26 May 2011

Dissolutions, discord and displeasure

Where do I start.

I imagine most of you know that Bryan paid me a visit. Don't know what I can say about it, really.

I'd gone back to mine for some laundry, got in the building fine, took the stairs like I always do, key in the lock and when I turned it he grabbed the back of my collar and shoved me inside. Obviously I didn't know who it was right then, but it was never going to be good, was it? I should have been more aware of my surroundings. I should have thought he might do this. but I wasn't, and I didn't. More fool me.




Anyway, once he was in he obviously didn't want to leave without some answers. So we talked. Well, he shouted, I tried not to shout back. He tried to look through my stuff, I tried to stop him.

He said a lot of things designed to hurt me. Some of them true.

All boiled down to him wanting money though, really. He said he'd let the dissolution go through without any trouble if I agreed to pay him off. I didn't agree. so there was more shouting, more threats. You can probably imagine. Although I hope you can't, really.

So in the end he left. Well, it got slightly physical, I sort of threw him out. And now...now I don't know.

Right now my life is full of not knowing. Work is a bloody nightmare, because the thing I cryptically referred to before seems to be a bit stalled, which means I'm stuck in some sort of limbo world of stress.

I'm just glad to say Danger and the boys are...well, wonderful. Danger keeps playing all this down, but believe me, there was a time when seeing Bryan would've had me reaching for the fags and booze. But not this time. I went back to John and he provided brownies and understanding. Not in that order. Far healthier. Well, admittedly I had a few cigs the next day, but none today.

Might see if I can get Danger to myself for a few hours at the weekend. I feel bad, dumping the boys on someone else, but I think I could do with a bit of time alone with him. Well, him and the bike.

76 comments:

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately, I can imagine all too well. But my life is better now and the life you've been making for yourself sounds like it's better too, aside from Bryan trying to fuck with it. You've probably heard the saying that only fools are fearless, that being brave is being afraid and doing something anyway. Bryan may have been able to make you afraid, but he didn't make you give in.

I get how life feels so uncertain for you right now, and it sucks that work is adding to it. But you have such good things in your life, as well. Getting away with Danger and the bike sounds like a good idea. I'm thinking the boys will be fine while you're gone.

I fell off the cigarette wagon myself a few years ago, after a car accident. I was bumming smokes off the tow truck driver. But it was just a blip for me. I'm glad to hear you've gotten by without them today.

~one_traveller

PS left you a comment that I hope doesn't read too much like War and Peace on your last post.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

At least doing this means there's an end in sight with Bryan. It's the right thing to do. I could keep putting it off, and letting it fester in the back of my mind, or I could do this, end it finally. Move on. And it does mean a lot to John. Obviously that helps me make the decision - how could it not - but it's not the sole reason I'm doing it. He's just given me the strength to get through it.

I'm glad your life is better, hope it never stops being better.

Thanks for your last comment too. I am lucky to have so many good people around me.

Paula said...

In this case I'd say next time someone attacks you from behind: FIGHT! I'd advise you to get some martial arts lessons, but it sounds really weird to tell a policeman something like that. I'm sure you already have self-defense training. I'm just surprised that he was able to surprise you.

Maybe I'm way too suspicious or careful generally, but I always double-check dark corners around me. And I mostly avoid them to be honest. I could fight if it would be really necessary, but I'd always prefer not to. Sorry, I don't want to sound like a smart-arse. I had to defend myself against three others almost twenty years ago and I failed terribly. Afterwards I decided that something like that won't happen to me again. It's so long ago and I'm still not able to forget it.

I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. Take care.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Paula - all I was thinking about was grabbing some clean clothes. I still had my helmet on from the bike, so couldn't hear or see as much as normal. Half lucky, because I'd have gone face-first into the door without it. Won't do it again, though.

And the last thing I want is him trying to stick assault charges on me. And he would, no matter the circumstances.

Paula said...

I understand your concern. I'm no policeman, female and not very tall, so if someone would try to press charges on me, the police would laugh about it. But even you should be allowed to defend yourself. Damnit. It sounds like he can do whatever he wants and has good chances to get through with it. That makes me bloody angry.

And that's what reminds that there's John's almighty boss. Why should you play fair in such a situation? It's not a shame to ask for help.

Lupe said...

Well, everyone else has already given you support and good advice. All I can come up with is: haters gonna hate! *hugs* I hope you feel better soon. :) You don't deserve to feel bad, you know that? But well. Brownies and support help. :*

Anon Without A Name said...

I was going to write an expletive-filled rant about Bryan, but that's not very useful, is it?

So - as dreadful as that was, I'm very glad he wasn't worse, given the man's history of violence (although sometimes words hurt more, don't they? More insidious). I'm very glad that you were able to kick his demands into the long grass, and to throw him out of the flat. I'm especially glad you were able to go home to John and the boys, and that they are wonderful.

I hope that you get some time alone with John (and the bike). It's hardly "dumping" the boys; I'm sure that they're feeling a bit disconcerted by it all as well, and maybe doing something fun for a few hours will help them too. And I really hope that there's plenty of hugs going around for all of you at the moment.

John H. D. Watson said...

You and me and the bike, huh? I think we can manage that. I'll ask Mrs Hudson. And try to not conjure up any more rain.

Also, Anthea offered to fetch anything you missed from your flat the other night if you don't want to go back for a while. She said if she saw Bryan she could just shoot him. I'm about...80% sure she was joking. It's extremely hard to tell with her.

Lawless said...

Hang in there! *sends virtual hugs*

Anonymous said...

When you least expect it...

humantales said...

*Hugs* to you all. A little one on one on bike (or . . .) sounds like exactly what everyone needs. :-)

(Go Anthea!)

Anonymous said...

Faggots get what they deserve eventually.

piplover said...

Believe it or not, sometimes it's when you feel the weakest that you're actually the strongest. I look back on periods in my life and wonder, "How the heck did I make it through that?" Especially when I remember how hopeless and stressed I felt.

But then I realize that I was very lucky to have friends and family who cared for me very much, and even if they couldn't help in any physical way, just having them there was enough.

Divorce, separation and all the baggage that goes with it is never easy. It sounds like you have a good case to get a restraining order, though I'm not sure if you would like to escalate it to that level. I know from experience that sometimes it can just make things worse.

Try not to let anything that was said get to you. I know it's easier said than done. But just keep telling yourself that John is obviously a very lovely, caring, decent person, and he's with you for a reason.

Everyone deserves respect and to be treated fairly. Don't ever listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. Especially not yourself.

mazarin221b said...

*yawn* Move along, troll. You're interfering with actual people having interesting things to say.

(Sorry, L, but seriously? Also - Bryan is an ass. Doesn't matter what he was, this is now what he is. And you are awesome, so F--- him sideways.)

mazarin221b said...

(Sorry meaning engaging the troll, not anything you have to say. HATE that we can't edit, can't correct accidental pre-review postings!)

innie said...

May I just say how relieved I am that you're back to calling the lovely doctor in your life "Danger"? It sounds like he's "John" when you're hurting and "Danger" (and variants thereof) when you're feeling more like yourself.

Even if he does sound like a complete waste of skin, at least Bryan reminded you how strong you really are.

Anonymous said...

To the troll-everyone gets what they deserve eventually. Good people-gay, straight or whatever-will eventually get the good karma they've accrued. People who are needlessly hurtful will get what is coming to them, as well. I still pray you will see that someday and stop harming yourself.

~one_traveller

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

What helps with sleeping? I mean natural stuff. Is lavender one of them? I'll try anything.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad your life is better, hope it never stops getting better.

Thanks L *hugs you*

There's still rough times, of course, but since I've started on the track to improving my life I believe it's been an upward curve overall. A few years ago I read that progress can be defined as "a set of problems being replaced by another, better set of problems." After things went to shit with Bryan I can imagine what your life was like a lot of the time. Now, as bad as this was, it's a disturbance in a life otherwise filled with difficult but meaningful work, Delicious Dangerous Doctors and wonderful children who love you, family, friends and sexy motorbikes. And as you said, you can see an end in sight with Bryan.

Also-I have a sleep disorder and melatonin does wonders for me.

~one_traveller

Elizabeth said...

I'm with anonymous -- melatonin all the way. Good luck with sleeping, Lestrade.

humantales said...

Lavender's supposed to help. So is melatonin, chamomile tea, warm milk, being in a dark room (without electronics) before trying to sleep. White noise can help too. I hope you have nice dreams once there.

Do Anthea and the minions read this blog? And John's? I hope so.

humantales said...

On melatonin: it works, but can cause/bring out vivid dreaming. (We tried it on my son at one point, but stopped because his dreams were disturbing.)

innie said...

Tea tree oil. Sprinkle a few drops on your pillow, flip it over, and sleep. (i like the smell of the stuff, but it is strong and sharpish, so test it out somewhere other than your pillow first.) Lavender is also good.

And in your case, the scent of a warm and drowsy army doctor might not prove soporific, but might be extremely comforting.

Anonymous said...

Hi Elizabeth-please call me one_traveller or Cynthia. I just can't get this thing to accept my Live Journal ID:(

Humantales-Whoa, I didn't know that about melatonin, or if I ever heard it I'd forgotten. I've taken it for awhile and never had that problem, but that doesn't mean L wouldn't.

L-There's another natural remedy whose name I'm trying to remember. I stopped taking melatonin for awhile since it's a hormone that might mess with a woman's reproductive cycle (didn't figure that would be a concern for you:) I remember reading up on it and finding it was natural with no side effects. It starts with an 'A'....shit, somebody help me out here....

In the meantime, I have a friend who swears by valerian.

~one_traveller

John H. D. Watson said...

hope you're not suggesting i put him to sleep. oh god why's it so early.

L - backrub?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Thanks for the suggestions. And the warning - my dreams are quite vivid enough without anything adding to it right now.

Obviously I went with Danger's suggestion in the short term. Who can argue with what the doctor prescribes?

Bronwyn said...

The introduction of new smells - even supposedly soothjng ones - can actually disrupt sleep in some people. A good series of slow stretches and a mug of hot milk with a tiuch of vanilla and sugar helps me.

Also, about half an hour to an hour before bed, a shift to dimmer red/yellow light can work marvels. It triggers the body's sunset response and your brain starts trying to prep for sleep.

TTFN,
Bronwyn

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

So, now i'm awake and at work I've googled melatonin. Those of you who've taken it - does it make you drowsy? If you needed to get up in the night, could you, and not feel like shit? And would you wake up to noise/disturbances etc.?

Innie - I hadn't noticed. You probably shouldn't have told me - I bet Danger had noticed and was using it to moniter my moods or something, and now I'll consciously change my habits. Sorry, that sounds a bit rude. I mean, he'll probably wish you hadn't told me. I find it quite interesting.

Danger - we'll see what the weather's like. It would be good to get away for a few hours though. And the three troll comments that came in overnight - I don't think it's the same one. If it is, it blows my theory out of the water. And I really don't like the one on your blog. Maybe try to catch Anthea for a word today?

John H. D. Watson said...

Is "boom boom" even a proper trolling? It might as easily be a dance move or a cartoon character. (Yes, all right, I'll talk to Anthea - though I suspect she already knows.)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I dunno, but along with the others I suppose I'm taking it in the worst possible way.

Lindsay said...

I'm with Lestrade. Personally it's that one in combination with 'When you least expect it...' (posted an hour before) that gives me the screaming creeps. Especially since the tone is in such contrast to previous troll comments. (I mean, 'you deserved it' and slurs about being gay, while nasty, are pretty much par for the course on the internet.)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

That's it, Lindsay, it's taking them altogether that worries me.

But I have complete faith in Anthea. And tempting though it is, I'll pass on the chance to have her shoot Bryan. I'd like to think he won't try anything like that again given it didn't work this time.

justblue said...

doing yoga at night always makes me sleep really well. the stretching relaxes your muscles, and the breathing relaxes your mind. ♥

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Danger, know any yoga?

Actually, I can usually drop off ok, I just wake up in the middle of the night. I dunno, I'm sure i'll get over it.

John H. D. Watson said...

I dated a yoga instructor for a while, does that count?

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I'm almost scared to ask if you learnt any positions from them (him? Her?)

John H. D. Watson said...

Sort of? I went to a few of her classes, so I knew the basics, but that was ten years ago. I probably remember...downward dog (get your mind out of the gutter) and fish. And maybe that one where you just stand there and pick your leg up, though I can't remember what it's called.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Right. Trying to get my mind out of the gutter...failing. all I can imagine is you wearing tiny shorts with your arse in the air. Sorry.

Perhaps I could become interested in yoga if I took a class with you. Although I'd worry about being thrown out for un-yoga-like behaviour.

John H. D. Watson said...

I didn't wear tiny shorts! I wore perfectly respectable...stretchy yoga trousers. A bit tight in the rear maybe, but that's all.

We can take yoga if you like. Makes you more flexible if nothing else.

Anon Without A Name said...

John, I seriously doubt you're helping Lestrade get his mind out of the gutter...

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

You wear them in my mind...and you do have a tight rear, yes.

Not sure I'd ever find the time for classes, to be honest. you can help me with my flexibility, though.

John H. D. Watson said...

Nameless - You may have a point.

L - You can start with downward dog.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

You start with it, I'll watch...

Anonymous said...

disgusting faggots

Lindsay said...

Don't be jealous just because they get more action than you, honey.

slothful said...

There was a study done suggesting that eight hours all at once isn't how people naturally sleep, and that prior to widespread artificial lighting, people would sleep for a few hours, then be awake for an hour or two before sleeping some more - and if you find yourself in a pattern like that, stressing about it certainly won't help, you're better just accepting the quiet time.

Admittedly, I've had some nights where I had to get up and do something to stop myself thinking upsetting thoughts, and given all the stuff you've got going on right now, well.

Not really helpful, I guess, but I thought it was interesting. Good luck, and I hope things sort themselves out.

Elizabeth said...

So, now i'm awake and at work I've googled melatonin. Those of you who've taken it - does it make you drowsy? If you needed to get up in the night, could you, and not feel like shit? And would you wake up to noise/disturbances etc.?

I've taken melatonin for years now. I nod off about thirty minutes after taking it, but if you really needed to be awake and alert after swallowing the pill, I'm pretty sure caffeine would do the trick. (Though I've never tried to stay awake after taking melatonin. That's just a guess.)

As for potential issues, I've never had vivid dreams or struggled with sleeping through the night. I've also never slept through anything important -- at least as far as I know. (I'm basing that on my reliably waking up for alarm clocks, fire alarms, a drunk roommate coming in at 4 a.m. and turning on the lights, the same roommate telling me that being congested was making me snore and keeping her up, etc.)

Good luck with the troll. I second the hope that it's nothing.

Pommery said...

Seconding melatonin. I work full-time night shift, have done for yonks now, and I've been taking it just as long. I do however wake up a few times during the 'night' and I don't find I'm unusually disoriented or less-than-functioning because of it (just the usual amount of resentment for having a twelve pound cat jump on my stomach.).
I did have to fiddle with the dosage though. 1.5mg, or half a pill under my tongue suits me fine, any more and I have strange dreams about produce.
OTOH, Are you trying to fall asleep? Or stay asleep? If its the second one, noise-cancelling ear-buds or an eye mask might help. Anything that's comfortingly restrictive without causing you to panic (cuddling helps, Danger, if you were wondering :P).
Hope you get some decent rest, whatever method you use.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I can only assume the person above is referring to these faggots (this is the only brand, I swear. I didn't just pick it for comedy effect) -

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2216/2220459531_b4e528d6f2.jpg

(And I'm from the west country, and have no idea what a 'rich westcountry sauce' is.)

We used to get faggots for lunch at school. I wouldn't say they're disgusting, but they wouldn't be my food of choice.

I don't think anywhere but the UK still eats faggots...do tell me if I'm wrong.

John H. D. Watson said...

I have to say, those faggots actually do look pretty disgusting, and considering the amount of money they must've put into making them look good, that's rather worrying.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I confess, I don't actually know what makes them different from meatballs. And I do like Italian meatballs...

Probably just that a. school dinners make everything seem pretty disgusting and b. I just can't get it out of my head that those ones are made of brains, from the name.

John H. D. Watson said...

They look like they're made from brains (new tag line? Faggots: Made from brains!), and they...glisten. Food shouldn't glisten like that.

John H. D. Watson said...

I bet they mixed petroleum jelly in with the sauce for the photo.

Lindsay said...

Glisten is the perfect word for it, and you are right. FOOD SHOULD NOT GLISTEN. So vile. Any food that looks like it was deposited on your plate by a dog is not edible. Just...no.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I think they're made from offal, mainly. I've never really wanted to know...

Anon Without A Name said...

Oh, ugh. I think they used to try to feed us those when I was at school too (and I'm also from the West Country, and buggered if I know what a "westcountry sauce" is supposed to be).

Thank god I'm vegetarian now :-)

I get the impression that they're more of a northern thing?

Hope you two had a good day out :-)

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Midlands and Wales, I think... we used to get them down the butchers, not in a box like these ones. And without this mysterious sauce...

We had a great day. I think Danger managed to open his eyes more often on the bike. Although he was still clinging on pretty hard (I don't have a problem with that). And it's reminded me I haven't done much riding - tired forarms/wrists!

We took some photos. So once we've argued over whose blog gets custody of which, I'm sure one or both of us will post.

John H. D. Watson said...

I'm stealing all the lighthouse ones.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

I'll take all the derelict/desolte ones then (given that's all there is - lighthouse, and shingle wasteland...)

Does this say something about us? You're getting the ones of a massive icon, flashing out warning and saving lives - I'm getting the derelict old stuff everyone's abandoned?

Oh, but wait...you're getting all the tall things. No, obviously no relation to us at all.

John H. D. Watson said...

I'm shocked and proud (if confused) that you didn't go for the phallic reference there.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

You just want everyone to think I've got a filthy mind.

I was too busy thinking about hand/wrist exercises I could do to improve my riding pleasure. Ones which involve gripping. And repetitive movements.

but I just don't know, Doc, can you suggest anything?

John H. D. Watson said...

You should be careful with those repetitive movements, you can do yourself an injury. Better sit back and let me help you out with some stretching.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Very tempting. But I promised Sherlock I'd go and see what he's been doing in our absence when I finished my coffee, so hold that thought...

(Do you have any idea what it is? Should I wear my crash helmet before entering his bedroom? Full biohazard suit? Riot gear?)

John H. D. Watson said...

Protective gear is always a safe bet when he's involved.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Actually, I survived (so far) unscathed. He wanted to show me that he's been thinking of what bike he wants. So he's shown me some options...but we HAVE to find one that's black. Nothing else will do. (I have no idea where that could have come from, I'm sure...) And he refuses to accept he might need stabilisers. Despite never having even tried to cycle before.

And he's baked us all flapjacks, because someone suggested them on here. Well, I say he has, I imagine Mrs Hudson had a hand in it. I just want to check with her that they're safe for human consumption.

He kept them in his room because he said Mycroft would eat them otherwise...where does he get this idea from? If anything, he eats more than Mycroft ever does.

John H. D. Watson said...

No idea. I think he keeps saying it because it's the only thing he says that actually gets to Mycroft.

Black bike, just like his DI, check. Stabilisers...well, what's the worst that'll happen? He'll fall over a lot till he gets it.

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

You know what he's like, though, he'll want to get it straight away, and when he doesn't, it'll be 'stupid'.

Ah well, we'll take him to the park and try to get him to learn on the grass. Like you say, he'll just fall off lots. And we'll have to run after him holding him half-upright lots.

He actually likes this bike. NOT A WORD, ANY OF YOU. You know who you are.

http://www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/3323203.htm

But would prefer it to be blacker. Without 'silly pictures'.

John H. D. Watson said...

HA!

Greg 'Orio' M F Lestrade said...

Yes, you would be one of the ones who knows who they are, Hamish Danger.

John H. D. Watson said...

I made no direct references to...anything. Maybe I was just very excited about how black it is.

Lindsay said...

Lestrade: Almost didn't get the joke till I looked at the zoom option. *cackles*

I'm with Sherlock on the silly pictures though. :)

Rider said...

When teaching him to ride, forget the stabilsers. Just take the pedals off.

He starts just scooting about, then coasting down gentle slopes with his feet off the ground. When he can do that, try steeper slopes and turning corners. When he can steer and brake put the pedals back on.

He'll manage a lot faster than with stabilisers and have a lot more fun.

Oh and get him a decent bike. Most kid's bikes are rubbish with horrible brakes. Get a 2nd hand Islabike. (Although I'm sure Mrs Holmes can afford a new one)

humantales said...

I have a feeling that you're in for a very, very long day until he "gets" it. (Rather like me and water-skiing. I refused to come in until I "got" it, even if my lips were blue.)

Rider said...

Might take a few days. The key thing with a bicycle is balance not pedalling and stabilisers don't teach balance. (And they confuse about cornering too).

Oh, don't forget to remove the chain! else he'll get his legs whacked by the cranks.

You could always jazz the bicycle up a bit
http://www.ragegraphics.co.uk/Triumph.aspx

ginnyvos said...

... Wow, non-dutchies are so fussy about bikes *pulls up eyebrow*

Sorry, can't help it... All the things they say about us Dutch and our bikes are true. I am reasonably sure we have more bikes than people in our country, we build seperate roads for them and if not then there is a part of the road set aside for cylcists special. My bike is my primary mode of transport and has been since I was 3 and learning to ride. Before that, it was the back of my mom's bike.

Also... Helmets? What's this American thing you're speaking of? Who needs a helmet to ride a bike? ;)

Basically, find a nice piece of road that is hardened (no grass, no sand, will only lead to frustration because those are very hard to ride on)and quiet, put side-weels on and let him ride. Don't fuss about the side wheels and don't let him. After about 4 weeks to two months (closer to 4 weeks with how rough I think Sherlock will be with it) the side wheels will be so askew that he'll be biking without them anyway, just using them for a bit of stability when he gets on. That's the time you take them off and WOW! Sherlock learned to ride all without help! Isn't that amazing?

To Sherlock: The side-wheels (I suppose that's what they mean with stabalizers?) are actually much cooler than everyone makes them out to be, and anyway; what do you prefer? The adults having to help you all the time or just being able to learn on your own?

Anonymous said...

@ginnyovs: In some countrys it is now illegal to ride a bike without a helmet and if children do it then the parents get fined.

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