7 October 2011

A distant ship's smoke on the horizon...

Still ill. Which is seriously boring, as Sherlock has pointed out. Danger is nursing me back to health though. Which largely consists of making me drink odd things, refusing to let me do anything and forming a lovely warm human pillow. Which does make me a feel a lot better.

Sadly he's actually employed as a nanny, so I have to share him.

If I had a time machine the ONE piece of advice I'd go back and give myself would be to never start smoking. It's only ever been a spectacularly bad idea.

I noticed the other day that one of you admitted finding John's blog whilst surfing for porn. HAH, I knew it. (EDIT: It was Azure. "And, yes, John, I totally was looking for porn when I found this. But aren't you glad that so many awesome people ended up here even if we found it while looking for filth?".) I rest my case.


And now, because I've been incarcerated all day....





Greg looked out from the back room, through the cheap plastic strands which attempted to hide it from the main shop. He grinned at the sight of John's arse, perfectly framed by the doorway, jeans snug over his bum as he leant on the counter, flicking through a huge book on flower arranging Greg had given him to study.

"John, can you get in here and tie me up?" he called, smiling.

John twisted to look at him, shaking his head, but smiling too. Greg nodded down to where he was holding a large bunch of stems together, and then to the ribbon next to them on the table.

"One day..." John said, but then shook his head.

Greg raised an eyebrow and smiled as innocently as he could.

Once the bunch was secured Greg made John name all of the flowers in it and the shape of the arrangement, then help with the cellophane and more ribbons.

John had seemed to settle in well - he got on with the customers, and seemed amazingly empathic, listening to their stories and helping suggest appropriate flowers and messages to go with them. He applied himself well to learning all the names, although still often had to call upon Greg for help with the more obscure ones.


Greg set about making up the next order, walking around the shop and plucking the blooms out of their buckets.

"Sweet Pea?" John said, from behind the counter.

"Yes, Cupcake?" Greg answered.

He was pretty sure John would strain something if he rolled his eyes any harder.

"Do you ever stop? I mean, really, do you ever just stop and take something seriously?"

Greg paused for a moment. Then shrugged. "Only the serious things. No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. Don't want you having me up on a sexual harassment case when you've only just started working here."

John snorted. "Sexual harassment? Chance would be a fine thing."

Greg stared.

John blushed.

And the moment was broken as an elderly woman stomped into the shop, glancing over them both and then looking directly at John, behind the counter.

"I need something appropriate for my Fifi," she announced, very loudly.

John tore his gaze away from Greg and visibly gathered himself, smiled a welcoming smile, and nodded. "Of course. Fifi, you say? And what's the occasion?"

The woman fixed him with a stern look. "The occasion, young man, is her death! She did so love Daffodils. I think perhaps some daffs? Something appropriate, though. Not too cheerful, obviously."

Greg smiled widely and headed out to the back room as fast as he could. As he passed John he said in a low voice. "Dog. Loved pissing on daffs. Most appropriate thing is my shovel out back."

John bit his cheek to keep from smiling.

"I see, madam," he managed, straight faced. "Some slightly miserable daffodils. I'll see what we can do."

He turned, grabbing Greg's arm as he attempted to escape. "and I'll see what I can do about you later."

...

207 comments:

1 – 200 of 207   Newer›   Newest»
Tink said...

EEEE! More Greg The Florist! I love this one. FINALLY they realise the attraction is mutual!

Sherlock: I know Greg being sick is boring, but at least you can listen to his lungs and take notes?

Small Hobbit said...

Oooooh. Definitely. Some slightly miserable daffs - ideal for a dead dog. At least some good has come out of you being ill. :)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I aim to please, Tink.

And no one mentioned which song my last post heading was from. I hope for better this time...

Danger, I feel like crap. What painkillers can I have that I haven't already had in all the potions you've been feeding me?

John H. D. Watson said...

Hilarious as always. Glad you're putting your sick day to good use. Slightly miserable daffs...

Chance would be a fine thing.

Ha. Glad we weren't quite this slow in real life.

I'm ignoring your porn comment. And yes, I will get you painkillers.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Yeah. Well, being stuck in the same house with Mrs Hudson Master Matchmaker helped.

I'm going to find the porn comment and quote it.

John H. D. Watson said...

You really don't need to do that!

She only gave you a little nudge. And breakfast.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I feel I should, for posterity.

Well, I needed both. For all I knew you were happily heterosexual. And...yeah, well, I needed a shove.

REReader said...

"Slightly miserable daffodils" is genius. :D

And sorry, but my musical tastes ran more to Billy Joel than Pink Floyd... ;)

I'm sorry you're still hurting.

John H. D. Watson said...

For all I knew you were happily heterosexual.

...If you didn't know I wasn't, how did she??

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Err...

Excellent Gaydar?

She'd seen you staring dreamily at me over the kitchen table?

Or she had nothing to lose by me making a complete idiot of myself and you punching me in the face, so she just said it anyway.

RR - just headache. And neckache. And chestache. Danger will make me all better.

John H. D. Watson said...

...Let's go with option two. I'm not sure I want to think about Mrs Hudson's gaydar. Or Mrs Holmes's come to that.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

To be fair, Mrs Holmes has everything-dar. And nothing gets under, over or around it.

There was dreamy staring going on, was there? I thought you had wind...

John H. D. Watson said...

Fair point.

There was some staring. Don't know if it could be called dreamy.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I shall be sure to ask Mrs Hudson. She will undoubtedly love to tell me all about it. Dreaminess and all.

Desert Wanderer said...

Did we miss the story of how Mrs. Hudson got the two of you together? Or am I just slower than usual?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

DW - It wasn't just Mrs H. It was the other Mrs H, a murderous gang and two pesky kids, too...

(Danger, can I have this? Take it apart in the flat and rebuild it? It would be amazing...
http://wheels.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/10/07/the-fonzs-happy-days-triumph-motorcycle-to-be-auctioned/
)

John H. D. Watson said...

Ha. I think we need a bigger flat for that.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

it would fit...honestly.

If I'm allowed out of the house, do you want to go for a ride somewhere at the weekend? Prepare for heading off to the Westcountry?

Oh, and Nicky said did we want to meet her and Mark for dinner one evening in Bath? She doesn't mind if we're 'busy'. ;)

John H. D. Watson said...

Yes to both of those. Though I don't think Sherlock is going to be happy at the thought of missing Nicky too.

Desert Wanderer said...

it would fit...honestly.

How do you even say these things with a straight face?!

Word verifier obviously knows: "corriptero"

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I've had a lifetime of keeping a straight face, when everything else about me is decidedly not...

I can't help it. I just have to slip these things in.

And when I don't my phone does it for me. Technology's marvelous.

Danger - we could not tell him? Mrs Hudson's okay to look after him and get him to school and everything? We should get Mrs T's book of rules for her.

Desert Wanderer said...

You would make an excellent fighter pilot, then. You'd just have to say "so to speak" at the end of every sentence and learn to point at things with your elbow.

REReader said...

just headache. And neckache. And chestache.

Oy, vey. Okay, let's try this. I hereby decree that when you wake up tomorrow morning, you will be, if not 100% well, substantially better. There. I have spoken.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Right. I'll get Danger to give the germs a grade 1 triple a starred glare, too, and I'll be fine tomorrow.

Actually, Danger's drugged me up and I feel a lot better.

Danger - I also saw this the other day...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-15183070

All backing up my plan never to torture myself that way.

John H. D. Watson said...

You'd just have to say "so to speak" at the end of every sentence and learn to point at things with your elbow.

HA.

L - they clearly just weren't up to the challenge.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

They were clearly insane, I think you mean.

Food should be enjoyed, not endured.

Promise me your hot curry habit will never land you in hospital.

I'm going to put Shortstuff to bed. He's half asleep on me already.

John H. D. Watson said...

That is a promise I feel perfectly safe making.

Thanks, love. His mum's texting me.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I read that as sexting and began to worry...

John H. D. Watson said...

Lestrade! She's going to read that, you know.

Mycroft said...

I knew you two needed supervision...

Desert Wanderer said...

Lestrade, what I meant re: Mrs. Hudson was how did she know you were interested in John in the first place? How did that come up in conversation? "These are lovely panacakes, Mrs. Hudson. By the way, I sure do covet the Nanny's...assets"?

REReader said...

Hello, Mycroft! Trust you to pop up at the...um, appropriate moment. :) How is school going?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I don't mind her knowing I would worry if she tried such a thing!

(You using my full name on here actually makes me feel like I'm being told off more than you telling me off does...)


John Lestrade sounds tired and like he's run somewhere and can I have your stethoscope to listen to him now? I bet he sounds different from when he's on the sofa, probably all wheezy.

...that was obviously Sherlock. Not me referring to myself in the third person.

Mycroft said...

Tolerably well, thank you. I miss ice skating though.

John H. D. Watson said...

Sherlock - no, you can go to sleep and listen to him tomorrow. He sounds tired because he's carried you upstairs. Do you want me to come up and say goodnight as well?

REReader said...

That is a problem with no easy fix. No rinks anywhere nearby, I take it?

Anon Without A Name said...

Hello Mycroft! How are you? Aside from being absolutely correct about John and Lestrade, of course.

Sherlock said...

Yes.

Why were you texting Mummy? Hello Mycroft I'm supervising them don't worry.

John H. D. Watson said...

She might have a surprise for you. Be up in a second.

Hello, Mycroft. Did you get to climb any rocks yet?

Sherlock said...

Desert Wanderer everyone could see they wanted to do kissing because they kept holding onto each other and giving looks and smiling and stuff and they went away to John's bedroom for ages and ages before dinner after the helicopter.

Mycroft said...

Sherlock's right. It was perfectly obvious.

No, no rocks yet. And I imagine there are rinks nearby, but not at school, and they do keep us busy.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Hey Mycroft.

I'm sure everything will settle down a bit after the first few terms, once you've seen and done everything they have to offer and can make your choices about what to do and what to drop. You enjoying astronomy club?

DW - It was sort of obvious, at least, John was...but I didn't know if he was just putting it on because he was a serial killer and fancied me as his next victim...

And can I point out we were in John's bathroom and I was impressing him with my amazing first aid skills. Nothing else.

REReader said...

First, excuse me while I snicker. Just a little.

Mycroft, maybe when you get more used to the schedule you'll be able to fit in some skating. (I don't imagine you are overloaded by schoolwork.) Or perhaps your schedule will ease up in the spring semester.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I'm not even sure I want to ask why you're 'snickering'.

Danger, do I have to get up off Sherlock's bed? It's pretty comfy.

REReader said...

"Perfectly obvious."

Right, fast starts in half an hour, so I'm going offline. Feel better, Lestrade, have a good Saturday, everyone--and a shana tova (a good new year)!

John H. D. Watson said...

L - yes you do. Come on, bed for you as well.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Shana tova, RR. Have a great day.

(I warn you, Sherlock may ask you a lot of questions about it all. If he remembers to. Sorry in advance. Some of his questions can be...odd. As you probably can tell.)

John H. D. Watson said...

Shana tova to you too, RR. Good luck with the fast.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Yeah. Just...in a minute. It is dead comfy here.

kholly said...

Careful there L. Do you really want Sherlock going into school on Monday saying "Lestrade slept with me over the weekend." ??? Didn't think so. Let John get you up and sorted.

Shana tova, RR.

Great to hear you're doing well Mycroft. You should do a guest post sometime and give us all the details.

REReader said...

Glad I took one last look in--thank you!

And I will be absolutely happy to answer whatever questions Sherlock has to the best of my ability (after Yom Kippur/Shabbat, that is!). Believe me, he can't ask anything much odder than some if the things I've been asked over the years. Most people don't run into a lot of Orthodox Jews, and in some parts of the US... Well, some strange ideas flourish.

Gone now--be well!

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Kholly - given both John and my relationship with the boys, believe me when I say things like that are never far from my mind and completely terrify me on a daily basis.

Ro said...

"I need something appropriate for my Fifi,"

Given that this is the blog of the Lord of Innuendo, and given that I've just finished Caitlin Moran's book, How To Be A Woman (great book, recommend it to everyone), that line had me choking on my coffee. Too funny!

L, sorry that you're feeling crappy. Hope you're better very soon. Shame I don't live over your side of the world - according to my flatmate, I'm genius at soup. We've just come out of winter, and I made many a pot over the last few months. I love soup. It's so easy to make, it's tasty, healthy, low fat, and one big pot does you for days, so you don't have to cook every night (I'm very lazy).

Nice to see Mycroft pop in to say hello! We miss him around here - but not as much as you lot do, I'm sure.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Danger, I've been made a Lord!

Will you hang up my ermine? There's a dear chap.

John H. D. Watson said...

Ha. I will if you'll get yourself in bed at last, m'lord.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Hm. Okay, Serf. Only because you asked so nicely. And because I know you won't delay in joining me.

John H. D. Watson said...

And because you don't know where I keep the painkillers.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

the best painkiller is your warm hands rubbing on my hurting chest. It's very relaxing. I feel like an upended owl.

John H. D. Watson said...

I want to think that's a typo, but...

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Owls sort of go into a hypnotised/coma state when you tip them onto their backs...or have I made that up? I'm sure it's true... anyone??

John H. D. Watson said...

How do you pick up these things?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I can't believe, living with the two boys, you'd ask me that question...


(I have no idea)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

This owl is doing an impression of me.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/babymantis/this-owl-is-relaxed-1opu

Except it's plumage is rather finer than mine.

John H. D. Watson said...

That is an extraordinarily relaxed owl.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I will be an extraordinarily relaxed DI as soon as you form my human pillow.

Night all. And rest assured, if you're fasting tomorrow, Sherlock will eat your share of food. He's already asked for pancakes in the morning...

John H. D. Watson said...

Yes, your lordship, right away.

Goodnight, internet.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

(Danger needs his sleep if he's going to cook super-fruity buttermilk pancakes with Sherlock in the morning. With syrup.)

John H. D. Watson said...

(This will never happen.)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

(he says that now. Sherlock will think otherwise.)

Ria said...

你 好, Mycroft. 你 喜欢 你 的 科目 吗? 我 希望 你 交 多 的 朋友。

I hope you don't mind my execrable Chinese, Mycroft, I've only studied it on and off for about a year.

I think you're right about the owl thing, L. Side story: a friend and I once rescued a baby owl and brought it back to its nest. It's owl-mom seemed grateful, we think (we came back a couple days later and it was hanging out with its nest-mates). They're very cute and fluffy in person.

Desert Wanderer said...

(You using my full name on here actually makes me feel like I'm being told off more than you telling me off does...)

I would never presume to tell you off; don't know you well enough! (and I firmly subscribe to "praise in public, reprimand in private")

Sorry for that, really sincerely. That is definitely a military thing, and I'll try to be better. I'd do it for John, too, except I had a subordinate named Watson who was utterly, utterly useless, so it's a bad association.

What would you prefer I use? L? Greg? LoI (Lord of Innuendo)?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Didn't mean you, DW! I meant Danger. He always calls me L on here, and then he got all embarrassed about setting Mrs Holmes and called me Lestrade, which was odd. (he blushed adorable too. Pink ears.)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Sexting. Not setting...

Desert Wanderer said...

Ah. I can see that, yes. Still, if you'd prefer I called you something different...

And did I wake you up?! Sorry.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I honestly don't mind what you call me.

And no, just made me lose count of all the sheep...think I dozed off so many times today that I'm now far too awake. Daresay I'll drop off in a bit. Danger is very comfy.

Desert Wanderer said...

Mycroft, good to hear from you again. Hope you're enjoying everything (or at least the vast majority of it). I'm amused you and Sherlock pick up on John and Lestrade. THey were subtle as lorries, eh?

DW said...

Sorry. Maybe these will help:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUjDvRJ_rzo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4-5zAtWKjw

Anon Without A Name said...

I'm glad I wasn't the only one confused by the owl comment.

\o/ for another installment of Greg The Florist :-)

innie said...

I'm so glad to see more of this silly deliciousness, though I must admit to being taken aback by "Sweet Pea," as that's what I call my little (6'3") brother. L, I hope you're very much better by the time you read this, and John, I am keeping my fingers crossed that you stay healthy (and sassy).

Mycroft, it's lovely to hear from you, dry as always. Glad you're doing well.

Sherlock, can you stay vigilant like a good chaperone should if you're stuffed full of pancakes? Your metabolism is a marvel.

Tink said...

DW: I call him Greg, but I'm in the minority it seems. :P

Greg: Sweet dreams m'dear! Hope in between bouts of awakeness you manage to get some rest. There need to be pancakes in the morning after all. :D

Mycroft: Hi! It's so good to hear from you! I'm glad things are going well. You know we all would love to hear from you whenever you'd like to drop in and let us know what's up! Seeing as how you're so informed and all :P You're taking after your mother in the best of ways!

Anonymous said...

Wow, kholly I could live without that joke and if that wasn't a joke but actually concern about what Sherlock could say...It's already sad that Lestrade needs to worry about these things, they don't need the reminder especially seeing how lovely it is for Sherlock to feel so comfortable in their bedroom.

Becca said...

Goodness, is that owl alive?

Sorry to hear you're feeling poorly, but good that you have the long weekend to recover. Although, ha, it's probably not as long as it is here in the states. Somehow I doubt Columbus Day (this Monday) is observed in the UK.

luuuurker said...

I believe sharks actually go into a sort of trance if you put them on their back - probably easier to accomplish with the smaller sharks, though.

Also, speaking of fishy predators, I just ran across the news that a week or two ago in the north-east of Brazil, they had to close down beaches because people were getting bitten by piranha. Only bitten once or twice, and generally on the feet, but over a hundred people were treated. So local environmental officials decided to add tilapia to the water in case the piranha were just hungry.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Thanks to all of you - feeling a bit better today (so far - it does always seem to ambush me in the evening) so I think I'm even going to be allowed out of the flat to walk the dog. (And hopefully get coffee...)

Anon - thanks for the concern, but really, whether Kholly said it or not doesn't change anything. We're well aware some people would disapprove of our living arrangements. Happily Mrs Holmes seems more than content with how we do things. And anyone who knows Sherlock knows that euphemisms are not something he's aware of. He's slept in our bed with John quite a few times when I've been away. At 6 'sleeping with' really does mean just that. Plus Mrs T knows us well enough to understand and not over react to anything he might say.

Luuuurker - Sherlock is now desperate to go to Brazil 'for research'. On sharks and piranha.

kholly said...

More of a cautionary tale really. It happened to a friend of mine once. He fell asleep reading a bed time story to his best friend's little girl which made her happy so she told everyone about it in exactly that 6 year old way. Her parents got a phone call. It didn't go beyond that because everyone knew, but it was a bit of a hassle. But even though they figured what the truth was the teachers aren't allowed to just let it go, just in case.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Yeah, it's not an accusation I ever want levelled at me - especially given my job. I'd be suspended before you could blink, until it was all sorted out. Not that I think Mrs Holmes would ever let it get that far - but still.

Also, mud sticks, sad to say. There are people who want to believe things like that, to prove what we're doing is unhealthy and wrong and satisfy their own small-minded bigotry.

kholly said...

You know the whole gay thing never even entered my mind until you just said. That's good I suppose but I'm sorry that it has to always be on your mind in that way.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Kholly - the old saying goes that those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind... well, the latter part of that is true for us. And it is very nice that you lot are all so supportive of us. But other people could, if they wished, make our lives very difficult. But we're doing okay so far. And really, the most important thing is that Sherlock and Mycroft seem happy enough with our setup.

Desert Wanderer said...

You know, if Sherlock liked his Pride wings so much, he would probably really like to be in Brazil during Carnival. Lots of feathers and wings and such.

Bronwyn said...

Totally off topic: some friends have asked me to continue posting forensics tidbits and explanations over on my dreamwidth. So, I figured since Sherlock was the catalyst for the first one, I would let him (and by extension anyone over here) suggest topics. I've no problem posting such things, so...

What do you want to know? Sherlock?
Tinkerty,
Bronwyn

Sherlock said...

Did you ever really pull someone's brains out through their nose like with mummies??

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

DW - he really doesn't need MORE reasons to want to go to Brazil.

And he wants to drive a JCB and dig the pond with one...the usual odd selection of Things Important When You're Six.

Tink said...

Brasil can be a very nasty place. My friend's father was kidnapped off the street and forced to empty his bank account and even then they had to debate whether killing him or letting him go was the best answer. Thankfully, they let him go. This happens -all the time-. Then there are the ransom kidnappings. Ugh.

Yeah, they're cleaning up their act with the Olympics coming to town, but getting rid of that underbelly is going to take some doing.

So Sherlock, how about postponing plans for Brasil until they've actually managed to clean things up?

Greg: I'm glad to hear that you're feeling a bit better this morning. Hopefully this evening wont hit you with a cricket bat or anything. Other than getting coffee out of the flat, anything else planned for the day?

Bronwyn: *SQUISHES* Hi honey <3

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Hey Tink - I think everywhere has a nasty side to it. I mean, I know plenty of people who've been to Brazil and never had a problem. One of my friends took a Youth Group out there and travelled around, meeting lots of communities.

I'm feeling fairly good still. Apart from my cough now sounding like I'm a dog. We went out, took Snoopy for his walk, then Mrs Hudson helped Sherlock bake some biscuits and we crashed out on the sofa, because I was freezing. Put Firefly on...but I fell asleep not that far in. Still, I have actually seen some now!

Tink said...

I worry about travelling to places that have National Geographic writing about the problems that the state is having trying to cut down on problems is all :P

Glad that you've downgraded from having a baby elephant sitting on your chest to sounding like a dog! And yay Firefly! What did you think of the little you've seen? Did John get pictures of you and Sherlock crashed out together?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Last night? Don't think so.

Sherlock said...

I want to know what the surprise Mummy has for me is. IS IT DEGUS?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I doubt it. I don't know. You've got the chart for earning Degu-points, so I don't think your Mum needs to get involved in that.

Sherlock said...

But I've got LOADS of points on it!

John H. D. Watson said...

Sherlock - you're not getting degus. You're going to stay with her while Lestrade and I are away.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

It's not about getting loads of points, it's about consistency and showing your dedication over a period of time - months, not days. A Degu is for life, and all that.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Is that Mrs Hudson breathing a sigh of relief I hear...?

Sherlock said...

At her house?

John H. D. Watson said...

Think it might be, yeah.

John H. D. Watson said...

Sherlock - yep, at her house.

Sherlock said...

I want to take ALL my drawing things. And my chemistry set. And I want to bake her something because she liked my rainbow cake at the fort, and will she have a computer and a phone so I can talk to you? And I want to go swimming.

John H. D. Watson said...

Drawing things yes, chemistry set no. You'll have to ask your mum about the baking, but I think she'd probably like that. Yes, she will have a computer and a phone and we can talk as often as you like.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

With all this going on isn't it lucky we didn't go to Brazil this morning? We'd never have fitted everything in. ;)

Sherlock said...

I think she'd like me to show her my best experiments too.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I'm fairly sure she'd like to know how very good you are at going to bed on time with no fuss. So we can practice that right now.

John H. D. Watson said...

...At least ask her first. I'm not sure if she's prepared for that amount of mess at her house.

Sherlock said...

Will she tell me stories every night about murders?

Can I tell her about the pond and the piranhas and sharks?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

You can call us in the evening if she doesn't have enough murder stories to keep you satisfied.

Although I have a wonderful fantasy about us spending an evening in a nice country pub...so when I spend an entire phonecall describing a murder I imagine I'll be thrown out.

John H. D. Watson said...

I'm sure she'd love to hear all about the pond. Maybe she can help you find some carnivorous plants that will grow here.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Or maybe not...

I am feeling loads better tonight.

Anna said...

You quite right, Lestrade, everywhere has a nasty side to it. I think Sherlock would go nuts if he ever visit Brazil, can you imagine him running around at the Amazon? Look at those frogs ;)

http://leslietaylor.net/gallery/animals/frogs.htm

What about the Pantanal?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pantanal

It's a HUGE and gorgeous country with some good and bad things but I guess some people just shouldn't go to nasty Brazil if they feel so unsafe, there are many, many beautiful and very safe places people can go instead, if they ever decide to travel. Even National Geographic approved!

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Anna - the only places in the world I wouldn't be happy going to are the ones that would still throw me in prison/give me the death penalty for being gay. Of which there are still a surprising number.

Of course there's only a tiny chance of anything happening in such places. But I wouldn't want to give such regimes my money.

Sherlock would go into some sort of overload in Brazil. We'd never get him to leave. Or at least, not without persuading him not to pack all the frogs and bugs and amazing carnival outfits...

John H. D. Watson said...

Definitely the bugs. I don't know how he'd feel about Rio, but the Amazon... He'd never want to come home.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

We'd never find him again. He is pretty quick. I could get him that machete out of the evidence locker.

John H. D. Watson said...

And a tiny pith helmet...

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Ha! I can just picture it. Hacking his way through the jungle in a little safari suit and helmet - binoculars and a magnifying glass...

Seriously, stop now or he'll think we're going to do all this.

John H. D. Watson said...

Don't forget the butterfly net...

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Stop! I'm fine until you make me laugh and breathe deeply and then I cough. You're supposed to be making me better! He would be adorable though.

John H. D. Watson said...

Laughing's good for you!

Yes he would be. Maybe someday. It's not really much further than New York.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

You're good for me.

John H. D. Watson said...

You're good for me, too.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

You might change your mind when I point out that earlier today I edited the entry to include the porn quote.

If you weren't so warm and comfy I'd run away before hitting 'post comment' on this...

John H. D. Watson said...

How could anyone find my blog by looking for porn!

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Ask Azure! Personally I think it's because of your sordid past as a porn writer. Or an underwear model. But I could be wrong.

John H. D. Watson said...

You get entirely too much enjoyment out of this, mister.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

A doctor once told me "Laughing's good for you!".

Or it might have been an underwear-modelling erotica-author...anyway, sounds like good advice.

John H. D. Watson said...

Will you stop! Now I can't breathe for laughing either, somebody'd better put me to bed. Ridiculous man. :)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

You want to be put to bed by a ridiculous man?

I love you. I'm really looking forward to our time away. And thanks for looking after me so well. Even if I'm not a very co-operative patient.

John H. D. Watson said...

You want to be put to bed by a ridiculous man?

Only a very specific ridiculous man.

I love you too, and we'll have a wonderful time. Thanks for arranging it all.

(You're actually much better than you used to be. Must be mellowing in your old age...)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

'much better' in general? Or specifically better at being ridiculous?

John H. D. Watson said...

Ha. Much better at letting me look after you when you're ill.

You're already perfect at being ridiculous.

Ro said...

Goddamn, you two are so cute!

I'm really excited for Sherlock getting to spend a couple of days with his mum, too - that's great!

M'lord, glad to see you are feeling a bit better. (Although - fooling around with the Nanny? Such a cliche!)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Took me a while to really believe you wouldn't be angry with me. Or get annoyed. Which is no reflection on you at all, I hasten to add. Just...yeah, well, anyway.

Ro - It is. Mrs Hudson does love spending time with him, but he has SO much energy. It would have been a long time for her to keep up.

And yeah, I've lowered myself to consorting with the help. I'll be using the back stairs next. So to speak.

Rider said...

I'll be using the back stairs next.

Glad to see you are feeling better Lestrade.

(and no doubt will be feeling as much as possible soon!)

John H. D. Watson said...

I know, love. It's all right.

I'll be using the back stairs next. So to speak.

Ha. I know you're secretly plotting some manor house romance novel right now.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Rider - I will consult with my personal physician regarding just what I should be feeling...

Danger - You've got to write the next chapter of Greg the Florist. If Greg inherits a large manor house then I wouldn't complain. Thankfully John wears fewer skirts than is usual for such historical romances. Most of the time.

John H. D. Watson said...

I don't know why you accuse me of writing dirty books when you're clearly the one with the talent for it. I fully expect you to make a second career of it after you retire.

Meanwhile, if you'll get off the sofa and into bed I'll tell you exactly what you should be feeling.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Night all!

(And apologies in advance, Danger, for sounding like I'm barking when I cough. You don't have to act on that. I'm not into yiffing or anything.)

John H. D. Watson said...

Oh god. Don't even tell me what that means if you expect to be feeling anything at all tonight.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Believe me, there are lots of things this job has taught me that I could have lived without knowing. but once seen, cannot be unseen.

Come on, bed. By the morning someone will have told you who you can't deny feeling rights to. This lot know everything.

Rider said...

I'll tell you exactly what you should be feeling

I'm sure in his current state he'll do better with hands on instruction.

Tink said...

John: I think he's trying to pin the erotica writing on you because really, he's the one that's the secret erotica writer...

Greg: You are adorable. Your description of Sherlock's Halloween costume (for now! Wait, do you guys do Halloween with all the trick or treating and stuff?) was even more adorable. :D Enjoy your below stairs romance ... ;D

Anna: Oh, I'd -love- to go to Brasil, if nothing else to visit my friend! However, if I was to stay for any length of time I'd need a LOT more reassurance from him that things are getting better. But an Amazon tour? Holy cow I'd be on that sucker faster than I can raise my hand if I had the money. ... Maybe I'm just more comfortable with the thought of violent animals rather than violent people. >_>

REReader said...

Well, the fast is over and all is well. I'm working on my fifth glass of water--not counting the glass of cola for the dehydration queasies and the mug of tea for mental health--and hopefully the dehydration headache will cease and my brain cells with deign to start firing again sometime soon. (I had some soda crackers and a microwaved potato too.)

As it's after 3:00 am in the UK now, I assume/hope everyone is asleep. But for when you all wake up...

Porn? I'm sure I never found your blog looking for porn, John. *looks entirely innocent* (This is the internet, you don't have to look for porn, it looks for you.)

Lestrade, it is worth noting for future reference that your germs apparently respond well to a combination of orders, glares, and TLC. (Translation: I'm very glad you're feeling so much better.)

Sherlock--going to stay with your Mummy? How awesome! You and your Mum get time together, and John and Lestrade get time together--it's a win-win!

Mycroft, you are far too level-headed to feel left out or forgotten, but I hope it isn't too annoying for me to say that I'm positive you have not been either one, and you'll have your time as well.

Now I'm off to see if I can't do something about this very nasty headache.

Tink said...

RR: Hope your post-fast headache goes away soon! *HUGS*

REReader said...

Thanks, Tink! I'll probably be a bit off tomorrow, too, but that's normal. The headache is subsiding, so all in all it counts as a good day. (The services were very nice this year, too. :) )

Tink said...

RR: I'm glad they were. I didn't know the appropriate adjective to use when asking about it XD Mind you, I'm tired so forgot to use my standard 'did you have a holy Holy day?' :D

REReader said...

I didn't know there was an appropriate adjective! And yes to the holy part--I feel I managed to stay pretty well focused, at least while my head was still working right. :D

Desert Wanderer said...

Glad to hear it went well, RR. :)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Tink - we don't really do trick or treating here, no. I think it's starting to catch on in areas that have a lot of young families - so in the few streets around schools, things like that, but not as a general thing. I can't imagine anyone doing it around here.

And the only erotica writer around here is Danger.

Mycroft said...

Hello Ria. Thank you, I am enjoying most of my subjects, and making some friends. Sorry I can't reply in Chinese, I can't write any yet.

REReader, I don't feel left out. I'm very busy here and I'm sure Sherlock will have a nice time with Mummy. Lestrade's right about Mrs Hudson. She struggles to keep up with Sherlock.

REReader said...

I knew you could work it out, Mycroft, I was just a little concerned because feelings don't always respond well to logic. I'm so glad I had no cause for worry. I'm also delighted to hear you're making friends. I have a few friends I first met at about your age, and although we don't see each very often any more, it's a special thing, to have friends that have known you that long.

REReader said...

I've been trying to post a comment on John's latest post, but it won't take! Do you have any idea what the problem is?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

No. Usually they at least go to spam, but I haven't seen anything show up.

I'm no expert though. You need Mycroft! I suppose keep trying?

REReader said...

I've tried logging in and out, and also changing browsers. No luck. What happens is, I click "Post Comment", and everything blinks, and that's it, back to where I started. The captcha doesn't come up. Same thing when I click the "Preview" button.

And yeah, I'll keep trying!

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

We did have a problem once before - Mycroft said it was Blogger. We had to switch to having comments on a different page for a while. So instead of this box, the link opened a new page up. Maybe we need to do that again. Sorry.

REReader said...

Aha! I think I figured it out--I had a bit of html code in there that perhaps Blogger couldn't understand. At least, when I deleted it, the post went through. Very sorry to worry you...serves me right for trying to be fancy.

Anon Without A Name said...

I have voted custard creams in your poll, because they are the best biscuit, undoubtedly. But I don't dunk. *ick*

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

You don't dunk? What kind of monster are you? (Although I don't dunk in coffee, obviously. Unless it's biscotti.)


I made custard creams once. (Yes, with some of my many pastry cutters, before anyone asks) They were very nice.

John H. D. Watson said...

That sounds good...

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Do you mean coffee and biscotti? Or custard creams?

John H. D. Watson said...

The both sound good, but homemade custard creams... Yes.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

well, if we bake something for Mrs Holmes on Tuesday evening, I could knock out some custard creams too.

Anon Without A Name said...

I'm the kind of monster who hasn't told your boyfriend what yiffing is. Yet :-p (The only thing that gets added to my tea is a tiny spalsh of milk; my custard creams retain all their crunchy creamy glory, and are not reduced to a sodden mess.)

And you *made* custard creams? Blimey, that's impressive.

John H. D. Watson said...

His boyfriend appreciates that. Pretty sure I do not want to know in this case.

REReader said...

I know what "yiffing" is because furries featured in an episode of CSI when I was still watching it. Yeah, not knowing is a good thing.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I'm going to start repeating myself over both blogs now...Custard creams are easy, really.

X said...

L, I learned what yiffing was thanks to an episode of CSI. Dare I ask what your excuse is? ;). Also, for what little you saw of it, hope you enjoyed Firefly enough to start watching it. I got into both House and Criminal Minds by starting to watch them while sick, oddly enough -- something about being hazy and sleepy makes everything more intense I suppose.... Don't watch either any more, though.

Also, fab to see the return of Greg the florist! Of course, now that the two have mutually recognized their attraction, will we porn seekers finally have our questionable interests fulfilled in one of these blogs? ;)

Good to see from the heightened innuendo in your comments that you're feeling better --- well done you, Nanny John!

X said...

HAH! Just saw your comment, ReReader. Glad I'm not the only one -- I've had a few people doubt me on that front before. :P

REReader said...

I know. Because all I could think when watching the show was "...really?"

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

X - I've explained on Danger's blog - the yiffing was for a case. I mean, me finding out about it...

And as for porn, it's his blog you want to look at for that ;) (no, really, given our younger readers, and the fact it would be wildly embarrassing, I can't imagine there will be porn.)

REReader said...

Just as well. Because I really don't look for porn.

(Which is not to say I've never seen any--internet, after all. And some borderline writers are very good, although I stop at NC-17 level.)

John H. D. Watson said...

the yiffing was for a case.

Heh.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

You can't 'heh' AND claim you don't know what it is...

RR - I can barely cope of the idea of how embarrassing it would be to have any of your read what may or may not go on in my mind regarding Danger and sex!

REReader said...

Yes. Well. Some things are meant to be private, even in the internet age. Part of why they are special.

John H. D. Watson said...

Can so. It's a funny word. Anyhow, I'm getting a vague impression, and I'm less worried since it doesn't seem to involve any actual animals.

I can barely cope of the idea of how embarrassing it would be to have any of your read what may or may not go on in my mind regarding Danger and sex!

He's not kidding, half the time he'll barely tell me!

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Quite. Anyway, I might accidentally let slip about his third nipple, or the six toes on his left foot...


...oops?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

He's not kidding, half the time he'll barely tell me!

Showing is better than telling... Seriously, though, it's difficult! (I nearly said 'hard'...) because I don't ever want to make you feel like you should do anything you don't want to.

REReader said...

Heh.

And awwwww.

John H. D. Watson said...

You're very sweet, and you don't need to worry about that, I promise.

I nearly said 'hard'...

I'm sure it's that, as well...

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I don't think I'll ever be able to not worry about it, to be honest. but I will get better at telling you, and trusting you to say 'no'. Or I'll try to, anyway.

innie said...

You could just write the intro to porn with John and Greg and then put "etc." in 48-pt, flashing, sparkly font. We'd know what you meant.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Innie - then I'd worry what you lot were thinking about us getting up to! It's probably far worse than what we'd write!

REReader said...

Which is why a fade to blowing curtains in an old film is so much sexier. (Than anything, really.)

innie said...

Between John's underwear modeling and your wandering around in leathers speaking Italian, you've already covered most of the good fantasies - I think you'd be safe.

John H. D. Watson said...

L - as long as you're not secretly into yiffing I'm sure we'll be just fine.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

well, almost anything, RR... ;)

I don't wander around in leathers! Jeans and a jacket, sometimes. And I don't speak Italian here very often.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Danger - no. I like to be able to see you, not some bizarre cartoon dog or something!

REReader said...

Ha! True. Any fiction or description, I should have said.

Anon Without A Name said...

John, Lestrade - how do the pair of you manage to so be so adorable even when you're talking about doing filthy things to each other?

Lestrade - are you going to post your custard cream recipe for us at some point?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Nameless - Danger is always adorable. No idea how I manage it.

I will post the recipe! I'll write it down when I make them (I can only remember stuff like that when I'm doing it. Useless at trying to recount it without going through all the steps.) Or have my rather attractive secretary write it down for me.

Random Anon Lurker said...

RE: Yiffing.

Guys... look, I know furries aren't the most popular subculture. I'm not a furry myself, but I've got a friend who is, and he was and is really offended by the CSI episode and the assumptions people make about him because of it. I know it's funny to some people, but -

Look at it this way. Some people have preferences that, while perfectly legal and harmless, are "abnormal" and can leave people open to ridicule or abhorrence if discovered. As an asexual, it's something I've experienced myself.

Sorry to be a downer, but it's kind of a touchy subject for me.

X said...

Random Anon Lurker -- you make a very good point, and I apologize for offending. That episode was the way I first became aware of the furry subculture, as I'm sure it was for many. I don't imagine that the portrayal was anything but over sensationalized.

L-- I can barely cope of the idea of how embarrassing it would be to have any of your read what may or may not go on in my mind regarding Danger and sex!.

And to be honest, it would be awkward for us to read with the latent assumption of the characters being even quasi-accurate depictions of you and John. But since you brought up the comment about us making it here in search of porn, I felt I had to keep up our side of the bargain as the porn-seekers we are. ;) (well, with the exception of RR -- you're off the hook!)

REReader said...

well, with the exception of RR

*ahem* Well, I don't run screaming, either. I just don't actively seek it out. I'm certainly old enough to stop reading if something bothers me. Or not. (Actually, I was old enough for that at age 8. ;) )

Random Anon Lurker--I can't imagine anyone of the people I've seen regularly posting here meaning to ridicule anyone else's sexual proclivities, but if anything I've said offended you, I sincerely apologize. As for CSI, I'm afraid you'll have to take it up with them.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Random Anon Lurker - sorry, we should probably all have thought about what we were saying more. Like I said on Danger's blog, I don't see anything wrong with it - doesn't hurt anyone, so people can do as they please. But we still shouldn't have treated it like a joke.

As for CSI - I've never seen it, so no idea how anyone was portrayed, but it's a shame if they did a bad job, given that lots of people will have been introduced to the concept via the show.

And it's never a downer to protect people and stand up for them.

Random Anon Lurker said...

Thanks, guys. I know you were just kidding around, none of you guys were being offensive or anything, but... as I said, kind of a touchy subject on my friend's behalf. I see the words "furry" or "yiff" in conjunction with "CSI" and I know where it's going to go eventually, you know?

And it's never a downer to protect people and stand up for them.

Wise words to live by.

As for CSI... Yeah, apparently my friend wasn't alone in booing CSI about that episode. Don't worry, I'm pretty sure the Furry community's got that one.

«Oldest ‹Older   1 – 200 of 207   Newer› Newest»

Post a Comment