17 June 2011

So...Bryan's an enormous wanker.

Yesterday, then.

(And as a disclaimer, because I know you'll all pile in in comments, I do know that some of what I'm saying is wrong, stupid, idiotic. I do know Bryan talks shit. All I'm doing here is writing down my feelings on it. So you can tell me I'm wrong all you like. Hell, deep down somewhere maybe I know I'm wrong. But knowing and accepting aren't the same thing.)

All started as usual - chaos in the house, breakfast, dogs, jam, Sherlock, Mycroft, bickering, John being calm, everything I've come to love.

Then off to work, beneath threatening clouds (literal and figurative). Sally was being ridiculously nice (peril of blogging your entire life, I suppose). I was being useless. Mainly staring into space, or at paperwork, with very little of any use going on in my head. And a lot of very, very, useless stuff.

One o'clock came around incredibly slowly, but also far too fast. I headed to John's.

He talked too much, fussed, tried to make me eat lunch, talked more...and then gave me a hug, which, frankly, almost broke me.

And I was useless in the flat for a bit. Couldn't sit still, drank lots of coffee. Worried about Bryan. Worried about John.

Finally it was time to go. Weather had finally cleared up, so we headed into town.

I can honestly say that if John hadn't been there, behind me, hanging onto me, I might have just kept on riding.

But I didn't, so there we were, waiting for him. And he wandered in, looking totally fucking calm and collected, the bastard, and came over. Then gave John a completely dirty look - after checking him out. And the insults pretty much carried on from there. John went over the basics. All the old stuff, the old complaints. And yeah, most of them hit home. Because they're all based in truth. He insulted John, too, well - he mainly sort of pretended that John didn't exist. Tried to ignore him, whilst implying things. Which hurt too, just because I didn't want to expose John to any of that, even though I knew it was inevitable, and John can take it.

Bryan thought he should be the centre of my world - hell, probably the whole universe. And he wasn't. And he hated it.

Looking at him now, I mean, thinking about him, when he's not here, I just can't believe I let him rule my life for so long. But being there with him, I was a wreck.

When we were together he also spent a lot of time telling me how lucky I was to have him. How no one else would ever look at me. Which was easy for me to believe.

So I hope it really stuck in his throat that John was there, with me, supporting me, looking gorgeous (if bruised).

Anyway, all comes down to what he wants. And I already knew most of that. The answer was still 'no' (although if John hadn't been there God knows what I might have agreed to). Still, now I'm pretty sure he's going to go down the route of saying that he was held back in his career by supporting me in mine - therefore losing out. And I've just got to hope the Judge believes me and not him.

When we got back Sherlock had baked bsicuits, Mycroft had attempted to help him ice them - but was fighting a losing battle, Sherlock being very willful. Mycroft helped cook, too, which was good, as Sherlock kept grabbing my legs, or wanting me to hold him/carry him/sit on my shoulders, because Mrs Hudson and John had both told him I might need hugs. He can be very, very sweet sometimes.

A large drink, a cuddle with John...and I pretty much slept through the night, and so did John, which is nothing short of a miracle.


Bronwyn said...

You are all brilliant. I owe Sherlock (and Mycroft if he wants) an experiment of choice. Pray to God and keep rowing to shore, gentlemen.

P.S. Captcha says "glock". I don't think it likes Bryan either.

John H. D. Watson said...

You did really well, talking to him. You sounded very calm.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Did I? I felt like I was going to puke all over his sodding designer shoes.

Cheers, Bronwyn. I'll try to pick a half-decent deity to bother with my problems.

Bronwyn said...

Designer shoes? You so should have puked on them. Just for the effect. And I think any mostly-friendly deity will do. It's not what you believe in Greg, but that you believe in something. Besides, what are deities for if not to bother with out problems? Like therapists only free. *grins cheesily*

P.S. What have you done to the captcha? It says "constable". Do you get to choose themes or something?

Lupe said...

What a jerk. I say you go the mature way here and throw a pan of rotten spaghetti on his car. Or his designer's shoes. :P OK, maybe not, but I hope everything turns out all right. And Sherlock made me go "aaaaaaaaaaaaw". :) Kids, never stop surprising you, uh?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Bronwyn - I don't believe in much. I believe in John, Mycroft and Sherlock, and that's about it, I reckon.

And Mycroft might actually control Captcha, I think. It is startlingly insightful sometimes.

Lupe - John has come up with a few methods of revenge - just jokingly. Seriously, I don't know if they were designer. They looked it. Probably knock-off. Cheap bastard.

piplover said...

Talking to an ex is never easy, and only harder still when they're someone who used to have so much power over you. I think you did the best you could, and there's no shame in your reactions. Just take things one day at a time, and try to be easy on yourself.

And good jobs, Mycroft and Sherlock, on making those biscuits. I'm sure they were appreciated, and really yummy!

Anon Without A Name said...

So let me check I've picked up the subtle subtext - Bryan's an enormous wanker, right?

Sounds like Sherlock took the message to heart - and I'm guessing that the cooking was in part Mycroft's more understated way of being equally supportive. Sweet kids, insightful, too.

Very glad that John was able to be there for you. Very good for Bryan to see that you're happy without him, and loved - I bet no-one's baking him spider biscuits or talking Marmite smut after a difficult day :-p

(Forgive the unpardonable noseyness, but did you manage to speak to Nicky? Things OK?)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I have no idea if Bryan is currently with anyone. I don't want to know. Because if he is, I'd want to try and warn them about him - and that would probably end horribly badly.

And it's not unpardonable noseyness - yes, I spoke to her. My little half-brother has been thrown out by his wife again. Because he's slept with someone else. Again.

Nicky is trying to put the world to rights. I think she may be on to a loser this time. He's an idiot. Got a lovely wife and kids, and he just dicks around all the time.

Anon Without A Name said...

I suppose I just struggle to imagine that the man that Bryan appears to have become inspiring that sort of affection from anyone, even if he is with someone. *shrug* Anyway, enough about him.

Good to see you and John both got a decent night's sleep :-)

Ah, right. Some people just aren't made for monogamy, are they? Which is fine, if they're not in a supposedly monogamous relationship...

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Yeah, well, for all I know he might have left a trail of broken people behind him before I met him, too.

He can be charming, and funny and the life and soul of a party. If he wants to be.

Or he could be a horrible, sadistic bastard. But like most people who are those things, he's good at hiding it.

And yeah - one of these nights we'll try the whole sleeping thing without the alcohol first. Not tonight though, too much wine, too much Marsala.

Danny just...I don't know. I'm hardly in a position to give anyone relationship advice. But yeah, she's tried to forgive him before. I doubt she will this time. I doubt she should.

annoyedwabbit said...

Bryan sounds like a complete moron. Ugh. I'm glad you have good people around you to remind you that you're a good person.

Sorry to hear about your brother. I think I have three aunts, now, who are no longer technically related to me, since they divorced my dad's various brothers. They're still part of the family, on account of being lovely people. Families are complicated, sometimes.

Lindsay said...

I still congratulate you on making it through the meeting intact. You done good.

And I really don't understand how you possibly could have held him back in his career. Not spending enough time being arm candy at openings? Did you knock him up and force him to stay home baking pies and raising your children?

Christ, I hate family law. I took a class on it in law school, because it's on the exam we have to take to qualify to practice law. But it's the most miserable thing ever, if only because it always involves people taking potshots at folks they used to love. Heartbreaking. :\

Bronwyn said...

I think John, Mycroft and Sherlock are probably more than sufficient. After all, believing in them has done you good thus far, no?

Rider said...

Bronwyn, where does Mrs Holmes fit in that pantheon? Mysterious Providence?

Des said...

It's a bitch, isn't it - you can know everything there is to know about abusive relationships but take ages to realize you're in one. No one would go out with abusers in the first place if they weren't subtle and manipulative.

And nothing you feel is stupid. Everything we feel is valid, even if it's unjustified.

Bronwyn said...

Mrs. Holmes is totally Divine Intervention, for she works in mysterious ways her wonders to perform and is entirely ineffable. Though, if we were to try to assign actual corresponding deities to each, we'd probably have to delve into the Norse or something for Sherlock. Though Mycroft would probably be very Greek. Maybe Egyptian. Now I want to go fetch my references but they're all packed in boxes. Dang it.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Annoyed - Yeah. My family is all complicated, all the time. I don't know, it's his life. I just hope he stays in touch with his kids and makes the effort. I worry he won't.

Lindsay - I don't really know either. But I can't see any other way he can try to claim against me. I suppose he'll just try to convince them that while I got promoted his career stalled because he was supporting me...oh, I don't know. But I don't suppose he'll tell them that he drank too much, did too much coke and E and couldn't be arsed to do any work, just live the high life.

Des - Yeah. I mean, I dealt with domestic abuse pretty much every day when I was a young PC. But it was something that happened to other people. People I felt sorry for, or got angry at, for not helping themselves. I still have a hard time admitting to myself that's what happened to me. Still don't, most of the time.

mazarin221b said...

My combined parents have been through 8 divorces, and my sister and brother and I are actually the only children from our respective parent's marriages. I'd explain further but it requires diagrams. So, yeah. I get you when it comes to your brother. Mine's just...gah. Lost, I suppose.

And, not to get too ass-vicy, but I don't know how things work in the UK. If Bryan really does try to pull some BS about supporting you in your career, can't you counter that with a few anecdotes of your own, like the above? All's fair in love and war, and it sounds like he's decided to fire the first shot.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I can indeed counter Bryan's side of the story with my own. But it's all down to who the judge believes. His word against mine. And, frankly, mine doesn't exactly sound that plausible.

I can't mention anything about his drug use, because I'm a bloody police officer, and if I knew he was in possession it was my duty to report that. I can say he was violent, but I've got no proof - scars that could have come from anywhere, in my line of work, aren't going to convince anyone. Besides, chances are a judge will wonder why I never mentioned any of this at the time. The generally accepted rule is that if more than two years has passed since an incident, you probably weren't that bothered by it. So my only hope is the judge is sympathetic. And I haven't met many sympathetic judges so far.

I know I've got to think about it, try to plan for it...but to be honest, doing so makes me feel like I'm onto a loser. And I have no idea how to turn that around.

Lindsay said...

You can tell them about the drinking at least? I'm sorry, Lestrade, that does sound like a hell of a mess. I'm starting to see why Bryan thinks he's going to be able to make things difficult. And yeah, I know judges have a hard time with d.v.- can only imagine it's worse when both parties are men, because in addition to all the stereotypes and baggage the judge has about d.v., there's stereotypes and baggage about gay people and about men.


I wish I had helpful advice to offer. Just...*hugs*

mazarin221b said...

I can't mention anything about his drug use, because I'm a bloody police officer, and if I knew he was in possession it was my duty to report that.

Ah. In the US, a person cannot be made to give evidence against their spouse (spousal privilege, I think the lawyers call it). But I see where you're coming from.

kholly said...

Well, it's not like Bryan has any more proof than you have, right? And maybe I'm naive but in a case of he said you said wouldn't the fact that you're a detective carry weight with the judge?

Anon Without A Name said...

I was thinking the same as kholly - presumably Bryan's gone two years without financial support from you, so he'd have to justify why he was asking now (and I would guess he'd have to provide some evidence as to what exactly he was doing to "support" your career at the expense of his own).

Um, what I really mean is, I hope your solicitor has some good ideas to protect your interests, I hope the judge is experienced enough in divorce/dissolution cases to see through any lies that get told, and that you get a swift and as painless as possible resolution.

(Sorry, the temptation to throw out unsolicited advice is almost irresistible, especially when there's no constructive way to actually help)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Kholly - there don't seem to be many Judges who like coppers that much. I don't know, it probably just depends on the judge.

And yes, every one else, on days when I'm feeling positive, then I just think no one in their right mind would ever believe him. I'll be fine, he'll lose, and it'll be over. It'll cost me a bit in court fees, and I'll be free. Small price to pay.

There are just quite a lot of days where all I can imagine is the worst.

I have no idea how he'll try to prove anything about our careers. Because he's always been self employed/on short contracts it's not like he's got an obvious career path.

Still, I'll know soon enough, when we start exchanging all the paperwork and the claims and all that. Until then, really nothing I can do about it.

Just try to enjoy the brief break in the storm.

And persuade Sherlock not to cocoon a dog in string.

Des said...

"if more than two years has passed since an incident, you probably weren't that bothered by it"?????? In terms of ridiculous statements this is up there with "I don't believe in dinosaurs because I've never seen one."

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Yeah, it is stupid. Just like they won't allow 'unreasonable behaviour' as a reason for dissolution if the behaviour stopped more than 6 months previously. It's like they just refuse to understand how bloody terrifying it is to actually take any action.

I mean, if it hadn't all worked out the way it did, it would have taken me more than 6 months to find the confidence to leave Bryan, even if he had stopped being a bastard. Because I'd just expect any action I took to start it all up again.

All I ask is an understanding, sympathetic, police-liking, non-homophobic judge with any idea about domestic abuse in same-sex relationships. I mean, that's not much to ask, is it?

But seriously - it might all be fine. They might see through him, like everyone apart from me seems to.

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