30 January 2012

Oh, Captain...

Well. What can I say.

If this really was what he wore, I'm suddenly unsurprised that he got shot...

...or maybe they just spotted his camp side early on.

You can make up your own minds.


It wasn't quite what I had in mind when I said I'd like to see him in uniform, I admit...

134 comments:

John H. D. Watson said...

...It's worse than I remembered.

Calliope said...

Sad eyes there, John. Mind you, you're certainly very colorful.

Ro said...

Oh my god. How is he keeping a straight face??? Can't stop laughing. John, I'm afraid I have to tell you - yellow and pink aren't your colours. XD

Greg Lestrade said...

I think he's trying to look menacing...

John H. D. Watson said...

I wasn't having a great time, despite the costume.

Greg Lestrade said...

I can take it down if it's not good memories

Anon Without A Name said...

Yeah, you don't look stunningly happy. Is there nay context you'd like to share?

(Ro is right, BTW - yellow and pink not your colours)

John H. D. Watson said...

L - no, it's fine. Doesn't matter now.

yellow and pink not your colours

I think I'm quite grateful for that!

Greg Lestrade said...

You sure? Cos...y'know, you sound a bit like me, saying that...

So, was this when you were in the army, or pre-army?

Greg Lestrade said...

Obviously only answer that if you want...

REReader said...

That has to be the least camouflage-y camouflage I've ever seen.

But I'm with L--don't want to be poking a sore spot, John.

John H. D. Watson said...

It really is fine, promise.

I was 29 I think? Just back from Kosovo, finding everything at home...very strange.

Greg Lestrade said...

Very strange indeed...

seriously, though, I wish...well, saying I wish I'd been there for you then sort of makes me sound like I think I can solve all the troubles in the world, when that's clearly untrue. But I wish I had been, anyway.

REReader said...

And you wanted to fit in?

(My captcha was "gribit". When did frogs get involved?)

John H. D. Watson said...

I know, love. I always feel like that too when I hear what you've gone through in the past.

John H. D. Watson said...

RR - it was a fancy dress party.

Greg Lestrade said...

Way I look at it, now, is that all that time apart we were just marinading...softening up and getting full of the flavours of the life. Now we're done just perfect for one another...and, just like marinading, there's a juicier result ;)

REReader said...

Not the most entertaining of parties, from the look of it. I'm sorry, just trying to be funny, which was a bit stupid of me. (I didn't think you were dressing that way normally, promise!)

Small Hobbit said...

It was a fancy dress party - as in those French fancies cakes you can buy?

John H. D. Watson said...

As in...I thought it was a good idea to go as some sort of unholy combination of Easter-coloured soldier and the Karate Kid? I don't know. The bling was Harry's as I remember, so it wasn't entirely my fault.

The party was fine really, I was the problem.

Sorry, I'm honestly not trying to bring the mood down. It was a long time ago. Everyone should feel perfectly free to mock as you see fit.

Anon Without A Name said...

I'm sorry you had a tough time.

But taking you at your word... you do look particularly daft there. I think it's the banana bandanna that really tips it over the edge. That and the fact that shirt is clearly three sizes too big :-D

Anonymous said...

John - *hugs* We'll just...pretend that someone decided to throw an 80s-themed party and/or had way too much fun with neon tie-dye.

~A from NW

Greg Lestrade said...

You're never a problem, you big daft ha'peth. Bed? With a lot of cuddles? Can't have my favourite gp going to work tired in the morning.

John H. D. Watson said...

For some obscure reason, it only came in one size... Can't imagine why.

I'm trying to remember what I'd decided I was. It was clearly...amazing.

Small Hobbit said...

Yeah, I can imagine it would have been difficult trying to enjoy a party with people being generally a bit silly, when you're back from Kosovo where life was rather more real and brutal.

John H. D. Watson said...

L - sounds lovely, thanks.

Greg Lestrade said...

Sounds lovely to me, too.

You're an amazing man. I'm lucky to have you in my life.

John H. D. Watson said...

Thank you.

John H. D. Watson said...

(I think there was some rap karaoke involved.)

Anon Without A Name said...

Rap karaoke? That made me 0_0 even more than the bandanna :-p

Lestrade - you're going to roll your eyes or laugh your arse off, but all my life I've heard that phrase and I've never realised before now it was "ha'peth". In my defence, my parents never pronounced the "h"...

Desert Wanderer said...

I think there was some rap karaoke involved.

Featuring a performance from Dr. Dan-gizzle?

Anonymous said...

Rap...Karaoke...?

*struggles to wrap mind around this concept*

I'm assuming that alcohol was involved, because alcohol is always involved when it comes to karaoke...

~A from NW

PS DW, I just about died from laughter after your other post. Who says that military officers don't have a sense of humor? :)

H. Savinien said...

Oh...dear.

I concur, DW, that was excellent.

Desert Wanderer said...

I dunno who says that, AfNW, but they're not very nice. :)

That reminds me, Doc, you never said. Is your RP natural or learned?

Greg Lestrade said...

Nameless - what did you think it meant?

Anon Without A Name said...

Lestrade - I didn't, really, it just seemed like a slightly nonsense word... "apeth", always preceded by "daft". My parents weren't really in the habit of dropping aitches; and if anything would have said "ha'penny" in the normal course of conversation, rather than "h'apeth".

Of course, seeing the way you wrote it, it makes perfect sense. Learn something new every day :-)

Desert Wanderer said...

Lestrade, how's the lip?

Greg Lestrade said...

Nameless - It is true that no one ever pronounces the h, yeah. I just wondered if you'd invented your own odd meaning for it. It's not as if it makes loads of sense as it is!

DW - lip is fine. Deflated nicely :) was only fat for a couple of days. Thanks!

Danger, I hope Sherlock wasn't too hyper this morning. He saw on the weather that we might get snow flurries over the next few days - possibly - and almost threw himself out of the window in his haste to see if it was snowing yet. And then bounded about, translating 'flurries' into 'massive drifts'...

REReader said...

So I'm guessing that Sherlick felt the Tooth Fairy (okay, John) left suitable tribute for his tooth? :)

Greg Lestrade said...

Ha, not really. I think £2 is plenty though! And Sherlock doesn't really understand the value of money. He just thought it was poor return for 'years of work growing it'. I told him the tooth fairy had given the rest to John to pay for the ice cream yesterday.

He's trying to get John to commit to 4 quid for a molar...

I think he far prefers having wobbly teeth than the financial reward at the end anyway.

REReader said...

Sounds like a lot to me--our tooth fairy left quarters! Although I have to admit I never thought to factor in the "work" of growing them. (I think my mom would have pointed out I didn't pay for the food that fueled the growth, or possibly she might have brought up the cost of dentist visits. Very practical woman, my mother.)

Wobbly teeth are definitely more interesting than money. They get a reaction, and feel weird. :)

John H. D. Watson said...

£2 is plenty! Even for molars. I think I got 50p (although when I told him that, he tried to explain inflation to me...).

DW - mostly natural, though I can just barely remember my mum endlessly nagging Harry to speak properly (i.e. not like she was born in Scotland, which she was), so it's possible I got some of that as well when I was very young.

REReader said...

There hasn't been THAT much inflation!

Greg Lestrade said...

There has in the tooth markets, obviously. Perils of sending kids to posh schools - you have to pay posh prices.

Mrs T, my heart goes out to you right now. Because where I am there are tiny snowflakes falling. John can pop round and give Sherlock a valium if you want, now he's off work...

John H. D. Watson said...

It won't just be Sherlock in need of valium either. She'll have a whole class full of them...

Greg Lestrade said...

I had to tell two of my DCs to get away from the window and back to their desks!

Work okay? And I told Sherlock you refused to wear wings for your tooth fairy duties... he just shook his head.

John H. D. Watson said...

Well, it is exciting! I love snow.

Yeah, work was fine. Removed a garlic clove from someone's nose today, which I have never done before. Plenty of other things, but never a garlic clove.

His wings wouldn't fit me anyway.

Greg Lestrade said...

Not as exciting as working through some health and safety data for a firm where someone's died, I assure you...

Was it up there for a medical purpose - like a home remedy - or just...because?

Take it you've never removed any ginger from anyone? Have you ever encountered any um... sexual accidents? Ones where you've struggled to keep a professional demeanour?

John H. D. Watson said...

Oh god, too many to count. I don't know what possesses people.

The garlic, as far as I know, was just because. I should've asked.

Not as exciting as working through some health and safety data for a firm where someone's died, I assure you...

I read this, somehow, as a health and safety film where someone's died.

Anonymous said...

I read it as a health and safety film as well. Mate of mine talked about the alarming number of blokes who fell on upturned beer glasses. The solution was plaster of paris and string but I always wondered about the heat from the plaster of paris setting. Perhaps it taught people to be more careful while wandering around upturned beer glasses

Greg Lestrade said...

That would undoubtedly be a more effective h&s film than most.

This is a firm we'll probably do for corporate manslaughter.

REReader said...

Hopefully Mrs T just let them all have an early recess so they could run off some of that snow fever while the flurries last.

(Snow is only lovely if you don't have to shovel any--that stuff is HEAVY! Also cold and wet, if you're working. If you're playing in it, of course, it's neither. :))

REReader said...

Who gets prosecuted for corporate manslaughter? (I know what gets sued, but that's civil. You can't put a corporation in jail, though. Is it just a fine-able offense? That hardly seems adequate.)

Greg Lestrade said...

Sorry, got a bit busy.

Yes, unlimited fines, remedial orders and publicity orders are all we have.

We can prosecute individuals for gross negligence manslaughter and other offences, if appropriate.

The kids might have been out in the very pathetic snow (more like a few ice crystals, really.) at lunchtime. It really wasn't enough to get excited about where I was, although perhaps the suburbs had more.

REReader said...

No problem--that's a big advantage of the interwebs thing, you can answer questions when/if convenient. :)

I sincerely hope it is a whopping great fine, at least. (But it probably won't put them out of business. More's the pity. Although perhaps that would be worse for the other workers.)

If you are six, and Snow Is Falling, that's plenty good enough to get excited on. :)


Sherlock, my mother teaches first grade, and I asked her what her students get for losing teeth, and it's about a third of what you got--$1, usually. So you did okay. And you still have a whole mouth full of teeth to go all wobbly!

Greg Lestrade said...

Long court case before it comes to sentencing, so we won't know for some time. Longer if my officers stare out the window at a few pathetic drops of precipitation.

REReader said...

Ha! I guess a lot of people are six-year-olds when it comes to snow fall. :)

(And you now know just who has comments from your blog going to their phones by who scurried back to their desks. :D)

Anon Without A Name said...

ReRe - if my horribly bad maths is right, I *think* that 50p in about 1976 would be roughly equivalent to £1-70 now - so not far off the same amount. I think I used to get either 10p or 50p. I got a CD for my wisdom teeth, but I was in my late twenties and did have a general anaesthetic :-p

Anon - beer glasses? Like a pint glass? I'm wincing.

We've had no snow, just cold. Very cold :-(

Greg Lestrade said...

There wasn't 'snowfall' to see! It looked like crap mist, at best.

I may have, once, sort of sat on a beer glass - but not in a dodgy way! Not in a 'Honest, Doctor Danger, I was pulling pints, naked, near a pint glass and a large tub of Vaseline' way - but in an 'I've got a scar on my right hip (bumcheek, arguably)' way...

REReader said...

Snowfall is in the eye of the beholder?

Aaaaand...how did the scar get there in the first place, if not in a "I was pulling pints etc." way? ;)


Nameless--Still better than three times what kids in my mom's school are getting, going by the current exchange rates!

Greg Lestrade said...

The scar got there because I'd enjoyed quite a lot of pints, was with my band, living it up like a rock-God, dancing on the tables of a small pub, singing, playing my guitar, I imagine you can picture the scene...

When the table decided to give up it's job as my temporary stage and I crashed to the floor, on top of the empties.

It's not a big scar, inch or two. You'd have to ask John ;) it's not a part of me I see much of! Wouldn't have scarred at all if I'd got it stitched in time, probably.

REReader said...

Ouch! Must have been a mess.

Greg Lestrade said...

It was a bit - I was in general! But image was everything, and it didn't seem very rockstar to lie around in broken glass holding my bum :) So I got up and finished the song, then drank some vodka, for medicinal purposes...

Anon Without A Name said...

Ooh, hardcore :-p

Greg Lestrade said...

Is that a polite way of saying 'idiot'? :) (I was, I admit. It was the evils of drink!)

REReader said...

Not very rockstar...? That's mind over matter with a vengeance! (Vodka or no vodka. :))

John H. D. Watson said...

I may have, once, sort of sat on a beer glass - but not in a dodgy way!

I've seen a lot of things where they shouldn't be, but no one's ever managed an entire beer glass, thank goodness. Bottles, yes, glasses no.

Greg Lestrade said...

I've heard tell of pint glasses - but yeah, makes you wince, right??

John H. D. Watson said...

Just...if they want something that large, there are plenty of things they could pick that won't break.

Greg Lestrade said...

You offering, Danger? :D

Yes, you're right, there are.

I sort of knew a bloke once who...it was a jam jar. It...didn't come out in one piece. Even thinking about it makes me feel pretty sick.

John H. D. Watson said...

Yeah. That's the problem with glass. It's really not a good idea.

REReader said...

You two are just making things up now, aren't you?

(SAY YES!)

Greg Lestrade said...

Not ALL glass. I mean... they make some lovely pyrex...things, now.

Just glass not designed or fit for purpose.

John H. D. Watson said...

Well, yes. I meant glass not specifically designed for that. Hollow glass in particular.

RR - unfortunately, no.

Greg Lestrade said...

Yup.

It's a bit...classier looking, sometimes, than the tacky plasticy crap, I think? But as you said, it exists...so why use anything else?

You may have to hug me to stop me squirming at the thought...

Greg Lestrade said...

RR - I wish. I couldn't look at that bloke again without wincing.

REReader said...

....

I don't know why I'm actually surprised, but I am. (I do know why I'm horrified.)

Anonymous said...

*curled up in a corner making whimpering noises*

~A from NW

John H. D. Watson said...

I can understand why they don't want to go out and buy...special purpose items. But I will never understand why they can't pick something with a flared base that won't break, and thus not traumatise medical students.

John H. D. Watson said...

Heh. Sorry, everyone. I'll stop now.

Anon Without A Name said...

Lestrade - only a bit. I'm actually pretty impressed, in a vaguely amused way.

I heard a story (probably urban myth) about a woman and a coke bottle, and a bit too much suction, and having to drill a hole in the base while it was... in place. Um.

I'm now wondering if the squirming is the uncomfortable kind at the thought of breakable pint glasses and jam jars, or the rather nicer kind at the thought of pyrex... things.

Greg Lestrade said...

in ye olden dayes then maybe I can forgive it...but now, with the internet? Just buy something made for the job! But yes, still no excuse for traumatising medical students, ever. :)

Nameless - oh yes, gotta watch the suction!

I'll give you a clue on the squirming...it's the sort a hug from John could stop, not add to ;)

John H. D. Watson said...

I've seen worse since, but at the time...

I will come over and provide hugs then.

Greg Lestrade said...

Mmm, so glad I don't have to go on an NHS waiting list for this sort of personal treatment...

Got any plans for the weekend? Mycroft's back, right?

John H. D. Watson said...

No plans, but he did ask if you could pick him up Friday.

Greg Lestrade said...

Yeah? Brilliant :)

Right, Sherlock, time for bed. I think John and I should both come up there and search the place for teeth first...

Anonymous said...

I think the fact that Mycroft wants you to pick him up and your reaction is Yeah? Brilliant :) is the sweetest thing!

Desert Wanderer said...

I agree, Anon. <3

REReader said...

It's being family in the best way, and it's lovely. :)

Bronwyn said...

My college roommate and her then boyfriend once had to go to the ER because they ran out of warming lubricant and decided to sub in a capsaicin and menthol based muscle rub on the idea that they both heat on contact, right? So they rub it all over him, squirt some in the rubber and apply. Three minutes later, there is tears, screaming and my roommate running down the hall in naught but a towel and hoodie to fetch me out of class to drive them to the hospital. Poor guy had 2nd degree chemical burns. And bad person that I am, I still laugh at them for it to this day.
Bronwyn

Anonymous said...

...

I believe this entry's lesson can be summarized as: Do not use an object or product in ways that it was not specifically meant to be used. (Or there may be an ER/A&E trip in the future...)

~A from NW who is now hiding under her bed and making whimpering noises...

PS My Captcha says "hand owie"

REReader said...

Owie, indeed!

Greg Lestrade said...

There's a reason I'm so wary of Danger when he's been chopping chillies for one of his napalm-like curries...

Anon Without A Name said...

Did you manage to get a lie-in on your day off, Lestrade?

Greg Lestrade said...

A lie in, on a morning when Sherlock is hoping we've had three feet of snow overnight? Oddly enough...no.

But we did have a lazy morning, then I walked Sherlock and John to school, John to the surgery...and am now enjoying a very good Ethiopian single origin coffee and the newspaper and seriously contemplating going for a long run.

Anonymous said...

Girl in school was talking to her form tutor and said that her and her boyfriend had been caught without protection and had used a crisp packet. What was the question that everyone asked?

Bronwyn said...

What flavor?
Bronwyn

REReader said...

Have you been enjoying your quiet me-time, then, L?

Anonymous said...

That was indeed the question! I think Prawn Cocktail and Salt and Vinegar were the flavours that made people squirm the most!

Greg Lestrade said...

A bit too much. Went for a punishingly long run, got home, fell asleep and didn't pick John up...

Sorry, Danger. :(

Greg Lestrade said...

(okay, I admit, it was dancing round naked with Mrs Hudson that really tired me out. The run was just an excuse).

REReader said...

I suspect John is more pleased that you got a nap than otherwise.

(Especially if Mrs H can provide him with surveillance video of the naked dancing. ;))

John H. D. Watson said...

L - it's all right, don't worry about it. I'll be home with Sherlock in half an hour or so. Just make sure you and Mrs H are fully dressed by then...

Greg Lestrade said...

I can promise I will be. But Mrs H is a force to be reckoned with

If she wants to still be dancing around to 'born free' with her tattie bojangles out then I can't stop her... you know she's a raver at heart.

Greg Lestrade said...

I can promise I will be. But Mrs H is a force to be reckoned with

If she wants to still be dancing around to 'born free' with her tattie bojangles out then I can't stop her... you know she's a raver at heart.

John H. D. Watson said...

You just watch out, you're going to give her ideas...

Mrs Hudson said...

You boys are wicked, wicked things! As if they don't gossip enough at the bingo already! I won't be able to show my face the way you're carrying on.

Gregory, show some respect to your elders. John Hamish, don't you encourage him.

I've never heard such cheek I'm sure!

Greg Lestrade said...

She's got enough ideas without me!

Now stop encouraging me. You're a terrible influence :)

John H. D. Watson said...

Mrs H - we could go round to bingo with you next time and really give them something to gossip about... :)

Mrs Hudson said...

Oh, dear me, I think I'd worry for you if you set foot in that bingo hall. Some of those ladies - well, the things Peggy comes out with would make a sailor blush. What they think we get up to in this house! I have to say to them, I'm your landlady, not your sugar mummy! Terrible things they say, about what I might get up to with two lovely young men under my roof. With my hip! Chance would be a fine thing, I say.

I tell them the two of you are gentlemen - although when I read what sort of things you talk about on here - just the bits I understand, mind! I do wonder.

Now look at me going on. I made a nice coffee and walnut cake earlier, I shall bring some up to you later.

John H. D. Watson said...

Ha! You're a wonderful woman, Mrs H. I don't know what we'd do without you.

Greg Lestrade said...

You are a diamond, Mrs H.

And a very fine dancer ;)

Mrs Hudson said...

I shall come up there and box your ears if you carry on, Inspector!

I don't know what I'd do without the four of you either, dear. You're a tonic, and no mistake.

Greg Lestrade said...

By the way... crisp packet question - my first response would have been what flavour too. And then... just... ugh. Surely crisp packets are... scratchy? I've heard of a few people resorting to cling film, which is at least sort of soft and thin.

Bronwyn said...

With my hip

I cannot stop laughing at this. Of all the many reasons you mightn't be up to anything with John and Greg, you choose with my hip!

Oh, Mrs. Hudson, I want to be you when I grow up. Is that okay?

(still laughing)
Bronwyn

REReader said...

There's a word for people who resort to crisp packets and cling film--parents. :)

REReader said...

(At least, if we're speaking of heterosexual partners. *clears throat*

John H. D. Watson said...

In other cases, at least one of them may come to be known as ' that boy who had to go to A&E to get a crisp packet removed from his bum'.

So what flavour was it? Did she say?

Greg Lestrade said...

Was going to say, RR, it wasn't pregnancy worrying most people I knew. (nor did any of them know the difference between porous and non-porous cling film, though, I doubt, so just as ineffective.)

Danger, personally, I'd be too embarrassed to go to a and e with that. I'd be hoping nature took care of it!

REReader said...

Well, Anon's story was about a boy/girl pair, so that's what came to mind first. Although I doubt "infected" sounds better than "parents". ;)

Wouldn't that crinkly sort of cellophane just rip or spill? I can't imagine it as either effective or pleasurable. (Although, in fairness, I speak from a deep lack of practical experience and should probably keep my mouth shut.)

REReader said...

(And my captcha there was "ruber". Are SURE that thing is random?)

mazarin221b said...

Just...the idea...No. Sorry. There is nothing on Earth that could make me want uh, that particular kind of good time *that badly.* Find something else to relieve your urges until you get some proper supplies. Good God. I feel like someone should do a PSA on it, just so I don't have to imagine it happening.

REReader said...

I know, right?

Greg Lestrade said...

Maz - yeah, I'm with you. There are plenty of things to do that don't need to involve food packaging as makeshift protection! Especially such uncomfortable sounding packaging...

RR - theres definitely a chance of ripping, I guess. I can't imagine it getting far enough to get to that stage, it sounds so uncomfortable!

REReader said...

It really, really does. *shudder*

Anon Without A Name said...

Blimey. Makes me glad I pretty much missed out on all that palaver - am old enough that "safe sex" was barely an issue in my wild young days, and I was already in a long-term, monogamous relationship by the time it was.

Bronwyn said...

Oh God, I can just see that Health Class video. "How Not to Have Safe Sex: A Guide for the Willful, Horny and Stupid". It can't possibly be any worse than those hilarious car safety videos we were forced to endure in driver's education, though.
Bronwyn

mazarin221b said...

Can you imagine the section on all the things you could do instead, Bronwyn? "If you simply must get off and you feel like you're going to die if you don't, here are some handy ideas that not only are safe but discreet, and you don't even necessarily have to have a partner."

Anon Without A Name said...

I don't know whether to be jealous of those of you in the US who had those sorts of classes, or just really glad we had nothing like that at my school.

Anonymous said...

I think you can safely say the girl involved was not the brightest bulb (very nice kid, just dim). One gathers they only got so far before the crumbs inside the packet and the corners outside became pretty effective passion killers. As to flavour, it was worse than that, it was pickled onion flavour Space Raiders which I appreciate will mean nothing to our non-British readers!

Greg Lestrade said...

Oh, God! Just when it couldn't get any worse! :D

That is...well, just...wow.

Anonymous said...

No, but the plastic is slightly softer than, say, Walkers. Much more likely to split though. I think the really strange thing about this story is that she told her form tutor. I'll admit he was a damn good form tutor, very, very good with the children, but it's still a pretty personal story to tell. You can bet she went away with a lot more information and an appointment at the Family Planning even though legally at that time we weren't allowed to do that.

CzechReader said...

Ummm... One of my friends is a nurse in a gynecological ward in a hospital. One day we were meeting for a dinner together with our then-boyfriends (now husbands) and she appeared late and was pretty disgruntled:

They got a woman who ...used a can of hairspray, with the cap on the can, the cap first. She then took out the can - but the cap stayed stuck. She had not went to her doctor (probably massive embarrassement factor), but the sharp edges of the cap started to cut in and it all got infected. (This story is several years old and I still feel the need to cross my legs.)

So they had to take her in for an urgent surgery and cut it out, when cutting it out they nicked her bladder too, all kinds of complications all around...

Ugh.

Bronwyn said...

Oh Lordy, Maz! I can.

"This, children, is the Internet. It's for when you absolutely, positively cannot wait. And this is www.tabutoys.com. . . ."

Going to the special Hell. THE SPECIAL HELL.
Bronwyn

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