Thirteen. (Un)lucky for some.

Had a great day today. The pond is pretty much done, as far as we're concerned. Up to nature now – hope someone moves in and enjoys it!

Yesterday was brilliant too -fireworks on the river, then dinner out. It's been great weather and the mist last night seemed very Autumnal. Sherlock fell asleep on the way home, and even slept in a bit this morning.

So all this got me thinking about what my life was like a year ago, as REReader asked.

Pretty sad, really. I worked, a lot - more than I do now. I marked my days off by going in in jeans instead of a suit, but I'd frequently still be in, doing paperwork, chasing up on cases. And I'd take work home with me.

Because of that my diet had gone to shit. Takeouts when I ate at home, or simple things like ready meals or toast or cereal for dinner.

Which meant I was unhealthy, so then I'd run or go to the gym at the yard to try to fight the flab. Spend an hour or so working out, or if it had been a bad day, pounding on a punchbag until I could barely stand up. It was an unhealthy combination of pushing myself too hard in some ways, not enough in others.

I'd decided to give up smoking, after one too many chest infections meant I had to have time off work. But then I'd given up a lot of things just because I'd lost my lust for life. Everything apart from work felt a bit pointless, and when we had setbacks at work - on cases or in court - I let it get to me too much. Took it out on my team because then, in their own ways, they'd take it back out on me, and I needed that. Or I thought I did. You lot and John have taught me that sometimes I just need to give myself a break and not take the blame. For that I thank you.

I applied for another job a few months before meeting John and the boys. They got back to me in the summer - offering me exactly what I'd wanted. That really brought it home to me how much I'd changed because of them.

I'd applied for a transfer into a specialist undercover unit, because I thought why not? No one would miss me, I wouldn't miss anyone, better me doing it than anyone else. I think I would have enjoyed it more than going on how I was, anyway.

The DCI there wasn't happy when I turned him down. He said they'd spent a lot of time vetting people and deciding I was what they wanted. I apologised, told him my circumstances had unexpectedly changed. I expect he thinks I'm a right idiot. But how can you explain to someone you don't even know that you've found something to live for? That you thought you'd find it easier being someone else, but that's because you'd forgotten who you really were?

John and the boys have given me back the ability to find the good side, to feel the joy. Seeing the world through Sherlock and Mycroft's eyes is just amazing. The things they notice, the questions they come up with, the way they just devour all information.

And meeting John, falling in love with him…it sounds corny, but it really is like I've found the other half of myself. Someone to share the good and bad times with, someone to drag me up when I'm down.

Someone to live for.

And on that note, here's a picture I took today, of the changing seasons – out with the old, to make way for the new. And all under the sunny blue sky. Fitting, I think.