So.
I am feeling a bit better. food is the main...stumbling block. And I don't know anymore if it's just in my head or what. I definitely don't feel like eating. Have been living on rice, toast, breadsticks and a few ready salted crisps. Not exactly a breakfast of champions. not sure there's any actual reason i shouldn't eat though.
And sleep...sleep's good, but it comes in fits and starts. Not just for me, either, cause I've been waking John up too. Which he really doesn't need, beause he's been running after me and the boys for days now. He'll be in the same state as he says I was in if he doesn't get a break.
So Nicky said that if I wrote it down it might sort of...purge the dream from my head.
I can't remember much of it, but basically, I'm somewhere quite big and dark. Although it might not be dark, I can't really open my eyes. Seems dark. But I know there are people there. Sherlock, Mycroft, Nicky, Rachel, Danny and Sam (Rach, Danny and Sam are my half brothers/sisters.) And they're all young - like, between Sherlock's age and Mycroft's, really.
And I think John's there, but he's not with them, I just feel like he's there. Sometimes he shouts at me to do something. I don't know what though, and I can't hear him well enough to understand. Oh, and I'm held down. Don't know what by. Not like, rope or cuffs. Just can't move. And everything just gets more confused. Everyone shouts more, and I still can't do anything, or even know what I need to do.
And then Bryan's right by me, and he's telling me it's okay, when it clearly isn't, and he tries to convince me. And all I can do is struggle, and he won't help, he just ignores them all.
Well, it carries on liek that. And I get more violent, and I can't breathe, and finally I get free and there's no one there. At all, so I just start running, but there;s no one.
No, I have no idea where sturgeons come into that.
(ps. all of you who voted with Mycroft on the ties, you're sadists. New poll is up. Short and sweet. I don't have the mental energy for anything complex.)
59 comments:
May your dreams tonight be filled with the better kind of Danger.
Cheers. More worried I'm going to belt him in the face or say something very rude to him.
Not sure I can conscionably vote in this poll. I think my answer would be "It depends." Heh.
The vague dreams can be the nastiest sometimes. They're hard to process because there's nothing really concrete we can pin down, just general anxieties and terrors.
Sounds awful. No wonder you were kicking people in your sleep.
I dunno, it's like Lindsay said, I don't even know what was so bad about it. Just being helpless, really.
Didn't kick you too hard, did I? Broke a toe once, kicking the wall, years ago.
Ouch, what an awful nightmare! D: As for the poll... Well, I voted bad, because it can be really bad. I'd say if people are healthy, and they want to, and they love each other, they can work it out and it can be good for them. Otherwise, it sucks. But then again, I'm no expert.
You gonna ask him? Because you totally should.
Is who going to ask whom what? And should they? Right.
I think for a man like you just being helpless and powerless is about as bad as a dream would get. If something bad were happening but you could fight it that would still be better than not being able to figure out what's wrong to do something about it.
You seem much more lucid now. Glad you're feeling better.
Yeah, I'd much rather have something a bit more concrete to go on. Still, hopefully Nicky's right, and this will put a stop to them.
And thank you. Feeling a lot better. Just a bit shaky and tired now.
No, the kick wasn't hard, just surprising. Probably wouldn't have done much if I hadn't been on the edge of the bed anyway.
What'd you vote in your poll?
I'll try and hang on to you tonight.
Or sleep on the sofa.
I was feeling pessimistic when I posted it, so I voted 'bad'. But then I'm the only one so far on your poll who voted 'join the crowd', and I was dead wrong there, wasn't I?
I prefer option A.
Ha, I wondered who that was. There's actually two people now, so some brave soul did go.
Actually that was me, twice. Once on the phone, once on the laptop.
So what did you vote in mine. I think I can guess.
Damn, I was going to ask for a report from the front lines.
Yeah, I did vote Good, but my preferred option wasn't available - "Depends who you're marrying."
Should have let me go back to work then - I'd have told you all a bout it.
I should have put a few more options, I admit. Went back to change it, but 5 people had already voted. Quick off the mark, readers round here.
Dreams are weird. When I'm sick I have truly demented, vivid fever dreams. Hopefully yours go away soon.
I voted for Good, but really I think marriage is what you make it. That was probably an unhelpful answer, though. Marriage is a social convention that has gone through so many permutations - from the number of people involved to what it means, socially and politically - that talking about marriage as a whole seems a bit silly to me. Then again, I'm American and very, very bitter about where "marriage" is going in my country. (The Defense of Marriage Act can go DIE IN A FIRE.) So yes. Marriage is what you make it.
L - my fault, I got to it first, though everyone else wasn't far behind. Anyway, if you'd put that option on there everyone would've gone for it.
Danger - True.
Annoyedwabbit - once I would probably have thought the same thing.
The worst dreams I ever had involved lots of bright light, a bit of noise, and paralyzing anxiety & terror. The dreams where the bad guys are chasing me intent on killing me are nothing in comparison. And has already been mentioned, being helpless in the face of trouble for the people you care about must be one of your biggest triggers.
I voted "good", because mine is, but it's an impossible question, isn't it? Yours was one, then the other; I've known people while marriages started off bad and went downhill from there. I also know people who had experiences not dissimilar to yours, who went on to have wonderful second marriages. Marriage is neutral, it's the individuals who make it good or bad. IMHO.
Glad you're starting to feel better :-)
If it helps at all that sounds like a lot of my dreams. I've learned to find them mostly hilarious. I mean, in one I'm trying to rearrange my room whilst a panther and a basilisk are creeping around my flat. And my brother's trying to help me but I keep trying to move the bed and kicking chickens out of the way . . .
Second thought, that probably doesn't help. Hope you have less disturbing dreams.
Later gator,
Bronwyn
Nameless - it is impossible, yes. I should have waited to do the poll in a less cynical moment.
Bronwyn - maybe I'll laugh about it at some point, but right now it's a bit too real. I sort of skipped some of the detail there...but, yeah. I'm sure theyll go again.
Should I ask about the detail?
No.
All right.
Sorry, that was a bit blunt. But no, thanks, I'd rather not talk about it right now.
Hug would be nice, though. You can Chase him out of my head.
It's all right, I get it.
Hugs are always available.
Maybe the poll results will help with the cynical mood a little?
Hope the hugs help.
Your poll is impossible to answer as phrased. My marriage, for instance, I'd have to classify as "good", although there have been bad moments and even bad days. (Heck, bad weeks and months, if we're being honest. But overall good.)
Yours, on the other hand...well.
Hmm. I voted bad, but really, it is what the two peas in the pod make it, isn't it?
Mind you, if I ever got 'married' it would have to be Common Law or Civil Union (Or a trip to the registrars incognito) because my family is bloody massive and it would be a showdown at the O.K. Corral to get them all into a Church/Hall without casualties.
I...kinda love that my government gave me three options to have with a life partner.
Re: Nightmares. Are you still sleeping with loads of blankets? I pile them on when I'm sick too, but once your better, the amount of weight can be very restrictive and the excess heat can be stifling, and be a trigger for nightmares. Living on rice and crackers probably isn't helping either, some fruit juice before you go to bed might help, sharp dips in blood sugar while you sleep can cause nightmares too. Good luck! (long post is loooonnng, sorry.)
I couldn't vote in the poll. Lindsay beat me to my answer: "It depends."
Then again, my property law professor trained us to give that answer to every question -- at least every question relating to law.
Nicky, it didn't work
Bugger this.
Danger, when you wake up alone, I'm on the sofa. For your safety
Sorry
And sorry for the impossible poll
come back to bed please, i'm tired and youre warm
and my phone screens really bright ugh
I was married to a cop for 17 years. (Still married, he's just no longer a cop.) I've been hit in the face in the middle of the night; I've been pinned with my arms behind my back (not as much fun as it sounds); I've been kicked out of bed. All those incidents thanks to his nightmares. The worst being when he was hip-deep in serial killers and refusing to talk about it.
If it helps at all, I always wanted him by me anyway, the closer the better. Nightmares shouldn't have to be faced alone.
I did go back to bed, avid readers. Because who can resist a sleepy Danger who asks so nicely.
And he does look lovely sleeping. Hair everywhere, creases from the pillow on his cheek.
Random - i,ve hit people I slept with before, really really dont want to hit Danger. It's no way to thank the man, is it.
I understand where you're coming from, but shouldn't that be John's choice to make? Maybe he feels the same way Random does? Certainly doesn't sound as if he thinks you kipping on the sofa is any way to "thank" him either (thank him for what?).
Maybe you need to talk to him - or someone - about those details too?
PS - how on earth do you guys manage to post from your phones all the time? I'm using my phone now, it's driving me crazy.
Nameless Anon - given that I've driven him off to the sofa for a few hours nap/crap late night telly watching, pretty frequently recently I thought it was only fair that for once it was me who left, given he seemed to be asleep and I was wide awake. I don't like waking up to find he's missing either, but i'd rather he got the rest wherever he could than lay awake next to me getting more knackered.
Thank him for taking care of me, as well as his usual duties to the boys, which more than doubled his workload, only to then keep him from sleeping too. He tells me I work too much, yet he works 24/7.
I probably will talk to someone. When I feel like I can get the words out. Let's just say I didn't really feel like being close to anyone right at that moment, even if rationally I know it's John. You know what dreams are like, they can linger a bit.
Type on phone With difficulty. Probably more difficulty now, as I think my fevered ramblings have taught the autocorrect some very odd words. It used to be quite good at guessing what I was trying to say, even when my fat fingers hit all the wrong little buttons. (do you call them buttons or keys on a touchscreen?)
L - I'd always rather have you there, Random's quite right. And I honestly didn't mention getting the boot out of bed so you'd feel bad, I just thought it was kind of funny. Not the nightmare obviously, but the sturgeon definitely. Please don't blame yourself for my sleep habits. It's a rare night I'm not up for an hour or so anyway.
It's a rare night I'm not up for an hour or so anyway.
I know. Whoever said it the other week was right - we are a right pair.
And I know you didn't mean me to feel bad, but I have hurt people in the past flailing about in my sleep, and I really don't want to hit you. That would definitely give me sleepless nights.
I know, love. And I know I'd probably feel pretty rotten if it were the other way around - and it might be at some point, if I get in a bad patch again. We really are quite a pair. So there's not much I can say to help, just that I'd rather have you there than not. That's all.
So there's not much I can say to help
Just you understanding is honestly all the help I need. I'm far more used to the implication that I used to be in some sort of control over it happening or not. Or that I did it for attention or something. When quite the reverse is true - I'd really rather no one ever noticed.
...Well. All I can say is that it's pretty silly to think anyone can control what they dream about. Actually I could say a lot more, but I should probably avoid insulting your exes. At any rate, I do understand, I've done it myself (the wall, I wasn't sleeping with anyone then), and I can't imagine you doing anything for attention other than making dirty handkerchief references.
I can't imagine you doing anything for attention other than making dirty handkerchief references.
I'm not even going to go into what dirty handkerchiefs could mean...
As for the rest...you're very restrained.
We'll just have to keep making sure we schedule our mental traumas not to coincide, or God knows what will happen to this household. Two kids running riot with a couple of zombies roaming around at all hours of the night?
I like zombies.
S - Are you sure? Zombies can't tell you stories.
No but I could go on adventures with them and they could get me brains to look at. I would still let them have the brains to eat afterwards. I would just cut them up first. And if you could train them they'd be good at looking for murderers, because you couldn't kill them. Me and Lestrade and zombies could solve crimes.
Sounds like an excellent plan. If I find any zombies who want to solve crimes I shall certainly send them your way. In the meantime, maybe could write a story about it? I'm sure your teacher would be interested.
Dreams lingering, yeah I get it. Even from the little you've said, it sounds... grim.
Whoever said it the other week was right - we are a right pair.
Um, so, that was me, too... And you are! This thing you've got going on of each trying to be the most considerate is rather sweet :-)
And I don't know whether they're keys or buttons, but between my fat fingers, predictive text, andy phone eating my comments, I think I might go back to lurking :-p
I will. What do you want to be in the story? Because Lestrade can be Lestrade, and I can be a detective, so I wouldn't need a nanny. Maybe you could be the nice zombie. Or the murderer.
Lestrade just said it sounded good. And that he would be safe from zombies, but I might need you to protect me, because he doesn't have any brains, but I've got a very big one. So maybe you could be my bodyguard, which is a bit like a nanny, but for grown ups.
How about a zombie bodyguard? Very effective, since, as you say, they can't be killed. As long as you kept me well supplied with other people's brains, there should be no problem, and I could fend off the less polite zombies.
Okay. I'm going to write it so I can give it to her on Tuesday.
And last term she said I should remind Lestrade that he was going to come and talk to us.
But I told her that Lestrade said to you that he didn't have time to wipe his arse, because of work. She said she didn't think I should be saying things like that, but it's only what he said.
Nameless Anon - clearly spelling is optional around here, now I've re-read some of my less comprehensible posts - which you all seemed to understand. SO don't worry about it.
Sherlock...is it actually possible to have a conversation in this flat that you don't overhear? Do you have the place bugged? It's probably best that you neither Google nor relay to your teachers anything that I say, unless specifically told to.
Sherlock, I know you remember the talk we had about words children shouldn't use. It still counts when you're quoting adults, especially to your teacher.
No.
Okay John.
I don't think I want to ask whether the 'no' was to the first or second question.
And sorry, John, it is my fault for not watching what I'm saying. I just forget.
Oh my lord. God save us from observant 5-year-olds.
*dies laughing*
I have the same problem, Lestrade. I have quite the gutter mouth, bad habit of mine, but I don't usually have to curb it because I'm not around kids. My friends find it most amusing. Parents do not. Accidentally taught my young cousins a rather inappropriate word last summer in a fit of inattentiveness. Still feel bad about that one!
Lindsay - Unfortunately, Sherlock already knows nearly all the words (good, bad, and indifferent), the problem is that he doesn't really grasp the concept that words can be good or bad, appropriate or inappropriate. And that's a hard one to explain.
L - not your fault. I'm sure I've said things that are just as bad.
Still a problem though, since even exceptionally smart kids like Sherlock have to learn social cues from example, just like everyone else. Hard to learn from context what's appropriate and what's not if you have someone like me around cussing like a sailor.
And although I apologized to my cousins' parents, I felt that the way they absolutely flipped out when one of the kids asked what the word meant just made the whole thing worse. I think that simply explaining that it was a very rude word for a lady's anatomy and not appropriate for anyone, especially kids, to say would probably have sufficed. Of course I was not about to say so, since the whole situation was my fault in the first place!
Again, posting late (found this blog a little bit ago, so entertaining had to back and read from the beginning), but here's my funny story:
My mother liked to repeat things without knowing what they meant, just like a kid would (yes, when she was an adult--in her 50s). I'll never forget when she began dyeing her hair, and starting joking (or so I thought) about "and a ***** to match". It wasn't until she came home from work one day, still a little red in the face, and demanded to know why I hadn't told her what that meant. Apparently she'd used the phrase at work...thankfully not in front of her boss!
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