Getting places slowly with our case. It's pretty grim. I've been feeling rough all day - don't think it was visiting the charred bodies. But who knows. Not like I haven't seen enough bodies in my time.
Anyway, off for three whole days now.
So, onto some more answers. (and feel free to ask anything else, too. Although I don't blame you if you don't.)
Anon1 asked: Not sure how to phrase this, so please forgive me if this sounds totally daft.
I was in a relationship several years ago that was pretty bad. Ever since I got out I've found it really hard to trust someone again. I want to be in a relationship, but letting the other person get close to me is hard. Any tips?
Tips...God, that's hard. And to a certain extent, despite it not being very fair on them, they do have to earn that. So I guess go slow, it might be easier to tell them, after a while. But I completely understand if that's not an option, because it's really hard to do. I think you need to patient - with yourself. Don't tell yourself you should 'get over it' or that you're 'being silly' or any such thing. It takes as long as it takes, and that's different for everyone. Be kind to yourself :) anyone who deserves to be with you will understand and be patient too.
John and I had a bit of a baptism of fire, with how we met, so it became apparent to me really fast that I could - and had to - trust him with my life. But even then..hell, even now, as most of you know, I haven't sold my flat, because I'm not quite ready to let go of all my safety net anymore. But he understands.
Anon2 asked: is it okay to say yes to make the other person happy, even if you'd just as soon not?
I think I probably need more information... is it okay to say yes when the other person says 'It's salad for dinner, is that okay?'...when really you want a steak? Well...yes. Is it okay to, say, sleep with someone, when you don't want to? I'd say that depended on you. Some people could do it and get over it and be fine. Others could end up feeling terrible.
And think about how the other person feels, too - by which I mean, would they want you to be unhappy, just for that 'yes'? And if they would, are the two of you really on the same page?
Sorry, it's a bit vague.
Anon3 asked: How can you bring up to someone who is pretty much congenitally repressed, that you'd like them to initiate or take the lead once in a while?
Um..well, I'd just bring it up, gently. And use the shit sandwich approach, if it would work for you - something nice, then the bit they maybe won't want to hear/won't be so into, then another something nice.
But some people just don't have it in them to take the lead. And never will. So if that's the case, then don't make them feel bad about it. Everyone's different. They certainly won't do it if they worry about recriminations and getting it wrong when they try.
Anon4 asked: if you've been seeing a person exclusively for a long while but still don't want to, does that mean you aren't really in love with them?
I'm taking this to mean that you still don't want to see them exclusively? I don't think it necessarily means you don't love them. People can be in love with more than one person at once. Of course, that needs to be okay with everyone involved if you choose to act on it.
Love isn't just about being able to live with someone, it's about not wanting to live without them, too. Only you can decide what will work for you and the other person.
Love comes in so many different forms, you can't just say yes or no.