10 March 2015

Just because you don't believe that I wanna dance

So...I'm home. Early. And with more of the NHS's supplies attached to my head.

We went to arrest someone who was known to be violent (I mean, to be fair, we mainly arrest people who've tried to kill someone...so it's not like any of them are going to welcome us with baked goods and a cuppa.) Anyway, we went with lots of help. Four of us, four uniform officers, all for one man.

But he didn't disappoint. Went absolutely postal, shaking us off like rag dolls.

He tried to run into the back garden, but, amazingly, we'd thought of that...so I burst out of the back door to find four officers clinging to him like ants on an elephant... and joined in, naturally. And ended up making close friends with a very badly made greenhouse.

So, by the time the CS gas and tasers were flying, I was mainly out of it, really.

We ended with one arrest, one fractured wrist (uniform), one frankenstein's-monster-ish head (me), one black eye and fat nose (Sal), plenty of bruises and scrapes and lots of streaming eyes from the CS...

Anyway, paramedics and even more officers showed up, took us all off to our various destinations...John showed up, because Sal called him - we weren't that far from home, so he arrived while the paramedics were busy mummifying my head. Followed us to the hospital, then followed the panda which dropped me home. Staples in the scalp mean putting on a bike helmet isn't happening for a while.

And eventually, after a lot of staples in A&E I was sent off home with him to care for me. Got to pretend I was a doctor though, in a fetching set of scrubs, as my suit is a. ruined and b. forensic evidence.

Mrs H fetched Sherlock, who has announced that staples are 'better than stitches'. I'm not 100% sure on how the hierarchy of medical fastenings runs...probably...sticky tape, glue, stitches, staples? He hasn't seen mine, as they are currently under a ridiculous sticky dressing which I'm sure nurses only put on my head for a laugh. But John thoughtfully took pictures at the hospital, so he was somewhat mollified.

He also showed me this - which is rather cool.

Anyway, John's now having great fun looking after me....honest...perfect patient, me. I'm apparently playing a game of 'the floor is lava' that I didn't sign up to, because every time I try to get off the sofa he's there, stopping me. Although, thus far, he hasn't catheterised me...so I must stop writing this and go and wee out some of the 20 cups of tea he's made me drink so far ;) Later on I might even let him pick some scabs out of my hair..


90 comments:

Small Hobbit said...

I presume that following your visit the greenhouse was even worse made.

I suggest you enjoy being cared for by your husband and don't let Maf try to play with the bandages.

Greg Lestrade said...

The greenhouse is in even worse shape than my head :)

I have been given Maf, presumably so she can hold me down should I try to escape my sofa confinement. She's mainly dozing. And purring.

John H. D. Watson said...

(L is also dozing and occasionally purring.)

You and Maf look quite content. Amazing how much bigger she is now.

Greg Lestrade said...

Yeah. Can't believe she's still growing. Mind you, all she does is eat and sleep...lots of energy going towards growing!

Sherlock wants me to search Mars for geysers or something. Not sure I'm up to it. Especially now he's pointed out to Maf she should be helping, as her eyesight is so much better than mine. None taken, eh?

John H. D. Watson said...

London Cat Identifies Martian Geyser... Well, it would be quite a headline.

Greg Lestrade said...

Sadly it seems she's got some very urgent napping to atttend to.

I feel like I've had a facelift.

Becca said...

Ugh, the only thing I think of when I hear facelift is that creepy Star Trek movie.

My sister often regrets the need for the bathroom when her kitty is sleeping in her lap.

REReader said...

I had to look up the post title...heh, very appropriate!

Greg Lestrade said...

I try, RR.

At some point tonight, I'm going to have to deal with how impossible it is to get comfy with what feels like hundreds of bits of metal stabbing your skull... or use Maf as a pillow.

pandabob said...

I suspect cat claws in your cheeks won't make it any more comfortable Greg ;-)

sorry you've had a tough day, I'm glad John was there in you're hour of need :-D

Greg Lestrade said...

Hour...day...next twenty odd years, at least...

And yes, getting plenty of time off, I hope! Let the good Doc nurse me back to health ;)

REReader said...

A neck pillow might work better than a cat...Or maybe not. :( I hope you find a comfortable position!

Becca said...

When I had surgery for a while I had a problem with my Achilles that meant I couldn't put any weight on the back of my heel. Sleeping on my back, which I had to do to keep my foot elevated, became complicated and called for custom pillows.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure you had plenty of help - and maybe some "help" from the non-John members of the household - getting as comfortable as possible. Hope tomorrow's a good rest & the next-day aches & soreness aren't too bad.

- fA

pandabob said...

I hope today is less eventful and painful for you Greg :-)

If you see this Sally I hope you're healing as well :-)

Good luck with your day guys.

Greg Lestrade said...

Today I'm following queen Maf's example. Get up, eat breakfast, wander around, find a comfy spot, settle for a nap. I'll miss out the part where I lick my own bum though.

Small Hobbit said...

What about the part where you chase your own tail?

REReader said...

Never mind, Sherlock will something you can do while quietly waiting to doze off! (It was very sweet of him to find something for you to do yesterday, even if you weren't really up to staring at space pictures just yet.)

Greg Lestrade said...

SH - the only tail I chase is John's ;)

Maf has perfected the art of jumping onto/off me just as I'm dozing off. Revenge for all the times I've kicked her off the sofa when she's been asleep?

Anonymous said...

Well good grief, I wander away for a couple of week, and this happens. Glad you're okay, lestrade. I hope you're being a patient patient for john and Sherlock (and maf).

Ella

piplover said...

Phone ate my comment so I hope this doesn't post twice. Hope you're feeling a bit better today L.

Greg Lestrade said...

I'm feeling okay, thanks. Tired. Bit washed out. John tells me it's just because I leaked lots of blood - but he's replacing that with tea at a very rapid rate, so I'll soon be back to normal :)

REReader said...

Tea makes (almost) everything better!

I hope you managed to find a reasonably comfortable way to sleep--you'd think Maf would approve of you joining in her favorite pasttime!

Greg Lestrade said...

John let me doze on him, while he had all the fun of de-matting some of my hair. The things he does for love, eh?

Anonymous said...

He's replacing it with tea? Isn't the balance of fluid in your bloodstream usually espresso? This may shock your system in unpredictable ways.

I'll just be over here...not worrying at all.

Ella

Greg Lestrade said...

I know! but he said as I was tired and could sleep I shouldn't be waking myself up with coffee... not fair, is it? I was allowed two... I normally drink two before I reach my desk of a morning!

REReader said...

Sleep is a Good Thing.... *thinks wistfully of enough sleep*

Anonymous said...

Doctor knows best! Especially the nifty doctor-pillow-hair grooming combo pack kind of doctor.

(Though some of that washed out feeling might just be low caffeine levels . . .)

fA

Anonymous said...

Doctor knows best! Especially the nifty doctor-pillow-hair grooming combo pack kind of doctor. I hear they're rare.

(Though some of that washed out feeling might just be low caffeine levels . . .)

fA

Unknown said...

cats are remarkably effective at holding people down on couches. :)
hundreds of staples? *shudder* Now I can't help wondering on what basis the choice is made between staples and stitches... maybe I can google...
S

Joolz said...

Morning all.

Hope you managed a modicum of rest despite your discomfort, Greg. I'm sure John would have provided a comfortable pillow if you could push Maf off for long enough. ;)

How long do you have to rest up & wait for staple removal - which sounds almost as unpleasant as having then inserted so I don't envy you that.

Enjoy your rest & maybe you can tempt John to join you then he could ward off a jumping Maf. ;)

Greg Lestrade said...

It's not the most fun, having them removed. But it could be worse! I've had them before. I think doctors prefer them now - quick and easy to put In.

Greg Lestrade said...

John made me a cup of tea. I fell asleep. It went cold. Maf drank some. I woke up. I drank the rest, and only when I finished did John remember to trek me her majesty had been drinking it... As a doctor and a soldier he should know coldness is no reason to not drink a tea /coffee!

REReader said...

Interesting--I wouldn't have thought Maf would like tea.

;)

Greg Lestrade said...

She's our little street fighter, she'll try most things.

REReader said...

I just had a mouthful of cold tea (I didn't realize it had gone cold, I was busy). Ugh. Seriously, ugh.

(That might have been because of the milk, though.)

Greg Lestrade said...

I don't mind it, cold tea or coffee. Guess I'm just far too used to it!

REReader said...

How're you doing tonight (aside from having a cup of cold, cat-sampled tea)?

Becca said...

My sister's cat will drink anything if it's in a cup/glass. In fact, if there's liquid in a cup or glass that isn't high enough for her to drink from, she will simply knock it over.

Greg Lestrade said...

I'm all right, ta, RR. Bit tired, bit sore, bit bored of my head hurting, but nothing too bad! Enjoying time with John. And now Sherlock can see the staples in all their glory he's enjoying having me around as a specimen.

Becca - she does knock things off surfaces, but I'm hoping we can somehow persuade her not to start on drinks!

REReader said...

Glad to hear it. Have a good night!

piplover said...

Welcome to the world of having a cat, where what you eat or drink is instantly what they want. I have one kitty who loves popcorn and tries to drink my tea.
Hope you're feeling better today or at least not quite as bad.

Small Hobbit said...

Ours used to drink the water by the bedside (because it was clearly better quality than the water in the cat bowl). And then knock it over. Nothing like getting out of bed and putting your foot on wet carpet.

Greg Lestrade said...

Well, I've been told not to go to work until Monday, or at least, be assessed for work then, anyway.... So, a whole weekend ahead of us! What shall we do with ourselves...

REReader said...

Something restful, I imagine...

Greg Lestrade said...

Might go and see Mum, given it's mother's day on Sunday. Depends if the boys have anything planned with their mum.

REReader said...

That would be a nice thing to do, for sure--but I'm not sure it qualifies as restful.

Greg Lestrade said...

Maybe not...but probably should be done.

Sal dropped by today, to pick on me, make me sign my statements, and take my husband and his cat's side on everything.

Maf has discovered the best place to sit in the whole world is any file I need to work. I think John trained her. (yes, Sal did bring me some work.)

She is perfecting the art of staring at me, then washing a bit of herself, then looking back at me with an expression of 'are you still here??' on her face.

Greg Lestrade said...

(Maf, not Sal. Although..they both look at me with that expression!)

REReader said...

Sounds like Sally had a productive day, then! Maf, too, since no day that one learns something new is wasted... ;)

Rider said...

IT could be worse. The author Charles Stross regularly complains that his cat does a lot more than sit on the things he is working on if she doesn't get enough attention.

Where "enough" is apparently defined as "adore me and pay attention to me until I bite you again"

In a household I lived in we discovered that if the cat was sitting on what you were reading you could solve the problem by finding a thicker book for it to sit on. As the new book was right next to the one you were reading the cat would move to the new higher perch.

Anonymous said...

I'm home sick from work for the fourth time in two weeks. The internet machine says I either have pneumonia or cancer, but the cat says she can fix me by purring on my belly, so we're trying that.

Hope you're feeling better, lestrade.

Ella

Greg Lestrade said...

I just got one here to reply and found a half-written comment by one Master Holmes about my singing!! So that's been deleted :)

Hope you feel better soon, Ella. And yeah, keep away from the internet! It only seems to spit out hideous diagnosis.

pandabob said...

I'm sure your singing is lovely Greg and Sherlock was just going to tell us so ;-)

Have as good a day as you can manage today and good luck making plans for tomorrow :-)

Sherlock said...

I said his singing was high pitched and when John sent him away because he was doing the cooking he picked up Maftet and danced with her instead. And you shouldn't not post my comments you should post them.

Greg Lestrade said...

I was singing a high pitched song! And yes, Maf and I did have a little dance, as John was busy trying to feed us both.

Sherlock has made a beautiful Mother's Day card. Maf has managed to become a fabulously glittery cat (well, John is currently brushing her down, so she doesn't end up eating it all.) And the boy's Mum is being escorted out to afternoon tea by her boys tomorrow. Lucky lady.

pandabob said...

There's nothing better than a sing and a dance to make the world seem a better place ;-)

Your mum is very lucky to get a hand made card for Mother's Day Sherlock, I hope afternoon tea is lovely tomorrow :-)

Did you make a glittery card for your mum Greg?

Greg Lestrade said...

Well done in the footy, AnonyBob! You must be made up.

My mum isn't getting a glittery card, no... I don't really know what to do. I was going to bake her something, but never got around to it. I'm fairly sure she never eats what I make her anyway...

pandabob said...

Made up just about covers it yes :-D

Glad you're result was good too :-)

I'm not sure presents and cards is what mother' day is about if you're going to see your mum, I hope not anyway because I forgot all my mum's stuff when I drove down on Friday ;-)

Greg Lestrade said...

Ha, well, we'll both hope it still turns out okay with our mum's then.

And yes, I'm very glad we got a good result while City floundered :)

REReader said...

A beautiful handmade card and afternoon tea are a recipe for a wonderful Mother's Day!

L, stop for flowers on the way. Flowers are always nice to get! (If you're singing and dancing, you are feeling better, yes? :))

Small Hobbit said...

I have flowers, and a card from my little boy which appeared mysteriously on my dining table yesterday evening when we were out. Along with a dismantled garden arbour seat for his Dad's birthday.

Greg Lestrade said...

Yeah, happy Mother's day to all of you Mums!

We're just heading off. John insisting on driving, so I'll be forced to sing along to the radio a lot.

pandabob said...

Lucky you SH :-)

I got a lie in, breakfast in bed and some lovely cards the kids had made :-) I'm feeling very lucky :-)

I hope you and Mycroft have a good time with your mum Sherlock. Good luck driving while your other half serenades you John ;-)

If you happen to see this Jo and Lisa I hope whatever Tadhg gave you for breakfast today was lovely ;-)

Joolz said...

Hope all the Mums have had a lovely day, and everyone else too of course. :)

I hope you had a fabulous afternoon with your Mum, Sherlock & Mycroft, I'm sure she was very appreciative of the special card. :)

Safe journey home, John & Greg, hope the singing kept your spirits up & your Mum was as good as it was possible for her to be.

Enjoy the rest of your day everyone. :)

Greg Lestrade said...

She was everything I expected her to be...

The boys clubbed together and bought their Mum some goats! Well, you know, charity goats for a family somewhere in the world where goats will be a beneficial thing to have in their lives, not just for her... thereby solving what to get someone who has everything. Oh, and chickens, Sherlock informs me. Goats and chickens.

REReader said...

That is a truly lovely gift.

pandabob said...

Predictability is a wonderful thing I always think Greg ;-)

That sounds like a lovely present idea from the boys, I hope they had a fun trip out with Mrs Holmes :-)

Greg Lestrade said...

The only really detail we have is Sherlock triumphantly announcing he ate ten cakes... but I assume it went well!

pandabob said...

How did the assessment go Greg?

I hope you're having a decent day John :-)

Greg Lestrade said...

Off until Friday, when I've got to go back and see if they want the staples out. But even if they don't Ill still be back to work.

It scares me, being off for so long. Every time it makes me wonder if I really want to go back.

pandabob said...

Time off should be more freely available without head injuries then you'd be used to a decent amount of time at home :-D

I hope you and John can make use of your time even with the injury :-)

REReader said...

It is very discombobulating to have a long, unanticipated break from work. (At least with a holiday you know it's coming, and you usually have something planned.) I hope you're getting a good rest, at least--and hey, maybe by the end of the week you'll be restless enough to not mind going back so much!

(No, that never worked for me, but I thought I'd throw it out there. :))

Joolz said...

10 cakes, Sherlock, I'm very impressed. Were they all the same sort or a variety of different treats. :)

An extra few days at home with John can't be bad, Greg, even though it was rather painful means to achieve it, though you did catch the bad guy at the same time. I don't think you have to worry about not going back, you're too dedicated not to, plus Sally would hound you til you came back. ;)

Greg Lestrade said...

We're managing to amuse ourselves...

I'm not sure if John is trying to keep me for longer, and had a word with the doctor... or had a word to try and get me back there and out of his hair... I'm sure I'm disrupting his usual routines something fierce.

REReader said...

I suspect he's very pleased to have his routines disrupted--although I know he'd rather have you in his hair without injury!

Greg Lestrade said...

Okay, I probably officially shouldn't be allowed much more time off. I spent today making biscuits the shape of dragons. Sherlock has despatched quite a number of them, as has John. Luckily Sal is dropping me off more work to do tomorrow.

REReader said...

If Sherlock has left any, I'd love to see a photo. Because dragon biscuits? Awesome!

pandabob said...

dragon biscuits sound ace and very tasty I'm sure :-) I should think Sherlock could get used to fresh biscuits for snack after school every day ;-)

I'm not sure being off work with staples in your head should involve Sally calling round with work but I guess it keeps you sane ;-)

Small Hobbit said...

Are you able to save any dragon biscuits for Sal, or will the gannets have got there first?

Greg Lestrade said...

AnonyBob - I'm honestly fine now. It only hurts when I lie on the staples wrong and they stab me! And if Sal doesn't bring me things to do a. it'll mount up and b. I'll get into mischief. ;)

SH - I don't think we have gannets here. Just those huge whale things that swim along with their mouths open filtering everything edible out of their path...

pandabob said...

What mischief was achieved today before work arrived Greg? I hope its been a good day :-)

Does school have any plans for the eclipse Sherlock?

If you see this Mycroft do you and your astronomy group have plans for the eclipse? also I hope school is treating you ok :-)

Sherlock said...

YES we're making a pin hole camera so we can watch in the playground as long as there are no BAD CLOUDS because you must never ever look at the sun or your eyeballs will burn out of your head.

pandabob said...

Really Sherlock? They'll burn out of your head?

pin hole cameras sound like a good idea but the clouds aren't looking good are they?

REReader said...

Well, maybe not quite burn out of your head--but you can certainly damage your vision, and that would be bad. So definitely no looking directly at the sun! I hope the clouds cooperate for you.

Greg Lestrade said...

AnonyBob - it's one of those things I'm happy to let go uncorrected! After all, no one wants their eyeballs to engulf their head in flame...

And I got a visit from the two yummy mummies and Tadhg! Lots of cuddles from the little man. He's getting big! And very smiley.

REReader said...

Awww, smiley baby cuddles are so heart-filling!

pandabob said...

always best to be cautious I agree Greg :-) I think our school is ignoring it sadly :-(

Yay for baby cuddles :-) We got a new baby in the family yesterday and suddenly my 'baby' seems so big!

Greg Lestrade said...

Congratulations! And yeah, they grow so fast. Even Sherlock has at least doubled in height since we got him. I fear he'll be taller than John before he finishes primary school ;)

Unknown said...

babies grow astonishingly fast. especially when you're not looking.
dragon cookies, want pictures, if there were any taken in time. :)
a friend of mine is over there now and made a pinhole camera to watch the eclipse. I saw the pictures he put up on facebook. I remember as a kid, our dad made a room in our house into a pinhole camera so we could watch an eclipse together. he put an opaque cover over the whole window that faced toward the eclipse, and made the pinhole in that, and the image was projected onto a big piece of cardboard we could move to get it in the best position. I don't know how old I was, pretty small still I think, but it's a vivid memory.
did you get your staples out yet?
S

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