Evening all, hope you're not feeling too sick after eating all the leftover sweets.
Here's an excerpt from my day:
"Good morning, Sir. I'm DI Lestrade, and I'm investigating an incident from last night, on ***** street. I've been told you might know something about it?"
"Yeah," (over his shoulder, to two young children) "Shut the f... up! F...ing copper's here!"
I am invited in...
"So if you could tell me what happened, Sir."
"We was having a drink in the ***** and then when we went to go we was in the street and these f....ing arseholes turn up..." (to one of the small children, who has arrived to stare at us) "Fuck off, J****, go in the garden."
"Sir, probably best not to swear in front of the lad, yeah?"
Man looks completely surprised.
"Yeah, so they started on us."
"Can you tell me who 'they' were? A description, maybe?"
"Well, one c*** was shot, blood everywhere, another one was in like school uniform, one was a fucking pumpkin or summat."
"And when you say they 'started' on you..."
"Fucking shouting shit."
"What sort of things did they say?"
"Fucking...spells or shit, trying to be funny. Like, saying my missus was fat."
"Right...so what did you do?"
"Punched him. Wouldn't you? If he said your bird was fat? I mean she is, but you can't have some c*** say it and not do summat."
"...right. I am going to have to arrest you, Sir, and I must inform you that you have the right...blahblahblah"
Later on, it was established that a very drunk Harry Potter, a murder victim, and a pumpkin were on their way home, when Harry decided to try to put a spell on this man's wife to make her lose weight. And then on him, to make him better looking.
He didn't take kindly to that, so punched Harry.
The pumpkin decided to wade in, and attempted to punch my 'witness'. Then some of the witnesses friends also joined in, and we ended up with a pumpkin in intensive care, fighting for his life... (not that my 'witnesses' knew that at the time, as they'd run off before officers attended.)
So we've also got his mate, for...well, exactly what for depends on the guy in hospital...
Still, makes it easier when they confess like that. That sort of complete feeling that they were within their rights to punch someone.
Writing up fights on hallowe'en might not be any nicer than on any other night, but they do make for bizarre reading.
We also had a stabbed zombie and a few paranormal/undead sexual assaults.
It does make it hard to find suspects, if you don't have helpful people who know who's under the make-up around, though.
Anyway, have a dark song.