16 May 2011

Bikes, Badasses and Boredom

There seems to be a recurring theme on these blogs at the moment, which this ecard sums up.

Danger, you and I...

Well, last night was unwelcome in a number of ways.

1. I hate nightshifts with no warning. I was already knackered from ice-skating and having a brilliant day out with John and the boys, looking forward to an evening on the sofa. And then I get a call that someone's phoned in sick. Now, there's no bloody WAY I'm risking being either knackered or called in for our date tomorrow night, so I thought I'd just go in, do the shift, then be in the clear.

2. The place we've set up the obbo in a building which is pretty horrible and old, derelict and spooky. There were so many noises. Three times I went to investigate, just in case we'd been made and the gang were creeping up on us to do away with us. It wasn't very nice. And cold. And smelly. And there were times, in the wee small hours, where if the bloke I was working with had smoked I'd have bludgeoned him to death for his fags. Lucky for him he didn't.

3. There was no way I could get out of the meetings and briefings I had today, so it meant I was awake for over 24 hours before I even got to work for a 12 hr shift this morning...

On the bright side, yesterday we all went ice skating, which was fantastic fun. Mycroft is brilliant, and very patient as we wobbled about and fell over. Sherlock was a menace, but had a lot of fun.

Then we went to buy some bike gear. The showroom had some bikes in it, and both the boys were allowed to climb on them, by a very kind shop assistant.

I bought a helmet.

 Some armoured jeans:

And a new pair of gloves. I shall let Danger tell you what he bought, if he wants.

I escaped work early today in the end. Fell asleep on the tube, so still ended up getting home late, via an unintended trip to Wembley. Now Sherlock is desperate for a story, as tomorrow John and I will be doing 'boring' things (I can only assure you all I won't find them boring.) and after that I'm actually scheduled for nights...but then, on Friday, we shall go and pick up the bike! (Danger - the boys won't need picking up until about 3/4ish, will they? I want us to get out for a ride in the afternoon.)

Oh, and surprisingly, 'Dog the size of ants' won the poll by the smallest of margins. Which is a surprise, as the rather boring 'neither' was winning all week. And twenty-something of you wanted ants the size of dogs (That's what I voted for, too.)

New poll up any moment.


John H. D. Watson said...

That helmet looks like it could go extremely fast all on its own.

3.30, yeah, and Sherlock's school will keep him 4 if we need them to (I've always wanted to ask what they do after 4).

I voted 'none of the above'.

What story are you telling Sherlock anyway? I heard you shout when he pinched you.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Yeah, the pro photos always make stuff look a bit grander. It doesn't look like it could go very fast in the box on the living room floor, does it?

Sell him to an evil mastermind? I don't know. Should we find out?

'None of the above' means you fantasise about yourself naked, then? (just realised I can't spell...at all. I blame fatigue.)

I was telling him about John George Haigh. It was more of a yelp than a shout. I was sort of dreaming I was back on obbo. He wasn't amused.

John H. D. Watson said...

...I honestly thought the poll was about your underwear, which will teach me to read more carefully. And also apply logic to the situation, since I doubt you'd actually do a poll about your underwear.

No, let's not find out. If they sold him to an evil mastermind, they'd have the world conquered by the end of the summer.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Indeed. It was going to be a poll about underwear in general, but then I decided everyone would be thinking about you in it anyway, so why not give it more direction.

I didn't mean find out as in, let them keep him. I meant as in ask them, just in case we ever do need to leave him there...if there real answer is actually to sell him to an evil mastermind then I'm rather impressed...and I'd have to hope my bedtime stories meant I was still useful to him.

John H. D. Watson said...

I think the somewhat disappointing answer will be 'ring my mobile and leave snippy messages until I come to collect him'. Or call his mum.

You never know, he might outwit the evil mastermind and save the world instead.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I assumed something of the sort.

I think the evil mastermind would cope for about 30 mins, then ring your mobile and leave snippy messages until you went to collect him. Or call his mum.

And now, during the past 40 odd hours I've slept in two vastly uncomfortable chairs, one tube train and Sherlock's bed (for about 5 seconds), so I think I shall go and sample our bed, hopefully inhabited by you.

John H. D. Watson said...

...Yeah, you're probably right.

I might blog first, but I'll be along shortly.

innie said...

I'm telling you, the best way to steer clear of pinchy fingers is to keep a stack of books Sherlock would like near the bed and use them as a last resort when you simply aren't awake enough to make up a new story or redact an existing case file.

I told my nephews (5 and 7 at the time) a heavily edited version of Gar Paulsen's Hatchet - twelve-year-old boy is stranded on his own in the Alaskan wilderness when his tiny plane crashes and has to figure out how to survive out there - and the boys were enraptured. It helped that they're inquisitive and when I said, "He made a bow and arrow," they immediately asked, "What did he make it out of?" At which point I asked them what they'd use and they thought about it and came up with the right answer for the bowstring - shoelaces. So it was a give-and-take thing, and when I was done, they immediately wanted the story one more time.

I still think Sherlock (and Mycroft) would get a kick out of Ellen Raskin's The Westing Game, which is one of the cleverest books I've ever read. It's got murder and bombs and wordplay and is just so much fun.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I can't promise to be awake. And apologies if I twitch lots. Still got caffeine running through my veins.

Innie, the problem is Sherlock would read all the books. And it's real cases he loves. It is interactive - he tells me how he would solve them. Or get away with the crime...

John H. D. Watson said...

All done, be there in a minute.

Kira said...

Try Pratchett? or Gaiman?

Mind you, this is good advice for ALL occasions!

mazarin221b said...

You know, I complain because I get about 5 hours of sleep a night, and I'm a complete disaster most of the time because of it.

I now no longer have anything to complain about. How do you not just fall over?

Bronwyn said...

I can recommend some of the less gory books about serial killers (mostly American ones). But I suppose you'd already guessed that.


X said...

What Kira said. Pratchett is clever and humorous, Gaiman does gorgeous things with words and is considerably darker. Sherlock may even enjoy The Graveyard Book, even though it's nominally for children (it's a retelling of The Jungle Book, except the child is raised in a graveyard instead of the jungle. It does involve murder and other gruesome things... he might approve. :D)

I voted none of the above, for the very reason that Danger suggested. (Come on, you have to know how pervy we on the internet are by NOW, surely. :D)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Mazarin - about 5 to 6 hours sleep is my optimum level. More and I start feeling crap, significantly less over more than two or three nights and I completely lose the plot. But I've always been used to completely disrupted sleep patterns, so I suppose I'm just used to it?

Tomorrow morning I'm hoping for a lazy morning, and entirely possibly tempting Danger back to bed once we've dropped the boys off to their respective classes/school.

The problem with reading Sherlock things is he feels cheated...HE could read books. I'm only of use if I'm telling him a story he can't get any other way. Demanding little creature, he is.

Random said...

I think you should read Sherlock "The Ransom of Red Chief", by O. Henry: http://www.online-literature.com/donne/1041/

humantales said...

I don't know. That sounds like a very dangerous thing to do. (I bet that he'd love it, though.)

Polaris said...

Adding my voice to the suggestions for reading Sherlock Gaiman and Pratchett, though I wouldn't do American Gods. I'd recommend mysteries but I've no doubt he'd find them boring and solve the whole thing by the end of the first chapter, though I suppose you could make something of a game out of that.

Post a Comment