I think I've talked about this before. Sorry if I'm boring you.
Spending the day eith John today was lovely. It really was. Sunshine, fresh air, the bike running like a dream, no major traffic snarl ups, good coffee, walking by the river...you know, just sickeningly perfect, like you see in films.
Except... Just sometimes, I want to hold John's hand. Or put my arm around him whilst we walk, or wrap my arms around him when we look in a shop window or any number of other things.
And I don't. Or if I do it's because I've looked around and decided there's no one to witness it.
But a part of me wants to do those things so people can witness it. A part of me wants to get a big sign out saying 'look at me, look at this gorgeous man who chooses to spend his life with me. Aren't I a smug, lucky, bastard?'.
I don't want to be stared at though. Or have anyone comment on us. Or worse. Especially if we're with the boys.
But someone has to do it, right? To ever have a hope of it being 'normal' then people like me just have to suck it up and do it and stop worrying. And why shouldn't that someone (those someones) be us? I mean, coming out at work was/is probably easier than I expected. I know people talk about me, and I get the odd occasion of someone thinking they're funny by sticking rainbow stickers on my nameplate or flyers for gay clubs on my car or bike or that sort of stuff. But generally everyone just gets one with it.
So, what do you think, John? Next time we're out...should I be brave? Would it make you uncomfortable? What if there was trouble? Do we run, or stand and fight...
Am I massively overthinking this? I'm sure I didn't used to. But then again, I used to get in far more fights...