Want to come over to mine for Shrove Tuesday? I've got all the ingredients, all the toppings. I just need a tosser.
Hey, no one ever said policemen told good jokes. I must have heard that one about 100 times today though.
Anyway, right now Sherlock is picking egg shells out of egg. This is because he's convinced that if I can crack an egg in one hand, he can. Well, he probably could, if he had eggs four times smaller than I had. But he doesn't, so he just taps the egg, then crushes it in his fist.
Mycroft's helping him now, in the interests of us not all getting crunchy pancakes. I'm observing, complete with ice-pack rested on my hand, courtesy of the good Doctor.
Had a far better day today, even if the Guv did have his arse in his hands all day, and gave me two cold cases which are glacial they're so old. Still, I'd like to think I might solve them.
Fudge has been put off in favour of pancakes, by the way. Pancakes giving far more instant gratification. (And the thought of the fake-cheese-fudge has put me off for life. I once investigated an industrial fatality in a factory that made those fake cheese burger slices. I will never ever eat one again. Believe me when I say the body floating in the stuff was the only bit you'd want to eat). Although Sherlock's already managed to give more to the dogs than we've eaten, with miss-placed attempts to flip them - and out of an entire bag of flour I estimate only about 50% has gone anywhere near the bowl. Mycroft is far better at flipping them, but far softer on the dogs, so they still win, as he feeds them little bits he rips off the edges.
Still, I love pancakes, and will go through anything to eat a few. Quite a few. At least six. Heck, it only comes once a year, right?
Any suggestions on what I should give up for Lent?
75 comments:
Pancakes are delicious. My husband prefers waffles - he's wrong, of course, but I'm willing to forgive him. Have you ever tried buttermilk pancakes? They're extra fluffy and delicious.
No idea on Lent - I am a very, very lapsed Catholic-with-Calvanist-leanings. So much so I had completely forgotten that Lent is, in fact, starting. Hm. My friend always gave up sugar? I'd say coffee, but I don't know if you'd survive the caffeine withdrawals.
"Any suggestions on what I should give up for Lent?"
Religion?
*bolts*
Annoyedwabbit - pancakes shouldn't be fluffy! They should be thin and...well, pancakey. We're not talking American pancakes here, we're talking proper lovely British pancakes. With brown sugar and lemon. And giving up caffeine is a ridiculous suggestion. I'd be a twitching mess on the floor without a coffee first thing.
Timberwolfoz - I'm not religious. And I seriously doubt I'll actually give anything up for more than about a day. But it's tradition to pretend there was a reason for eating all those pancakes. Half of my team will give up something - chocolate, mainly. I think only one of them is religious. None of them will manage for more than a week.
Give up punching inanimate objects?
Oh my god, I am so full.
I'm going to give up punching all objects. Although I'm glad I chose an inanimate object, not an...animate? one this time.
Can you get me a cup of tea? I can't move.
Fiiine. But only because your hand looks so terrible. I think I am going to tape it before you go to bed.
Tape it to what? As you're up you could get me some painkillers too. Not that you will be up when you read this. But it's the thought that counts.
The bedpost? Your fingers, in fact, to each other. You bend them in weird ways when you sleep. That's you personally, not the general population.
Yes, I will get you painkillers, and how do you know when I'm going to be up?
Hmm, I was hoping you might tape them to one of my favourite parts of your anatomy...
Do I? I know I twitch...usually because I'm dreaming I'm falling over things. Or down stairs.
Well the 'up' I was thinking about was when you fetch me tea. The 'up' I think you're referring to...well, I've got another hand, I can put it to good use.
An interesting offer...
If the cold cases aren't too gory you could try showing them to the boys. They might spot things other people haven't.
Sherlock would probably consider it the best game ever.
If I were you, I'd give up something like oranges, that aren't a staple but are still something you'd miss after a few days. I'm not sure if that's sufficient for Lent, though; I'm about as far from Catholic as you can get. (Previously Jewish, currently atheist.)
And a cautionary tale: a friend of a friend once gave up masturbation for Lent, and apparently her nearest and dearest were *begging* her to reconsider after a couple of weeks, she was so cranky and difficult to be around. So be sure to choose wisely!
Orio? Is this really you?
I know what you can give up - being SO DIRTY on this thing when you know children are reading! I can't believe you! Carla and Pauly were Googling you and found it. Do you have ANY IDEA how hard it is to explain half of your comments to them? You just wait - it won't be Mum giving you a thick ear, it'll be me!
(And is your hand okay? I suppose you're with the right person, at least. I still remember you coming to school with me that day and scaring those boys - must be thirty years ago now. You haven't changed!)
Nicky xx
Nichola - bloody hell, well how am I to know they Google me? Who would do that?? Well, obviously...
I'm not dirty, it's all John's fault. He, er...brings it out of me. I'm a responsible police officer! (And you try and give me a thick ear and I'll put you in a headlock).
Hand is fine. And I do remember that, yes. No one bullies my little sis and gets away with it. now stop looking at my blog. Can't you put some sort of child lock on your computer? I can lend you a computer genius, if you want.
HA. Retribution!
By which I mean, obviously, hello Nichola, very nice to...sort of meet you.
John, you're not much better, how can you let those boys of yours read this? Sherlock's only 5 (Is he? He seems older from his comments and adventures. But your page says he is)!
Is Orio there with you? Box his ears. And then let him box yours. You're as bad as each other.
And hello. He hasn't passed on the invite to dinner, but I'm sure he will. And I'll accept. And if you're teaching those boys of yours some manners, you can include him in on that.
Nicky
xx
Orio? Where'd that come from?
I think there's worse places they could learn about sex, honestly. A lot worse. I ask him to tone it down occasionally, but on the whole I'd rather have them hear something from him and ask me about it than turn to google.
And yeah, Sherlock really is only five. Hard to believe sometimes. They're both pretty amazing. Manners... Well, we're all working on that.
There is no need to take ANY notice of that, Danger. It's just a silly nickname.
You're not helping your case by calling me Danger, you realize.
You called YOURSELF Danger - no siblings outed you!
It's what we all called him when we were little. Even though he's really Greg (Gregory), our Italian family all called him Gregorio - which is a bit of a mouthful when you're young! So Orio it was - and it stuck.
(Both of mine think we're calling him Oreo, like the biscuit, because his hair is black and white, like they are).
...That is adorable.
Orio - I did not call myself that! Large American Marines called me that, as a joke. You only asked what the D stood for.
You were in a band??
And you voluntarily told the entire internet. Besides, Large American Marines aren't anywhere near as scary as sisters who want to tell the world all about you.
Harry, help me - I need to know about every embarrassing thing John has ever done.
A band? What? Where did THAT come from???
I've found out where that came from. You two talking behind my back on your journal. I cant keep up.
Mycroft, I need you to start blocking a certain internet signal belonging to Nichola.
Don't be silly; I'm not even supposed to be awake.
I told the entire internet because you would've hounded me mercilessly until I gave in if I didn't! Don't even deny it.
Harry, don't you dare.
Mycroft, you can be awake. I'll write you a note. I'll...I don't know, promise never to recount anything you might ever do which could be embarrassing.
John - Well I wouldn't even have known if you hadn't signed up for your blog with the 'D'. It's not he same.
Harry, dare. You know you want to.
I didn't think anyone would ever read it but my therapist!
Also, I'm fairly certain it's illegal, Inspector.
Right Doc, do whatever you're going to do to my hand and I'm going to bed, to stick my head under a pillow and hope all this is a horrible dream.
Mycroft, come and take my warrant card, arrest me, whatever. Anything's better than being ganged up on.
Nichola, please remember that I know where you live. And I can still pinch you hard enough to make you scream.
Aww. I'm sorry my fudge freaked you out. I promise not to offer any of my more outre recipes no matter how amazingly delicious they might be. I hadn't realized that one was odd. At least I didn't offer you my caramel covered ants recipe? Or my recipe for roasted cuy? (Do NOT google that, Sherlock. You'll regret it.)
Tinkerty-tonk,
Bronwyn
Just noticed your new tag by the way. Nigella.
Bronwyn - you're welcome to offer more recipes, just not ones involving weird fake cheese! (Honestly, Mycroft knows a thing or two about fine dining, and I'm pretty sure he'd have forbidden John to bring that cheese stuff into the house). I would eat ants or cuy, if the situation called for it, before I'd eat that cheese.
Danger - Well every time I come here I seem to end up cooking something! Seemed only fair. And Sally smirked when she saw my taped fingers this morning with the sort of eyebrow-raise that shouted 'I TOLD YOU SO' at me. (But I don't care, because it hurts less).
I am impressed at your cooking abilities, Detective Inspector! Danger, you've got a keeper there. And I'm glad the boys have the both of you in their lives.
I had a cheeky suggestion for what you could give up for Lent, but I doubt it would be a good idea and I don't want to annoy your sister even more.
My suggestion? Don't worry about it; God wants you to be happy.
Bronwyn, we've got a Guinea Pig at school and that's the same as a Cuy, and people take it home for the weekend, sometimes, but John says we can't have it because of the dogs.
But it wouldn't matter about the dogs if we were going to eat it. Can you send your recipe?
Ask him about Robin Sparkles.
I've just Googled it (her). Some fine YouTube clips up there, John. I think you NEED to explain. And I would think there needs to be a LOT of explaining.
HARRY I HATE YOU
This is, if I needed it, PROOF that there needs to be a LOT of explanation from you, Danger.
P.S. Want me to come over tonight? I never seem to see my own flat any more...up to you and the boys though.
I don't know. What percentage of the time do you plan to spend mocking me?
Well, assuming I end up cooking something (fudge or otherwise), and talking to Mycroft and Sherlock, possibly some time updating this thing...
I'd say probably about 30% face-to-face mockery, 60% online mockery (because it's more fun if more people can join in). Possibly a slightly lower percentage if I can't multi-task wrangling Sherlock in the kitchen with mocking you. But I am pretty good at multi tasking. As you well know.
I think I hate you too. You can come over if you explain to Sherlock why it's not okay to eat his school guinea pig.
It won't be the hardest thing I've ever had to explain. Although I can't say it's something I ever imagined I needed to.
Maybe his teacher will let me off the bloody talk if I stop the school pet ending up on the dinner menu?
Doubtful. I think she's got her eye fixed on a free morning to spend quietly reading a book while you bear the brunt of their attention.
I shall send her a link to these blogs. I think it's proof enough that I am NOT a responsible adult.
If you do, I'll send them to your DCI.
Between you and Sherlock I'm going to be a homeless bum soon, aren't I? You can come over to my place, under a railway arch, and I'll crack open a cold tin of beans. Let you share my sleeping bag. Apologise for the stink of piss. Try not to get you run over by a roadsweeper. We can go on dates to the soup kitchen.
Mycroft, as soon as you rule the world I hope you'll find me a job again.
You can move in here and do the cooking while I spend my days in leisure.
The only difference to my life would be no warrant card for Sherlock to steal...
(I'm assuming the body count and paperwork wouldn't really change much, with you lot).
p.s. tell Mycroft I might need his help tonight.
John already said I can't cut off your sister's internet. Although what he really means is that I'm not allowed to, because of course I could. It would be fairly easy.
That's not what I need you for! I've got a new phone. A bit better than the old one you and Sherlock laughed at. Except I could work the old one...
I know you're good with this stuff, so I just need you to show me how to...well, make it work.
Although then you could show ME how to cut off Nicky's internet - or at least bar her from this site. Then YOU wouldn't have done anything wrong.
I can certainly help you with your phone at least.
You must have a lot of interesting (read: embarrassing) stories, Lestrade, to be this worried about your sister. ;)
Sisters aren't known for staying strictly to the realms of truth. (Although I'm sure everything Harry says will be gospel.)
And I'll admit I have done a few things which, given my current career, might be seen as...regrettable.
Okay, Sherlock, don't blame me if John won't let you try it.I picked this up when I spent a summer in Ecuador.
Roasted Cuy
Ingredients:
2 large guinea pigs
2 red onions, chopped
4 cloves garlic, chopped
2 teaspoons cumin
1 teaspoons white pepper
2 teaspoons salt
2 tablespoons water
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
Directions:
1) Skin and dress the pigs. This is remarkably similar to dressing a rabbit. Basically, you skin it, remove the organs and wash the meat. If you can find a grocer or butcher that specializes in south American cuisine, you can get them already done. Be sure to leave the head and feet.
2)Mix all ingredients well and thoroughly coat the inside and outside of the meat.
3)Wrap in plastic and allow to marinate three hours to one day.
4)Remove meat from plastic and blot off excess marinade to avoid scorching.
5)Insert spit from the back of the pig, exiting through the jaw. Tie the forelegs to the spit stretched in front and the back legs behind.
6)Place on roaster pan and roast at 350F. Turn the meat every ten minutes or so. Brush surface with oil to prevent cracking and drying.
7) Roast 30 to 45 minutes until roast is done. It will depend on the size of the pig.
Serve with potatoes and a peanut dipping sauce (or any sauce really).
Good luck!
Tinkerty-tonk,
Bronwyn
Thanks for the recipe. He's welcome to try it as long as he has:
1) An adult who can cook and is also willing to assist him
2) A guinea pig that his entire class doesn't view as a beloved pet
Errr, Sherlock and I had a long conversation, over fudge-making, regarding why it's not okay to try to eat the school pet. So Sherlock, if you read this, DON'T get any ideas. And no, it's not even okay to just chop a bit off the guinea pig and then sew the skin back up 'just to try it'. That's not how it works. So read the recipe, and we can use some substitute meat or something, but we will NOT be eating Smudge. (And I hope your teacher doesn't read this).
Who votes John should stay still so I can take his picture for my new phone? He's scowling and refusing. I think he'd make a nice background picture. Would make my days at work considerably better, having a pic of him in my pocket.
You've been calling me Robin since you got here. You get no photo.
I could just put that video on my phone. That would be the second best thing - it would make me think of you!
I honestly do hate you.
I don't believe you.
We could go to the mall. All your friends are going to be there...
Hey everybody, come and play, throw all those cares away...
Come on, Robin 'Danger' Sparkles, sing along.
I'm going to kill you and then I'm going to kill Harry. Or maybe the other way round. This is so unfair! Your sister didn't even say anything about you! I fail to see how being in a band is remotely embarrassing!
You know, you threaten to kill me quite often. I might actually start to worry soon.
Are you telling me you don't feel like you could fly when you hold my hand?
Did your friends say you were a fool, because I'm older and got kicked out of school?
(Anyone who doesn't understand these exchanges needs to visit YouTube and search for Robin Sparkles - Danger's favourite songstress)
Go make me tea.
only if you publicly say you don't hate me really.
Fine. I don't hate you. But I'm still going to kill you, so watch your back.
I'm not sure I want to go into the kitchen now. I did a murder case a few years back where the guy was beaten to death with a toaster. Wouldn't have been my first choice of weapon, in a kitchen full of knives and pans and stuff. But he still ended up dead. And covered in crumbs.
I promise not to murder you with a toaster. Probably.
I'll make you a brew then. And check if the fudge is setting nicely.
I have eyes in the back of my head, so don't try anything.
Lamb or pork makes a lovely substitute. You'll need two roughly two to three pound chunks. Or just cube it into kebabs.
Tinkerty-tonk!
Bronwyn
Why wasn't "toaster" an option in the murder weapon poll? I guess technically it was a blunt object but...
Maybe I'm just not a very creative murderer. All to the good I suppose.
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