29 April 2014

Pppppprrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

rrrrprrrrrrrrrrrrrrggg rrrr rrrrrrrrr prrrrrrr krrrrrrkrrrrrrrrprrrrrrrr

Ignore that, humans. That is a message for the feline overlords who monitor this channel.


I have the grey human under my control. He is weak against my powers. Although the other human, John, is even weaker. I am definitely keeping him. He not only bought me this nice house, but he also has a warm head and provides food readily.

He is currently trying to train the grey human to provide such things for me too. The grey one is rather slow though. I will keep him for a while, however, to see if he can be trained satisfactorily. It is useful that he leaves my house most days, giving me more time with the John human.

However, if the grey one keeps tickling my ear fur to make me twitch them, I will kill him. I will rip his face off during the night and wear it as a hat.


The small one amused himself earlier by playing with a piece of string with some crude rendering of a fish attached to it. As the John human was attempting to wash their ridiculous body-coverings, as they seem incapable of growing proper fur, I indulged him by joining in his pointless activity.

The other one, with the two large stupid four legged creatures seems to be missing. I am not sure where they have gone. The grey one, John one and small one do not seem concerned. Either there is nothing to worry about, or they are so stupid they have yet to realise he is missing.


Earlier today the John human left my house for a while. I washed myself, and, as this was tiring, I fell asleep in the sun. Upon his return I sniffed him to check he had not been anywhere I did not approve of, and then allowed him to brush me, so as to make him feel wanted.


Shortly he will attempt his new nightly ritual of putting me into the hanging throne and worshipping me, before going to his own sleeping space. However, just as the grey one does, I will follow him in there and make use of his body warmth. His hair is a pleasing colour, although it seems to be copying the grey one's. I feel sure I can reverse this, and instead change it to a fetching orange colour.

I will report back with further new of their training.



93 comments:

pandabob said...

do you know, I never knew cats could type. great job maftet :-D

Maftet said...

i have a lot of time to practice.

John H. D. Watson said...

She's a two-paw typist.

Greg Lestrade said...

Told you she was plotting to kill me.

John H. D. Watson said...

She just said she's only trying to train you...

pandabob said...

2 paw!! that's better than I can manage so well done Maftet you'll be running your own blog in no time ;-)

Greg Lestrade said...

She said she'd kill me and rip my face off! That's some training...

Small Hobbit said...

I should definitely keep trying with the grey one, Maftet. It's not his fault he's a slow learner.

John H. D. Watson said...

Only if you keep tickling her ear hairs. Seems fair enough.

Greg Lestrade said...

I find the way her ears flick about sort of fascinating.

Will you kill me if I tickle your ear hairs?

SH - Hmmmmm.

John H. D. Watson said...

No, only if you post pictures of them on the internet.

Maftet said...

I will find it fascinating when I rip your ears off and give them to the young one for his piece of string.

Greg Lestrade said...

She's feisty. Are you teaching her that, too?

Do your ears twitch if I tickle them?

John H. D. Watson said...

No, but it turns out I do...

Greg Lestrade said...

You do. And she gives me the same glare when I make you twitch as when I make her twitch... hmmmm.

Acacia Kelly said...

Oh no! Maftet has successfully taken John for the Hive Mind! Let us all mourn this loss.

Anonymous said...

I eagerly await Maftet's next report.

If I may suggest, you Ladyship, the grey one is worth keeping if only because he keeps John happy. If you can train him to attend to your needs when John is absent, that's a bonus.

fA

Greg Lestrade said...

I'm fairly sure she's content that she can nmake John happy...

I ran in this morning, traffic was so horrible yesterday. But pedestrians aren't much better...

pandabob said...

I'm glad you made it through the mad pedestrians safely Greg :-) is the tube strike having any effect on your work load or are criminals still managing to find their way around?

Maftet said...

The John human has decided I am old enough to only have three feeds per day. I will show him this is unacceptable by putting my bum in his face when he next attempts to eat.

Earlier I climbed the curtains. I was enjoying it up there, but he insisted upon 'rescuing' me. I think it makes him feel useful.

Greg Lestrade said...

You think getting fed less is bad, you wait to see what else he has planned for you now you've put on a decent weight.

REReader said...

I hope your weather is substantially better than ours, especially as you're temporarily without public transportation. We 've got not April showers to close out the month but what looks like April monsoons--and that's a whole lot better than the tornados they've been having out west. I hope no one here was affected by those.

I think I shall insist on flowers tomorrow! (Do you like flowers, Maftet?)

Anonymous said...

Veiled warnings against the Chief Minion! That's a dangerous game to play, Grey One.

fA

Maftet said...

I do not know what the grey one refers to. When he returns to my house I shall dig my claws into his thigh to make him talk.

REReader said...

That will certainly make him say things, Maftet, but they are unlikely to be informative things...

Sherlock said...

Lestrade you are stupid and Maftet can't do a blog and she likes playing with the fish not me and what is John going to do to her now she's big enough we can't eat her.

REReader said...

Lestrade is playing, Sherlock, not being stupid. (And you are quite right, Maftet likes playing with the fish--cats love games where they can pounce on things! And if they don't like it, they don't play.)

When she is big enough, John will be a responsible cat owner and have her fixed so she can't have kittens.

Acacia Kelly said...

Sherlock, I believe Greg is referring to a certain visit to the vet, to make sure Maftet doesn't have kittens of her own, and keeps her better behaved.
Oh, I tried to ask in the last blog about the May Day celebration, not realizing there was a new post: Will there be snacks and treats too? Are you bringing anything?

Small Hobbit said...

What, you mean it wasn't Maftet blogging? RR, how can you disillusion me in that way?

Greg Lestrade said...

Of course it was Maf. If I can figure out how this thing works, she certainly can.

AK - Sherlock has just put in a plea for some biscuits to be made...so I think they'll at least have drinks and snacks for the dancers, and maybe for the audience if they dare to take food from a gang of kids...

Sherlock is worried that Maf might want kittens, and if we can ask her. He can be very thoughtful, at times.

REReader said...

That is very thoughtful of him, indeed.

The thing is, Sherlock, that there are so very many stray kittens like Maftet was before John rescued her, and there are always being more, that it's better for the cat population as a whole for people to adopt cats that are already alive than to let all pet cats have kittens, which just ends up adding to the unadopted cat population because then people adopt the new kittens aren't taking kittens that are already alive. I know that doesn't really speak to what Maftet might want when she gets bigger. It's a hard sort of balance to make.

Anonymous said...

Sherlock, you're a good kid. Hope the biscuit making goes well.

RR- admirable explanations, IMO.

L.- I await news of your fate.

fA

Greg Lestrade said...

Well, she's dug her claws into me. And is now rubbing her face on John's hand, all stretched out on top of him.

RR - now Sherlock wants to know why we don't fix people...

Anon Without A Name said...

I've been "fixed"... hasn't made me behave any better though :-p

Greg Lestrade said...

Ha. I shall ask the vet if they give a guarantee that the death threats from the cat will stop - see what they say ;)

Acacia Kelly said...

Because of the whole eugenics movement, and the atrociousities that occured when it did. Soe people voluntarily do so though, because they don't want kids and for othere reasons.

Acacia Kelly said...

LOL...I dont know. My grandmother's cat Cleo was the one that was fixed, yet she was the nasty one....

Sherlock said...

Can I have a new bed with room underneath and then I'll have more space and I can have a den and a reading bit like at school and more space for the degus and everything? But I can't find one I like so you have to make one.

Acacia Kelly said...

You mean like a loft or a bunk bed with no underbunk?

Sherlock said...

Yes a bed up a ladder and then underneath I want a den and bookshelves and other things and it would be good. And I want curtains and things so it's private and you can only come in if I say so.

Anonymous said...

"You" have to make one. I remember assisting at making a very simple loft bed platform, just lumber and bolts. Needed more than one set of hands to assemble, though. And I imagine it does not meet the requirements for "one I like," though it was very sturdy. Is Sherlock ready to assist on this kind of project? Excellent learning opportunity.

I'd fix snacks for the workers and pull my lawn chair up to watch . . . drink, anyone?

fA

Anonymous said...

Sherlock, your version sounds wonderful! Perhaps some of the stuff underneath could be brought in, rather than built in - more the way you'd furnish a room?

It's a big project, though.

fA

Acacia Kelly said...

Sounds awesome to me, but I don't have to build it.

Greg Lestrade said...

We'll talk about it, kiddo.

Small Hobbit said...

Nameless, I thought the point of being "fixed" was that you didn't have to behave better ;)

Anon Without A Name said...

SH: quite :-D

Greg Lestrade said...

Sherlock has already started listing features of his new bed... what have we let ourselves in for? (I say, firmly including John in the people who will suffer for this :) )

Anonymous said...

I have seen loft beds for purchase, from ikea and such places. They require assembly, of course, but that way you don't have to do your own measuring and cutting of lumber.

I have amused myself today by making the desktop of one of the staff computers at work (we all share) a cycling series of pictures of the Weeping Angel from Doctor Who. I highly recommend this activity.

Ella

REReader said...

RR - now Sherlock wants to know why we don't fix people...

Sorry, I didn't mean to sneak away from the hard questions--I had to go out and only just got back! I assume, L and John (and AK), that you satisfied him, since he moved on to discussing loft beds--which is a really good idea!--but if my input is wanted, I can take a whack at it tomorrow. ;)

Greg Lestrade said...

Ella - having looked at ones he's found and dismissed on google, I don't think an Ikea one would cut the mustard... although he's going to have to dial back some of his plans.

Piplover said...

Is Sherlock thinking of something like this? https://www.pinterest.com/pin/251216485437253837/

Because I have to admit, that's pretty cool!

But honestly, I think I would like this one!

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/251216485438771047/

REReader said...

Those are both extremely awesome, pip! (But I have to say I am SOOOOO glad I don't have to try to make the bed on the second one--that would be a horrible daily struggle! The first one looks a lot more doable.)

Anonymous said...

RR - I am charmed that your bed making extends beyond tossing a duvet over the rumpled sheets underneath. (I WAS properly taught, I swear. But as an adult I have backslid.)

fA

REReader said...

I make my bed every day--but I have excuses! ;)

First of all, I freelance and my office is in my bedroom--if I don't make my bed, I have to stare at an unmade bed literally ALL DAY. Also, it's nicer to get into a neatly made bed at night, and I have insomnia anyway. But most importantly, it gives me something to check off on my daily to-do list that only takes 5 minutes to do; everything else takes longer!

Anonymous said...

If only I were motivated, RR! Because I admit that a properly made bed is a nice thing. But unlike you, I am either in my bed or changing clothes in a rush when I'm in my bedroom so it's easy to toss the duvet, shut the door and not think about it. (There are a LOT of habits I'd have to change if my office were in my bedroom.)

fA

REReader said...

I hear you, fA!

Acacia Kelly said...

Or there are all of these: http://www.pinterest.com/search/pins/?q=kid%20lofts

Small Hobbit said...

And there I was thinking that dumping the duvet on top of everything was making the bed.

Although, Maftet, I trust your minions prepare your bed suitably.

Greg Lestrade said...

She prefers it unmade. So she can snuggle down in the wrinkles.

Sherlock wants a slide, a rope swing, the works... He won't get it!

Acacia Kelly said...

LOL, sounds awesome though! Yeah though, those don't sound feasible in a bedroom that is likely fairly small....Maybe back at their old place he could have had that! Ooh, just noticed it's 4am! I'm going to bed.

Anonymous said...

Sherlock has optimistic ideas about the dimensions of a loft bed that will fit in his bedroom.

fA

Greg Lestrade said...

Sherlock has optimistic ideas about most things.

I was reading an article about the relative sizes of average US properties vs UK. I think he needs to move to the US if he wants an adventure playground in his room.

REReader said...

Well--not anywhere in the US! Most New York apartments have pretty small rooms, for example... (But yeah, much newer construction, especially in suburbs, is way over-sized.)

Anonymous said...

I am sometimes appalled at how large some homes, especially construction in the last 20 years, are. When you consider heating & cooling! I've lived in neighborhoods 50+ years old for the last 30 years now. It is *rare* that a home hasn't been added onto, and even then, if the local schools (among other things) are good enough to make the house easy to resell, it's not unusual for new owners to tear down a perfectly good house because it's cheaper to build a new house twice its square footage than to renovate.

As a corollary, a lot of new furniture that's sold is just oversized for an older home. We humans are sometimes odd. As Maf has astutely observed.

fA

Greg Lestrade said...

Apparently even NY is bigger than London when it comes to sizes of dwellings. But I don't know how they came by that information, and I imagine it's hard to compare tax etc. because we probably have very different rules. And probably on tenancy agreements, too, which are pretty bad here.

Anonymous said...

Has Sherlock been to a climbing gym, or are there any in London? Lots of the ones here will have classes for kids. I can only imagine how psyched he'd be to literally climb walls.

Ella

Anonymous said...

Also the captcha I just had to put in was "magnifying titclue" which is...odd...

Ella

REReader said...

And how was the maypole dancing? Fun?

Greg Lestrade said...

Wet, I imagine. It's been pouring down here

REReader said...

Unless they had the dancing indoors--I mean, they have a space big enough to put on seasonal shows, couldn't they dance there?

Greg Lestrade said...

I am being forced to measure Sherlock's bedroom 'to make sure' that my assessment of what won't fit is accurate.

Of course, this has reminded us that I own a laser measure....which means Maf can chase it around the room. Fun for all the family.

pandabob said...

Its the simply things that provide the most entertainment when it comes to children and pets I find :-)

I hope the measuring is done soon and you get some time to relax eventually.

Anonymous said...

Very Sherlock: Evidence & objective measurements! You're good to do the measuring. Having questions like that ignored is so frustrating for a kid.

Lots of chasing for Maf, not so much running around for the wielder of the laser - excellent!

fA

REReader said...

this has reminded us that I own a laser measure....which means Maf can chase it around the room. Fun for all the family.

Batteries not included, some assembly required.


Has Sherlock been convinced by the accumulated data?

Greg Lestrade said...

Not exactly convinced, but...we're getting closer to an agreement on all sides, I think.

He's a little disappointed we can't do major structural works on the flat.

REReader said...

Sketching out the floor plan on graph paper--with proportionally-sized cutouts of furniture footprints--might make the space considerations a little more convincing... (And it's way easier to move around bits of paper than furniture!)

I lived through my parents' kitchen and bathroom renovations when they bought the apartment. NO ONE wants to live through structural changes in an apartment!

Kestrel337 said...

We were having similar convos with middle daughter, but now she's got 'her own' dog who sleeps in with her. Suddenly switching out the bunk bed isn't so urgent, because it has an occupant.

Kestrel337 said...

The bottom bunk has an occupant, obviously. The top one always has had.

Unknown said...

We had a very wet May Morning here too, but the sun did finally come out... just as we were all sitting down to lunch at the end of our various tours.
I love the idea of the loft bed. I had bunk beds for a while as a kid, and I liked sleeping on the top bunk, and reading on the bottom bunk. But it is challenging to change sheets on a top bunk.
S

Greg Lestrade said...

Yeah...John tends to deal with bedding more than me. Maybe that's why he's been quiet on the issue so far... (Mind you, he needs a ladder to change the sheets on a normal bed).

I've got Sunday Monday Tuesday off, Danger, if you're still speaking to me :)

John H. D. Watson said...

Sherlock's old enough to change his own sheets. My contribution will be incessant reminders so he doesn't sleep in them until they gain sentience and devour him.

Oh excellent. Do you want to do something?

Greg Lestrade said...

I read that as 'do you want something' - my mind went wild ;)

Maybe get out for a ride? Depends what the boys want to do.

John H. D. Watson said...

Ha. Well, do you want something?

Yeah, that'd be good.

Greg Lestrade said...

World peace? And to run my own florist and cupcake shop?

John H. D. Watson said...

That sounds reasonable.

Greg Lestrade said...

Right now I'd settle for a scotch and a secretary/PA.

Anonymous said...

Right now I'd settle for a scotch and a secretary/PA..

I'm in. Where do we submit the requisition form?

fA

Greg Lestrade said...

Sadly I'm not important enough for the met to spring for a pa for me!

Anonymous said...

Probably they don't buy your booze, either, huh?

Pity.

fA

Greg Lestrade said...

Not nearly often enough!

Difference between our boys - ask Sherlock what he wants for his birthday, get an essay. Including some things which don't even exist. Ask Mycroft and 'There's nothing I require, thank you.'

Anon Without A Name said...

Sadly I'm not important enough for the met to spring for a pa for me!

When I saw this, without seeing the preceding comments for context, I did think you were talking about the Met not stumping up for an intimate piercing...

Greg Lestrade said...

Well... I've never asked. But I think the only way I could even justify asking is for the sort of undercover job I don't want!

I'm just exactly as pierced as I want to be, thanks :)

Anonymous said...

Re: Mycroft & Sherlock: sibling differences & similarities are fascinating. I hope these two always have people in their lives who will help them to be happy.

Re: genital piercings: always turn my thoughts to statistically unlikely (given proper care) occurrences of scar tissue.

fA

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