7 July 2011

Lazy rainy days

Day off.

It's really nice being abke to walk Sherlock and Mycroft to lessons/classes. They're such interesting boys - so full of questions. Just a walk to school with them makes you feel like you're seeing the world in a new light.

John and I came back to the flat, I prepped up dinner for tonight, so there's no need for effort later on, and we did a few chores, and had a pretty lazy morning. Which was good, because it lashed it down with rain.

We headed into town for lunch and a mooch around Soho. Mainly dodging the bad weather.



It is great to be able to spend time together - it's great when the boys arre around too, but it's nice just the two of us.

He accepted my apology for yesterday. I hope forgiveness will follow when he's ready.

It's hard - my need when I've done something stupid is to talk it over. John would rather not - which is fine. And we'll just have to compromise on that.


Yesterday morning at work was...intense. We had a meeting in a church with the community the murdered children seem to mainly be from. It was hard, hard for them, for us, for everyone. They wanted to know why we hadn't realised sooner, why we hadn't caught him sooner. Wanted to know why they had been singled out by him. Wanted a lot of answers I didn't have.

Wanted a guarantee that if anyone came forward they wouldn't be deported. A guarantee I don't have the power to give.

Normally, when we go to a murder scene, we've got a decent idea what to expect. When we catch a killer, we're prepared, mentally.

This case was so different.

We turned up at a possible suspicious death. The mother of the child, and her friend, were in the kitchen.

He was acting...oddly. I can't put my finger on it. As soon as I got his apart from the mother I just asked him straight out what he knew. He confessed straight away. I was a bit shocked, to say the least. But there was something else...the way he looked.

So I asked him if there was something else he needed to say. And he just...broke down, told us it wasn't the first. Wasn't the second. He didn't even know how many.

I really wasn't prepared for that.

And since then we've read report after rport, autopsy, missing persons, unidentified remains, we've done the lot. Just a long, hard slog. And now we're trying to match victims with families, communities.

65 comments:

John H. D. Watson said...

God, this case. I can't even imagine what went wrong in that man's head.

We can talk if you want to. I didn't mean to cut you off. I just couldn't think of anything to say that would be remotely useful.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Not sure anyone will ever know what he was thinking. It was like he was on a one man ethnic cleansing campaign, but just got addicted to killing. I don't think he even meant to kill this last one.

And...well, now I've said that, I dunno that I've got anything useful to say either. Just...don't want us to be not talking about it. Because...I don't know why. Sorry. I know that doesn't help.

John H. D. Watson said...

Talking's better than not talking, right? That's how it's supposed to work. I just don't want to make things worse.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

You won't. I mean, I'm sure you wouldn't. What makes you say that?

And...I think it's better, yes. But if it would make you feel worse, it's fine. We won't.

John H. D. Watson said...

I haven't had the best luck expressing myself recently.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

It's fine - if there's something you think I could help with then try to tell me, i'll try to understand.

If you'd rather just...think about things then I can make myself scarce or be quiet or something.

John H. D. Watson said...

All those things you said about me last night when you were explaining...you know that's not me, right? I don't even recognise that person.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Yeah, I know. And that's why I said I knew I was being ridiculous.

I suppose...when you say you think you could hurt Mycroft...well that's not you either. Not the you I know. Christ, you care for those boys so much. I don't believe you'd hurt them, even accidentally.

But if you don't want to do the self defence for whatever reason, it's not a problem. I've told Mycroft I'll try and teach him some basic blocks tonight - but I don't know anything about falls and rolls like you were doing in the park. So we'll need to find him a proper class or something.

John H. D. Watson said...

Yeah, well, forgive me for actually talking about the things that worry me once in a while, even if you don't think they're reasonable.

It's all right. I'll deal with it.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I didn't say they weren't reasonable.

I was just trying to explain why I realised, after my initial stupid comment, that I was being ridiculous. Because I've never thought of you the way I guess you think of you.

I don't know how to explain that any better.

I want you to talk about it. I don't want you to have to deal with anything on your own.

I don't know what to do. I just want to make things better, and I don't know how.

John H. D. Watson said...

And every time I try to talk about it, we end up like this. So I'm doing it wrong. But I don't know how else to do it.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Maybe it's me doing it wrong. Maybe it's both of us.

This will probably sound stupid but...why don't you tell me how you want this to work, or...how you imagine it should go, and then...

Is that a crap idea? Maybe that doesn't make any sense.

Sorry, all I know how to do is 'stuff'. Actions. That's why I do chores and can't sit still and buy you things and...maybe you'd just rather I sat with you and stayed still and shut up?

John H. D. Watson said...

Maybe. A hug wouldn't hurt either.

the way I guess you think of you

This... I don't really know what you mean by this.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Right...going to try really hard not to say this wrong.

The you that I think I know, you wouldn't - couldn't - hurt either of those boys. I saw you out on the moors, I've seen you here - like when the boys and I did the crime scene, and your very first instinct when you walked in on it was to protect them.

But obviously you're concerned that you do have it in you to hurt them, accidentally, if you start teaching Mycroft a bit about fighting.

So what I was trying to say was, I can't see how you would risk hurting them, but obviously you know yourself better than I can ever know you, and you think there's a risk. So it's hard for me, in my head, to think of you doing so, and that probably leads me to dismiss your concerns quite lightly, whereas you obviously have serious concerns and none of us should tell you it'll be okay, when we don't know you like you know yourself.

I hope that makes sense. And you don't find it offensive, because it's not meant to be. And maybe I've completely got the wrong end of the stick about your concerns, and that's all shit in which case I think I need to try harder to understand your worries about the situation.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

And of course you can have a hug.

Rider said...

the way I guess you think of you

This... I don't really know what you mean by this


from the outside...

Each of you is thinking "he is so wonderful, he has this list of amazing abilities that I don't have and I should have. He must realise that I'm not much chop."

It might follow on with "And when he does he'll leave me for someone better" or not, depending on level of stress at the time.

(My usual solution to these things is to get out on the bike, this may or may not be suitable in this case)

John H. D. Watson said...

You're probably right, it'll be fine. Nothing's solved by whinging and worrying, in any case. I'll get past it.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

For the record, I didn't think you were whinging or worrying. Just talking.

But whatever you think's best.

I need to get some sleep. Come to bed?

John H. D. Watson said...

All right.

Anonymous said...

John - solved? No. But getting your fears off your chest can make it easier to work towards a solution.

You're both being very hard on yourselves. Maybe your communication styles & problem-solving approaches are different but hell, i see the pair of you really TRYING to make this work & that? That work that you're putting in counts for a hell of a lot. Don't underestimate it.John - solved? No. But getting your fears off your chest can make it easier to work towards a solution.

You're both being very hard on yourselves. Maybe your communication styles & problem-solving approaches are different but hell, i see the pair of you really TRYING to make this work & that? That work that you're putting in counts for a hell of a lot. Don't underestimate it.

Anonymous said...

PS - aaargh, formatting fail!

Anon Without A Name said...

Wow, the pair of you are getting pretty expert at reading what isn't there in what the other writes, aren't you?

Anyway.

Very glad you had a good, lazy, day together.

John H. D. Watson said...

the pair of you are getting pretty expert at reading what isn't there in what the other writes, aren't you?

I didn't say L thought I was whinging, and I didn't mean to imply it. It's just a fact; I was.

I didn't think you were whinging or worrying. Just talking.

I didn't mean tonight. I meant that post.

John H. D. Watson said...

L - I'm sorry. I do understand what you were saying, and it's not offensive. It's really very kind, as you almost always are. I just have no idea how to respond.

Leaving aside trying to say something useful - I doubt there is anything I could say at this point that would be useful - I just have no idea what to say, full stop.

except, all right, from Rider's comment

He's a cop. They are not really trained to fight, they are trained to not fight. To defuse, to control, to subdue, not to hurt.

You've got to see that's better for him to learn, right? That's what everyone ought to learn.

iamshadow said...

This seems like an issue that's causing a lot of friction between you two, so I really think that getting someone else to teach him is going to be better, at least in the short term. Not because of the abilities of either of you, but just because the bloke who runs the tai kwan do class or whatever is much more used to wrangling a bunch of kids, and much more confident in his ability to do it without injury. John, you don't need the stress of worrying about injuring Mycroft. It's obviously really bothering you right now. It's easy to accidentally hurt someone when there's limbs flailing around. I should know - I broke my mother's nose when a few people were tickling me, and felt guilty for months about it. Perhaps once Mycroft's got some basics down pat and is more confident in how he needs to hold himself and balance and move his weight around, you'll feel more comfortable working with him. But for now, it's making you and Lestrade all argumentative with each other, and on a forum that Mycroft can read, too. Take a step back, take a deep breath, and sign him up for a class somewhere. Ask Anthea where spies learn their ninja skills, and get him doing a bit of that. Then he's at least going to fall properly, if he needs to.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I see it's better for him to learn that than to learn to 'fight'.

But what I know is how to catch and restrain someone until I can get cuffs on or call for backup. Usually I'll be armed, and they won't be.

Like I said, I can teach him some things, like how to block punches or kick, because some of it will be relevant, but I think we should find a class to teach him too. Smewhere with mats and pads for practicing.


And I don't think you've ever whinged, or worried unecessarily. And I'm sorry if my dismissal of your concerns made you feel like i thought you were.

piplover said...

*Hugs you all*

This is a difficult issue for everyone. Mycroft, because he wants to learn from those he trusts aren't going to hurt him. John, because he is worried that he will do exactly that. And Lestrade, because you're not trained for the really defensive fights.

Lestrade, perhaps you can never imagine John harming Mycroft, but I can see where his fear is coming from. After being in combat, the skills needed for fighting become ingrained, and it's not easy to restrain some of those instincts. Your body takes over and you don't always have control.

Perhaps the best method would be to have an objective teacher, someone who is used to teaching and is used to handling novices. Maybe if you take Mycroft around to a dojo he can get to know an instructor.

Whatever happens, I wish you all the best, and hope that you can keep on working things out.

Anon Without A Name said...

I didn't say L thought I was whinging, and I didn't mean to imply it. It's just a fact; I was.


No, it's not a fact; you weren't whinging, you were expressing some very valid - and very difficult - fears.

Anyway, I was speaking more generally to the fact that at times, both of you seem to misread what the other writes, to the point where it almost looks deliberate. I'm not saying it is deliberate, but it's a noticeable pattern, and it's those times that derail your conversations, so maybe it's a subconscious thing to avoid actually having a difficult conversation. I dunno.

Whatever it is, it's really not helping you. (Yeah, yeah, I know, pot, kettle black).

Lestrade - presumably one of the other aspects of that part of your training is learning how to defuse the situation before it becomes violent? I know that Mycroft's focussed on fighting, but learning how to stop a fight happening in the first place has got to be a valuable skill too?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Piplover - that really isn't where my current concerns lie. I'll happily teach Mycroft what I know. Hopefully to a level he'll feel confident joining a proper class.

Anonymous said...

Wow, you two. I think you do really need to have an honest talk. It might be painful, but it might also stop all this sort of misunderstanding.

John, I'm sure you weren't really thinking straight, but going all passive aggressive during a discussion about how you might not be able to control your violent side, to a partner who's survived domestic violence? Not cool. If I were Lestrade I'd be crapping my shorts.

Lestrade, you probably need to do some research and realise that while the everyday John might not want to hurt anyone, being in a situation like training Mycroft could trigger some sort of PTSD episode, or 'flashback' and then he really wouldn't be in control. You also need to understand that's not something John will probably find easy to talk about, to anyone. You've probably already got the idea that you need to think before posting the sort of comment that started all this off.

Those are just suggestions, reading between the lines.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

John - if that's...if it's anything like that, i'll try to understand - I mean, i'll educate myself. And I am really sorry. I know I probably never will quite 'get it's, but I will do my best.

Mycroft said...

and on a forum that Mycroft can read, too

I'm not concerned. Mummy and Father were much worse than this, and I know they loved each other.

And I don't think it's really about the lessons at this point. I'm just going to ask Anthea.

crankybookwyrm said...

Mycroft, You sound an awful lot like my son Max. I can almost hear your eyeroll. :-)

Hugs to you all.

John H. D. Watson said...

Thanks, Mycroft. You're really an amazing kid.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Thank you, Mycroft. And sorry.

We can do some more punching/blocking at the weekend, if you want.

John, want me to come over tonight? And if so, do you three want to decide on dinner?

If you just want some time alone, it really is fine.

John H. D. Watson said...

If you just want some time alone, it really is fine.

I really don't, though I wouldn't blame you if you did.

Mycroft and Sherlock want to know if you know how to make pizza. I told them I thought crust took a while, but I don't really know. We have got a frozen one we could use if there's not enough time for the fresh sort.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Fresh does take a while. I can grab some bases at the shops, though, and we can do all the rest? Make some from scratch at the weekend?

I've been alone half the day. I'd rather be with you.

John H. D. Watson said...

Yeah, that's good. We have all the toppings (and I do mean ALL the toppings).

Thank you.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Sounds good. Your day been ok?

John H. D. Watson said...

...Not really. I hate being at odds with you.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I hate it too.

Can we rewind to last weekend?

I just want to hug you tight and make everything all better. And I know that's not going to happen just like that.

But I can make a start by hugging you, I hope?

I'll try to be home around seven. I might have to come in over the weekend for a few briefings. Not full days though. Hard to know, with this case.

John H. D. Watson said...

Rewind sounds ideal.

I just want to hug you tight and make everything all better. And I know that's not going to happen just like that.

Can't hurt to try, right?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Right.

If the weather's okay maybe we could swim this weekend, now neither of us have stitches? Only time the knee hurts now is stairs, so I'd like to try getting a bit of exercise in. And the boys love it.

John H. D. Watson said...

That'd be lovely. The forecast says it should be all right (though that's hardly a guarantee, of course), bit warmer Sunday than Saturday.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Excellent. Leaving now. Be with you ASAP.

John H. D. Watson said...

I think I may not be hungry for a month. That was a lot of pizza.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Should buy shares in Tesco, if you take the boys with you every time. They must have bought half the shop.

That was 99% topping, 1% pizza base.

I assume this means I shouldn't squeeze when I hug you?

John H. D. Watson said...

I think that'd be for the best. Not for another hour yet at least.

I usually go in the day, when they're at school. For this very reason. But they were so excited about the pizza, and they both gave me the puppy eyes.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Both of them? If it had been me we'd have come home with the entire contents of the shop. Including the staff, probably.

Is there enough topping left in the country for more pizza at the weekend?

John H. D. Watson said...

There must be some left in the fridge, right? We can't have used it all. There were four kinds of olives! And at least two of goat cheese. And some of the olives were stuffed with goat cheese...

They are terrifying when united in a single purpose. Just as well it doesn't happen often.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

...I may have eaten some of the olives during the cooking process. I was so hungry Bob and Midge were about to release a charity single for me.

Just the green ones though. Maybe a few of the black ones.

There is some cheese left though, definitely. Just no taleggio. Most of that went Mycroft's way, i think.


I don't know, if we could unite them in a single prupose to end world poverty or something, we'd be onto a winner.

John H. D. Watson said...

It'd have to be a non-boring purpose, at least until Sherlock's a bit older. Maybe they could catch all the murderers in London.

...yeah, I may've eaten a fairly large number of olives too. I'm sure there's that Italian ham left though. A bit of it anyway.

When's the last time you got to go back to Italy?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Too long ago. Well, I went to Milan with Bryan, but I didn't get to see the family then. It was an art fair. So it sort of doesn't count, to me.

So...eight or nine years, now. I've missed a lot.

There is ham left, yeah. And salami.

John H. D. Watson said...

We could go, sometime? If you wanted to.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Yeah, I'd love to. I'll feel a bit awkward, at first - like I've been neglecting them - but you can't help getting dragged straight back into the family ways. And don't worry, most of them speak enough English to get by.

With the boys? Or just us?

John H. D. Watson said...

With the boys? If it's all right. Or. I don't know. I would like to go away somewhere with you alone, but rather sooner than we could reasonably organize a trip to Italy.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

My family would undoubtedly go wild about the boys.

I would be cringing when they could both speak Italian better than me by the end of the holiday. I do wish my Nonna could have met them.

Any ideas where you'd like to go? Here? Europe? Eurostar means Brussels or Paris are only a few hours away. Or we can pack the bike and head off somewhere on it.

John H. D. Watson said...

Just somewhere on the bike would be lovely. Nothing fancy. Just...you, really. That's all I want.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

hah. A man of simple pleasures, you are.

pick a place. Any place. We'll sort it out.

And...thanks. It's nice, knowing that.

John H. D. Watson said...

Thanks. I'm glad you want to, after all this. Relieved, really. I'm sorry I was such a shit.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

You weren't a shit. Really you weren't. I encounter many, many shits in this life. You definitely aren't one.

And believe me, things like... whatever that was - misunderstanding, disagreement, whatever - don't change the fact that life, in general, is a million times better with you than without you.

John H. D. Watson said...

Thank you.

life, in general, is a million times better with you than without you.

That's... yeah, that. I love you.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Bed? Because I'm fairly sure Sherlock will be jumping on us at some unGodly hour tomorrow morning, to make up for us sending him to school yesterday.

I reckon we've got four hours if we're really lucky.

John H. D. Watson said...

Bed's good.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

(As predicted, Sherlock Alarm Call Services jumped on us at about quarter to six, and asked for pancakes for breakfast.)

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