26 February 2013

I'm cancelled out and rendered obsolete

Today John was forced to go and fetch a huge purple sparkly bone from a shop. As you do.

Obviously, I felt guilty about that... really! So as I happened to be passing, I thought I might give John and Sherlock a lift home with it. Rush hour on the tube is no place to have a huge purple bone, poking innocent travellers in the back...

I also just happened to be in a marked police car... Well, it would take someone with greater willpower than me to take advantage of this situation.

Picture the scene...a busy street, an excited Sherlock, and John hugging a huge bone - almost as big as he is.



I step out of the car, hold up my warrant card for all to see, and...invite John to accompany me to the station. Explained, loudly, so the public wouldn't worry, that a man matching his description was wanted. For Camel Rustling. He froze. Then he glared. Then he GLARED. Like, a whole new league of glaring. GlareCon1. And told me not to be silly.

Now, we all know you don't accuse an officer of being silly, right? I mean, he was virtually resisting arrest ;)

So I told him not to try anything, and repeated my request for him to get into the car.

Sherlock then grabbed the bone and clambered into the car. One small boy, one huge grin, all underneath a giant bone...

At which point, John attacked me. There is no other word for it. Shoved me against the car and kissed me.

I have no idea what the onlookers thought...


Anyway...then John got this crazy idea that he was the only one who'd ever thought of kissing me as a way to avoid detainment. Which I obviously set him straight over... and which I have promised to expand upon. One day ;)

Um...yeah. Feel like death. John makes a mean hot toddy. And someone got sentenced for 30 years today, which is a good result,  although never enough...

Have a piglet squid. It's about all I feel capable of.


96 comments:

John H. D. Watson said...

You look not dissimilar to death as well. Any chance I can get you to stay home and rest tomorrow?

That squid looks like it has eyebrows.

Sherlock said...

Can I stay home too I feel BAD

John H. D. Watson said...

Really? Because five minutes ago you were waltzing around the room with a giant purple bone.

Sherlock said...

Lestrade breathed on me I can feel his germs

Greg Lestrade said...

I'll be fine. The squid is just ridiculous.

Sherlock, you're fine. And it's parent's evening soon. Don't want to be off sick, do you?

John H. D. Watson said...

Better go to bed early then. Nothing germs hate more than an early bedtime.

Sherlock said...

Noooooo unless Lestrade is going to bed early too and even then I should stay up and keep you company

John H. D. Watson said...

A kind thought, but unnecessary. Go and brush your teeth and put on your pyjamas, please. Once you're done you can come back down and sit with us for a little while before bed.

I need to quiz Lestrade on the bits we need to hang your bone from the ceiling.

spandrella said...

Squee! That squid may be my new favorite thing, unless you tell me it's actually deathly poisonous or that it splatters itself onto your face and feasts on your eyeballs or something, in which case I find it concerning and vaguely threatening.


I very much wish I had been a passerby to watch somebody get arrested for camel rustling. That sounds like it was quite an experience for all involved. :)

Greg Lestrade said...

Huh? Quizzing me about your bits?

spandrella said...

Who better to ask, Lestrade? ;)

-Ella

John H. D. Watson said...

You know all about my bits, I'm sure. Do we own a drill?

Greg Lestrade said...

SPandrella - I'm sure my knowledge on bits is second only to the Doc's own.

Danger...yes, we own a drill. And I hesitate to say it, knowing this lot and how their minds work...but I also own a stud detector. (I said I own one, not that I am one, folks. Although...don't seem to have done too badly ;) )

John H. D. Watson said...

...Maybe I'll just wait till you feel better and let you hang it up. Stud Detective.

Greg Lestrade said...

Hush, Dr Hotson. Half of London has detected that you're a stud. And not the half that saw you waving your giant purple bone about, either.

John H. D. Watson said...

No, I'm sure all they detected was that I'm a complete madman clearly being locked up for his own safety. So we have a drill and a stud detective. Do we have hooks and things as well or do I need to get them tomorrow?

Greg Lestrade said...

I'd have to check. We might not. Need to find a way of securing...something...to the giant bone in question, too.

Sherlock seriously looked like he was going to take it to bed with him. Glad you persuaded him to just have it by the bed.

John H. D. Watson said...

I'm more concerned about tomorrow morning when he inevitably wants to take it to school with him.

Greg Lestrade said...

i can arrange for someone to arrest you again if you want?

Anon Without A Name said...

And I hesitate to say it, knowing this lot and how their minds work...but I also own a stud detector.

My dear Detective Inspector, what are you trying to insinuate about us lovely, clean-mind folks?

we have a drill and a stud detective

All you need is a couple of screws and you'll be set.

Greg Lestrade said...

Nameless - the lovely clean minded folks are okay. It's the rest of you I was referring to.

Anonymous said...

Maybe Sherlock will settle for a picture of him and the bone to take to school. After all, if you transport it too often, you'll knock all the glitter off.

Has the school got something special planned for parents evening?

(I can't think of a clever way to ask how one tares a stud detector, to keep it from detecting the detective holding it, but you may take the thought for the pun.)

rsf

John H. D. Watson said...

L - I feel that if I walk him to school with a giant sparkly bone, someone will probably arrest me without you needing to arrange it...

Greg Lestrade said...

RSF - Special? I think parent's evening is a sort of special hell for teachers, if that's what you mean?

As for the stud detector, John will just have to keep it pointed away from him, or it'll probably explode.

Anonymous said...

L - My only interaction with parents' night at schools of late has been as part of the entertainment, but in the course of my duties I have been subjected to several dramatic performances by small persons who are hoping that they will be forgiven their grades if they act, sing, or dance with enough pizzazz. Sherlock, of course, hasn't got grades to worry about, but I thought he might enjoy pizzazzing.

rsf

Greg Lestrade said...

Ah, there isn't any entertainment. You go, you wait your turn, you sit and talk to the teacher, you leave. The child can be there or not. I very much doubt we can keep Sherlock away.

Mycroft's is different only in that it involves a lot of teachers, and a hectic schedule.

John H. D. Watson said...

And Mycroft's teachers are all more intimidating.

Greg Lestrade said...

Terrifying, yes. But hopefully Mrs H will come to that one...they can terrify each other.

I have to go and sleep. night all.

kholly said...

Somehow I imagine Mrs H is a hard one to intimidate.

I own a stud finder. My mother gave it to me when I went away to college. It was an odd moment of feeling kind of grown up for mom to be sharing that kind of joke. Now I know that's exactly her sense of humor, but at the time I was a bit discombobulated by it.

pandabob said...

I hope you all slept ok even with all the lurgy.

Have fun at school Sherlock.

Good luck with work if you're going Greg and good luck with stopping him if he's not fit John ;-)

Greg Lestrade said...

I've escaped the doc and come to work. We'll see how good a plan this is...

pandabob said...

Well you're a big boy so if you think you're well enough who's to argue? :-) but if you stop feeling well enough you've got to be grown up enough to admit that as well ;-)

Greg Lestrade said...

I will try ;)

Grey drizzly morning is making going back to bed more tempting...

pandabob said...

Its bright sunshine here but if I had a bed to go back to I think I'd be going today ;-)

good luck with whatever work throws at you today.

spandrella said...

seconding anonybob's wishing good luck. hope you all have a good day today.

did sherlock take his bone to school?

Anonymous said...

L - parents night is like that here, quite often, but some principals try to boost turnout by offering food and childcare -- hence the need to keep the kids and younger siblings busy while the parents talk to the teachers.

I hope you're not too wretched at work today. I went to work sick all last week and it wasn't any fun at all.

rsf

Anonymous said...

I haven't commented in a while but I thought I'd say hi. I was glad to read Mycroft is happy at school now, that is brilliant news. Less good news is you being ill Lestrade :(

anyway Hi to all of you

EBSanon

Greg Lestrade said...

He's happier, definitely. Obviously still ups and downs, as you can imagine.

I'm not too bad. Had a few coffees today, so not quite as wiped out ;)

pandabob said...

drinking coffee sounds like a step forward Greg :-)

Hi EBS its good to 'see' you again :-)

Greg Lestrade said...

On the way home, Danger. Intend to do paperwork on the sofa covered in a fnug - or covered in dung, according to my phone.

John H. D. Watson said...

All right. Sherlock and I are still out, so you may make it back before us. Mrs Hudson made you soup, it's in the fridge if you want any. How are you doing? Want us to bring you back anything?

Greg Lestrade said...

I'm okay. Just a bit miserably snotty and achy and my eyes keep watering. Can't think of anything I need, thanks. You two doing something fun?

John H. D. Watson said...

Just in the park, running off some of Sherlock energy. He's very irritated about how much the cast limits his ability to climb things.

Sherlock said...

AND IT ITCHES

Lestrade we could bring you cake, that would make you feel better right? or ice cream

Greg Lestrade said...

I know it's annoying, kiddo. But you need to heal properly.

I don't need any cake or anything, thanks.

Done anything fun at school?

Sherlock said...

Yes we went out to the pond and looked at the algae where it's growing even though it's winter and I think there's more because there aren't so many things eating it and we got to look at some under a microscope!

kholly said...

Ooh, algae under a microscope? That sounds like great fun. Did you see anything interesting? Anything more than just the algae?

Sherlock said...

We saw zoospores that are how the algae reproduce but they can MOVE. I wish they were bigger so we could see them swimming in the pond.

Sherlock said...

And we're home now and Lestrade's nose is dripping all the time so he has tissues stuffed up it and it looks like they're growing out of it.

Greg Lestrade said...

better than getting snot all over my paperwork. Feel like my head may explode.

I'm glad you're still enjoying the pond.

John H. D. Watson said...

Sherlock is now very seriously taking Lestrade's temperature. And pulse. And writing it down in his notebook...

REReader said...

Sherlock, zoospores are extremely cool--and even cooler straight from the pond! Were they still moving when you looked at them under the microscope? (And good job looking after Lestrade. :))

Horrible drippy colds are not cool at all. Feel better, L. (You might try a really steamy bath or shower for the congestion. Or even tenting a towel over your head and a pot of steaming water. It doesn't last long, but for me, any relief is good.)

pandabob said...

Oh Greg Sherlock's description makes you sound really poorly :-(

Your pond always sounds really interesting Sherlock, I never knew there was so much to learn about in a pond. Thank you for sharing :-)

Greg Lestrade said...

AnonyBob - you'll have to ask Sherlock how poorly I am...

RR - I'll get the Olbas oil and hot water later.

Small Hobbit said...

Sounds like you're in need of a large hot toddy. Hope you feel better soon.

Rider said...

My mother used to manage stuffed up noses with a medication called Vasylox. You tilted your head back and a couple of drops went down each nostril.

The effect was like snorting hydroflouric acid as it aggressively ate its way down your nasal passages into your throat. The after taste was awful but the stuff was amazingly effective at clearing up clogged noses.

They tended to stay clear too, probably in self defence.

spandrella said...

Sherlock--One of my grandfathers was a biologist at a university in Louisiana, which has lots of swamps and bayous. He used to take his students out into the bayous to collect samples and compare the microscopic life in this bayou vs that bayou. (I still have some of his specimen jars, they're glass and labelled with the regions he used to take them to). He would've loved to have a student like you.

pandabob said...

Has Sherlock done a comprehensive assessment of the situation Greg?

I always find a good glass of talisker chases any illness away ;-)

Greg Lestrade said...

Hes wandered off muttering.

I will have a hot toddy, but after paperwork. I don't think the two would mix.

Sherlock said...

He's only a bit hot and his pulse is okay and he isn't breathing in as much as he should but it doesn't sound like anything and he doesn't like bright lights or loud noises or eating things.

pandabob said...

Thanks for that Sherlock, you seem to have done a good job of checking Lestrade out :-)

Its a shame there's no miracle cure for being ill isn't it :-(

Greg Lestrade said...

luckily he took my pulse before yelling in my ear...

REReader said...

Ah, a practical test for noise sensitivity. :D

Anonymous said...

I'm glad my doctor doesn't use that one.

Sherlock, the algae reminded me. Will you be doing the Big Spawn Count at your school pond this year? It sounds like a neat way to learn about ponds all over the UK.

rsf

pandabob said...

is that not the right way to do the test?

In all seriousness you really don't sound well, have you got your paperwork done now so you can snuggle up and be looked after for a bit?

Greg Lestrade said...

Yeah, paperwork done, hot toddy in hand, trying to fend off John and Sherlock so they don't get too covered in germs. Might crawl off to bed.

pandabob said...

Good luck with getting some sleep when you finally turn in and I hope you feel a lot better in the morning or that you'll stay at home in bed if you don't :-)

Anon Without A Name said...

I hope you manage to get some sleep, Lestrade; feel better soon.

Anonymous said...

Good luck sleeping. Extra pillows might help, if you feel really clogged.

rsf

Greg Lestrade said...

Cheers. Dosed up on ibuprofen and whisky. Miracle cure?

Anon Without A Name said...

Well I prefer wine with my ibuprofen, but whatever works :-)

pandabob said...

sounds good to me Greg :-) and will probably help you sleep which is a very good thing.

Greg Lestrade said...

Unfortunately may lead to spurious accusations of snoring from my better half though... ignore him. I don't snore ;)

Not So Silent Lurker said...

Sleep=good when sick.
I probably did nothing but when I was sick over Christmas.

Greg Lestrade said...

Not So Silent - I have heard that rumour. We'll see how I go in the morning. Might be good for nothing but.

Not So Silent Lurker said...

L-Another thing I've found is that snorers never notice the fact that they snore.
Just saying.

Greg Lestrade said...

Not So Silent - Oh, I know! John snores like a rusty tractor sometimes, but swears blind he doesn't. Clearly he's lucky that I have a liking for rusty tractors.

(Obviously he hears himself and blames me sometimes. Or has snored at such volume that he's given himself tinnitus and hears phantom snores...)

John H. D. Watson said...

Maybe we have a snoring ghost.

Small Hobbit said...

I think it's okay until Sherlock complains that someone is snoring.

Greg Lestrade said...

SH - no one ever gets the chance around him. He leaps before he looks...no one stays asleep for long ;)

Danger - Nah, it's just always you... ;)

Greg Lestrade said...

Not So Silent - Sorry, I deleted your comment. Without meaning to sound completely paranoid, we get a little jumpy around here when anyone knows our address.

Don't be surprised if the next knock on the door you get is Anthea and some scary security personnel. But she's a total softie once you get to know her ;)

In answer to your question, I'm sure people have died in our flat at some point in the past.

Not So Silent Lurker said...

Oh, god sorry.
Understand completely.
I'm utterly paranoid on the internet.
*bangs head against table*
I'm so sorry.

Greg Lestrade said...

Don't worry! Anthea likes Jaffa Cakes. The weird square ones you get in Marks and Sparks. And Lady Grey Tea. If we never hear from you again I will geniunely worry...

Not So Silent Lurker said...

Just saying.
I've never been to England,
Or any other place outside of US or Canada.
So don't sic Anthea on me please?

Greg Lestrade said...

Afraid we have no control over Big A. She calls the shots.

But she really is lovely once you get to know her. Just don't ask to borrow her underwear... ;)

Not So Silent Lurker said...

I'm now panicking.
She wouldn't hurt an 8th grader who lives across the atlantic and spends most of her time on the internet or obsessing over a tv show from the 60s right?

Why would I borrow her underwear?
Anthea is scary no matter when/where you're from.

Not So Silent Lurker said...

To Anthea:
Pleasedon'thurtmepleasedon'thurtmeididn'tmeantowritethatomgomgihavehomeworkandparentsandsiblingsandaplaydon'thurtmedon'thurtme

Anthea said...

Lestrade exaggerates.

You're fine.

Not So Silent Lurker said...

Omg now I can stop panicking.


*cowers* I'm just a kid.
Like, all I do is homework and watch anime.

spandrella said...

….and, if i infer from L's comment correctly, find peoples' addresses?

I know kids are more comfortable with the internet having their information than older folks, but yeah, don't do things like that.

Not So Silent Lurker said...

i found that accidentally.
as in typed in John H Watson and found that number attached to it, so i thought it was common knowledge.
Anthea please don't hurt me!

Anonymous said...

My father snores something awful. I remember, as a child, my father moving overseas for a long business trip. I slept better in those few months than I had had for quite a while! I became desensitized and used to the silence. The night he returned, I woke up in the middle of the night to find my bed rattling against the wall with the force of his snores.

Piplover said...

When I went to England last January to visit my sister I shared a room with my mom. She snored so loud I thought she was joking at first, she sounded so much like a cartoon character. But apparently I snore, too, so we swore never to share a room again. :-)

Small Hobbit said...

When my daughter was in hospital with a broken arm I stayed for the first couple of nights. She then firmly told me I didn't need to stay as my snoring was keeping her awake.

Anonymous said...

I snore when I'm sick, apparently. I don't know about the rest of the time.

I hope you're feeling better today, L.

rsf

Unknown said...

I expect the neighbors on either side to be over soon to find out why I'm laughing so loudly. Having had the "arrest" story told now from both points of view, I feel I've gotten a good abdominal workout. :D

Sherlock, your mention of looking at the pond water under the microscope reminded me, when I was a kid, my dad kept a small microscope handy on the dining room table more or less at all times. (I suppose it must have been moved to the side board sometimes, for meals) That made it easy to look at any bug, plant, etc. that caught our attention. This was in addition to the big microscope upstairs in his "lab" that he could also take photos through.

If you haven't done so already (I'm sure I'll find out as I continue reading the blogs), put a few tablespoons of pond water in a petri dish, and look at it under the microscope, and see how many different kinds of things (tiny plants and animals, etc) you can identify. Then see how it changes through the year.
S

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