo was a 1 or a 5.

Sadly I let him down with my lack of knowledge regarding newt or frog poo.

Obviously I can't speak with any medical knowledge, but to me a headache is a bit annoying, probably fine after a couple of pills. Migraine means I'm probably going to throw up, my vision goes all funny and death would be an easy way out.

Not sure how they really classify them.

Anonymous said...

Is it one sided? That's largely the definition of a migraine. That said mine aren't always

Lancs. Anon

Greg Lestrade said...

Is it one sided?

I was worried you were asking about my list of turn-ons then!

REReader said...

I've had extra-strength Tylenol (2 pills three times) and two Aleve, and this thing isn't going away. But I don't know if the throwing up is left over from the food poisoning or new from the headache. I have all the lights off, though. (I don't care what it is, really, so long as it stops.)

I'm sure there is an expert somewhere who knows about newt and frog poo...

Anonymous said...

Not so much :)

Lancs. Anon

Anonymous said...

The Icelandic word for marriage is bruĂ°kaup, which basically mean buying a bride. So the whole "marriage is a traditional institution that has been the same for centuries and gay people are going to mess it up" makes me laugh, when some languages still have words that prove that thanks Whoever, marriage as an institution has been evolving quite a lot thank you. (of course, Iceland is conservative in language, not so much in laws, hello Mrs Prime Minister married to a woman -that I'm pretty sure she didn't pay for).

(every time a country passes an equal marriage law, I'm so glad, and at the same time so upset at my country for not having done the same yet)

Anyway, religious officials saying ridiculous things, I wish this was surprising. As in many cases, the decent people are more numerous and more discreet, while the jerks are a loud minority.

Do you guys have to pay a tax for the CoE, since they're no separation of church and state, or do you get to check a box saying no thank you ?

rambling anon

REReader said...

Lancs--It's behind both eyes, but more on the right. Still more interested in how to make it stop... :(

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a migraine, only answer is sleep in a darkened room. Hope you feel better soon.

Lancs. Anon

Greg Lestrade said...

Right, now I've translated via Google, I think Tylenol is paracetamol and Aleve is Naproxen?

Well, paracetemol wouldn't touch a migraine if I had it - or any other sort of pain. But it all depends on your tolerance levels (mine are quite high.) and naproxen... last time I took that I was told it only worked in cumulative doses, so you need to take it for a few days for it to have a proper effect. But that was a nurse who told me that, and it was the first time I had been told, so I can't vouch for it being correct information.

I take codeine for migraines, but recently got told it's not really recommended.

In other words...ask Danger. :)

(Oh, and looking at a bright screen in a dark room is probably worse than looking at a screen in a lit room, I'd say. But looking at any screen probably isn't ideal, as you lot always tell me.)

REReader said...

Yes and yes on the painkillers. The Tylenol was useless--and while Aleve usually works on most everything it hasn't touched this headache. (And I've got the brightness way down on this thing and mostly off, because you're right about that. But I can't magically instant headache cures without asking!)

Greg Lestrade said...

Dunno what else you can get in the States. Imigran's pretty good, but Wiki makes me think it's not available OTC there.

Throwing up always helps me immensely. And coffee, with the painkillers, because caffeine boosts the effect.

John H. D. Watson said...

How much water have you been drinking since the food poisoning? You can get a pretty killer headache from dehydration. Also from caffeine deprivation, if you're not getting the amount your body's become accustomed to.

piplover said...

RR, since migraines run in my family, we've tried pretty much everything to get rid of them. Do you want cold, or hot? My sister likes a cold compress, I prefer a hot. I've found that eating Chinese food with a large caffeinated beverage helps get rid of it, whereas my sister can't eat anything, or only McDonald's fries.

Also, and trust me on this, even though it's weird it works. If you have some apple vinegar, add a teaspoon to a few cups of water, boil it, and inhale. If you think you can handle it, it works for me.

Other than that, like others have said, a dark room, silence, and strong pain meds. I have Vicoden I take, and a prescription migraine med.

REReader said...

Throwing up did not help. :(

I think Aleve is about the strongest OTC painkiller here. Although I've never looked into migraine remedies before, so I could be wrong. (I think anything with codeine is prescription only.) I'll have to ask my doctor for a prescription if this is going to happen again ever....

Greg Lestrade said...

I've always turned to opiates for painkilling more than NSAIDs, the latter don't really seem to do much for me. Good for anti-inflammatory qualities, not so much for pain.

As for migraines, you get used to them. I mean, occasionally mine mean I come home from work, as you know, but mostly not. Can't have that many sick days without getting the sack :)

REReader said...

John, I mostly drink decaf tea and no coffee, so that shouldn't be a problem. And I get really sick very fast from dehydration, so I've been careful to keep sipping flat ginger ale. (I know about dehydration headaches from fast days, and they are beyond horrid but they do go once I can drink again.)

Pip--already using ice packs, and NOT eating! Just a little dry toast and some jello, food wise. I'm a bit allergic to vinegar, even the smell makes me feel sick, so not a good idea!

Anonymous said...

I know a lot of people think chocolate is a trigger, but once I've actually got a migraine I find that chocolate takes the edge off the pain

Lancs. Anon

Greg Lestrade said...

RSF - batteries failing at bad moments are surely a problem whether single or not! Although you could argue it all goes towards err...stringing out the excitement??

ESBANon - I like your 'safe bondage'. I was trying to think of a way of saying something similar. I don't like the sort of bondage that's become scarily stereotypical, but...yeah, there's a certain excitement with the right person, doing the right thing... ;)

pandabob said...

Mine are now down to about two or three a month rather than four or five a week (the joy of brain lump shrinking drugs :-) ) but to be honest the more you have them the better you become at dealing with them RR because you know what works for you. The hot and cold water thing John suggested a while back works well for me, I'm very grateful for that piece of advice! but greasy food, caffeine and lots of pain killers are always good. I've never been a darkened room person but I know that works for some people.

Good luck with it and always drink lots of water :-)

REReader said...

L--I was prescribed opiates after surgery, and they made me sick. :(

I'm not sure that I find the idea of getting used to this comforting or not!

Please don't think I'm ungrateful--I am VERY grateful for all the advice! Anything I haven't tried I'm going to try, because this has been going since 7:30 this morning and I about ready to consider decapitation.

Greg Lestrade said...

Guess you should try and get something specifically for migraines then, like Imigran. But it probably is a prescription job.

Sleeping sometimes helps. But it's more depressing if you wake up and it's still there.

At least it hasn't made you go half blind, or you wouldn't even have the internet to consult.

EBSanon said...

I can't believe I really wrote that somewhere to be honest L, this place really is helping me worry less about what I say so thanks for that.

1. requires 3. but it can be good fun if you trust the other person and they trust you, not that anyone would put themselves in that position (twice)with someone they didn't trust!

piplover said...

I get the lovely white sparkles and flashing lights, like a camera flash went off in my face, and feel really tired and nauseas. Oddly, though, I don't usually get the horrible pain, usually just a small headache.

What gets me, though, is that mine last for days at a time if I don't catch it early enough. I had one last for 7 days. That was probably the worst, and when a nurse told me about the vinegar and water solution.

Hope you feel better soon, RR.

Greg Lestrade said...

Sounds like 1 requires 2 and 3!

I think bondage just gets a bad name from the portrayal in porn.

And I've just realised you've said 'safe dominiation'...which is what I meant until my brain derailed my comment. Hah, what does that say about me?? But anyway, yeah, I definitely enjoy it when John gets dominant.

Which is partly why I tease him so much... just enjoy getting scolded!

piplover said...

Day Eight: Three turn-ons.

This one is hard. I'm mostly asexual, but I do enjoy some sex. I think the term grey-A is the best description. I don't actually have a lot of turn ons, sexually. Still, I am a romantic, and enjoy intimacy. So...

1) Massages.

2) Letting things build slowly, with no expectations.

3) Snuggling.

EBSanon said...

The bondage word is one I don't use for just that reason, domination doesn't seem to get the same reaction from people not that it doesn't sometimes mean exactly the same thing when I say it :)

I don't know why, given other things that have gone on in my life, but it all really works for me! if I ever understand my brain I will begin to worry!

Greg Lestrade said...

EBSAnon - yeah, never understand mine either. But I couldn't feel safer than I do with Danger...so to speak!

Piplover - all your list are definitely lovely things.

EBSanon said...

Question you don't need to answer cos its nosy L but do you like it the other way around to? I like both but two of my ex's only liked one way, still working out the current one, and I wondered if I was weird. really no need to answer.

The closer you are to Danger the further you are from harm (to not quite quote a film someone might recognise)

Greg Lestrade said...

Err...I don't really, no. But that's more because I have massive hangups about the possibility of making anyone do something they don't really want to just because they think I'd like it... if that makes sense?

I've known a lot of people who like a bit of both, though. I don't think that's weird!

EBSanon said...

That way round I can understand L (I would suggest you gave it a very safe go if Danger was up for it just so you do know though) it's the other that makes me wonder about people!

Glad there are other people who like both though that's reasurring it's not something you can normally ask people;)

ryo said...

So, I had a migraine about a week ago -- maybe it's these blogs that are the trigger?

I'd actually never had a full blown migraine prior to that. But it was pretty unmistakable. I had light trails in my vision as though I had been looking at the sun before my head started hurting (aura!) and nausea and I couldn't deal with any amount of light really. Had to send a text to cancel an appointment and could hardly stand to look at my phone. Eventually threw up and that did help, but still spent several hours lying down, unmoving, with my eyes covered.

Sadly, I have no tips for dealing with them. :( So really this was a bit useless...

BTW, what about new polls? I've never gotten to vote in a poll on here...

ryo

Greg Lestrade said...

Ryo, your wish...

ryo said...

Yes! Now I can cross that off my bucket list. ;) Just reading the poll may give me nightmares, though.

ryo
-- does a little _poll_ dance

Anonymous said...

poll or pole ryo ;)

Anon Without A Name said...

Right, three turn-ons. Hmmm. These are perhaps more generic than if this were a non-written conversation.

1. A little bit of... assertiveness can be a very nice thing, when done well.

2. A filthy sense of humour goes a very long way.

3. Sound. Feedback. Noise. Talking. It's nice to know what's working and what isn't.

Lestrade, I really don't know how to choose which is scarier, John's patented Nanny Glare, or the contents of Sherlock's pockets.

(And thanks for letting me post links to stuff earlier, it makes me feel significantly less useless in the face of overwhelming ignorance of I can feel like I've at least tried to do something)

Kira said...

migraines are the one thing I would never wish on anyone,... well only a few people (eyes ex and former boss and current PM)

it's been bad enough recently that the drugs I'm on now are actually anti-epileptic meds that help with calming migraines as a side effect - I'm not epileptic! I had to drop out of Uni and repeat my final year because of the buggers.

Unless you are considering madame la guillotine as a cure it's not a migraine used to be my explanation of the pain but it's not always the case... sometimes I get the aura and sickness and all the crappy bits without the headache... and it's the headache that stops that!

my love to all who ever suffer with the dreaded pain

Kira
xoxo

Greg Lestrade said...

Just commenting so my blog isn't stuck on 69 all night.

Nanny Glare could turn you to stone, Nameless. Sherlock's pockets could make you wish for a Nanny Glare ;)

Anonymous said...

Testing to see if I can get anything to post...

Sherlock might like this link:

http://azmnh.org/pdf/PSITeacherPacket.pdf

rsf

Anon Without A Name said...

Just commenting so my blog isn't stuck on 69 all night.

Spoilsport :-p

Anonymous said...

RR, I hope you're either sleeping or at the clinic. In any case, I've found that trying to get some sleep only works in a dark, quiet room, and only if I start in the first hour or so of a migraine. Otherwise it's just a matter of trying to outlive the darn thing.

I did manage to dodge a migraine once by telling stories to 70 preschoolers and then having them sing the Barney song at me. I think it must have been the massive infusion of unconditional love. It couldn't have been the purple dinosaur. But it's not an experiment I've ever had the opportunity to repeat.

rsf

ro said...

Cheers, RSF. I thought it might be that based on what I'd googled. They're called Slater-Eating Spiders here, apparently, because we call woodlice Slater bugs. I had a quick look this morning and it seems to be losing its vibrant colouring. Poor drowned spidey.

So many migraine sufferers! My ma and older brother get them, but the closest I've come is an ocular migraine - where you get the weird eye stuff without the headache. And I've only had that once. Thankfully! Plenty of ordinary headaches, though, and I have to take naproxen every morning or I have a non-stop headache caused by my neck. (BORING.)

John H. D. Watson said...

because I have massive hangups about the possibility of making anyone do something they don't really want to just because they think I'd like it

I think you worry about this possibly more than you need to with me. I don't know if there's anything I could do that would help, but tell me, if there is. Okay?

pandabob said...

I hope the new book on policy and the press led to a good nights sleep Greg and that work treats you well today :-) You too John :-)

Anonybob

Greg Lestrade said...

One of thedegus ate the corner of it, but it wasn't very tasty, apparently. Danger distracted me before I really got very far into it...

Danger... possibly, yeah. But then again, you at least... give the impression of someone doing things to please others, sometimes, like going to see your folks, posting those 3 things yesterday, that sort of thing... and yeah, it makes me worry.

Anonymous said...

L - you do things to please other people too. Like making hot milk for Sherlock in the morning, or buying John a motorbike. I think everyone does who isn't a complete narcissist. There's a good deal of pleasure to be had in pleasing the people we love.

And there's a difference between doing something after you've thought about it and decided that the benefits outweigh the downsides, like dealing with uncomfortable relations; or trying something after you've thought about it because you'll never know if you like it without taking a taste.

John and you discuss things, and make your own decisions. That's the important part. And I've never seen any indication that you sulk or whine when the answer isn't an immediate yes. A little teasing isn't the same thing. But I believe you'd accept a firm "no" with grace.

rsf -- whose computer still isn't talking to LJ

pandabob said...

good on Danger :-) distraction is much more likely to lead to good sleep than a policy manual after all ;-)

hope the day is treating you well.

Greg Lestrade said...

RSF - different class of 'things', I think. Hot milk and motorbikes don't cause me any hardships.

I'm not suggesting anyone never do things for others. Just that is rather err on the side of caution and worry too much not too little.

EBSanon said...

as this is related to what I said last night Greg I think you need to try and separate general life from 'specific' areas of life.

John might do things that he doesn't altogether want to in general life (they are by his choice though he is a grown up) but you can be dam sure he'd be saying telephone or whatever word he picked pretty dam quick in that specific situation if he wasn't happy!

we all have different rules in general than we do in the bedroom ;)

REReader said...

I want to thank everyone for their advice and commiseration yesterday. I think I did have a migraine--I've had major dehydration and sinus headaches in the past, but they always responded (at least enough) to painkillers and water and icepacks, and nothing made a dent in this, I had to wait it out for 14 hours. I'll be talking to my doctor about getting some prescription meds, and about how to recognize one early enough for them to do some good. (Possibly not being able to see through my glasses, and everything being blurry even with squinting might be a tipoff. :)). Again, thank you, all.

Greg Lestrade said...

EBSAnon - although this started from the conversation yesterday, in my head it's moved on from there. Sorry it's not very clear what I'm trying to say. I'm not exactly sure what I'm trying to say either.

Just what I said Up there, I suppose, that I'd rather err on the side of caution.

REReader said...

Not sure I'm entitled to an opinion about this, L, but I'd say what you do and don't do is up to you and John to work out--and that while in general we all have to do many things we aren't entirely comfortable with, this is one area that no one should do anything that doesn't sit well with them.

(And please, no one should take that as criticizing what they've said because I don't at all mean it that way! I find this whole discussion very interesting and enlightening.)

John H. D. Watson said...

L - about the three questions yesterday, sorry if I made you feel like I was only doing them because you did, or because I thought I had to. I'd pretty much made up my mind to the do the whole ten days when I posted the first day, and no, I didn't particularly want to, but I thought it would give me something else to think about that week and also that it would probably be good for me in the end. Which I think it has been.

My parents...well, you said I wouldn't have had any reason to go if not for you, which isn't entirely true because I'd still have wanted them to meet the boys sooner or later, but I see your point. But I never felt you were pressuring me into it, and in the end I did it partly because it was the right thing to do and partly...I suppose because, even though I didn't want to go, I wanted you to...sort of see where I was coming from. In a literal sense. If that makes sense at all.

Anyway. I'm sorry if I give that impression. I don't think it's true most of the time, and I'll try to be more clear.

EBSanon said...

the whole point is that you don't do what you don't want to but the other person is confident of where the lines are RR :) if L is not confident in his lines the other way around or his understanding of John's then he is absolutely right not to go there!

I think I see what you mean L but it is an impression you get rather than a fact I think, if you are worrying that you are somehow 'forcing' John to do things due to some way you are behaving you really need to do some talking to him because feeling things like that is not good for you any more than feeling other people are forcing you to do something.

Greg Lestrade said...

RR, the problem is it's very hard to cover all eventualities on.advance, and not always easy to then speak up in the heat of the moment.

There's, generally, a lot of assumed consent in relationships. Not always, but there is for John and I. Which is good, in that we trust each other, and not so good if one or both of us is unsure about where our own boundaries are, let alone the other person's.

Greg Lestrade said...

(and everyone's entitled to an opinion. Just like everyone's entitled to ignore other opinions...)

REReader said...

You could not assume consent about this and talk about it beforehand, maybe several times, over time? I can't imagine there's any rush about the matter. And after all, you're both equally entitled to feel uncomfortable with any aspect--and if you're uncomfortable about it, then you're uncomfortable, whatever the reason is.

REReader said...

(And I have to assume I'm leastly qualified to offer opinions on this since I have exactly no practical experience.)

Greg Lestrade said...

I'm not sure what you mean by 'this'?

Danger, you and Sherlock enjoying the rare sunshine? And thanks. I'm glad you didnt feel pressured.

REReader said...

Anything bedroom-activity-related.

pandabob said...

Glad you're feeling better RR :-)

Hope you've had a nice afternoon Greg.

Greg Lestrade said...

Thing is, RR, things happen spontaneously that you haven't talked about. Sometimes out of the moment, it's hard to think what you right do. And in the moment it can be hard to know what to say.

Obviously the longer we're together, the more we discover. And things which weren't okay can become so - lots have, for me.

And some things are so specific you have no idea yourself if you'll be okay or not, until it happens and you're not (or are).


AnonyBob... it hasn't been the best, but can't complain too much ;)

pandabob said...

can't or won't? ;-)

hope you're home to your boys soon :-)

Greg Lestrade said...

Probably can and will once I'm home:)

Pulled my back earlier, moving a huge bin... Don't feel very clever right now.

John H. D. Watson said...

A huge bin of what?

Yeah, just heading home now. Park was very nice, Sherlock bonded with someone's sheepdog, which proceeded to try to herd him for the rest of the afternoon. Going to Tesco I think, do you want anything?

Greg Lestrade said...

Rubbish. And one disgruntled DC. We were searching for a weapon. Didn't find it.

Tesco...no. Something that requires as small amount of effort on my part as possible?

John H. D. Watson said...

No effort on your part, I'm making something.

Greg Lestrade said...

Just some indigestion tablets then....

Kidding, kidding! Don't get a glare out on me! :)

John H. D. Watson said...

I'll just confiscate all the "modeling" pictures Sally says you have on your phone.

REReader said...

Sherlock bonded with someone's sheepdog, which proceeded to try to herd him for the rest of the afternoon.

And how successful was the sheepdog? :)

REReader said...

Pulled my back earlier, moving a huge bin.

Ouch, L. I hope that eases up soon--that's very not fun.

Anonymous said...

Now I'm trying to imagine Sherlock as a small, inquisitive sheep.

I hope your back feels better soon, L. Mine's been giving me grief ever since January, especially when it rains, and I think I'd rather have migraines.

rsf

John H. D. Watson said...

successful enough that its owner and I were killing ourselves laughing after about twenty minutes. He has five kids, so the dog's used to it apparently.

Greg Lestrade said...

Youre a cruel man, JW.

You in the flat? I'm outisde.

John H. D. Watson said...

Coming up the street behind you. surprise!

REReader said...

Sounds like everyone in the park had a good afternoon, John!

You okay to get upstairs, L? (Climbing stairs with your back in spasm--not always so possible.)

Desert Wanderer said...

Speaking of sheep, here's a game that might keep Sherlock busy. http://www.shaunthesheep.com/games/homesheephome/

Lestrade, I don't know how to say this four, so I'm just gonna say it and hope that everyone takes it in the spirit intended. I'm kind of glad you worry about making people do things they don't really want to do. You're the first person I've ever heard say it, and I never knew other people even were conscious of it until now. It's...refreshing to know that there are people who care about other peoples comfort, and don't just assume things based on "being in a relationship.".

Greg Lestrade said...

RR - I'll let you know once I've figured out how to get off the bike.

DW - i sort of imagine everyone has had a time when they did something they didn't really want to just becuase it was assumed they would/pressure was subtely applied. I know I've been on the 'guilty' side of that in my youth. But now i know better.

pandabob said...

Hope the backs OK Greg, and that some TLC is all you need :-)

I'm right with you DW, far too much happens to people because they are 'in a relationship' that would never happen any other time.

Desert Wanderer said...

Knowing better and *knowing* better are often two different things, unfortunately.

Greg Lestrade said...

Ta AnonyBob. Its making me stiff in all the wrong ways...

Hey, Danger, Sherlock's pockets are still winning the poll. That makes you the bravest man I know...

John H. D. Watson said...

They should be, they're terrifying! Still, I've cleaned worse things.

Do you want ice or tea or...anything?

Greg Lestrade said...

Tea with milk and ketamine?

Or... Whatever the doc recommends. (see, Anonybob, willing and able to complain now. I do it for him, you know, since he insists he likes looking after me. Otherwise i'd be incredibly manly and stoic. ;) )

pandabob said...

Day three, number seven says it all :-)

ketamine is a funny choice but whatever gets you through ;-)

REReader said...

That's very generous of you, L. :)

(I am sorry you're hurting, though.)

John H. D. Watson said...

I'll see what I can do...

imachar said...

Ow...sorry about the back Greg, I'm sure John can come up with something to make you feel better :)

And thanks so much for texting Carla about the motorbike+kids issue, her advice was spot on - she must be a lovely girl.

piplover said...

All the talk about migraines seems to have triggered my own! I hate when you wake up with one.

I think I may have held off too long on taking my meds, but oh, the sweetness when the pain finally starts to recede!

I'm sorry you hurt your back, L. Hopefully relaxing for a bit and maybe a massage will help?

Greg Lestrade said...

I am mainly just being pathetic about it, piplover. I'm sure it'll be fine by tomorrow.

Imachar - no problem! I thought she might be more help than me, as I've always been the one riding, not the one traumatised...

REReader said...

Oh, dear, now I feel responsible, Pip--I'm sorry. (And I'm glad it's getting better.)

That is not at all the right attitude, L, you're supposed to use it as a reason to have Sherlock and John fetch-and-carry for you! (Are you covered in degus, or is Sherlock still to happy to be reunited to share? :))

REReader said...

...toO happy... *sigh*

Greg Lestrade said...

I did have a degu earlier, yes. It's rare to sit still in this flat for long without being given one.

Sherlock doesn't really do fetching and carrying. He does inquisitions and announcements.

As for John, sort of refers back to the conversation of this afternoon, doesn't it?

REReader said...

Throwing your back out is one of the blanket exception-to-the-rules situations!

(Which I hope is also a short-lived situation.)

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