24 June 2011

Stop making prophetic blog titles

I wrote all this earlier. Then instead of hitting 'post' hit 'back'. Lost the lot, and thought that someone was in my computer, spyingg on me and stopping me post.

Says a lot about my state of mind. The state of my life.

Right. The case.

I can't say much until after the trial, but i can give you some basics.

They sort of brought it on themselves - the way we did it.

One of the death threats they sent had photos of me from the day before. I think I mentioned it. So we knew they were watching us. Me. Whatever.


So we had a team watching me too. Watching them watching me. And then follwing them. Do you follow? Seeing where they went back and reported. And then seeing who the people they went to went to...yeah.

Anyway, when I went into prison the other day it was to stir up trouble. Tell members of the gang little bits of what we knew, to force them to act.

We didn't expect them to act so soon. Or how they did it.

The front grill of a Range Rover heading for me is going to be pretty high in my dreams for a while.

Sal had an op this morning, to set her arm. She says she's fine. Tough old bird. Hopefully they'll let her out tomorrow.

I do feel terrible about it. That she was with me. That i didn't do more to help her after the crash. That she's hurt because of soething I agreed to. Same as John was.

Right. Going to try and post now and not stuff it up.

101 comments:

kholly said...

I'm glad you're well enough to be coherent to post. I go out of the house for a day of work and come back to find y'all are falling apart. It makes me feel like I jinxed you. (Which makes about as much sense as you feeling bad about Sally getting caught up in something while on the job. She knows she's in a dangerous job and I expect when she's well enough to be entertaining herself with things like reading your blog she'll set your thinking straight.)

So how weird is it to go about your day knowing that you're being followed and trying not to give away that you know. Though I suppose if they're sending pictures of course they know you know. I just have this mental image of all these little ducklings following you around. Though I suppose that's a little to cute and fuzzy of an image. Are there mean and prickly critters that follow the one in front of them that's following the one in front of them, etc?

sally said...

i can see why you feel bad about john but dont you dare start feling guilty over me. WE DO THE SAME JOB in case you forgot.

i am so bored.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Do you have any idea how much effort I put into training you? If I can't look after you they'll give me a new sergeant who's more expendable. Then where would I be? Of course I feel guilty.

sally said...

not arguing w u util i can type with both hands. but im right and you're not.

tennis is on. don't know how john watches this.

Lindsay said...

Glad you're okay, Sally. Here's wishing you a speedy recovery! Was it your dominant side or your off side, can I ask? Either way, I imagine being one-armed for the foreseeable future is a pain in the ass.

sally said...

off side, left. so that's a bright spot of sorts. total pain tho yeah.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

According to you you're always bloody right.

And I won the bet, so you owe me lunch when you're fixed.

John watches it with lots of shouting, groaning, waving his arms about as if he's playing and shouting. That's how.

sally said...

bc i am always bloody right, thats right.

and you did not win, we got them didnt we?

tell him to come do it here, sounds more interesting than watching tennis on its own.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Not always right.

Got them and 'operation will go tits up' aren't mutually exclusive. What do you call leaving my team without a DI or DS apart from a total fuck up?

Stop trying to steal my porn star unicorn riding doctor. Get your own

sally said...

unicorn?? i am still in hospital, why r ur drugs obsly better than mine????

always right.

still got them and we're not permanently injured so i call it a win. wasn't the whole op with skyward facing tits, just a tiny bit of it.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Very important tiny bit of it.

My drugs aren't better. I just have better imagination. Anyway, more of me is broke

Bet said op would go tits up if d&g ran it. Op did go tits up. I win. No percentages of skyward tits mentioned when we shook.

Unicorn is sky blue. So you cant see it when it flies. Except when it's cloudy. J's porn star look is v fetching. All oiled tanned skin and camp trousrrs.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Camo trousers not camp. Though theyare quite camp.

Anonymous said...

You are absolutely too cute when you're on painkillers, Lestrade!

Though I have to say I hope Sally gives you hell when you're both better.

Anon Without A Name said...

Sally - great to see you well enough to give Lestrade some grief :-)

Lestrade - sky blue unicorn, oiled skin, and camp trousers? Sally's right,those are good drugs :-)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

She always gives me hell.

Probably more now I've driven her into a wall, yeah

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

She always gives me hell.

Probably more now I've driven her into a wall, yeah.

And I'm not cute. You must ne on drugs too.

Nicky said...

Orio, you should call Mum. She's asking after you.

And with you on drugs and her on the booze you two will probably have the calmest conversation you've managed for years.

How are you really? Does it hurt a lot?

And what is your unicorn called, John? Hope you're okay too. And the boys. Lots of love to you all.

Desert Wanderer said...

"into a wall" or "up a wall"? :)

Glad to see you both are well enough to be joking around. Or maybe it's just the drugs are good enough.

Sally and Lestrade, take care of yourselves and let others take care of you. It seems to be just as important for their coping as yours.

Mycroft, you've been exceptionally brave and practical--a credit to your enormous character. Make sure you remember to take care of yourself as well.

/unsolicited advice

John H. D. Watson said...

So it's not just a unicorn, it's a stealth unicorn? Wow. If it needs a name, I'm calling it Roger. And now I feel like I'm the one on drugs.

L - I think we're having takeaway tonight. Is there anything you feel like eating? I can get it for me and the boys and make you toasted cheese or something.

sally said...

bollocks, u wouldn't say that if it'd been just u hurt and u no it.

and porn stars don't get unicorns.

thirdbird said...

Unicorn is sky blue. So you cant see it when it flies. Except when it's cloudy. J's porn star look is v fetching. All oiled tanned skin and camp trousrrs.

OH GOD someone please do art of this. PLEASE. I need it like air. (Sorry, John!)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

would if it meant i won the bet.

The Love Doctor Danger Watson get's a f'ing unicorn, right?

One with a very large horn.

John H. D. Watson said...

thirdbird - Oh well, at least I'd have trousers this time. (And I don't think you're sorry at all!)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

danger - unicorn named after Federer? I'm worried now.

Eating. dunno. maybe pasta? that's not really take away is it. cheese is fine. or maybe pizza? that's like cheese.

Lindsay said...

Hahaha. You are going to be soooo embarrassed when you get off the meds and read these comments.

sally said...

need a neutral 3rd party to determine tits-upness, do one of your polls.

One with a very large horn.

am now srsly disturbed by your fantasies.

kholly said...

Can I ask what d&g refers to in your bet? Or are you not allowed to say?

A stealth unicorn named Roger. Some people get the best imaginary friends.

John H. D. Watson said...

L - Pasta's fine, I can get it from Angelo's. And I should really take the computer away from you, but this is too funny. Why is my choice of unicorn name worrying?

Going now, I've told Sherlock not to jump on you. Back soon.

annoyedwabbit said...

D&G is drugs and gangs, right?

I second the request for art of this sky-blue unicorn. It sounds... fetching.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Sal - tell you what. I'll buy you lunch, you buy me lunch. deal?

And I'm sure I'd be very disturbed by yours too.

Kholly - Dimwits and Gits. Or Drugs and Gangs, depending who you ask. They're not really called that. We all come under SCD, but they're SOC, and we're MIT. Alphabet soup.

sally said...

ha! bc you know i'm right. okay deal.

not as much as you would be by anderson's.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

not bloody right.

It was the risk Anderson might feature in yours that made me stop even trying to think what yours might be. I mean...well.

John's out. I am finally going to get off my arse without him fussing. think my body is the shape of this sofa after today

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

i didn't mean fussing in a bad way. he just worries

sally said...

ugh not anymore. don't know what i was thinking.

if you fall down and make it all worse he's going to kill you. with his magical unicorn horn.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

he's going to kill you. with his magical unicorn horn.

oh, but what a way to go, Sal. what a bloody way to go. ha

sally said...

ha. u sure he's not hiding a brother somwhere? black sheep of the watson family? ...black unicorn? oh i might have to sleep again

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

He's got a nice sister. Dunno if you're her type...we could set the two of you up, though. Provided any embarrassing nfo you get comes straight o me.

Although the team might get a rep if I'm in chaRge and you all turn gay one by one...

sally said...

whyyy dod you two keep ofgering me his sister? she's probably less of a girl than anderson but still no. can paint my cast rainbows colours if you want to start rumours tho. it can't make my love life any worse.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

do we keep doing it? Poor harry. Poor you.

I imagine it's because J wants to spread the love around, like when he throws glitter over the land below as he rides Roger through the sky.

(THAT is hy i don't liek you naming your unicorn after Fecdererer. becuase you ride him!)

I've stoppd my break fr freedom. anyidea how much crutches hurt bustedribs??

John H. D. Watson said...

Wow. You two are going to have epic amounts of denial about this conversation later.

anyidea how much crutches hurt bustedribs??

Yes, which is why I kept telling you to stay on the sofa.

Anon Without A Name said...

Oh god, this is hilarious. John, please tell me you've screencapped this conversation just in case Lestrade tries to delete it when he's all clean and sober again.

(Who the fuck is Anderson? And dare I even ask about his fantasies? Can they really be worse than an oiled up semi-naked Danger riding a blue unicorn called Roger through the clouds?)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Who the fuck is Anderson?

He's a forensics techincian we see too much of. Sal has seen far too much too much...of him. does that make sense? he's nicenough, but SO BORNG. He likes science. soil. collects bus timetables or something like that. loves sekeltons. dinosaurs. he's a GEEK. and will talk the ears off a triceratops if you stop to talk to him ever. don't. run..

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

shit, Sal, does he read this?

he'll put a spleen in my coffee or something

John H. D. Watson said...

I am laughing so hard I may bust a couple of ribs too.

sally said...

i don't care if he reads it! he likes dinosaurs WAY TOO MUCH. andhe has a stupid beard now.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

i don't even know what's funny.

John bought me flowers. Big flowers. white and purple.pretty.

And he got them home without Roger eating them. he's great

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

i thought the beard was so we ddnit recgonise him and talked to him and thenget ensanred in his bordeom TRAP

John H. D. Watson said...

I swear to god I'm only giving him the recommended dosage...

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

this place is dangerus. i'm starting to belieev youve got a unicorm.

tied up where my bike would be if it wasn't sad an lonely on his own at the Yard.

Christ, Andy Murry is reaaly not an atractive bloke. why are we watchin him?

Anon Without A Name said...

does that make sense?

Disturbingly, yes.

John bought me flowers. Big flowers. white and purple.pretty.

That's lovely. John, you big softy :-)

And he got them home without Roger eating them. he's great

I have nothing to say to this, I just felt the need to quote it.

John H. D. Watson said...

Because he's very good at tennis. It'd help if he'd shave. And not open his mouth so wide it looks like the gaping maw of hell.

I do not have a unicorn, but if I did I'd send it off to keep your bike company.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

His face lookslike a rat has gnawed a truckle of cheddar and then died and sligthly decpmossed

my bike doesna have a name. i thikn theyd get along thoguh

sally said...

HIS BOREDOM TRAP HAHAHA

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

he;s like a snake with the whirly eyes, excpe twith words that wrap around you and send you tosleep and get in your brain and eat it like mice

does Roger eat jam, John? Jamjohn johnjamjohn

John H. D. Watson said...

...Wow. Would you like to consider going to bed at this point?

Yes, I think my blue stealth unicorn probably does eat jam. Why do you ask?

sally said...

you get all the jam and horns and i get brain eating mice-beards. not fair.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

itsnot even ten. can i cuddle you? reckon I can if you sit left.

just thought he would. Damson jam? Jam Danger Watson and Roger Damson Federicorn. it seemed obvious, but I can't remember why.

Sal - reap whatyou sow. orseomthing

sally said...

i didn't sow! i didn't sow any sowing. or beards. or buttons. can't believe you cant even sow buttons on. sew. sow. sow?? like a pig?? anyway i bet john does it for you now.

John H. D. Watson said...

Anon - I am definitely screencapping this.

L - okay, I'm not likely to say no to that. Starting to feel slightly guilty about letting you keep your laptop though.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Does what ike a pig? you're losing it, sarge

you mustve sowed. not beards. thinkyou'd crochet a bearD?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

laptop is good. entertaniment i dnt have to move for. it's ths or guiatr, and tha night hurt

sally said...

sow! kind of pig, female pig. i checked with the nurse. he said i was right. don't thin you crochet a beard like anderson's. maybe grow like a mould.

Rider said...

I think when he's better Lestrade will still prefer his bike to your unicorn. After all while a unicorn has a big horn and the bike only has a small one, a knowledgeable rider can produce loud noises with just gentle motions on the right place.

Size doesn't always matter.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

yo checked a nurse if John ws a female pig for menow?

fungus face. what DID yu see in him??

sally said...

what? you'er mad

he was nice. just wanted someone nice for a change.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

you started t! s

dont listent tome. I cant give anyone shit for crpa choise in partners

youll get somone nice and nott boring.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

DangerJam, cn you scratch my foot? could jst ask, but yu givethe best lognsuffring eyerol when i do it like ths.

whn cna i bend my kne evre again?

sally said...

did notttt.

i don't evebcare, giving up on men.

John H. D. Watson said...

Yes, dear. Insert long-suffering eyeroll here.

How about when it doesn't hurt so much? I can't imagine you'd want to even try bending it right now. (If you do, don't.)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

No.

No bendign

But whn i do, if I lock the barce to 90deg. reckn i could geton thr bike then.

John H. D. Watson said...

Sally's right, you're completely mad.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

ddi she say that?

Yhour on report, sergeant.

annoyedwabbit said...

I think I'm giggling more than is healthy over here. You two really are on the good drugs. I suppose it's a good thing - better loopy than miserable with pain.

Plus, it's hilarious.

Anonymous said...

You guys win the internet.

sally said...

my WHAT is on reprt, sir?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

oh, go bother a dionsaur

YOUR 'RE IS ON REPORT.

you'RE like a rude mouthy female Myc.

Wabbit - s almsot worth it fr time with DangerJam

sally said...

HA if i'm like mycroft that means u think i'm smarter htan youuuuu. along with bein always right.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

bollocks

havemy job, Sally. I'll rec you. gona open a flower shp. criminls can have the city. im done.

sally said...

pfffffffft. not you, you'll never be done.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

totlaly done.

you'll ctch 'em all.

ispend my time with Dagner and dogs,boys all htat.

sally said...

like pokemon? still dont buy it. inna week you'll be itching to get backto work.

piplover said...

You know, I really wish they had given me whatever Lestrade is on when I busted my knee! It would have made the whole experience a lot more fun! I hope you feel... um, better? Soon?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

poekmon?

dunno. maybe. Don't yu want the job?

sally said...

iwant the job if youre not gonna havethe johb butyou are so i don't.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

spose if yu say Im havin it, adn your'e always right and cleveer than me, you mustbe right.

Stop bothering yor nurse ad sleep.

used to ba a fit nurse ther. Name was Duncan. not muchuse to your questI suppoes

sally said...

better a nurse bothererer than a dino botherer. he says i shouldsleppy too and he is v fit so he's prolly right

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

f it's Dunc he's gay. Bd luck.

sweet drems, Sal

Polaris said...

I feel a bit bad for laughing hysterically at this, given how much pain you're probably both in. I go away for a few days and come back to this -- bit of a shock.Very careful virtual hugs for you both. Get some sleep, you two. Sending best wishes for a quick recovery your way. <3

itsmeektg said...

I LOVE it when people on painkillers are given access to the internet. Seriously, it's never NOT funny.

Like anon w/ no name, I must quote this:

"John bought me flowers. Big flowers. white and purple.pretty.
And he got them home without Roger eating them. he's great"

I am laughing so hard, family members are starting to shoot worried looks at me. Can't even explain.


All in favor of naming John "DangerJam?" Either that, or "JohnJamJohn."

innie said...

Yes, I think my blue stealth unicorn probably does eat jam. - John "Danger" Watson, Master of the Deadpan Blog Comment

Seriously, screencapping is the way to go here. Maybe you could make a nice collage of the best quotes and put them in a get-well card for the loopiest DI in the 'verse?

Anonymous said...

Lestrade and Sally, I hope both of you are peacefully sleeping right now. As for this painkiller-induced conversation...I know I shouldn't be laughing, but it's going to be very interesting once you're both completely lucid again. *gentle hugs for swift recoveries*

-A

Amy said...

I don't think I've ever laughed so much at blog comments! You guys have totally made my morning.
Hope L and Sally feel better tomorrow! Look after each other, everyone.

Elizabeth said...

I just had oral surgery, and my face hurts when I smile. This conversation has given me the best pain I've had all day.

crankybookwyrm said...

This conversation could be used in one of those assemblies about "Don't blog while high on painkillers, even legal ones." Of course, the rest of us are having a blast reading the strange imaginings of your drug-influenced minds.

I hope you both heal quickly.{hugs}

Trills said...

This had me giggling like a crazy person.

Lestrade & Sally - When you're not so drugged up try to remember how much joy you have brought into the world with this and don't feel so bad about it

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Dunno why you're all worried I'd delete it all.

It all made perfect sense at the time.

Though I'm still worried John wants to ride Roger Federicorn and his big horn through the sky.

John H. D. Watson said...

If I rename the unicorn Greg, would that help?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

No, damage is done now. You and Rogericorn will be very happy, i'm sure. With your porn star looks and big horn.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Anyway, Greg is busy not eating the flowers in his shop, and waiting for John's answer on the Cock question, isn't he?

Unless you're suggesting he's a were-unicorn. Have you been taking my drugs?

John H. D. Watson said...

No, I'm pretty sure you've been taking ALL your drugs. There wouldn't be any left for me.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

not sure i like your implication, Doc.

You're the one with a blue unicron called Rog.

I've just got only one leg and some bruising that looks like a bad 60s fabric pattern.

Anywya, like Roxy Music said: Love is the drug

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