26 February 2012

Dreaming the lonely night through...

No more news on...everything. Which I suppose is good news.

Haven't been doing much dreaming, though. Mainly thinking.

Arsenal winning - and coming from behind to do so, more good news.

Mycroft going back to school this evening - not such good news, but he wants to go on the bike, so that's nice. We're just packing up now. Or he is.

Was going to write an entry about the appalling injustice of you lot voting John innocent and me guilty on my polls...but it sort of feels less funny being voted guilty now than it did at the time. So maybe leave that for another entry, when all this is over with.

So, given I've got time on my hands (well, inbetween coats of paint, anyway), I'll go with DW's suggestion (okay, to be honest, I can't remember who suggested it. But it was probably DW.)

Questions please, for Lestallion's Upstanding Column Of Love. (obviously, even if you don't usually, you can feel free to go Anon.)

And as a disclaimer...every answer could be complete bollocks. Okay?

209 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   201 – 209 of 209
Anonymous said...

Small Hobbit, I'll jump on the bisexuality question then, because it's something I've been thinking a lot about. I find it just as strange not to understand bi :) (and I don't mean that in a bad way either) (and I don't like Marmite)
Disclaimer : this is my answer and probably doesn't apply to every bisexual person.

When you're attracted to someone, you know it right ? So it's just knowing that some of the people you're attracted to are male, some are female. It doesn't mean you're always attracted to both gender equally. (this goes with the 'is sexuality fixed?' question)
Speaking strictly for myself, I'm not attracted to men the same way than I am to women. I don't know exactly what you mean by "equal", but it's not as if I don't make a difference between men and women. The difference between is hard to put words on, and it's to easy to fall on clichés, oh women are more round and soft and men more angular and whatever.

And then there is romantic attraction, as in, people you want a relationship with, or fall in love with, or have embarrassing crushes on, etc. This is often, but not always, the same as physical attraction. I'm sexually attracted to both gender, but I'm more "romantically attracted" to women. Which mean, more likely to want a relationship with a woman than a man. (so I might be a lesbian after all, but that's not the point of the question ^^)

I don't know if that helps at all ^^;

Anon from Paris

Anonymous said...

Reading Anon from the Sacred Oak answer, I realised I might have been a little to systematic about the difference of attraction toward men and women.
"I tend to like some of the same things about men and women, and some different things " > this is probably more accurate. It's not like it's different species :)

Anon from Paris.

Greg Lestrade said...

Well..obviously I'm not qualified to tell you - or him - if he's missing something or not...

I suppose, on the plus side, the two of you must have a very honest relationship - I mean, I doubt many men would feel comfortable admitting that to themselves, really, let alone then actually saying it out loud.

But I also understand it must hurt in the same way as finding out the person you're with wants to be with anyone but you, regardless of their gender (or if they even exist, outside of a thought or fantasy).

If it were me I think I'd try to use that openness to establish if that is what he feels - that he's missing something. And then trying to find out what it was. Whether you want to do that really depends on how you feel you'd cope with the answer, though, and what you and he might be prepared to do about it. I mean, obviously I can't know how the two of you feel about using toys, or films or role play or all sorts of things. And some people aren't comfy with one or more of those things at all. I can't do role play - I feel ridiculous, plus...well, I just don't like it. But I know plenty of people who really enjoy it and find it adds something. So only the two of you can really identify the issue and then see if there can be a solution between you, or if he just needs to be happy to keep his thoughts as thoughts, and if you're happy with that. Or if you feel it's more serious that that, and it's something you can't deal with.

I honestly wish I could be more help. I hope...well, I hope you can work something out. And feel free to ask more, if you want - don't take this half-arsed answer as the end :)

H. Savinien said...

Hooray, fellow librarian! Actually, the third one on here I know of. My former coworker follows John and Greg's adventures when she has the time.

H. Savinien said...

Since you've indicated you'd be open to it, I'll jump on the "bi" question as well.

I ID as queer (as does my partner). The way I see it really is quite simple, but this is after eight years (uh...wow, when did that happen) of getting used to the idea. I'm really, seriously attracted to very few people. Some of them have been men (about 3), some women (2, including my lady), some cis, some trans, with less binary identities. I fancy a number of people - actors and such - just for their looks (which most everybody does) and they are likewise not all representative of one gender or sex. I was talking to a guy friend once when we both got distracted by a lovely woman in a corset with large..."tracts of land", I've spent an evening debating the merits and usefulness of the mouth on a male actor with female friends. Equal opportunity perv, thanks. ^_^ I'm wired to appreciate the options, that's all. It's not necessarily a matter of male and female as equal, though...that's not a bad thing. Some folks who ID as Bi/pan/queer/whatever are more attracted emotionally to men and sexually to women or vice versa. Some people sort of switch off or go through cycles when they're primarily attracted to women and secondarily to women and vice versa. Some people see it as being attracted to the soul or personality or whatever before the body. Somebody may be only into redheads with blue eyes and not particularly bothered about the plumbing that comes along with it. It varies.

I have never been intimate with a guy, but I don't consider myself a lesbian, just as I wouldn't consider myself straight if I'd never been with a woman. It just so happens that the first person I dated...well, it's been over four years, we're still quite in love and we're planning to get married someday. (Though it'll likely not be legally recognized, because hey, neither of us can pee standing up very well and that totes matters[/frustration].)

Anonymous said...

Gods, I feel innocent for not even thinking of that after reading through all the comments before this ^^;;;

Ginnyvos

Anonymous said...

Heee perfect ending! <3

Was there anyone else that couldn't stop thinking of 'Jack' as a vaguely badger-formed Captain Jack Harkness? (despite obviously more fitting character likenesses)

- Ginnyvos

Anonymous said...

H. Savinien

So... Yeah. Being bi-sexual myself, I sort of feel the need to answer this as well. It's a mix of what I know about myself and what I know from my studies (I'm a psychologist, and while it wasn't a large part of the original curriculum, I was interested enough to seek stuff out and had the means to do so)

Let's start with this first and foremost; I know that for some straight people being attracted to the same sex is perfectly fine in concept, but they just can't imagine it. At. All. The same goes for quite a few gay people, only the other way around. For me, being bi, not being attracted to either sex is something people do, but, indeed, just as conceptual as being attracted is to other people. I just don't understand how you can't be attracted to either gender. It's wired into your brains and there's really nothing to do about it except accepting that it's not how it works for other people.

Another thing is that I have very definite types... But they're very different for men and women. The androgynous type has never really done much for me. Some bi-sexuals do like it. Some like androgynous members of one sex and gender stereotypical looks in the other sex. Some bi-sexuals just don't get the whole 'being attracted to a body' thing and really go for the mind that's in it, regardless of gender.

I adore curves in girls, broad shoulders and chests and generally being large in guys. Even characterwise, I look for different things in girls and guys. That doesn't mean I miss one when I'm with the other, the same as you can like both blondes and red-heads, but when you find a blonde partner, never 'miss' being with a redhead.

Another thing is that bi-sexuals do fall anywhere on the scale. It simply means you're sexually attracted to both genders. Some bi-sexuals are more attracted to one gender than to the other. I'm pretty equal opportunity, but the pool of people attracted to the opposite gender is just a lot larger than the one attracted to the same gender, and also a lot more open about it. Chances are, you know quite a few bi-sexuals but don't even know, because they date people from the other gender, either because it's easier (this might sound shallow, but it is the way it is. Even in the Netherlands, which is where I live and extremely open about this sort of thing, it's just so much less complicated to be with someone from the other gender... If nothing else, for getting kids. For another, even is people are accepting, you'll have to explain every single time) or because they don't really know where or how to find people interested in the same gender to date. As for me, both reasons contribute to the fact that I've had only one girlfriend and several boyfriend. For the record, I enjoyed being intimate with them equally much. Also, while I'm completely open about being bi, the topic doesn't come up that much and thus a lot of people around me probably don't even know.

As a matter of fact... This gives me an idea for a question! Lestrade, if you fancy a bloke (or girl, in my case), how do you break the question of 'is he even interested in people of the same sex'?

Hope this helped a little, SH. Again, it's different from everyone, and bi-sexual is a very diverse label exactly because it includes everyone who isn't just interested in just the one sex.

-Ginnyvos (who has, btw, been lurking here for ages and ages now, but couldn't figure out how to post comments for ages)

And the captcha says choidde and swinge. I am amused.

Anonymous said...

Just found your answer L, somehow the 200 hundred problem seems to be fixed at the minute.

Thankyou for taking the time to answer a question that was a rather horrible one to ask. I don't know what I'm going to do but thanks for the ideas. I guess I need to talk to him but I kind of feel that the answer is being with me means family and security and fitting in but not really a long term happy life.

Thanks again and sorry for taking so long to find this.

Even more anon than normal.

«Oldest ‹Older   201 – 209 of 209   Newer› Newest»

Post a Comment