Well, it was here in London, where our scene lies.
Just got home. Soaked. Maybe it was too hot, and it is sort of nice to see the rain really lashing down. But not when it's home time.
I think I've got a lot to say about everything going on in my life right now. But none of the words will come.
So I'm stealing from 'Anon without a name' (We should give him/her a name. 'Anon with good advice'? 'Words of wisdom anon'?)
"Look, you've been taking responsibility for taking care of yourself and everyone else for your whole adult life and a good few years before that. You didn't have anyone else you could rely on or share that with. So it's a deeply ingrained habit, and I suppose it must be frustrating as anything to have people suddenly expecting you to give up that very safe, very comfortable, level of control. Maybe it feels as if they're questioning your ability to handle the situation. But holding on to all of that isn't doing you any good, and it isn't doing you any favours."
That does indeed about sum up my life. Everything I've ever done has relied on me being in control. Especially the job - talking to that family today, about what they've gone through, one son dead, one on remand, ex-husband and father bailed until I can prove what I know - all I can do is hang on to every shred of control I've got, because I have to be professional, and be the very best I can be for them.
And the times I've let that control slip have been...well, like Danger mentioned the other night. Bryan. Other times, when I was younger, when control was taken from me. These death threats - the thought that someone's been watching me, without me knowing, with this latest photo. But I always got the control back. Eventually.
Even now, the worse thing about this whole dissolution saga isn't me talking to him, it's the fact that now we're back in touch, he can talk to me. When I phone him I can plan it, be in the right mood, know what I want to say and say it. Even if I don't answer my mobile when I see his name on the screen, it just...well, totally fucks me up, if I'm blunt. And I hate it.
But soon it'll all be over, and the sunshine will be back.
And when my life's good - like last night, it's bloody brilliant. I hope you all find your own Danger at some point. Because it makes everything else worth it.