29 May 2011

Danger, Dungeness and Dinner

Had a wonderful day (and night) yesterday. Although Danger is feeling it a bit today. I admit, it's my fault entirely - I made him ride hard for a long time, with only minimal prep, and the odd break for a stretch, so today he's limping about the flat slightly, looking a little sore.

It's my hands and wrists that took the brunt. All that squeezing, pulling, twisting...



But we'll both get used to going on long rides if we keep getting away for days out.

Dungeness was as beautiful as always. (Any of you in the UK, if you like odd, alien, desolate landscapes, get down there.) Dangers got more pictures, and I'm sure he'll put them up soon.


An old abandoned hut, boat and winding gear, with the narrow gauge track they used to push the fish wagons over the shingle on. There's a lot of bits like this - sort of sad. You wonder what the people thought, when they walked away for the final time, leaving it all here, for the weather to batter.

People do still live there, though, in odd little cottages and shacks, scattered across the shingle.

On a sidenote that will probably interest Sherlock more than anyone else, a lot of bodies fetch up here, from people who've gone over the cliffs at Beachy Head, or other places along the south coast. All to do with the currents - the same reason all this shingle has ended up here, creating the whole area.

The ride was fantastic. We took mainly back roads - nice and twisty, country lanes, fast stretches - although we did hop onto the motorway a little on the way back, because I wanted to let the bike really open up. I think Danger kept his eyes open more. (I mainly think that because whenever we did anything that was a little bit tight, or that could have made him worry, the squeezing increased - so he must have seen it coming.)

Anyway, the more we ride, the more relaxed he'll get. And I will, for that matter.

Then, when we got back, he surprised me by having organised dinner out - Mrs Hudson had agreed to keep an eye on the boys. So I got even more of him to myself. The food was fantastic, the wine perfect, and we rolled in very late. Or early, depending how you look at it.

Sherlock had set up some sort of booby-trap noise-making device on our bedroom door. I didn't spot it, but Danger did - just in time! Otherwise we'd have had a wide-awake Sherlock on our hands at a time when it would have been a little inconvenient.

As it was, we got a wide awake Sherlock at just gone half five, instead. I swear, that boy is like a crab - lots of arms and legs, all of them sharp, pointy and directed at parts of us that hurt. He jumped on us, managed to force himself into a gap between us (on top of the covers), and then sort of wedge us apart until he was comfortable. All the while never even pausing for breath telling us about penguins. No, I don't know why. I think the end of the conversation was Danger agreeing we could go and see the new penguin pool at the zoo soon. And me getting up to get coffee and make Sherlock some toast.

Then headed back to bed, leaving Sherlock with Mycroft and YouTube to keep him entertained. I'm sure it's not responsible parenting, but I needed more Danger and more sleep.

Now we're all up, washed dressed and debating the plan for the day. The key points seem to be dog walking, a large lunch and Sherlock is desperate to go mudlarking (scratching about on the banks of the Thames at low tide, for...well, 'stuff') so we might. Low tide is about half five this afternoon. I think he wants to find bodyparts, as he knows that's what I've been looking for recently.

We won't be going to the area that's producing arms and legs though, don't worry. Not on a Sunday.

99 comments:

Kholly said...

I found your poll difficult as I wanted a most of the above button and so went with Other. My last vacation was a long weekend of skiing, but my big vacation this summer will have beach and mountains and city. Really anything but the camping I'd go for and I might even try that if you could guarantee it wouldn't rain all weekend and make me cold and wet and miserable like last time I tried it.

Lawless said...

I'm glad you enjoyed your day out and that you and John are getting more accustomed to riding with each other. Your drive sounds like the type my husband favors, only in a car (preferably a convertible -- we have a vintage one).

Dear me, I'm glad for your sakes that John spotted Sherlock's booby trap. He's not deliberately trying to interfere with your love life, is he?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Kholly - Yeah, the poll is hard. I could probably pick any of them, in any given mood. Although I've never been skiing - it just looks fun. And I like snow.

Lawless - It was fantastic. Just what I needed. I do feel bad about stealing Danger away from the boys, though. And a convertible would be the next best thing to the bike.

Sherlock's 'trap' was just designed to make a lot of noise, so he could get up and come and see us. Quite sweet, really. I think he was a bit annoyed with us for going off all day without him. And Danger had told him that he could stay up until we were home. The thing is, given he'd probably been asleep for four or five hours, he would have been wide awake, with no chance of us getting him to go back to sleep. It would have been a disaster! (I'm fairly sure he isn't really aware of our love life beyond 'boring' kissing and cuddles - which are only okay if he's in on them. Otherwise they're 'stupid'.)

Anon Without A Name said...

Poor John. A mate's pillion had the problem of their hips locking when riding for too long in one position. I suppose that switching round is something you could work up to eventually? I know that John would have to be competent doing it by himself first, but then maybe he'd be comfortable to have you behind him like that?

(Another mate told me - and maybe you could tell me if this is true or not - that the best way to avoid too much strain on the wrists is to go faster?)

Dungeness looks great, lucky the weather held off for you :-) Have you tried Sherlock's flapjacks yet? Or is he witholding them as punishment for avoiding his trap?

I love beach holidays for the ability to lounge around reading all day, but the sun and I don't get on very well. I do adore city breaks though, even in the UK. Usually interesting architecture, and lots of people-watching opportunities.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Nameless - he's okay, really. It's just the first time he's been on the back for more than about half an hour - it just takes a bit of getting used to! Don't worry, I shall provide his rear with tender loving care. As he gets more comfortable he'll learn to stretch his legs out as we ride, too. He won't take his feet off the pegs at the moment. So I get a rest at lights/junctions, and he doesn't get one at all, until we stop.

I've never actually asked him if he'd like to ride...that's very mean of me, isn't it? I think I'd make a far more nervous pillion than he does!

As for my wrists - again, it's lack of riding experience recently. And I've no doubt I'll be fine soon. It's not so much strain on them - although a few times, when Danger slid into the back of me because he hadn't realised I was going to brake, that does put both our bodyweights and some g force on them! It's more getting used to using the clutch etc., riding position - and I'm a bit tense, because I've got a brand new bike and a very precious cargo!

Going faster could help, I suppose - but also puts more strain on your neck/shoulders, from holding your head up, with your helmet, and being hit by the wind. Swings and roundabouts, probably - depends on the style of bike, too.

The weather was good - scudding clouds, getting greyer!

I'm not actually sure Sherlock's flapjacks survived Sherlock...he hasn't mentioned them today. I shall investigate his room at some point. Between him, Mycroft, Mrs H and the dogs, he might have to make some more.

This comment is nearly as long as the entry...

humantales said...

Sounds like the two of you had a wonderful day. I wouldn't worry so much about stealing D away from the boys; he needs a break from his job occasionally too!

The bit about Sherlock squirming between the two of you is sweet; so much little kid there. (And I suspect you're right, and that he isn't aware of much beyond "boring" hugs and kisses. Unless they see direct evidence, little kids don't. Mycroft, on the other hand, is probably trying very hard not to think about it.)

Today sounds like a lovely day as well. Outside, playing together.

Frankly, your weekend sound idyllic. And just what all of you need.

John H. D. Watson said...

Nameless - I suppose that switching round is something you could work up to eventually? I know that John would have to be competent doing it by himself first, but then maybe he'd be comfortable to have you behind him like that?

Is Lestrade wearing off on you? That had to be on purpose.

L - you wouldn't be nervous, you'd be terribly bored, on account of how slowly I was going and my insistence on obeying all the traffic laws.

It was a really good booby trap. I almost missed it myself.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Humantales - I know he needs a break too. He's got even more of them than usual this coming week, too, as it's half term. Although Sherlock's school (it being a crazy school, run for geniuses) is having some sort of special science classes I think, each afternoon Tues-Fri. So he'll still get a short Sherlock-free period!

I've never given much thought to what either of them think we get up to. Surely no kids ever want to think about old people getting up to anything?

Danger - YOU are seeing filth where there is none. It's your dirty mind, not what these good people are writing. I can assure you, the only person I attempt to wear off on is you.

And you would rapidly discover, just like riding a bicycle, that going faster actually feels safer. And I do obey all the traffic laws!! All the sensible ones, anyway.

John H. D. Watson said...

Surely no kids ever want to think about old people getting up to anything?

I can't tell you how appalled I was the first time I realized my parents must've had sex at least twice. Took a while, too. I don't even remember seeing them kiss more than once or twice growing up.

the only person I attempt to wear off on is you.

Ha. I wrote "rubbing off" first and then carefully changed it - I see I shouldn't have bothered.

It's not the going fast that bothers me, it's the going fast and weaving between lanes while everyone else is stuck going slow. I'm not really complaining though. I like it too.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Took a while, too.

What, medical school? In the middle of the lecture on reproduction you suddenly gasped loudly and ran from the room?

No, you should never censor yourself for me.

You would soon find yourself lane splitting, and being annoyed at all the cars blocking up the roads. I don't think you'd have any problem at all.

And you wouldn't be able to see my lips moving in prayer, if I kept my helmet on.

John H. D. Watson said...

In the middle of the lecture on reproduction you suddenly gasped loudly and ran from the room?

Yeah, there's one in every class. Sometimes they faint. The older you are, the more traumatic the realisation.

No, I think I was about seven, and they were showing us this film in science class with this one scene of rabbits going at it and then the baby rabbits when they were born.

Heh. Maybe you'd better stick to driving.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I think I got a fairly good idea what went on when Nicky, Danny, Rachel and Sam showed up. Although I still can't imagine how Nicky happened, as my parents did a fantastic job of seeming to hate each other. In fact, I don't want to know, thinking about it. It only makes me imagine very bad things.

Actually, I now want to wipe all thoughts about that from my mind entirely. I might just stick my fingers in my ears, squeeze my eyes shut and hum to myself for a bit.

iamshadow said...

I need a cold shower after those first few paragraphs.

John H. D. Watson said...

What did I tell you? The older you are, the worse the trauma. (And even people who hate each other can have briefly fantastic make up sex. I've just made it worse, haven't I? I'll stop.)

What are we having for dinner?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I'm thinking far, far darker things than you are, Danger. I think I'm actually traumatising myself. I may need a hug.

What do you want? I'm still fairly full from lunch.

Sherlock has informed me he's hungry, though. He seriously has hollow legs, this boy.

John H. D. Watson said...

Oh god, sorry. Come sit with me then and stop lurking by the window. I'll give you all the hugs you can stand.

I'm not actually that hungry either, but we have bacon?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Not your fault. I'm probably wildly over thinking it. But I can stand a lot of hugs...

Bacon is good. I could knock out some pasta for the boys if they're that hungry.

And I don't lurk!

John H. D. Watson said...

Brooding then. It was a little lurky though.

They probably will be in a couple hours. I might be too if the pasta involves bacon.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

It's possible I was brooding slightly. I don't know, sometimes I just want to wipe my brain clean and start again. I'm sure you feel the same way about some parts of your life. (Although not all, by any means.)

I'm going to try the lavender idea. It's not exactly a 'new' smell in the bedroom, after all. It's a smell I associate with very fond memories, after last week.

I can do... let me check the fridge. Bacon, mushrooms, we've got some tagliatelle and the ends of some cream, mascarpone and pesto. I imagine all mixed up it would turn out okay.

John H. D. Watson said...

No. I used to. But the thing is, all we are is a collection of experiences. Change the experiences and you change the person - into someone completely different. So I think as long as I want to be me, I can't really wish parts of my life hadn't happened, no matter how bad they were. Kind of torturous logic, I know, but I've spent a lot of time thinking about it.

I'm not entirely sure those associations are conducive to sleep, but please do give it a go.

it would turn out okay.

Just okay? G. Lestrade, King of Understatement.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Yeah, you're right.

Still, I can dream about being a farm mechanic and you being lord of the manor, right? Rolling in haystacks, frolicking in meadows? All very Jane Austen, it could be. Or D. H. Lawrence. Or Jilly Cooper, for that matter...

You mean I might have been sleepy that night for other reasons? I can't imagine what...not on a family blog, anyway.

John H. D. Watson said...

Yeah, I know you know that really. I suppose I just spent an ungodly amount of time thinking about it (days at a time, you wouldn't have wanted to know me then, I was no fun at all) and felt the need to say (type) it for once.

Or Barbara Cartland. Why am I lord of the manor? Country doctor's more likely. I can fix you up when you get savaged by a rogue thresher.

innie said...

It sounds like Lestrade's been watching Bedrooms and Hallways, where all sorts of literary fantasies come out to play in a totally hilarious and delightful manner.

Anon Without A Name said...

I'm shocked - shocked that you could have mistaken my perfectly innocent and helpful comments about different riding positions as filth. You wound me, Doctor.

Lestrade - that definitely sounds more D. H. Lawrence than Jane Austen.

I'm not even going to ask about the lavender.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Yeah, there are plenty of times in my life where you wouldn't have wanted to know me. Or I wouldn't have wanted you to know me, anyway. Typing's good. I think we've established that. Unless I'm drunk, when it's generally bad.

Okay, country doctor then. Just don't grow a moustache. Romance and bandages after a thresher-gone-bad has savaged me...I'd fall for your bedside manner and stitching prowess, you'd fall for...well, I dunno. Something.

Maybe you should start writing romance novels in the spare time you seem to think you have.

Innie - never heard of it, but I'm all for my fantasties coming out to play...

John H. D. Watson said...

Your rugged, manly charms, I'm sure. And ability to dig frog ponds. I think you should be the one writing romance novels, the way you're coming up with all this off the top of your head.

What have you got against mustaches?

Nameless - What can I say? It must be Lestrade rubbing off on me then...

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Moustaches are just...unnecessary. Anything that covers any of your face is unnecessary.

Stubble is fine (I have to say that, given the rate mine grows).

But if you want to grow one, don't let me stand in your way. It's your body. Just don't expect me to keep a straight face, either.

Romance novels. Right. Next departmental meeting I get forced to sit in I'll stop doodling pictures of you and jam and start on my bestseller.

"Inspector...Lestrade? What do you have to add to the discussion?"

"Should it be...'He moaned softly as the healing hands dragged the cloth over his fevered brow', or does it sound better 'the Doctor's healing hands dragged the cool cloth over his fevered brow; he moaned softly.'?"


Yeah...this could make meetings faaaar more interesting. (apologies to Mycroft if I abused that semi-colon there.)

John H. D. Watson said...

I like your stubble. And I've no desire to grow a mustache again, don't worry.

Sounds publishable to me. Have you got some secret romance novel addiction I don't know about?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Hang on, hang on...

And I've no desire to grow a mustache again

...

again

I'll be right back. I have to go and pretend I'm not laughing.

Right. So. Um...when was this? Photos? Harry - photos?

And no, I don't! I actually can't remember the last time I read a book. Is that bad? I don't have the time.

Anyway, you'd have to write all the medical bits. Like the stitching. I'd just get it all wrong.

He licked the end of the thread and carefully slid it through the needle. "This," he said, confidently. "Won't hurt a bit."

"AAAAAARRGGGGHHHH" said the not-so brave patient.


(Why DO doctors tell you 'it won't hurt' or 'sharp scratch'? When they mean 'This will hurt' and 'wrenching agonizing stabbing pain coming right up'.)

Paula said...

That's fantastic. I'm very interested in abandoned places and why they had been abandoned. I think they're fascinating and scary. It feels like life is still there but is not at the same time. They feel so wrong. Especially frightening are the places where people had to leave all their stuff behind in a hurry, because of an emergency, like Pripyat because of the Chernobyl disaster.

Paula said...

PS:

That's fantastic.

THE PICS!! Not Danger with a mustache!!

John H. D. Watson said...

There are no photos! Or if there are, Harry definitely doesn't have them. She never saw it.

Because more pain you anticipate, the more pain (and attendant mental distress) you actually experience. Or because we're lying bastards. One or the other.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Damn.

Lying sadistic bastards, I think you mean. Who invent procedures just to cause pain.

Paula - There's an amazing website I found once (whilst investigating a case where we were being taunted by a killer who was leaving bodies in odd places - but try not to think about that!) It's all in Japanese, but you can run the captions through an online translator to get a vague idea of what they're talking about. My favourite pictures are in the funfair. But they're all just...I don't know, just go and look, they're truly amazing pictures. And have fun navigating the Japanese buttons!

http://home.f01.itscom.net/spiral/research3.html

Paula said...

Lestrade - Thanks. That's a brilliant website. Is there something spookier than an abandoned funfair? *shivers* Well, you just talked about leaving bodies in odd places,... but I normally don't find bodies, so an abandoned funfair without bodies is very scary for me too.

I'll just guess what that Japanese might mean. ;)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Not a problem. I just kept flicking through the pages, until I suddenly realised that, you know, I had a murderer to sort out, so I had to bookmark it! I just go and look through it every now and again.

Some of the auto-translators, although clearly awkward and a bit wrong, are all the more poetic for it.

The funfair is the oddest - for me - because it's just somewhere that should be so full of happiness and life, and there it is, sad and old and unloved and totally deserted.

(There were no bodies in abandoned funfairs. They were in abandoned air raid shelters/chemical warfare shelters etc. but when we were researching we just kept finding websites about all sorts of things.)

Paula said...

Lestrade - The scariest places are the places where nature's busy winning it back. There are the abandoned buildings and the stuff which was left behind and it's already partly covered in plants. It feels like it's slowly eaten.

That's what make abandoned funfairs weird for me, too. They should be happy, loud, busy, colourful places and everything seems dead. Somebody should have rescued it, but nobody cared enough to take even parts of it away. They just unplugged it and left it behind. They finished their last shift, closed the doors and went away.

It's fascinating and depressing at the same time. If you just search for pics, there are so many abandoned places. It's weird what we do to our nature.

John H. D. Watson said...

L - Correction: your rugged manly charms and cooking ability.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Ha, flattery will get you everywhere, Doc.

However, if I'd been threshed to bits, you would have to prop me up and feed me soup or something...at least at first. Before we moved into my cottage in the woods and I wowed you with my ability to cook poached game.

John H. D. Watson said...

This novel seems to be taking a sort of E. M. Forster direction now. How badly did you get mangled by this thresher? (What exactly does a thresher do anyway? Don't say it threshes.)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Hah! I don't know, you were the one wanted to be the doctor...I was all for you being lord of the manor, catching me poaching a few rabbits off your land and err...(leaving the rest up to reader's imagination).

Threshers seperate the grain from the stalks/chaff. Nowadays it's all done in one in a combine harvester (combine being the combination of a thresher and a reaper). So they're quite...violent. Lots of spinning thrashing bits.

We had to watch safety videos at school when they fed 'bodies' into farm machinery, to scare us off playing around it.

innie said...

It's a fun film, and I bet you and Danger would enjoy watching it (not safe for the boys, though). And it stars a very young Kevin McKidd, which is all to the good. The Jane Austen fantasy makes me giggle every time and the boys' first kiss is so lovely.

John H. D. Watson said...

I was thinking a cut on your arm or something, I didn't know there was a risk of you getting eaten whole by one of these things!

You make being lord of the manor sound very enticing when you put it that way. You've still got to cook the rabbits for me at some point though. You know, later on.

John H. D. Watson said...

Innie - we'll check it out after I make him watch Hot Fuzz again and pay attention this time. I really think he'll enjoy the paperwork montages.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Kill, skin, gut, cook a rabbit, all for you.

I would try to concentrate on these films, but...any film unsuitable for the boys, means you and I are alone...and we're never alone! So it's not my fault I can't concentrate on them. It's entirely your fault.

John H. D. Watson said...

Obviously, we need to be alone more then.

Kill, skin, gut, cook a rabbit, all for you.

And they say romance is dead.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

We need more hours in the day! I miss all of you when I'm at work, so I love spending time with the boys - but I also love spending time with you. So...yeah, get Mrs Holmes to order up a few extra hours each day, we can all be happy.

Hey, you wanted rugged. If you wanted 'new man' you should have said...although I'm not sure what role a 'new man' could play in our romance novel.

John H. D. Watson said...

Oh, the other suitor, naturally. He'd probably turn out to be evil.

And I didn't say I wanted rugged, just you. Although of course I do not doubt your ability to shoot, skin, gut, or cook rabbits, should you choose to.

Yeah. And of all the things we could be missing, films aren't really that important.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I'm very out of practice, actually. I wouldn't trust me with a dead rabbit and a knife.

Leftovers from the fridge and some pasta is more my level now.

I'm confused...are two of the sides of this love triangle...me? Just an evil me and a...less-evil-slightly-threshed me?

John H. D. Watson said...

...Could be? I was thinking someone else would be evil, but you could be your own evil twin. For added...confusion/drama.

I think I need to see where you grew up. It's getting more and more rustic in my head all the time as you casually mention threshers and skinning rabbits.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

it was just...normal. Farmland, a little village, lots of woodland. The 'nice end' of the village, and the council houses (where we lived), that was off down it's own dead-end road.

Mum still lives nearby. And Nicky isn't too far away. If we do ever go and stay with Nicky, we'll probably have to see Mum.

John H. D. Watson said...

I'd like to meet her. I mean, if you want me to, at some point.

Anon Without A Name said...

So, in this "romance" novel, there are two Lestrades and one John?

I may have to take a few moments to think about that.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

You probably should. We have a slightly...erratic relationship. Depending on...well, both of us, really.

I find it increasingly hard to deal with her if she's drunk. I get very frustrated, and then we just shout at each other.

Nicky can probably attempt to encourage some level of sobriety, if she knows we're going over to see her.

Would you find it hard - I mean, with Harry's history and everything?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Nameless - I'm completely confused myself.

I'd prefer two John's, obviously. Think of the threesomes! I mean...err...yes, the intellectual conversations and witty banter.

John H. D. Watson said...

I'll be fine. The worst part with Harry is that I feel like I ought to be able fix it and I can't. I'm sure you know what I mean.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Yeah. Hence the frustration. At least you'll understand. You're probably the first person I'll take to meet her who ever has.

I don't know, sometimes I feel responsible. Sometimes I feel I can't blame her. Sometimes I want to join her. And yeah, I always feel like I should be able to fix it.

Lindsay said...

But the thing is, all we are is a collection of experiences. Change the experiences and you change the person - into someone completely different. So I think as long as I want to be me, I can't really wish parts of my life hadn't happened, no matter how bad they were. Kind of torturous logic, I know, but I've spent a lot of time thinking about it.

YES, THIS. I'm glad I'm not the only person who thinks about this kind of thing constantly. I solidified this as my philosophy when I was in therapy in college, and I still really believe in it. I can't regret what's happened to me because it's tantamount to regretting the person that I am now- and generally speaking, I like who I am now.

Also, re: mustaches. I've always thought they make most men look like child molesters, sorry. Unless they're those pointy villain 'staches, those are just hilarious.

John H. D. Watson said...

L - we can always bail if it gets too frustrating for you.

I don't know, sometimes I feel responsible. Sometimes I feel I can't blame her. Sometimes I want to join her.

Yeah, all that. And I did join her, in a way. We got completely pissed together once or twice when I got out of hospital. I can't recommend it, frankly. Plus it was no fun explaining it to Dr E after.

Lindsay - between you and L, I'm very glad I no long have one. And on the subject of us apparently being charter members of Overthinkers Anonymous, yes - like wishing yourself out of existence. Not good.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Right, on these uplifting notes (Lindsay - I've never arrested a child molesterr with a moustache, just for the record) I need to go to bed. Because while some people might be enjoying a bank holiday off work tomorrow, I won't be.

I get to go and poke around some unsavoury areas looking for murdering gangs. (hoping to find out where they chopped our body up soon). So sweet dreams, everyone.

Danger, did we bring back any of that lavender oil?

John H. D. Watson said...

We certainly did, but you can't use it all. I've got plans for it.

John H. D. Watson said...

PS: wear your stab vest. And take a sandwich.

humantales said...

I don't know, sometimes I feel responsible. Sometimes I feel I can't blame her. Sometimes I want to join her. And yeah, I always feel like I should be able to fix it. I wonder if there's any child of an alcoholic who doesn't feel this way to some degree. (I rarely feel that I want to join him, but I do wish I could fix him. And I do so dearly not want to pass it down to another generation; so far, Max is showing no inclinations that way.)

As far as moustaches, I think my Goofy's face would be naked without his. I just can't picture it. (And, for whatever reason, I would think a child molester would want to be clean-shaven, to go for that "clean cut" look. Or do I not know what I'm talking about here?)

Sleep well, dream happy dreams, and I hope your day tomorrow has much Danger and little danger. (Max would so be groaning over that.)

Des said...

In my mind I briefly related John's "plans" for the lavender oil and his advice about stab vest and sandwich. I was relieved when I realized my error.

Random said...

@Des, you're not the only one. *confused and slightly traumatized*

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Des, Random - he's not that kinky. Or if he is, he's keeping it a secret for now, so as not to scare me.

Danger - i'll put my vest on if I need it. And thanks for the sandwich.

Everyone - temporary change from embedded comments, as they stopped working. Think the Blogger people will fix it soon (hope)

John H. D. Watson said...

I can't even figure out what I'd do with a sandwich and a stab vest that has you all so worried.

iamshadow said...

The only person that I can think of who looks better with a moustache is Jude Law. When he's clean-shaven, to me, he's just a typically bland pretty boy. Give him a moustache, some vintage clothes and a hat... and yeah, I'm digging it.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Well Danger, you do have a slight obsession with both items.

I imagined something like you fashioning the stab vest into a sort of straight jacket, then force feeding me jam sandwiches. Sort of jam bondage porn. Not rating I'd enjoy it, it's just what sprang to mind.

Anon Without A Name said...

I think maybe it was the implications that the plans for the lavender oil would apparently require a stab vest and sandwich:

L: Danger, did we bring back any of that lavender oil?

J: We certainly did, but you can't use it all. I've got plans for it.

J: PS: wear your stab vest. And take a sandwich.


(Lestrade: jam bondage porn? Dear god, your mind...)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

There's nothing wrong with my mind! Danger's chief worries in life are that I don't eat, whether there's jam in the flat and me wearing my stab vest. I just followed that to the logical conclusion.

John H. D. Watson said...

There's things you shouldn't google and then there's things you REALLY shouldn't google.

For the record, I will never mean jam bondage porn. Under any circumstances.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I haven't googled it.

But you should never say never, Danger.

Should I Google to find out if I'm relieved or vaguely disappointed?

John H. D. Watson said...

You don't even like jam! How could you be disappointed?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I could have been a mere vehicle for the jam then, and you could have ...enjoyed it.

I think even I could have enjoyed jam in that scenario.

mazarin221b said...

I wasn't even going to leave a comment on this little jam-fueled fantasy scenario you guys have going on here, but because the comments aren't embedded, the comments form captcha is already showing.

It says "lubes."

That is all.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I hope it's not suggesting that jam lubes anything. It would be all sticky! And imagine if it was the sort with pips...

You can get fruit favoured lube, but they always taste horribly artificial.

Lindsay said...

Lestrade- Have you ever watched House MD with Hugh Laurie? There's an episode where some nitwit comes in to the hospital's free clinic having used jelly for a contraceptive...Yeah, fruit jelly/jam. Vile, but hilarious.

Bronwyn said...

This conversation reminds me of playing WalMart chicken back in college. The object of the game is to freak the poor checker out by buying some set of horribly suggestive items all at once.

My roommate and I won once with the purchase of lubricant, hemorrhoid cream, a single modestly sized banana, the biggest cucumber we could find and a package of breakfast burritos. The clerk refused to touch the bag after she loaded it.

TTFN,
Bronwyn

Lindsay said...

That is the greatest game I have ever heard of.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Lindsay - I have seen a couple of episodes, yes. And that does indeed sound vile.

Bronwyn - I think about half of Danger's shopping trips would win that game. It's just what happens when you're popping down to the shops and you ask if anyone (out of an entire sexurity team, an elderly lady, two boys and your boyfriend) need anything whilst you're there. He's probably got a reputation at Tescos.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

SeCurity.

That wasn't a freudian slip.

Trills said...

That was the very definition of a freudian slip...

Trills said...

Also I quite like the non-embedded comments thing.

It means I can comment at work for a change (which has yet to update from IE6 (that's local government for you) and normal comments don't work on that)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Trills - I don't mind it at all. I just wish it kept the colourscheme of the blog. I like my grey and blue!

Does anyone know how I can get all comments emailed to me off Dangers blog now though? I've lost how I did it before.

John H. D. Watson said...

Sexcurity? Really? I imagine they'll be very flattered...

I think theres a setting I can put your email in so you get all my comments if you like.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Really, Danger? That would be nice. I could have asked Mycroft, but he looked like he might strain something from trying not to roll his eyes at me when I tried to explain the entire comments issue the other morning.

Apparently 'the...thing!' isn't descriptive enough for him to know what's broken...

John H. D. Watson said...

He shouldn't be fixing Blogger's problems anyway! Anyway, I think I've got it set so you get my comments.

And I think my reputation at Tesco is pretty much all your fault. Although buying Mrs Turner's denture cream hasn't helped, I'm sure.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

No, but you know Mycroft, he'd have the world running smoothly if no one else got in the way...

And what have I EVER asked for from Tesco that's been damaging to your reputation?? On second thoughts, if there really is something, maybe I don't want people here to know.

And are you a personal shopper for the whole street now?

Thanks for doing that. Can you still get my comments? Why do they make things change and confuse the confused even more!?

Mrs Turner said...

It was my mother's denture cream! I'm not that old!

John H. D. Watson said...

...Sorry, Mrs Turner.

L - I'll get yours until you do a new post and then not, I think, but I think I can still subscribe to them with this comment system.

No comment on the things you've sent me to the shops for.

Mycroft said...

Lestrade, you didn't just say 'the thing'. The sentence went (from memory):

"Mycroft! Help, the...it's gone, the thing! From the thing! It isn't there, even though it says it is, I can't click on it, because it's not!"

How anyone is supposed to understand what that meant, with no context, I don't know. It is very diffcult to establish what a 'thing' is when it's missing and with you just waving your hands about as if that would explain it.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Mycroft - it's the Italian in me, waved hands explain most things. And it was early! Anyway, you knew what I meant once you looked at my phone.

Danger - now you're making the whole Tesco thing sound worse than it could be! I demand examples!

And you'll have to show me how, if this system does have a subscribey thing.

Thought about getting my haircut...but in the area I am right now if they knew I was the Filth they'd probably slit my throat. As it is Sal's got one hand on her baton, one on her radio, watching my back as I errr...discuss matters with business owners. Honestly, anyone would think they had something to hide...

John H. D. Watson said...

The subscribey thing is under the thing on the thing.

Next post is just going to be my shopping list, I swear.

Don't get in any shouting matches with demon barbers. I hear they're fast with those razors.

humantales said...

Mycroft, if this kind of thing bothers you, don't even think about becoming a computer professional. Especially when it comes to the next-door neighbors and family. (What operating system do you have? We don't have one. What browser do you use? Windows.)

To be honest, it's more Goofy than me who has to deal with the questions, but still.

Nicky said...

John - on the subject of moustaches, I may have something to send you...

And on the subject of mum - she is better now about trying to lay off the drink if she has reason to. And she would really like to meet you. I tell her edited highlights of what the four of you get up to.

John H. D. Watson said...

Nicky - ...I hope that means what I think it does.

And I would love to meet your mum, any time we can get away. And I'm suddenly very grateful she doesn't read this blog. She doesn't, right?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I hope that doesn't mean what I think it means, Nicky...

Nicky said...

Don't worry, John, she hasn't got a computer so she just hears things from me! She wouldn't understand much anyway. She's a bit like the American Army with Orio's sexuality - don't ask, don't tell.

(And I think it might well mean what you think it means.)

John H. D. Watson said...

Nicky - thank god. I suddenly understand L's reluctance to have me show my parents the blogs. Maybe not the best idea.

(EXCELLENT.)

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