28 November 2011

I'm not your average beat boy, I'm not your rebel guy, You want to make us hated, You want to make us slide, no clause 28

Well, the video is a...piece of history? I may have worn things like that and danced in a similar style. Possibly. I couldn't possibly say. And only 15 years later did they realise the song was right and final repeal the act...



I'm trying to remember any other questions I've been asked. Some of them do have very short answers, so I've sort of not answered them.

Did I ever want to play a different musical instrument? No, not really. I've played the drums a few times, and it's okay, but the guitar had it all for me, really.

What would I do with a year off...I literally have no idea. I mean, not with my life the way it is. I suppose...I suppose I'd love to just head off, on my bike, with John and just...no plan, no destination, just following our noses. Maybe down through Africa, or right over to Asia - that would be amazing. But then so would a huge road trip around America or something. But obviously that can't happen with the boys. And I'd probably always fret I wasn't at work, if I'm honest!

As for who I'd have dinner with...I honestly can't think of anyone. Which sounds awful! But I'm not exactly up on history, and...well, I can't think of one person. I can think of hundreds, but I don't really know enough about any of them to know if they're good choices!

So, briefly, Nameless said: But, for the record, I for one would not have a fit of the vapours if you chose to share your most ridiculous/funny/OMG-I-can't-believe-I-did-that sexual encounter with us...





Well... Being young, gay and...um...interested, most of the ridiculousness in my early love life was centred around avoiding discovery. Usually by other people's parents, but occasionally friends/flatmates.

One day I was with my boyfriend of the time, and we were...well, we'd been together a month or so, getting a little more experimental, a little bolder.

His house was nice - rich parents - and he had a double bed, so if we ever could we went to his, not mine. His bed also had a large, sturdy, metal bed head.

So, his parents were out at a dinner party or something. We went upstairs and decided it would be a stunningly good idea if he were to tie me up and...knowing you lot I have absolutely no doubt you can imagine what might follow.

All was going well - really very well - until there was a noise. People, laughter...quite a few people. And footsteps on the stairs.

He did what any terrified gay lad with a boyfriend tied to their bed would do. He shoved me, hard, off the side of his bed and onto the floor whilst grabbing his jeans and a shirt and a book and sitting at his desk looking studious and innocent.

This plan would have worked considerably better if I hadn't still been tied to the headboard. So I was sort of half on the floor, half suspended, very naked. He'd chucked the cover over my arms enough to hide me, and there was a knock at the door.

His mum came in, explained that their friend's house had had a power cut and everyone was to finish off dinner there, and insisted he went down to join them.

This left me in what could accurately be called 'a bit of a bind'. I tried everything. Undoing the knots with my teeth, wriggling, biting, trying to work my hands around to undo the knots, everything. But I was all awkwardly stuck against the side of the bed, the bedside table, with a lot of tension on the ropes and I just couldn't get free.

it was about two hours later he finally got back to me and freed me, but I still couldn't escape, because of the people downstairs. I was freezing, dying for a cigarette and had seriously gone off the idea of bondage.

So yeah, not the most exciting evening of my life. Still, we laughed it off...sort of...

111 comments:

John H. D. Watson said...

Two hours he left you there?! What a little prick.

REReader said...

Yeah, somehow I don't find this very funny. He really could have ducked out for long enough almost immediately.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Well, I didn't have any way of accurately measuring time, so I don't know exactly. It was a long time though, my hands were numb.

But to be fair to him we were both terrified, and he was very apologetic. I don't suppose his brain could come up with a decent excuse for 'sorry I need to go and free the boy I have tied naked to my bed' in the middle of polite dinner party conversation.

REReader said...

How about just, "Excuse me" with vague gestures toward the bathroom? (Although I suppose if he was young and scared enough it might not have occurred. But still.)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Honestly, scared doesn't even begin to cover it. His father was terrifying - I don't expect he had a single sensible thought in his head for quite some time. Plus they had a downstairs bathroom, so if anyone had decided to come and see why he'd come upstairs, only to find him attempting to free me...

Anyway, like I said, we did sort of laugh it off, nervously.

Anon Without A Name said...

Thank you for answering my question :-) I admit I was expecting something more daft, and not so much something that left me feeling several kinds of sorry for you both (and OK, I am smiling a bit, because naked and tied to a headboard? Come on).

I'm guessing, given you say you were both quite young and he was still living with his parents, that you would both have been under the age of consent at the time (ooh, that's a possibly incriminating question, isn't it? I just meant that the age of consent was still 21 until the mid-nineties). And, as per your video, homophobia was not just rife, it was officially sanctioned - mandatory even, in schools.

I can only imagine how scared he was - and you must have been too, as well as annoyed and uncomfortable and cold.

God, you poor hapless boys.

(On the subject of your video - I had the biggest crush on Boy George in the early eighties. Flawless skin, exotic clothes, perfect makeup - oh my)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I was once with a bloke who slipped on some errant lube and gave himself a nasty groin-strain ;) but some of the other more amusing stories are perhaps a little much for this blog!

Really, no need to feel sorry for us. We were pretty hapless! And we did stay together for a little bit afterward, before drifting apart. We had nothing in common.

As for your incriminating question, I'm fairly sure no one would act now, but I shall still say 'no comment' - but, um...discovery could have been very serious, yes. Boy George was never my type, but I did admire his spirit.

REReader said...

Really, no need to feel sorry for us.

Heh, like that's going to work with us. (But I'm glad to know you don't feel it was as bad as it sounds.)

Anon Without A Name said...

I was once with a bloke who slipped on some errant lube and gave himself a nasty groin-strain

That is so not how I expected that sentence to end :-p

OK, I'll stop feeling sorry for you. I had my fair share of hapless encounters with daft lads when I was young. Never ended up abandoned naked while any of them went off for dinner with the parents, mind :-)

I don't suppose I was Boy George's type, but strangely enough, that never occurred to me when I was 13. God, I led a sheltered life for a while.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Didn't we all lead sheltered lives, once?

REReader said...

Once? I'm sure I lead a very sheltered life n...

Wait, we have the internet now. Nevermind. :)

Rider said...

Nameless, I expected the sentence to end in "and the people in A&E reckoned they'd heard that story before, but it was usually slipping on soap"

John H. D. Watson said...

Possibly we all led more sheltered lives before the internet...

Small Hobbit said...

Rider, or they say it was caused by slipping on soap.

And I'm sorry Lestrade, but I find your story very funny. I realise it wasn't at the time, but still.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

No, it really was. Well, okay, not right at the time, but once I was freed and had fled into the night, we met up the next day and laughed about it - what else could we have done??

Shame the lube wasn't in reach, I probably could have slipped free...

REReader said...

Possibly we all led more sheltered lives before the internet...

I certainly know a great many things I probably would never have even heard of without the internet! (I imagine the same goes only more so the younger one is...)

Anon Without A Name said...

I think my life was exceptionally sheltered when I was at school, despite growing up with older brothers, and going to an all-girls school. It was when I moved away from home to go to college that I really started experiencing things for myself (and let's face it, reading about stuff on t'interwebs will only take you so far). An educational few years, in more ways than one :-)

Desert Wanderer said...

The list of things I've learned just from this blog is staggering. Lube types, recipes, tennis players and matches, music, movies, My Little Pony, various uses of Marmite, suggestive plant names...

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I...don't know whether to be proud or slightly embarrassed!

Calliope said...

Being educational is good! (As a librarian, I may be biased, but it's still the truth.)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Right, if anyone asks I'm saying a Librarian told me I was doing a good thing.

REReader said...

Why, your blog is practically a PSA!

Rider said...

PSA? Now why am I considering just what that acronym could stand for given this is Lestallion's blog?

Words starting with P....

Calliope said...

This is our story and we are sticking to it. *nods*

REReader said...

<---Innocent

Not responsible for Rider's (or anyone else's) ideas.

Rider said...

RR I thought we had established it was John's fault?

REReader said...

No, Lestrade has established that everything is John's fault. Not everyone is quite convinced of that particular theory.

Desert Wanderer said...

....is that you at 3:15, Lestrade?

It's the S that's killing me, Rider. So many verbs, so little time!

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

3:15? What, on the video? Sadly my dancing skills weren't that...special.

And everything is usually John's fault, but not tonight. Tonight he just needs reminding he's gorgeous, talented, skilled, caring, wonderful and anyone who meets him is lucky.

REReader said...

That shouldn't be hard to convince him of, seeing as it's true. :)

And for some reason I'm reminded to ask--has Sherlick had any questions about body piercing (or sexual positions) or is he totally uninterested still? (No real reason, just curious.)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

'Sherlick' has had a few...

"Why?" mainly, with regard to piercing. He stared at his own nipples for a few moments, then declared me 'stupid'.

I have so far dodged the sex questions - but he's generally quite uninterested.


And it shouldn't be difficult, but he's a bit nervous.

Desert Wanderer said...

anyone who meets him is lucky.

And even people who will never "officially" meet him. And he had a very discerning taste in music at a young age. :)

REReader said...

Aaaaaarrgh!! Stupid big fingers/little keys!!! SherlOck!!!

And ha! That's getting straight to the main point, isn't it? :)

(I imagine he'd stay uninterested a while yet. It's hard to keep in mind from the way he talks/writes, but six is really very young.)

John, surely we can't all be wrong! You're going to be amazing. We know this to be true. I tell you three times.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Sadly he thinks his denim jacket wouldn't quite give the professional air he's after...bet he didn't ask Sarah if she was a fellow Sparkles lover when they were talking abuot music...

mazarin221b said...

I'm with RR, John. You're going to be completely awesome, and anyone who sees you tomorrow will have drawn the lucky straw in the doc department.

REReader said...

He'd have to cover the denim jacket with the white coat anyway, so it would be wasted. I'm sure he's saving it for when it will be properly appreciated. :D


I spent the evening at my t'ai chi class, and on the train home I was thinking Sherlock is one thing, but...but no. I'm sure Mycroft is sensible enough to tell you immediately if he gets any questions or anything from his classmates about what's on here.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

GPs don't wear white coats, RR.

And I hope Mycroft's peers have no clue about these blogs.

REReader said...

Please be back asleep by the time I finish pecking this out!

Now, I would fithat doctor without a white cost quite odd--they mostly do here. Even Nurse Practitioners do here. Anyone in the medical profession that gets near you in the US usually wears a white coat or scrubs--sometimes both. At least, any medical professional I've ever seen. I suppose doctors in private practice outside major cities might not.

Teenagers with Internet access and a connection to you two not have seen these blogs? Well, anything is possible. (Might you be interested in buying a large bridge?)

REReader said...

That was meant to be "I would find a doctor without a white coat odd".

Why can't we correct comments? I want correctibility!

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

GPs just wear what they want. I've never seen one in a white coat. And hospitals all have a policy for everyone to have bare forearms, for washing/hygiene so I think white coats are probably very rare now.

Maybe you're right. I can't imagine a teenager remembering what our names are long enough to think about Googling us. But maybe I'm being an idiot.

REReader said...

Interesting, these differences are! The things I'm learning. :)

Well, it's quite possible they'd not bother to Google you (although those that heard your talk might, if nothing distracted them)--but if they googled Mycroft they'd probably find John's blog. And I can quite easily see teenage boys googling each other, if they're bored.

Anon Without A Name said...

So, we had orders to tell John to go back to bed to be cuddled to sleep if he was up and about in the middle of the night, and here's you posting at quarter past four! Tsk.

Hope you managed to get back to sleep OK (although posting again at half five doesn't suggest a nice restful night)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Nameless - I was just checking on him, honest ;)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

20 tonnes of Marmite spilt on the M1? Someone get me a car and a lot of toast...I'll help the clean up.

Desert Wanderer said...

I can just see the requisition form now:

Item: "Vast quantities of quasi-permeable wheat-based foodstuffs."

Rationale: "Public safety hazard and ensuing public relations efforts require presence of senior leaders. Also, it's nearly lunch time."

Signed,
G. Lestrade
P.M.A.S.*

*(President, Marmite Appreciation Society)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

More paperwork? I'll volunteer off duty.

REReader said...

At least you're not abandoning them...

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

abandoning who?

REReader said...

Why, the other members of the Marmite Appreciation Society, of course. *big eyes*

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

right.

Sorry, not firing on all cylinders

REReader said...

That's okay. *forgivingly* You're probably slightly distracted by a few little thises and thats...

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

a few, yeah

REReader said...

Busy day? Nothing too horrific, I hope.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Not busy, horrific enough though.

Am at homw waiting for my brain to stop fighting out of my skull and the rest

REReader said...

I'm sorry.

Sounds like some paracetamol and a nap would not be amiss.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

sort of lost track of painkillers because I've been throwing up.

slightly scared of hurricane Sherlock landing soon, but he'll bring the doc with him.

mazarin221b said...

Are there other members of the MAS? *ducks and runs*

mazarin221b said...

OH jeez, I post a joke and there you are, puking. I'm so sorry.

My son is doing the same, all night last night. Sigh. Must be the time of year.

(captcha says "ingurks" Yeah, that's about right, I'm guessing.)

John H. D. Watson said...

Are you all right? I mean, obviously you're not, but is this random illness or did something happen? I'm just out of work, be home with Sherlock as soon as I can.

REReader said...

Oh, boy--that's miserable, L. Sip water when you can--SIP, not drink--and get what rest you can. John should be coming home pretty soon, right? And Sherlock is not going to jump on you when you're ill.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Maz - don't worry

Danger, just a migraine. Had them all my life. just not very often anymore. don't worry either

John H. D. Watson said...

I'm sorry, love. Is there anything you want me to get on the way home?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

no, just you

mazarin221b said...

Ugh, migranes are miserable. I get them sometimes, too. So I feel your pain, literally, and hope you get better really soon. Maybe you could go hide in your bedroom with the door closed until it passes.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

hiding in the bathroom right now, wet flannel on my head :)

REReader said...

For heaven's sake, Lestrade, stop peering at tiny type on a tiny screen!

Hope it passes soon.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

im okay. got over the tunnel vision/80s pop video effects in my sight. now just a steady thud

Sally said...

Glad you've got the Doc with you now, Sir.

He was looking a bit grey when he left, John.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I always look grey, Sal

John H. D. Watson said...

All right, Sherlock's staying with Mrs Hudson for a bit. Anything I can do for you?

REReader said...

Take away his phone, John!

(I'm just going to believe you took a taxi home, L, so I don't get a retroactive hysterical fit.)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

you must be sick of sick people. i'm ok. as long as i don't move

John H. D. Watson said...

I'm not sick of you, love. I can just lie down with you for a bit if you like? If you want to be alone that's fine too.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

cuddle'd be nice

sorry, picked bad day for this.

John H. D. Watson said...

It is nice. Maybe we can both get a little sleep.

Anonymous said...

I always know when my mate is going to have a migraine marginally before he does, he goes a delightful shade of grey, something like milk let down half and half with water. Then he can't remember any words and gibbers for a while. When the lack of words hits he usually admits I'm right and he is going to have a migraine!

Small Hobbit said...

Mazarin - I'm a member of the MAS.

L - hope you start to feel better soon.

piplover said...

Lestrade, I hope you feel better soon. Migraines are never fun, although I've found the flashing lights to be kind of cool.

Space Cadet said...

Ugh! L, put the phone down and rest! Migraines are horrible, horrible things. I hope your body and your doc's cuddles get you feeling better quickly!

Anonymous said...

Feel better soon, migraines suck to the nth.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Am feeling a bit better, thanks. Danger's healing hands and drugs.

Sally said...

Anonymous I knew the Boss was in a bad way when he put teabags in the coffee maker. He doesn't forget how to speak, but he gets a bit stupid.

Glad you're okay, Sir.

REReader said...

By which you mean you're not quite at the point of collapse any more. Well, if it's an improvement we'll take it. (You too, I'm sure.) take it easy, huh?

Sherlock said...

Why do adults get sick all the time? John now you're working with ill people are you going to get ill all the time? It's so boring I don't like it.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Sorry, Sherlock. Don't mean to.

And John might catch a few bugs, but we'll take care of him, right?

RR - I was never at point of collapse!

REReader said...

Right, subtract "collapse". But I'm pretty sure you're still hurting.

Sherlock, it's not on purpose--no one wants to hurt! Actually, grownups tend to catch fewer viruses than children, because of acquired immunity to the ones they've already had. That's how vaccines work--by making your body produce antibodies.

(And if I've got that all wrong, John will correct me. Please, John?)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Danger's making it all better. Dull ache now.

I imagine germs are afraid of Sherlock - they know they'd be caught and examined before extermination.

REReader said...

Dull ache is better. Bet it's been quite exhausting, though.

Ah, yes, I can just see it: "Igor, bring me the Germinator!" *lightning, loud thunder*

Anon Without A Name said...

Glad you're feeling better, Lestrade. I used to get migraines, luckily they stop appearing some years ago (never found out what triggered them).

Sherlock - be nice to Lestrade, he's had a horrible day.

Rider said...

Figured I should get on the Lestrade tells all bandwagon....

What was your first bike Lestrade? Mine was an elderly Yam 2 stroke abandoned by its owner because it wouldn't start, fixed by a friend of mine by tying a car battery to the rack...

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Nameless - I get far fewer now I've stopped smoking.

And yeah, pretty tiring, and the drugs make me a bit tired and fuzzy too.

John's got a way of messing with my hair that should be availbale on prescription though, very relaxing

John H. D. Watson said...

They're probably making a robot in Japan right now that does just that.

REReader said...

I am quite sure a robot would not have anything like the same effect.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Definitely not. I feel like a well groomed Silver Back Gorilla now :)

Space Cadet said...

Oh yum! Having someone play with your hair is one of the most relaxing things ever! Since I don't have a Danger of my own, I'd totally spring for a robot if one came on the market.

Glad you're feeling better.

REReader said...

(Sherlock, it is worrying when the adults in your life get ill, but Lestrade is okay, and John will be okay working with people who aren't well, too.)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I think Sherlock feels slightly cheated that John can't be all Jesus-like and lay a hand on me and pronounce me cured.

And RR, going back to your much earlier question...you can believe that I took a taxi home. If it makes you feel better.

REReader said...

"Bored" seems to be his go-to word for "Do Not Like," whatever the actual reason for not-liking is.

And yes, it does, actually. Thank you.

Sherlock said...

If you came home in a taxi then who rode your bike home? Because I saw it outside and your helmet's by the door and your jacket. And it wasn't John because he was being a Doctor and no one else rides your bike.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Sherlock...you have much to learn about the subtleties of communication. And lying. Which I suppose is good, in a lot of ways. But bad in others.

REReader said...

Ha! You are so busted, L.

*goes off to have retroactive hysterics*

piplover said...

In your defense, Lestrade, you never said you took a taxi. You only said if it made RR feel better. So really, it wasn't a lie. RR, you can keep thinking he took a taxi. Like Schrodinger's cat. You can't really prove he did or didn't.

Rider said...

This is where RR proves not to be a motorcyclist.

Because you always ride the bike home. You always ride the bike! Unless it isn't rideable or you have too many broken bones.

Headaches, pah!

(OK, vomiting can be a worry in a fullface helmet but if you time it between bouts...)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Piplover - exactly. I'm a rozzer, I know how to word these things.

Rider - I was pretty sure I could get home between the crazy eyesight phase and the vomiting stage, if I went at exactly the right moment. I'm fairly sure being stuck in a cab or the tube would have had adverse effects.

REReader said...

I have more faith in Sherlock than Schrodinger. (I don't have a good grip on quantum mechanics anyway.)

And I would prefer my friends stay alive, biker or no, thankyouverymuch.

(However, I am not actually yelling at Lestrade because I realize a migraine can rob one of all reasoning ability. But I do NOT want to hear any "excuses", L!)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

My only excuse is that I was robbed of all reasoning ability...

REReader said...

That's not what you said to Rider.

(Don't make me come down there...!)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

You said you weren't going to yell at me because migraine robbed me of all reasoning ability, therefore that's definitely what happened.

I didn't claim that riding home was a good choice, in retrospect. But it seemed so at the time.

Don't worry, John's scowling at me enough for the both of you.

piplover said...

From someone who frequently suffers migraines, I can definitely say a car or the tube would have been worse. Ick. All those people and confines of the vehicle - no thanks.

If you were past the funky flashing lights and could see, I don't see why you shouldn't have driven. I've known my sister, who was on a prescription for morphine for a while to deal with the headaches, to drive long distances when she had to. She just had to time the vomiting stage.

Anyway, glad you're feeling better and made it home safe.

piplover said...

And I should amend that she didn't drive while on the morphine, just to clear that up.

REReader said...

I'll leave it at that, then--and John. *grins evilly*

Post a Comment