I feel like I'm 14 again.
And I haven't learnt a thing in the past 30 years.
Edit - because the whole POINT of all this is to learn and...yeah, that, really.
When I was fourteen I basically looked after my brothers and sisters (with Nicky's help, because we were the eldest), and tried to keep up with school, and tried to stay on the right side of our Mother and keep the house running.
Biggest fears - something happening to one of the kids. something happening to Mum. social services taking us all away and splitting up the family. Either of the first would have led to the third.
Mum drank, a lot. And was mainly depressed and lonely.
I tried to help her, but I never really knew what was wrong, and she'd never say. So I just did everything else, everything I thought might help her get better. And I didn't mind, I felt like as long as I was doing something, I was helping.
With Bryan, well, he was never happy either, so I tried to do everything so he wouldn't have anything to complain about.
And somewhere in all that, I forgot that sometimes you don't need to do anything, you just need to be there. And I forgot that you can ask, and maybe you'll find out the answer. And I forgot that John isn't anyone but John, and I shouldn't judge him by how anyone else has behaved.
And that adults can have disagreements without it ending badly. It's just what happens, adults can get over it, talk about it, make up and it's all fine.
And it is all now fine. Or getting there, anyway.