16 June 2011

Fine line...

I'm starting to think there's a very fine line between trying to relax, calm down, and breath deeply (whilst not waking the person half lying on you). And hyperventilating because you're panicking in the middle of the night, in the dark, and don't want to wake anyone.

I'm not sure which side of the line I'm on.

But concentrating on hitting these tiny keys on my phone is helping.

John's probably dreaming that he's back on medical training, treating an asthmatic.


Lindsay said...

Sorry you're not sleeping. I wish I could say something to calm the anxiety. I have been there, although not for the same reasons. My usual method for turning my brain off is to put on a video I've seen seventy thousand times so that it is not even slightly surprising in any way. (Infomercials also work, do you have those?) Doing sudoku also helps me sort of lull myself into a stupor where I'm not thinking any more.

It's probably a lot healthier than sedating myself with first-gen antihistamines, which is what I used to do.

Becca said...

This is going to sound really weird, but it always calmed me down, even if it was only a little when the flashbacks were bad.

Roll your eyes slowly up, take a breath. Roll them slowly down, take a breath. Roll them slowly up, take a breath. Roll them back to normal, close your eyes, and take a breath.

Bronwyn said...

I find that anything that makes me giggle is terrifically helpful. Of late, I surf ridiculous websites on my phone. Or I pretend my fingers are alive and dating their counterparts. You know, right index is dating left index, right middle is dating left middle, etc. Which is usually fine except when the ring fingers cheat on each other with their own thumbs. Oh snap. *snorfles*

I can't believe I just said that. Oh, inner monologue, why won't you stay inner?

Sleep better, Greg.

P.S. There is a reason for my anthropomorphic fingers. But it's silly.

mazarin221b said...

All the best, to you and to John, for everything you've gone through and everything you have to deal with tomorrow. Sorry I'm just now catching up on everything that happened these last few days.

I always curl up behind my husband and tuck my forehead into his back when I wake up panicked about something. It does wake him up sometimes, but he usually just pats my leg and asks if I'm ok, then goes back to sleep if I say I am. It's ok, L, to wake them up a bit sometimes, if you really need them.

Lupe said...

I know John's the one who likes baby animals, but maybe this is cute enough to put something else in your mind? :)


Anonymous said...

Sometimes, if you hum or sing, it will help with the panic and the breathing. When I have panic attacks, I sing to work through it.

Good luck, I hope you both feel better soon.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Thanks everyone. Did get a bit more sleep, later.

I tried to match my breathing to John's, which helped, and he rolled over a bit so I wasn't quite as trapped.

I might normally have woken him, but at the moment him sleeping at all seems too big a victory to ruin like that.

Anon Without A Name said...

Glad you got a bit more sleep, and that John's sleeping better at the moment.

You've mentioned a couple of times that sometimes you feel trapped (physically, I mean), or uncomfortable, if John is lying on you? Perhaps you could agree something with John for those sorts of situations. Maybe move the covers off him a bit, not enough to wake him, but enough to cool him down a bit so he instinctively moves to try to warm up again. That way he doesn't wake up, and you don't feel so panicky? (When my husband's snoring is excessive, I nudge him just enough so that he rolls over, off his back. Works wonders. Something similar might help here).

Anyway, I hope you feel good enough to enjoy the afternoon off before your meeting tonight. Good luck :-)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Yeah, I probably should talk to him about it more. Sounds ridiculous though, doesn't it? Getting scared of your lover in bed? Anyway, I'm sure we could try to work something out.

And thanks, but I doubt i'll enjoy much until it's over and done with.

thirdbird said...

Hmm, is this always a problem for you, or do you think it's particularly bothering you because of having to think about horrible Bryan so much right now?

I hope the meeting doesn't turn out too disastrously although I'm sure just having to see him and talk to him is upsetting no matter what. Glad you're taking John along. It's not weak, it's sensible. Maybe his battle-scarred appearance will be sufficiently threatening to keep B. from saying anything too awful...

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Well, not always. But since Bryan...it's hard to say. John's really the first person I've had any sort of proper relationship with. So, no, not always, but probably yes,since Bryan. And yes particularly when he's on my mind a lot, because I dream about him and...well, yu know. If you're dreaming about someone holding you down then even an innocent arm across you can scare the shit out of you when you wake up.

And thanks. 'm glad John agreed to come too. Hopefully he'll keep me from agreeing from anything stupid just to get out of there.

John H. D. Watson said...

You could poke me a bit? Maybe I'd just roll over. And I think you're pretty safe waking me up now, though I can see why you didn't want to. I think this round of insomnia's mostly over.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Yeah, thanks.

We should go. At least it's stopped raining. Thought it never would.

Don't let me give in and tell him he can have all my money or my soul or anything, will you?
I suppose you're right. There is a chance he'll be reasonable. A tiny one.

John H. D. Watson said...

Anything's possible. And if he's not I'll be right there. And if you want me to kick him under the table...we'll work out a secret sign, okay?

KHolly said...

Good luck you guys. At least by tonight this round of Bryan angst will be over.

Sherlock said...

I made you biscuits in heart shapes and snakes and spiders and a hippopotamus, because Mrs Hudson said you deserved them for both being brave and that you should get hugs too. And the dogs got icing on themselves.

When are you coming back? I want to eat them.

Bronwyn said...

Sherlock, sometimes you are the most awesome kid of whom I've ever heard. You and Mycroft are delightful every single day. Well, save for the wild shrieking at inappropriate moments. Don't pout at me, you know you do it.

Be amazing for John and Greg today. They'll need it. I could persuaded to reward good behavior with instructions for interesting experiments of negotiable topics. Or perhaps reading material.


Des said...

The dogs?! Just because they have icing on them doesn't mean they're food!

Sherlock said...

I'm always amazing, Bronwyn. What experiments?

Des, the dogs got icing on them when I was putting it on the biscuits. But they licked it off.

I gave Lestrade a biscuit like a spider, because if I liked someone I would give them a spider not a soppy heart. A real heart would be different, but the biscuits are just shapes.

Anonymous said...

I agree, the heart was a nice idea, but the spider was way more fun. I was thinking it might have been very cool to have a snake eating a spider cookie, sorry, biscuit. Do you think a shape like that would have come out right?

Anon Without A Name said...

Sounds ridiculous though, doesn't it? Getting scared of your lover in bed?

No, it doesn't. It doesn't sound even slightly ridiculous. Especially because "If you're dreaming about someone holding you down then even an innocent arm across you can scare the shit out of you when you wake up." is absolutely true.

[And I probably shouldn't say this, because I'm probably crossing hideous boundaries, and publicly, so feel free to delete the whole comment, but given what you've said here, and in your comment on John's blog a while ago about relationships and arguments, the fact that you're willing and able to even share your bed is a testament not only to your own strength and resilience, but also to the nature of your relationship with John]

Anon Without A Name said...

Sherlock, how wonderfully thoughtful of you to make biscuits for John and Lestrade after they've had a difficult day. And giving Lestrade a spider biscuit too, that's lovely. Did you save any biscuits for John and Mycroft?

Bronwyn said...

*laughs* I will graefully accede that you are, indeed, always amazing Sherlock. But were you amazing for John and Greg? The difference is that whilst amazing may be a natural part of who you are, being amazing FOR someone implies that you're using your own natural gifts to their benefit and pleasure. So did your amazingness serve to benefit John and Greg today?

As to what experiments, what topics are of immediate interest to you? We can discuss physics, chemistry, forensic science, molecular gastronomy or what my students refer to as "stupid human tricks". Dealer's choice.


Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Watch that modest streak doesn't get out of control, Sherlock.

Bronwyn - he is being very good. If slightly obsessed with exotic creatures.

Nameless - Yeah, I don't know, sometimes I feel like I'm getting better at it, then something'll happen and I get all jumpy again. I do need to talk to John about it but...well, the times I probably should talk the most are the times I want to the least, and the words don't come. But it's definitely testament to his patience and love that I've got this far.

Bronwyn said...

I'm so glad to hear it! See, Sherlock? Virtue has its rewards, or something. So what kind of experiments do you want? Think of something and then we'll talk practicalities and specifics.

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