2 August 2011

The only place no one can bother me...

Was meant to cook curry last night - a first, for me. But instead stayed at work, staring at the walls and willing that one clue that'll crack the case to jump out at me.

It didn't.

But Danger did turn up with dinner for me, cooked by Mrs Hudson. Not quite what I had planned.

So now he knows about the case I'm "not talking about". Which doesn't mean I'm about to start talking about it. Some things in this job get to everyone. Some things get to certain people. Some things don't seem to worry you, and then you worry about yourself. Hard to keep hold of your humanity, sometimes. Hard to let go of it, others.

Makes me worry a bit about the boys, too. They both - but Sherlock particularly, being so much younger - see things, via me, that other kids don't. Sherlock loves murders. Loves the stories. And I worry sometimes that I'm making it all too much of a story, and not enough about the real life consequences. Mycroft understands all that. I'm not sure Sherlock does. Sometimes I feel irresponsible. But I don't want to scare him, either.

I don't know thinking too much, probably. Some cases do that to you, too. Sometimes you need to get out and eat ice cream and just accept that you can't save the world on your own.

As much as you all rag me for not taking compliments and all that, I know I'm damn good at my job. And sometimes that means I put a lot of pressure on myself - and my team, who are equally as good, and without who I wouldn't be half as successful - Because I don't want any case to be the one I have to send to 'unsolved' pile.

It was easy, before John and the boys. Stay at the Yard, sleep at my desk, drink coffee, eat take away, ignore the rest of the world and just focus. I didn't have or want a life outside of work, not really. Because everything outside always went tits up, and everything about my job has always gone well.

Trying to rebalance my life isn't as easy as I thought it might be. But I think I'm getting better. i just relapse sometimes.

Speaking of which, it's close to a year since I gave up smoking...there have beenn relapses on that front, too.

John, Mycroft and Sherlock are the best motivators I could have on both fronts.

Curry tonight, everyone?

98 comments:

John H. D. Watson said...

I'm very glad you know you're good at your job. I'm continually impressed by the work you do and proud that you can help so many people.

Sherlock... I think it's probably all right? On the occasions he stops to think about the people involved, or even crying murderers, he doesn't much like it...so he avoids thinking about those parts, but he's too smart not to realize they exist.

And curry would be wonderful. :)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I imagine Doctors are much the same in dwelling too much on cases which don't work out, not those which do? I'm lucky to have my team. Everyone gets along and compliments each other's styles. Doesn't happen too often.

Especially when one is getting you down, like this one is.

Bronwyn said...

To paraphrase my mother: all five-year-olds are sociopaths. It's the nature of the beast. They get over it.

To paraphrase my developmental psychology professor: kids under ten are almost always concrete, egocentric emoters. Regardless of intelligence, young children are hardwired to care about their own needs first, the needs of "their people (friends, family, etc.)" second, and everyone else as dim, distant third. It's why young children can be effortlessly cruel to their peers and pick flowers for mom on the way home. The ability to empathize with others comes as they approach puberty, 9 to 14 years old. This is also when they become less family and more friend focused. Young children are taught to behave by rote and direct modeling. Adolescents start to understand why.

Tl;Dr I think Sherlock and Mycroft are probably fine. Right now, regardless of how much they know, they seem (via the internet, granted) to cope in fairly age-appropriate ways.

I'm sorry things are tough right now (Hell, always of late). But I think in the long run, it'll shake itself out well enough. Just remember, every kid on earth is weird and over exposed to SOMETHING. Most of the do fine anyway.

Tinkerty-tonk,
Bronwyn

innie said...

You are damn good at your job, solving cases and leading a team by example. I think you're doing an admirable job at figuring out how to balance your professional and personal lives - you're attentive and loving and still responsible. Just don't think of John and the boys as a unit that would have been perfect without your interference - just as you're adjusting to them, each of them is adjusting to you, and evidently happy to do the work.

John H. D. Watson said...

L - yeah, just the same. I think it's inevitable. And probably right that we shouldn't forget.

Bronwyn - Young children are taught to behave by rote and direct modeling. Adolescents start to understand why.

That is extremely reassuring, thank you.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Bronwyn - I don't worry about the boys on general. I just wonder how much is too much when it comes to violent crime and 5 yr olds.

Innie - they would have been perfect! Mrs Holmes formed them as a hand-picked crack team! Granted, they would only have been perfect a short time, before they died either of starvation, or pea-and-sandwich overdose, but still... ;)

I've realised neither the post nor my first comment make much sense. Brain is incApable of coherent sentences in any kind of order, it seems.

John H. D. Watson said...

There is nothing wrong with peas, mister.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

No, indeed. But I don't think you could eat them for all 5 of your fruit or beg portions every day and remain entirely healthy.

I'll put extra in your curry, though.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Veg. Not beg.

I beg 5 times a day easily.

John H. D. Watson said...

Mycroft told me they're not even properly green vegetables - they're legumes, like beans, or lentils. I'm very disappointed.

I beg 5 times a day easily.

Examples please. I always pictured you more giving orders at work.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I hate to ruin your impression of me, but there are 2 ranks below me, and 8 above. Plus the general public.

Begging is a large part of my job. From 'please don't try anything stupid' to 'please don't cut the number of officers on my team/my overtime budget' and 'please can I have those forensics back ASAP'.

John H. D. Watson said...

Ha. Damn. It's just like the army.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Yeah, probably.

Except without the weapons or permission to fight back.

John H. D. Watson said...

Can't fight back against your superior officers. Just replace 'please' with 'with respect, sir'...

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

It's 'with all due respect, Sir/ma'am' for us. Presumably meaning 'no respect' if we don't feel there is any due? That's Sal's favourite, when telling me she thinks.I'm being a stupid wanker.

Oh, and she said practice is Friday, 6pm. Be there. Think you're now officially on the books as tea boy or something.

Cranky Bookwyrm said...

Greg: I find it tremendously reassuring that there are policemen like yourself out there. I'm also glad that you have a life outside of work (however "fun" that makes the balancing act).

Sherlock and Mycroft sound like fine boys. And it sounds like they both know they're loved. I'm a strong believer that love covers the "cracks" in raising children. (It had better, or I shudder to think about what I'm loosing on the world.)

Peas aren't considered vegetables on my diet. Neither is corn. I find this very disappointing when coming up with meals. :-(

Ice cream and curry for all.

John H. D. Watson said...

Tea boy... Well, as long as I get to play.

All due respect is like no offense. They almost always mean the opposite.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Nah, not tea boy. I jest.

'DI G Lestrade's 'concubine' the ID reads. (male concubine, obviously.)

And yes. Sal says it a lot...hah.

Running later, when it's cooled off a bit?

John H. D. Watson said...

Glad it specifies male concubine. Yeah, running will be good. Mycroft wants to know if he can watch the practice? He's been learning the rules.

Tink said...

I promise I have not died! I'm just busy as all get out at the moment. ALAS.

Greg, I really hope this case wraps up soon so that you can take a deep breath and snuggle with your family and not have to worry about this one. *hugs*

Also, I have to give a big thumbs up to Bronwyn's summary of the psychological profile of kids growing up. It's -absolutely- true. You don't have to worry at all because you and John are great pseudo-parents to both of the boys.

I love you all very much, and don't worry if I don't show up for days! :D (If anything dire happens, I'll try to check in and flail with you.)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I was wondering, Tink. Suppose that's the odd thing about this - people come and go, and we've no way if knowing if you're okay or not.

Danger - it doesn't. I did, in case you felt like it was an insult... I think it really, truly, says occupational health consultant.

Mycroft, you are more than welcome to come and watch and learn what not to do. Don't hold us up like any sort of good example.

John H. D. Watson said...

That does sound more realistic. Not sure whether concubine is a step up from tea boy or not. Hm.

Sherlock said...

Then I want to come too!

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I'd rather be stuck making my own tea for the rest of my life than seeing to my own...other needs.

Leaving now ish. Do we want poppadoms and naan? And if so, what sorts...

Sherlock, you can come too.

John H. D. Watson said...

Oh yes we do! Good idea.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Right. I'll see what looks good.

See you soon.

Sally said...

You two will regret all those naans when you see the drills I've got worked out for you on Friday.

John H. D. Watson said...

Absurd. I never regret naan.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Yeah, it's the curry he'll regret, Sal

John H. D. Watson said...

I rarely regret curry, and never homemade curry.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

right, so if I skim some off for me, do you want to come and bother these chillies for yours? And the boys can vote on when to rescue theirs out whilst it's still edible and won't require a fire extinguisher on standby to eat.

John H. D. Watson said...

(Obviously the answer to that was yes.) I don't know what you were worried about, it's delicious!

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Don't blog with your mouth full. You set a bad example.

Not sure I'll be running anywhere any time too soon.

Why is there always too much rice, no matter how little you make?

John H. D. Watson said...

I did it under the table, you could barely tell.

No such thing as too much rice. I can give it to them tomorrow for lunch with...something. Stuff. Is there curry left?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I can occupy your hands under the table in far more pleasurable ways, if no one else can tell...

If there is, it's the nuclear stuff. I ate all my bit. That chilli is making my eyes water - and that's just what's in the air.

Just do a rice salad for dinner or something. We're going to Eton, right? Well - I think I'll have to meet you there. It's meant to hit 30 again tomorrow. With thunderstorms, maybe.

John H. D. Watson said...

Right, next time the other way around I think. I'll take mine out first and heat it up appropriately. Sherlock wants to be able to eat the really hot version, but he's at a disadvantage (still has all his taste buds). And since I can't give it to them tomorrow, I'll just eat more now.

Yes, Eton tomorrow. Sure you don't want us to pick you up so you can ride in the nice air conditioned car?

Anon Without A Name said...

Won't the curry have mellowed a bit by tomorrow? Plus you could add some yoghurt or something to cool it down?

Or you could just eat the rest now :-p

(Lestrade - am trying to formulate coherent thoughts on your post, because it deserves coherent thought, but am currently failing)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Hmm..stuck in a box, in traffic, with three people who won't miss a thing, even if it is under a table... Or blasting down the motorway on the bike, wet rag around my neck for cooling purposes, wind in my face (well, helmet)...

I'll meet you there. Anyway, I'm really not sure if I'll make it in time.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Nameless - coherency deserted me early on today, apparently, so don't feel pressured!

Anon Without A Name said...

Lestrade - it looks perfectly coherent to me :-)

John H. D. Watson said...

Nameless - a bit, but it won't cool it down enough. It's fine! I don't mind eating it all. :)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Nameless - well, slightly disjointed, then.

Danger - I thought it got hotter - sort of...like it marinated in the heat, and just got worse. Anyway, glad you enjoyed/are enjoying it.

John H. D. Watson said...

What it really gets is more flavour, as everything blends together. Curry's always better the next day.

And I really did, thanks for making it.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

No problem. My bit was nice, too. And it was pretty easy.

We doing anything at the weekend? Swimming?

innie said...

What you're supposed to do with leftover rice is make something that calls for it - plenty of Indian recipes are specifically meant to use up leftover rice. The simplest would be lemon rice - add lemon juice, peas (!), sauteed onions, and some fried mustard seeds and tiny lentils. If you're sadistic like my mother, you also add fried chillis.

John H. D. Watson said...

L - Yeah, maybe? It's supposed to cool down quite a bit (of course). And if you want to come along for Stonehenge and Avebury, maybe we could go Sunday? If you don't, I'll just take them in the week sometime.

John H. D. Watson said...

Innie - Mmmmm, fried chilis. I think I'd like your mother.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Danger - yeah, haven't been for years. Should be nice.

Innie - is Danger your long lost brother or something? I think frying chillis would mean I'd need to evacuate the flat. It's like being pepper sprayed (and I say that from experience. I actually thought I was going to die.)

innie said...

Well, I'm the only one in my family who can't handle spicy food, which my dad and my brother understand but which my mom persists in believing is just me being stubborn. (She's been known to stage-whisper "You were ADOPTED" when she sees me drowning my food in yogurt just so I can swallow it down.)

But if claiming Danger as my long-lost big brother means I get a famous Danger hug (and some of those brownies), then . . . yes, yes he is.

John H. D. Watson said...

Just means you have more taste buds and can probably detect subtler flavours that they (and I) can't.

Or maybe it's the marmite? Harry loves the stuff and she can't take the heat either.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Careful, Sherlock will be after you for blood samples to find out if you really are related...

Obviously marmite is a flavour for the more refined palate.

John H. D. Watson said...

...I dunno. Sherlock likes it too.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Sherlock's palate is a work in progress. Or will be, if it's not victim to a firestorm of your curry.

He's coming on leaps and bounds on the ice cream front. It's not always chocolate every time now. Now it's chocolate-and-something-else.

John H. D. Watson said...

Or chocolate with spoonfuls of everyone else's mashed into it...

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

it's still better than refusing anything but chocolate, right? At least he tries other flavours now.


What d'you like, Danger? Come and tell me all about it in bed.

You prefer vanilla? Or something a little more...exciting?

John H. D. Watson said...

Oh, a little bit of everything. You know me.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

With sprinkles and a cherry on top? Hah.

I'm getting to know you, yes. I think there's more to your hidden depths yet...

John H. D. Watson said...

Yep. And whipped cream.

Hm, maybe. You're the one who told me to practice my knot tying skills.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

A, Pericolo con panna. My favourite.

I shall just enjoy stripping back the layers, exploring every inch...you know the drill.

Come on, bed, before it's too late and I have to spend all day tomorrow walking around a posh school watching you, feeling frustrated.

John H. D. Watson said...

Excellent plan.

piplover said...

Lestrade, I'm sorry you're having a difficult time now. It can be hard sometimes to remember that you're only human and can only do so much. I'm glad John and the boys are there for you.

I have to agree with you about the curry. I like spicy food, but I can't eat it. It makes me terribly sick. Mild is the best way, anyway, as you get all the flavors without being overwhelmed with trying to drown the hot from your mouth.

Let us know how tomorrow goes!

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I feel like I've misled you all. It's not particularly difficult at the moment. Well, it is, in some ways, but it's my job. I can't complain. I know what I'm letting myself in for every day. I could always give it up and become a florist or something.

So you're all very kind, but...well, I'm okay, thanks.

Totally agree about the curry, though.

Anon Without A Name said...

Well, I'm not sure this is any more coherent than I could have managed last night, but at least I'm not falling asleep in front of the laptop now, so here goes...

I think it's been noticeable on here that you do seem to be making more of an effort to get home at a reasonable hour, that you try to make sure you're not working on the boys' big days, and that you spend some quality time with them and John.

Rebalancing your work and your life is never easy - I'm right in the middle of getting it all hideously wrong myself at the moment - but in seeing that and making the effort, you're doing better than most. And I do the same thing, about putting extra pressure on myself because I know I'm actually quite good at my job, but sometimes it feels like that's only because I put so much of myself into it.

It's really good to see your pride in your work, and your love for you acquired family. You talk about John, Mycroft and Sherlock being your motivators, but it's clear too that you motivate them. Being surrounded by people who inspire you and who you inspire in turn is a joy :-)

Good luck in the rebalancing - and a continuing "well done" on the smoking front, because you do seem to be doing bloody well with that too.

I dunno if it was just because I was knackered and reading it wrong, but your post put a smile on my face, it seemed so positive - you have a job that really matters, and that you're good at, and that you enjoy even though it's appalling sometimes, and you have people around you who love you and who you love. Sounds pretty damned good to me :-)

Anon Without A Name said...

Bugger, That ridiculously long comment, and I forgot to wish Mycroft good luck at Eton today. D'oh.

Mycroft - I know you have no intention of actually going to Eton, but no experience is wasted, and Lestrade is right every time he says that this is still worthwhile, to see where your contemporaries/rivals/colleagues of the future will be spending their formative years. Good luck!

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Nameless - you weren't reading it wrong. It was...well, it was just getting my thoughts out.but wasn't meant to be a whinge or moan. It was just what was in my head. Anyway, reply more later.

Danger, I'm leaving now, so obviously will be late, but i'll find you, I'm sure.

Mycroft - try to enjoy it! It's a day out, if nothing else.

John H. D. Watson said...

Just thought I'd mention I brought my helmet, etc. again. You know, in case you wanted to go anywhere now we're done.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

So you want to spend your sudden, unexpectedly child free afternoon off helping me at work? How sweet you are!

John H. D. Watson said...

Oddly enough, I was thinking somewhere a little less paperworky, a little more sunshine and fresh airy... Just an idea.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Somewhere like...a nice pub garden on the river (nothing alcoholic for me, of course) before heading back to town and enjoying your time off?

John H. D. Watson said...

Something remarkably similar to that, perhaps followed by a slightly longer ride on the back of your bike. Which would be driven, before you suggest anything about me picking up large hairy bikers, by you.

She said she'd have them back by dinner, which is not until seven. I'm only pointing out facts here, of course.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I wasn't going to mention large hairy bikers!

Just long rides...

Facts noted. Time for me to have a nice nap, then, while you sort out that salad. Can't think what else we'd do...

John H. D. Watson said...

I'm sure I've no idea either.

John H. D. Watson said...

I'm sure I've no idea either.

John H. D. Watson said...

And I don't know why that posted twice when it insisted it wouldn't post at all.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

It knew you were lying .

Be now to find a nice cool deserted river or lake and have a dip, wouldn't it? It's so hot.

John H. D. Watson said...

Is that a suggestion or are you just teasing me?

John H. D. Watson said...

Cruelly, I might add.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

It is a serious suggestion, but I don't know anywhere. And anyway, after the Thames tried to kill me last time I'm a bit wary.

If we went home now, we'd have about an hour before the boys got back.

Just saying.

John H. D. Watson said...

A compelling point. Wouldn't want any bodies of water to try to kill you.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Any bodies of anything, ta.

Right. Heading back? Need time for a shower after ...a good hard ride , etc. and before the boys are home.

John H. D. Watson said...

I agree completely. You have the best ideas.

John H. D. Watson said...

I agree completely. You have the best ideas.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I heard you the first time. But thanks. Flattery will get you everywhere...

John H. D. Watson said...

Damn phone.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Seen my shorts? I reckon Mycroft's hidden them after I threatened to wear them today. I don't want to put jeans on in this weather.

Tink said...

Checking in again! It's been crazy around here and incredibly high stress.

Finding time to *get* to a computer or check my phone is... difficult at best.

Anyway, once again, I send my love to you all!

Mycroft: I hope you get to tell us all about Harrow vs Eton!

John H. D. Watson said...

Did you look in that box under our bed? The cardboard one.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Is that your way of telling me you hid them?

Eta of kids 5 mins. Look innocent.

I said innocent.

No, innoce...never mind. Obviously beyond you.

John H. D. Watson said...

I always look innocent, hush.

No, but I might've suggested a hiding place, as long as he was going to hide them anyway. At least this way you know where they are?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Hmmm. Less and less, recently, I think.

Why do you all pick on me and my shorts? What's wrong with them? I like them. And my flip flops.

Speaking of - remind me to fetch my boots and rugby gear from my flat tomorrow. Don't want to turn up at practice like the kid who forgot his PE kit.

John H. D. Watson said...

I knew you weren't going to wear them anyway, not if you were taking the bike.

What time is the practice? Did Sally say and I forgot?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I would have changed into them when I arrived...

Lunchtime. 1pm sharp. Latecomers have to do extra press ups or laps or something.

There'll be evening ones too, to make sure everyone can manage a couple around shifts etc.

You've got a gumshield and stuff, right?

Anon Without A Name said...

Seething with jealousy here at your lovely afternoon of long rides, shortsless sojourns, etc...

John H. D. Watson said...

I have everything, somewhere, in a box. I should really unpack those tomorrow.

You would not have changed into them. He'd have asked you not to.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I know...was worth threatening just to watch how Mycroft's face tried not to convey his horror, and him struggled to find a polite way of saying 'no you bloody won't'

John H. D. Watson said...

Heh. One of these days he's just going to say exactly that. We're a bad influence on him.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I like to think we'll strike a balance...

Bronwyn said...

The day he does, I fully expect a lamb saying "Come and see."
My horse is very pale.
Bronwyn

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