Any of you in the UK (I get the feeling quite a few of you aren't?) will have heard about the Night Stalker case. (Here on the BBC - It's a pretty disturbing serial rape/sexual assault case. Don't read it if you think it'll give you nightmares.) Anyway, glad that the suspect has been sent down for life (at least 27 years. Life doesn't mean life here.) I hope the Judge is right, and he won't ever be freed. I honestly can't see how anyone who does such things deserves to be free ever again. I'm all for rehabilitation, but if someone won't show any remorse, even when convicted, I think it's beyond that.
I knew a lot of people working that case, over the years. Even did a small amount of legwork myself, once or twice, helping out when I was still a Sergeant. And yes, the Met have apologised for missing the chance to catch him a long time ago.
I know how it feels to be working a case where you just don't get a break - you see more and more victims, and you just can't catch the bastard. I know how it eats away at you. We've all been there. There's not a copper around who doesn't have regrets. Most of the time there probably wasn't anything you could have done - there wasn't the evidence, or the clue, or the one thing you needed, until finally they make a mistake, and you've got them.
When you're the one who makes the mistake, and they go on to attack - there isn't a way I can describe that feeling. The sick, sick feeling inside you. To know you could have prevented it, and live with that knowledge. Catching them then doesn't feel like a victory. It feels like a sorry apology, like the absolute least you could do. The depth of regret outweighs the satisfaction of the collar.
I'm glad they've caught him, and words can't express how terrible I feel for his victims and their families. But I feel for the team, as well. They won't forgive themselves. Ever. They'll feel all the remorse he doesn't, a million times over.
I can't speak for every officer, but there's a part of my brain given over to the regrets this job brings. And the memories are always there, like a black hole, and some times you have to fight harder than others to stop it taking over, and sucking your whole life in.
Sorry for the downer, on a Friday night too. Hopefully you're all out enjoying yourselves, and no one will read this.
4 comments:
I'm sorry, love. I know it won't help much, but that's all I've got. You do a hard job. Sometimes I think coppers should be rotated in and out, like soldiers, but I don't know what you'd do with yourself without the work.
Christ, what a monster. Here's hoping he dies in prison.
If it helps, I'm glad there's officers like you out there, doing what you do. I know it's hard and sometimes it just plain eats you up, but you do good. At the end of the day we're all just doing the best that we can do...and with as fucked up as this world is, that's really the best any of us can say of ourselves.
Danger - I wouldn't know what to do with myself, you're right. And most of the time it's enough to know that we all volunteered to do this job - no one forced us into it, and we do catch the bastards who would otherwise go on unchecked. But whenn you make a mistake, all you can think is if it had been someone else, maybe they would'nt have made it. Still, I don't think you can be a good copper if you don't care enough to hurt sometimes.
Lindsay - thank you. And you're right, doing your best is all you can do, whatever walk of life you're in.
Being a cop is difficult, but at least you're trying to do your best. Some policemen don't even give a damn whether they prevent a crime or catch a culprit. You're only human, and humans make mistakes. No one can expect a member of the police not to make a mistake in their work ever, because that's impossible. Doctors make mistakes, too--having an important job means your mistakes will affect people in a stronger way, but you can't help it, someone's got to do that job. :) Don't punish yourself over it because it's useless, it's better to learn from it and put it behind yourself.
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