1 December 2011

The first day of the rest of my life...

Well, that was the month that was...

I didn't think I'd manage to do the post per day - I didn't think you'd all still be reading by the end! I definitely didn't think I'd manage to find a title for each post.

But wow, it's gone so fast!

Yesterday...well, thanks, to all of you. And for those of you who said that what I'd written had helped a bit, that really helps me, so thank you for letting me know. And...well, yeah, I think it was probably good for me. Probably.

However, there are still some questions remaining from the month of living dangerously...

Anon, I will get to answering your question. I'm just not in the right frame of mind, given the discussions today. So instead I'll answer Small Hobbit's question.

You're obviously very good with children - have you ever wished you had a child of your own?



Sooo...yes and no.

When Carla and then Paul were born I tried to spend time with Nicky, on leave, because we've always been close, and it was bloody exciting. And I can't pretend that watching her and them and holding them and spending time with them I wasn't...jealous? Envious? that it was something I couldn't have. I mean, I was in my mid thirties, practically everyone I knew was busy having babies. My little sister was having babies, and they were so perfect. And when I couldn't get there for a few weeks they'd change so much the next time I saw them...


But back then, even if I had wanted it, and been with someone who also did, legally we couldn't have adopted, and...well, it seemed like a pointless thing to even think about. So I tried not to.


And then, so many things happened which would have made me (and Bryan) a totally unsuitable parent - well, it was just never even an option. And now I would say I'm too old and too busy, if I'm honest. So I'll just be very very grateful I can spend time with the boys - even if it's never enough, being that I only see Sherlock for an hour or so in the morning and a few hours in the evening most days, and Mycroft even less, obviously, and enjoy that.

62 comments:

Small Hobbit said...

Thank you so much for answering my question. The answer doesn't particularly surprise me, given your situation. I'm very glad that you are have the opportunity to be with Sherlock and Mycroft and share things with them.

Small Hobbit said...

Sorry, my comment above doesn't really convey the depth of what I wanted to say. Where's DW when I need something erudite saying?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

So am I. It really is brilliant - like being handed an unbelievable opportunity, and then, just to top it off, being able to share it all with Danger - without whom obviously I wouldn't be doing any of it.

John H. D. Watson said...

Just so you know, I think you'd make a wonderful father.

Desert Wanderer said...

Where's DW when I need something erudite saying?

*blushes* Thanks, SH. I was fighting off hordes of alien!furniture, of course.

I second the Doc, Lestrade. And I'm sure Sherlock and Mycroft are better off for knowing you (as evidenced by Mrs. H. being the one to suggest you moving in...) I know I'm better off and I only "see" you for minutes a day. :)

I would also like to take this opportunity to goat, since I won the bet on when you would run out of titles.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I...thanks.

You would, too. Well, you do, really.

And I definitely couldn't do it without you.

DW - you 'goat' all you like. You earned all goating rights.

REReader said...

This one...cuts a bit close for me. Because I always assumed I'd have children as a matter of course (Orthodox Jew, and well, it's just assumed), and then last year it became a total impossibility thanks to some surgery. (And, to be honest, my age made it unwise a bit earlier than that anyway.)

And, well. I felt--feel--kind of guilty because I was never quite sure I actively wanted to have children. I adore my nieces and nephews, and I am supposed to be "good with children" (which I think means I treat them like people instead of an alien species), and I always enjoyed babysitting and could always put a baby to sleep--but I never had a specific pull to have a baby of my own. So...I dunno. I know it doesn't make sense, but I feel like I caused it to be impossible to have kids.


And I think you'd be a wonderful father--and are an excellent "male authority figure" (and friend) to Sherlock and Mycroft. As obviously is John.

Desert Wanderer said...

Damn it. Who knew Karma was such a quick SOB? That's what I get for gloating. (I typed "floating" at first).

RR, :(. Sounds like you're the "cool aunt" though, and sometimes it's very important for kids to have people other than their parents who provide some guidance/advice.

Ruby said...

RR, L: I guess the upside is that being the fun aunt/uncle means you don't have to be the responsible one, and say no?

But I have to qualify that: with Sherlock around, I'm sure there's plenty of saying no.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

RR - I suppose I'm sort of the opposite. Always knew I could have kids, but now it's sort of too late suddenly, potentially, it would be possible.

But Sherlock, Mycroft and John really round off my life just perfectly, so I can't complain.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

COULDN'T have kids...I should go to bed

Anon Without A Name said...

Lestrade, you say you only see Sherlock for a few hours a day, and Mycroft even less - but you see the boys as much as any parent would.

Personally I think that both you be wonderful parents, and that you are both clearly fantastic role models/father figures/friends to the boys.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Nameless - I know, and honestly, I don't know how some of the people I work with do it. Not with the hours we work. I'm lucky that Sherlock wakes early and goes to bed late. Most young kids wouldn't be up before I left and would be asleep before I got home.

I salute anyone who juggles working and parenthood. Hell, I salute anyone who manages parenthood, really.

piplover said...

I've never particularly wanted kids, and was quite happy when I was told I can't have them, not without a whole load of complications I'm not willing to deal with, anyway.

But I admire people who do have kids and all the challenges therein.

I think you and John are doing amazing with the boys, and I bet the boys are thankful to have you in their life.

Families aren't always born into creation, and I think the ones we make are sometimes even more powerful.

REReader said...

DW, Ruby--Problem is, my one sister is a pretty cool mom, so I don't get many points that way with her kids. (They love me anyway. :) ) I guess I am another point of view, though.

Lestrade, while it's true that you and John aren't Sherlock and Mycroft's parents, you ARE part of (the most present part) of their family. That counts. That's as important as it gets.

Calliope said...

I've been trying to have kids for about 8 years now. And after years of tests/fertility drugs (ow) and emotional ups and downs, mostly I want a dog. I'm tired, you know?. But my little sister had a girl last April. She is a little miracle that I can play with and give back. :)

My hubby still wants a kid, but...I'm 39. Ah well. Don't want to depress you lot. I figure I'll just see what the next year holds. (But after that: Dog and 1967 Mustang. This I vow.)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Sorry for bringing up a difficult subject.

REReader said...

Nonono!

First, you didn't bring it up, you answered a question.

Second, well, it's quite...freeing, maybe?...to be able to talk about difficult subjects in such a lovely, non-judgmental environment. Really.

REReader said...

(Now please go back to sleep... :) )

Calliope said...

Eek. Honestly. It was nice to actually say that. RR is right. Don't stress.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Ok, thanks.

Tink said...

*hugs everyone*

Sorry I've not been around. Large bit of stress leading up to Thanksgiving and its attached weekend and then I've been hiding from the world ever since. I'll be catching up with everything tomorrow I think.

Greg, I also agree with John. You'd make a fantastic dad.

However, you do realise you've left yourself open to the 'who gets pregnant' debate again ;D

REReader said...

Good morning, then, Lestrade! (You, too , Sherlock. And you, John, when you are coherent!)

You make a good point, Tink :D (Sorry your Thanksgiving was so exhausting.)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Welcome back, Tink. Sorry thanksgiving was stressful.

Morning RR. Sherlock's just got up and says good morning too. (he's busy sorting cornflakes into piles. I have to idea why. It'll be a nice surprise for Danger to have well sorted cereal...)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

No idea, even...

God it's tempting to go back to bed.

REReader said...

Sorting cereal...by size, shape, or shade of brownish? Inquiring minds want to know.

Yes, John will be so pleased, organized flakes.

REReader said...

(And I'd love to fall asleep, but it's not happening yet.)

Sherlock said...

By size and shape. I made a grid so the biggest are one end and the smallest at the other and there's a pile for ones that are wrong.

Lestrade should go back to bed and then later he can make proper breakfast like pancakes because he won't make them this early ever.

REReader said...

That sounds very well thought out, Sherlock. Are you finding any patterns--like, are the smaller one any darker than the bigger ones?

What is "wrong"--shapes that don't fit the grid?

And Lestrade doesn't make pancakes so early because he's too sleepy and doesn't have enough time. Maybe he could make pancakes his next day off if you ask right.

Calliope said...

Sherlock, do you organize Smarties by color? I do that. I like the sound of your organized cereal.

Sherlock said...

They're mainly the same colour. The wrong ones are really burnt or broken.

Lestrade's off tomorrow so we should have the pancakes with fruit.

Calliope, I'm not allowed many sweets like that because John says I go hyper, but I like the orange ones best so always save them. And John always thinks it's because I don't like them and tries to eat them.

REReader said...

Still a worthy endeavor, even if you aren't finding any patterns.

If you'd like pancakes with fruit tomorrow, you should think of a nice way to ask Lestrade to make them. People like to be asked, even if it's something they might do anyway--in this case, it would let him know you appreciate him making them, so he'll be happier to make them.

I always save my favorite parts of things for last, too. (If you explain it to John, he'd probably take a different color.)

REReader said...

And now I'm going to see if I can't fall asleep--have a nice morning!

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Hope you manage it RR.

And we only try to steal Sherlock's Smarties to wind him up - we do know they're his favourites. But it's amusing how much consideration he puts into deciding which colour we can have instead.

Desert Wanderer said...

I do that, too, Sherlock. I don't remember if I've ha Smarties or not. I did really like the Flying Saucers. Does that mean you like Jaffa Cakes as well?

Anon Without A Name said...

Hello Tink, glad to see you - I was only wondering yesterday if you were OK.

I'm impressed by the cornflake-sorting, Sherlock. I'm barely awake enough to type this, let alone do anything more intellectually challenging. Plus I almost never eat breakfast (this is not good), so I have no cornflakes to sort even if I was up for the challenge.

DW - Mmmm, Jaffa Cakes.

Small Hobbit said...

I'd suggest jaffa cakes for breakfast, but I don't think the Doc would approve.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

God, now I want Jaffa cakes. Sal, want to pop down the shops?

Desert Wanderer said...

Y'all can keep the Jaffa Cakes; I'll stick with Jammie Dodgers. ;)

Sally said...

You're a DI and I'm your DS. You want a maid you need to go and be your fantasy land florist, sir, in your castle.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Fiesty this morning Sal!

Would you like a Jaffa Cake? I may have bought some when I nipped out earlier...

Desert Wanderer said...

Sally, if you're Lestrade's DS, and Lestrade is Sherlock's DI, does that make you Sherlock's DS?

Sally said...

I'm the Met's DS, they just make sure I'm here to keep an eye on him.

And I will have a Jaffa cake. Thanks, sir.

REReader said...

I slept some. Enough for a Friday. (I can sleep and sleep once Shabbat stats!)

we only try to steal Sherlock's Smarties to wind him up

*shakes head, rolls eyes*

I would totally try to arrange a hostage swap for my favorite color candies--I assume these are candies?--just like Sherlock. (I was going to say "When I was his age," but if I'm going to be honest, I'd still do it. Heh.)

Ha, Sally! Be careful, or you'll find you've got a role in the Greg-the-Florst saga!

Desert Wanderer said...

They're a bit like Sprees, RR.

The Yard couldn't have picked a better DS for such a difficult task, Sally. :)

REReader said...

And are Sprees a kind of candy? (Who makes up these names?!)

REReader said...

Okay--Smarties look like M&Ms--candy coated chocolate discs, is that the right ones? Because if so, color is very important.

mazarin221b said...

Just keep the green ones away from the King of Innuendo over there.

(Although that may just be a U.S./Green M&M thing. When I was younger, we always teased that the green ones made you...ah, happy, in a special way.)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

RR - yes, chocolate things covered in a crispy sugar shell, same shape roughly as M&Ms.

Mazarin - I have never heard of anything special about any colour of Smarties (except the blue ones were banned for ages, and now they'rer back! But that's because they changed to all natural colourings and couldn't make blue at first, but have now worked out how.) So...happy in exactly what special way?

REReader said...

Mmmmm, chocolate.

I never heard the green M&Ms story, either, having led a very sheltered life, apparently--they're supposed to be aphrodisiacs. You may now explain that to Sherlock.

(You can find it on Snopes.com--the mobile app won't let me paste the URL--if you search green M&Ms. :) )

Tink said...

Green M&Ms are supposed to be helpful in the adult fun sort of way, to get you in the mood shall we say :D

Thank you everyone who thought of me, I'm doing okay now. I just can't believe how much stress I just went through... or rather, I wouldn't if I hadn't just done it.

Now that I've had a night to sleep on it, I want to return to the original topic a bit... I'm not quite 30 yet (several months to go! There's still time! *snickers*) but my doctor says that if I don't start having kids before my mid-thirties my chances of having them drop even more drastically than they do for 'normal' women. So I'm a wee bit scared that as much as I desperately want to be a mother, I wont get to be. I guess that's why I'm in child care, so that I can love and adore other people's children every day...

I still think, after a night of sleep, that you'd be a great dad Greg. I really do. In fact I dreamed about it and it had to be one of the most harried adorable dreams I've ever had.

John: You'd make a great dad too. See above dream!

Desert Wanderer said...

Green M&Ms are supposed to make Lestallions cock their tails suggestively.

Tink said...

I love how many different answers we're giving for the same thing about candy *giggles*

Also, on another note, it seems I have to catch up from the 15th of November until now. *flail* I hadn't realised that I'd missed so much. DW filled me in on the super huge bits, but I want to read everything. ONWARD!

mazarin221b said...

Yes, what REReader and Tink said. They even played off of it in a commercial over here, so its a pretty widespread thing.

We didn't have red M&Ms when I was really young, because of concerns about the red coloring they were using. Supposedly a new, safer color, and it was a huge deal when red M&Ms were reintroduced.

I wish we had Smarties here. I've found them once or twice, but UK chocolate bars are much easier to find. I prefer British chocolate to American (sacrelidge! Sorry, Hershey!) and I'd eat a Flake every day if I could.

Tink - While your doctor is giving you sound advice, because of certain issues that crop up even in "normal" women as you age, don't despair. Really. *hugs* All the best to you.

mazarin221b said...

Supposedly a new, safer color *WAS DEVELOPED*

Sigh. I blame the fact that my new coffee cup is smaller than my old one and my intake is thus lessened.

Tink said...

Maz: I already have a couple issues that pretty much mean I'm going to need help getting pregnant anyway. So I guess I'm just scared, not despairing yet. I've sort of got a plan to save money and have a baby by myself at 34 if I don't have a partner by then. But there's a lot of saving money involved, which is kind of difficult at the moment. But I'll get there!

REReader said...

Tink, best of luck. I have complete faith anyone who loves children so much will find a way to have a baby.

Tink said...

RR: Thanks :D I'd love to have a whole passel of children really, but I'm also open to adoption (my family is blended and mixed up) so depending on how my life goes, I may be able to have exactly what I want and help out some children who need homes at the same time. But I do want to have one genetically mine baby too. SO. We'll find a way! I may be scared, but I'm also determined. (And four years is a long time! Things may change!)

REReader said...

Four years IS a long time in science and technology years. I wouldn't worry yet.

Calliope said...

You can do it, Tink! *\0/* <--- me with pom poms.

H. Savinien said...

I have absolutely zero interest in reproducing. This dismays my father, who would like me to pass on the genes, but I have two younger brothers, both apparently hetero, so the queer big sister doesn't feel the need. If I really want to raise kids eventually, I'll adopt some queer/gender variant young teens and give them a home. I'm a youth services librarian; I get all the kid-time I want at work.

CzechReader said...

Hi, still lurking around and catching up.

To Tink, if she will read it nearly 2 months too late: My mom's first marriage was to a schizophrenic guy. When she got pregnant by him, his family basically forced her to have an abortion done (they had not told her what's up with him before and they believed it was hereditary) and it seems it was botched. She had several miscarriages then.

Two more marriages later and being 36 years old she finally managed not only to get pregnant but stay pregnant and bring me into this world. And I wasn't even planned :-) So... ;-)

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