The first part of my day was hilarious, if...surprising. My team really did buy/aquire a pony tail (I'll leave it to your imagination regarding how one...'wears' it.) and a riding crop. I had to laugh. I mean, I bring it upon myself with this blog, right?
And then everything went rapidly downhill because we've been given a case that's all gone pretty wrong. We've inherited it because the Super isn't happy with the investigation. It's a horrible case, and it's secondhand so all the evidence isn't as we'd like it - no chance to visit crime scenes, none of that. Anyway, don't want to think about it.
So, leading on from my first paragraph, Anon Without A Name said... "If you care to talk about it at some point, I'd be interested to know what impact you think that blogging so openly about your life has had on you."
Well, 'toys' aside, I think it's been mainly good. Not really the impact of other people finding things out like that - which is fair game. But the way you've all helped me find out about myself.
I won't say it's been easy all the time. Back in April...well. I nearly jacked it all in. Mind you, at the time I thought John was going to give me the heave-ho, so there wouldn't have been much point continuing. It's one thing making massive relationship-ending mistakes to someone's face. Quite another to do it all over the internet in front of an audience of however many. So...well, I think in some ways it did help, because you all gave me a lot of good advice, and you were all cheering us on to sort it all out, which was really nice, and gave me the confidence I was seriously lacking at the time.
But obviously you didn't know the full situation at the time, and reading people saying I obviously still had latent feelings for Bryan... I can't even describe how that made me feel. Not that any of you could possibly have known any of what you do now, so it was fair comment at the time. Just very hard to take, sitting alone in a hotel room fairly sure I was about to be dumped via a comment box.
So...overall, this blog's been good. A bit like therapy, I suppose, in some ways. You've all helped me a lot. And it's really great to be able to share the wonderful turns my life has taken over the past year. I mean, if I didn't enjoy it, I wouldn't do it.
I know Nicky appreciates it too - she says she learns way more about what I'm doing from here than she ever would from a phonecall!
136 comments:
This makes me want to hug you again, but in a happy way. :)
I don't know if it helps to know now, but I never considered leaving you over that.
I bet it does, though. Help, I mean.
I wouldn't have blamed you. In fact, although it probably sounds stupid now, I almost didn't come back, just because I was so sure you'd leave me and I didn't want to hear you say it.
I was so certain about the way I saw it all it hadn't really occurred to me how other people would see it. How you would see it.
I'm glad we're a help and not a hindrance, although given the convo I started on John's blog, I think maybe it's time I go hide out for awhile again!
I'm glad things have worked out in the best possible way, and I'm happy for you that your life is evolving into what you want it to be. All the best.
I almost didn't come back
I'm very glad you did.
it hadn't really occurred to me how other people would see it.
Yeah, I get that now.
John, don't you think Lestrade should have an early bedtime tonight?
To SLEEP!!
Wash out your minds.
I should probably shut up now like I should have then. Sorry.
RR - probably. I thought I'd posted this comment about ten minutes ago and can't remember what I was trying to do in the meantime now.
I think I'm losing it.
I think you are WAY overtired.
Go. To. Sleep.
Please?
I am. I mean going to bed. Sleep I can't guarantee. But I'm sure John will do his best to induce it
I'm glad this has been helpful for you. It's sometimes hard to see you struggle with things so publicly, because you're such a wonderful person who doesn't deserve bad things. Except maybe certain accessories left on your desk.
If nothing else, I'd hope that you know there are people who care for you, both on the Internet and in your immediate area. You're a lovely person. You and the Doc have set the bar high for the future Mr. Wanderer. :P
P.S. I have internet and tv now! Baby steps, I suppose.
I should probably shut up now like I should have then. Sorry.
Wait, what? I'm sorry - I didn't mean to imply I was cross or anything like that. I'm not, at all. Promise.
Doc, I think it's time to take your Hoity-Toity to bed. He seems like he could use a good rub-down and a nice blanket. Maybe a stiff brushing?
And do make sure he gets his oats.
No, I'm sorry, I'm just taking everything the wrong way and not even making sense.
I really do need to sleep. Sorry. I don't know what's up with me.
It's all right, love. Sleep sounds like a wonderful idea.
Lestrade - thank you for answering my question :-)
I'm glad you feel that blogging has helped you, and that we've been helpful more often than not. Don't underestimate your effect on us though - ISTR that you are directly responsible for Tink getting back in touch with her brother.
You guys are wonderful - and knackered! I hope you manage to have a good night's sleep (perhaps leave playing with your new toys until you've had a decent night's rest :-p), both of you. Maybe with some extra hugging?
Goodness! John, Lestrade--a whole night and neither of you posted anything in the wee small hours! I really hope it means you both got or are getting a solid night's sleep.
Which is what I'm hoping for, myself. :) ' Night!
Thanks RR. You sleep well!
Hope you slept well, gentlemen. Have great bee-wasp-spider-gecko-water-ivy-cockroach-balloon-angry DS-free days!
Much better, thanks DW.
Still feel like I could curl up under my desk and have a few more hours of kip though, if I'm honest.
Sal's too busy implying reasons I might be tired to be angry.
Glad to hear it. I know exactly how you feel. Could definitely sleep through a weekend.
It's times like this I very guiltily wish for my flat so I could go and hide and sleep!
But obviously I wouldn't really want to escape Danger and Sherlock.
I have my own place and it's not helping. At least when you're withthe Doc and Sherlock, things are more...home-y rather than lonely. And I'm posititve they'd understand if you weren't at your.best or needed a rest or to take a nap. Doc more than Sherlock, maybe, but you're never too young to learn how to live with other people and be considerate of them. The question then is will *you* let yourself take a break?
I think...actually, despite what I said yesterday, I probably do have an irrational fear of not just not doing my best, but of people thinking I'm not trying hard enough. So yeah, as much as I blame work and other things, it's me not giving myself a break really.
I don't mean to imply that some people shouldn't have rational fears of not doing their best - mine is partly rational, given the job - but I kknow I'm harder on myself thaI ever would be on someone else on my team.
But when you get cases like we've got right now...i don't know what else to do, apart from keep pushing to breaking point and beyond. I really don't.
I can understand that. You are dedicated and so want to give of your best all the time. And people want solutions and project their frustrations (often justified) onto you (which isn't fair, but inevitable). And you, being you, hate to let anyone down. But there are times you need to stand back and take a break - listen to the Doc, sometimes he does know best! And accept all the internet hugs from us all.
I think he generally knows best...but I'm far worse than Sherlock for ignoring him and doing my own thing anyway. And he can't take away my internet privileges or my chemistry set when I do ;)
Do we want to know how he *does* punish you? :P
Thanks, Lestrade--it was me that was up at 3:00 am this time! But I did fall asleep again.
I fine--good, really--to push yourself to do your best. "To the breaking point and beyond," not so good. Which you know. What would you tell a member of your team who was working himself into the ground? (And then listen to your own advice, if you can.)
DW - he doesn't. He's far too lovely.
RR - yeah, I know all the theory. But in practice it never works out how I tell myself it will. And just when I think I'm getting better I get worse again. Hard habit to break.
Do you want to talk about the case at all? I don't know if it would help or make things worse.
I wish I could help.
But John is right there and is probably better at it anyway.
(Yes, I feel I have to fix everything, too. You don't have a monopoly!)
I dont know either, Danger. It's a difficult one.
Just a little kid - toddler. Dont think there are many people in the office who've managed to keep dry eyes the whole time. And like you said, before, now we've got the boys it's just...well, you know. And, because of what happened at the start of the investigation there's a lot of pressure from upstairs to sort it all out so everyone's feeling a bit on edge.
God, I'm so sorry.
now we've got the boys it's just...
I do know. It's different now. Not that it wouldn't be bad enough anyway, but... Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh Greg... I hope that Sherlock and John are giving you plenty of hugs.
*Internet hug*
-A from NW
*wince*
How do you feel about a late lunch after I pick up Sherlock?
I'd like to, but I'll have to see how it goes. Give me a shout when you've got him. I think I'll be in the yard again by then but I don't know.
Not sure I feel much like lunch, either, but it would be nice to see you both.
John, can I just say - and I know I'm not the only one here - how glad we are that the boss has you to go home to. It's hard for all of us, but it's lonely at the top, and we're all glad that he's got a strong bloke like you to give him back up.
It can not be overestimated the power of someone completely on your side turning up for lunch when you need them. It's the most cheering and comforting thing in the world. I can't tell you how much I miss it!
L - I've got him. We can come by now if you're not busy? Lunch is optional.
Sally - thanks. I'm glad to be able to help at all, and I feel incredibly lucky to have him.
He's driving, John, but says yes please come over, he'll meet you in the coffee shop, sorry if he's late because the traffic's bad (he didn't say bad. I'm not putting what he said, in case Sherlock reads this.)
You're clearly both lucky to have each other.
Right, will do.
So...Sally. You know, Sherlock really likes you. And generally minds you.
*giggling*
Minds me?
And I like him too.
Excellent, very glad to hear that. How would you feel about babysitting some time? :)
I knew that's what you were going to say you bastard! Mainly because the boss couldn't stop smirking.
I don't know. I wouldn't know what to do with him.
Language, Sal. Sherlock might read this.
And I was not smirking.
I wouldn't know what to do with him.
Enjoy him?
(Hi, Sally!)
You wouldn't have to think of anything to do with him! We generally just try to keep up...
I'm not a BABY and I can look after myself like I used to on the moor
You're not a baby, but you are too young to be on your own.
Ha! It now falls under your duty to protect the citizens of London to babysit him, or God knows what he'd get up to.
And Danger's right. Keep up, keep him away from anything Sharp, poisonous or explosive...that's about it.
I believe you, Sherlock. However, personally, I would welcome the excuse to spend some time with you (and if I lived a feasible distance from you I'd volunteer). Maybe Sally would, too?
When do you have in mind, John?
I might be washing my hair...
Well...this coming Saturday, for instance? I realise it's a bit short notice, but...
Why do I have a feeling Sally's going to have the cleanest hair in London soon? :D
I thought Mycroft was going to be home this weekend?
He is, but he's still too young to be left alone, especially with Sherlock. He just doesn't take much looking after. And doesn't come with a hazard warning, like Sherlock does.
I want to know why we need a babysitter...
It's a surprise.
I gathered that much!
Sal says she will, and asked about danger money.
Ha! It won't be that bad... You told her to bring riot gear, right?
Thank you, Sally!
I think I might need more sleep. I thought that said "Mustang Sally."
As in:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sxc8Sm0nXpE
Riot gear was first on my list. Riot squad was second.
Tell me I'm not going to regret this...
It's sprogs and dogs, Sal, not an angry mob at a Milwall match!
DW - we all need more sleep. Are your things seriously not there yet? Are they coming across the arctic circle via dogsled?
Sally - you'll have a lovely time! Don't worry, Mycroft will be there too, and Anthea and Mrs Hudson will be just downstairs.
You tell her,Danger.
She's thinking of ways we (although mainly me, it seems, unfairly, given I'm the innocent party here) can repay her.
I was thinking of what John will do to you when he sees his job described as just 'sprogs and dogs' actually.
And don't worry, John. I won't make him do my nights for ever... just a year or two.
But you were smirking ...
Sally - take them somewhere that Sherlock can run himself into exhaustion, and Mycroft can play with the dogs or read or get wireless interet, whatever, and you're set. This is why parks exist. For the wearing out of small children.
My job? My life is sprogs and dogs.
Wouldn't you rather have brownies? He makes very nice ones... Or custard creams in the shape of police helmets?
Oi, you're the one planning this, you should be providing payment, not volunteering me to!
Was not smirking.
Your life is more than sprogs and dogs, Danger.
There are also frogs, bogs, togs, jogs, rozzers, hozzas, ponies, loonies, crops, mops, cops, mugs, bugs, fnugs, hugs...and kisses.
Full life, that!
I'm waiting for a CT scan and drinking some perfectly horrible gunk in preparation, so excuse any ill temper, please.
Sally, obviously you want to get as much out of this as you can, but you ARE getting to spend times with Sherlock and Mycroft, which should be rather fun...
But I don't bake nearly as well as you do!
Are you home soon? I could really do with the last three on that list right now.
Hope you're ok, RR. I'll temper (mainly mine) is frequently ignored around here, don't worry.
You okay, Danger? I'll try to get away soon. What's up?
It'll be a blast,.Sally. Sherlock, don't take.that literally.
Just make sure you wring all you can out of your boss in payment. :D
That makes two months even it's been shipping, John. Sled dogs are clearly the only answer.
Hope things turn out alright, RR.
I think it's a lot of nonsense--the test, I mean. You go in for one test, they end up looking at something else entirely, and once they have you, you turn into a never-ending source of profit through more tests.
(I did warn you!)
And really I've nothing much to complain about.
RR - on behalf of the medical profession...sorry about the gunk. Hope you're doing all right.
L - I'm all right. It's just somehow been a very long day and I miss you.
DW, that sucks! I don't think it took that long to get my stuff from Korea, and that was a nightmare!
I would definitely give the shipping company the thumbs down!
John, I hope you're all right. Sending good thoughts to you guys.
Thanks, John--especially as no one HERE is apologizing!
Hope you both have a relaxing and reviving evening--and maybe another early night. :)
It has been a bloody long day. and I miss you like mad.
Sorry, I feel bad about telling you about the case. I mean, I know you don't kind, but it's something you really didn't need to have on your mind.
Leaving asap. Love you.
Google syas "fnug" is Dutch for fluff. Are the flowers in your hair tulips, Lestrade?
Don't mind, not kind...
DW - do you have the same trouble as me replying on a phone? Big spacebar, tiny full stop key, but you hit the latter more than the former?
...and caps appear randomly here and there?
Yes. I don't know why that is.
Also, if it's late at night or early on the morning, odds are I won't have my contacts in, which makes it more of an adventure.
I'll try harder to make it legible.
The worst of it, for me, is that I'm so used to rattling away in a keyboard that I have no patience for pecking away one fingered.
ON a keyboard. *sigh*
That's part of it, too, RR. Doesn't seem built for typing with two thumbs...
It is legible! I type on mine with one finger. It's normally fine until my autocorrect decides to have fun.
Danger, locking the bike, be right with you for big hugs.
L - don't be sorry, I wanted to know.
Excellent.
DW - it's sucky that your stuff hasn't arrived, and I'd be sending you a care package of I could.
RR - hope the scan turns out to be as pointless as you say.
Sally - I'm trying not to laugh, but really, you walked into that one :-p
John, Lestrade - have good hugs :-)
DW - It sounds like your stuff might be on the same mule train my shirt (ordered 2 months ago) is on.
RR - I hope everything's ok!
Hugs to all and sundry.
Even Sherlock joined in the hugs. Anyone else? Pile in.
And the two of my favourite boys who'll be eating it need to decide what they want for dinner while I change my clothes.
Pizza! And ice cream.
No, Sherlock. Not tonight. Try again.
Don't you ever get bored of pizza and ice cream?
Come and help me look through the cupboards and decide on something.
Okay. John wants something with boring vegetables. I want cheese.
We could compromise and have some exciting vegetables?
The US Congress apparently decided this week that pizza counts as a vegetable for the purposes of subsidised school meals. (Sherlock, for the record, they are many kinds of WRONG).
Cauliflower cheese? With extra broccoli... Nommy.
Cheese makes vegetables exciting.
I want to go and live in the US and eat pizza every day.
I know cheese is nice, but it's also unhealthy if you eat too much.
When you're grown up you can live where and eat whatever you want.
Can I sit on your shoulders while you cook to watch and see what you do so I can cook better?
Nope. You can help by standing next to me on a chair. I'm far too tired to cook with you on my shoulders.
Sherlock, rather than have cheese with vegetables (which tastes really, really good!) have you tried salad dressing? They have all kinds here in the US, and it makes the veg taste good! It's not cheese, but it is pretty yummy.
Salad is boring.
Why do people get more upset when it's a baby or little child that's dead? They don't even do anything. I'd be more upset if it was someone who was fun and did things with me, like Grand-mere because she'd been alive forever and she was nice. And anyway none of you ever even knew the one that's dead now.
Hmmm, you could try a combo of cottage pie with melted cheese on top of the mash (veggies AND cheese, compromise! :D) Has to be strong cheddar though, nothing else will do I'm afraid.
Now I want cheese.
Lots of cheese.
So after I drank all that gunk, they ALSO injected me with dye (which hurts, and I can say that the whole experience was extremely unpleasant. And I won't get the results until my doctor calls me. And if she doesn't by the end of the day tomorrow, I will call HER. (It's okay, I was her daycamp counselor a hundred years ago. She forgives me.) Blech. :(
Salad dressing, pip, really? I think, ounce for ounce, some of those things have more fat than cheese! (Homemade dressing, on the other hand...)
Sherlock, I regret to have to tell you that even if you lived in the US it is extremely unlikely that you would get to eat pizza every day. I have lived here my whole life and pizza was never an every day thing. (Every week, yes, I could have had when I was in school, because we had pizza for school lunch one day a week. But it was really, really horrible pizza, so I didn't.)
Even Sherlock joined in the hugs. Anyone else? Pile in.
If I'm not too late to pile...(((((hugs)))))
Why do people get more upset when it's a baby or little child that's dead?
Because they are more helpless, and because in the right way of things adults are supposed to take care of children. So it goes against the way the world is supposed to work more, which is more upsetting.
People are sad, Sherlock, because small children have - or should have - their whole lives ahead of them. All that potential; they might have changed the world, they might have cured cancer or brought about world peace, but all of that potential is gone.
Of course you'd be more sad when your Grand-mere died, because you knew her personally. For people who didn't know her, it's easier, because they might feel that your Grand-mere had the opportunity to live a long and happy life, full of fun and grandchildren. The child whose death Lestrade is investigating won't ever have that.
And salad can be boring, but it doesn't have to be!
Add me to the hugpile:-)
ah yes, Sherlock - ReReader also makes a very good point. A child's death is against the natural order of things. We're supposed to be born, grow up safely, live a productive and happy life, grow old, and only then die.
I'm sure Lestrade and John are explaining this to you much better though.
*piles in*
Sorry, I didn't even notice he'd asked that question, I was cooking.
And thanks for your answers, because right now I'm not exactly in the best frame of mind to explain it all to him with as much patience and...I don't know, it's just hard putting it into words. SO thanks.
I agree, Sherlock, regular salad is boring. But there are a lot of things you can do to make it fun! Things like this: http://simplyfreshottawa.com/2010/07/28/wordless-wednesday-funny-salad/
Or this: http://www.parents.com/recipes/nutrition/kids/kids-salads/
Sherlock, did any of that make sense to you? There are some more reasons (from evolutionary psychology) but they are a bit complicated and I am only an educated reader in that field, not an expert. If you want that explanation, though, I can try.
Either what you all said or what John said to him seemed to satisfy his immediate need to ask questions, RR. I'm sure he'll get back to you if not.
Oh, good.
When I was not much older than Sherlock is now, a classmate of mine lost her brother to some disease--I don't remember it all that well because I didn't know her all that well. But I remember VERY clearly wondering why people were so upset by it, for much the reasons Sherlock gave. It's a valid question, but lots of people just react with horror at it even being asked.
The only problem with Sherlock's questions is their timing. Obviously, he asks things when they occur to him - which is usually just the moment you'd probably rather not talk much about them. But we manage.
I swear I wasn't meaning to suggest otherwise, quite the contrary! (Although I can see how it could look like I was.)
No, I didn't mean to imply you had.
I'm really not very good on this thing at the moment. Keep saying the wrong things.
Ignore me
I will you if you will me.... :) (Me too, obviously! And with far less excuse.)
Early night again, maybe?
I think another big group hug is in order. Not for any particular reason, just 'cuz.
Also, Sherlock. What's black and white and black and white and black and white?
A zebra?
Ohhh, here's a joke!
Sherlock, how do you put a giraffe in the fridge? (yes, I know one wouldn't fit normally, but it's a thought question as well as a joke.)
DW - I thought it was a penguin rolling down a hill.
And if you need netties for the group hug, count me in.
He should be in bed... if he doesn't answer it's because he is.
And I've just realised I haven't done my post for today.
Me either.
I just surrendered and posted two Bob Newhart routines in lieu of finding something to say. Because.
Sherlock, a zebra is the first thing I thought of, too. DW, what is it???
I haven't either. Oops.
A badger rolling down a hill
Well...you could always post about your favorite jokes.
Sorry. I was driving, and unlike some people, I don't even text at red lights.
I don't normally!
Stuck up a sort of half-arsed post.
Need to check up on all the questions people have left around the place. I know there's some I wanted to answer and haven't.
Did I mention any names? *smiles innocently*
You know, RR said this earlier, I think, but don't feel the need to appease us with a post every night. We understand if it's just too much given both of your obligations. If it's not fun or something you want to do, it's not worth doing. I think most people here would agree.
Not that I'm saying you were. Just to clarify.
Have a good night. Hopefully, it's two in a row. :)
DW - in some ways it's probably almost better to write when I dont feel like it, to admit out loud (so to speak) how I feel.
Far easier to write it than say it aloud, too.
But thanks, we do both know we can have a day off and you won't come for us with blazing torches and pitchforks.
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