22 March 2011

Seminars, Celebrations and Dismembered bodies

I'm beginning to think I'll never get this seminar written. Largely because when I get a spare moment my brain point blank refuses to co-operate. Which in turn is because I don't want to do the bloody thing, because I hate standing up in front of people and speaking.

So filling an hour on 'High Profile Crimes - Crime Scene Procedure, Evidence and Press Management' (stop laughing Sally, I didn't pick this) is NOT my idea of fun. Obviously I don't have to speak for an hour, oh no, I get to think of stupid activities, too. Yeah.

The fact John's fortieth falls at the start of the bloody conference is doing little to help my mood, either. And I have no bloody idea what to get him as a gift. (all suggestions welcome. Send them on a postcard)

But right now I'm ankle deep in mud waiting for a search team report, as we had an anonymous phonecall during the night about one of my cold cases. Last year we found a body - a torso. Never found the rest, no head, arms, legs etc. So we've no idea who it is. (It's one of those cases you lay in bed thinking about at night. I hate cases where we can't identify the victim, therefore can't tell the family.) Just that the torso washed up in a quiet backwater. The call was a tip off about more bits of it (we hope) and a potential murder location. Which is where I am. Still, at least it's not raining. And the natives are relatively friendly, although a few seem to develop tourettes whenever they smell pig, so have been shouting abuse at us. Still, par for the course, in these parts. Around here if no one slashes your tyres or comes at you with a length of two by four you're doing well.

27 comments:

John H. D. Watson said...

Really up to your ankles? That sounds thoroughly unpleasant. I'm kind of impressed you're blogging in that.

Really, you don't have to get me anything, I don't think I've gotten birthday presents since I was out of my twenties unless you count beer. The singing's quite enough. Feel free to wear your leather jacket as well.

Greg Lestrade said...

Really. I am wearing Wellingtons though. But Thames mud stinks and is freezing. Lost feeling in all lower limbs hours ago. Thank god for new smart phone for entertainment and blogging. Although it insists it's flogging, not blogging.

Leather jacket and singing? You're leaving me nothing here for future celebrations. I don't want to peak too soon.

John H. D. Watson said...

You could always bake with Sherlock next time.

Are you coming over later? Do you want...anything? Besides a lot of hot tea I assume.

Greg Lestrade said...

I could come later, so to speak. But have to go to mine first for clean clothes.

Food, tea, a warm hug? Not in that order. Need any shopping? There's not much jam left after the crime scene.

Anonymous said...

Poor Orio! I can offer suggestion for the birthday if you like. I promise not to get too eccentric, but I've no idea where to post the card. Oh well.

Best of luck with the birthday and the presentation. At least cops should easier than a roomful of Sherlock's peers, right?

Toodle-pip,
Bronwyn

Greg Lestrade said...

You can offer suggestions here. John will promise not to look.

Believe me when I say there are no secrets around here, not if Sherlock has anything to do with it.

And cops are far easier. Few questions, little interest and a general air of fatigue. The complete opposite of Sherlock's lot.

Anonymous said...

One might expect a room full of cops stuck in a seminar to be taking advantage of the opportunity for a slight nap before getting stuck ankle deep in mud again.

As for gifts, I think the singing detective is about the best gift you could come up with. So much more personal and meaningful than anything that could be bought.
-kholly (I seem to be unable to be verified)

innie said...

Not implying anything about your skills or John's, but maybe you could take a cooking class together? I've done it as a team-building exercise with colleagues I wasn't fond of and we still had a very good time, so hopefully it would be totally fantastic for the two of you?

Greg Lestrade said...

On the contrary, you can imply all you like about John's (lack) of cooking skills.

Although with John's continual hints at my impending death-by-toaster I'm unsure about volunteering to spend time with him learning more about things that can kill me in a kitchen.

Lindsay said...

Um, well, at least if he learns more you know he won't kill you by *accident*...

Anonymous said...

Personally, I recommend a two-fold approach. Lunch and cake at home with the boys and an afternoon family-friendly activity like the zoo or a science museum or something touristy you wouldn't normally do (the Eye, Ripper tour). Then after the boys are safely settled at home, a date. Dinner out somewhere nicer than you'd go with the boys and a night somewhere you won't have to worry about little pitchers (yours or a hotel, I say give yours a scrub and save the money). Gifts are optional, but I think you ought to go here: http://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/kitchen/ and go nuts. Cooking for Geeks is awesome.

Good luck!
Toodle-pip,
Bronwyn

Greg Lestrade said...

Sherlock's in charge of cake manufacture (possibly with Mrs H's help).

And my flat is distressingly clean and tidy - largely owing to the fact I never seem to live there anymore.

Danger, any classes you want to take? Anything you've ever wanted to do? Pole dancing? Motocross? Salsa? Cookery? Pottery? Life drawing? Forensics for beginners (no, Sherlock)?

John H. D. Watson said...

I thought I wasn't supposed to be reading this? But I am, obviously, so... I'm fairly certain a cooking class would end in doom and despair and possibly a structure fire. None of the others (except possibly motocross?) sound like things you'd enjoy? Although maybe I'm wrong, maybe you're secretly harboring a desperate desire to learn salsa?

Greg Lestrade said...

Perhaps I can already salsa, and would show you up with my dancefloor moves?

You have yet to discover everything about me...

John H. D. Watson said...

Whether or not you can salsa, you would almost certainly show me up with your dancefloor moves. Can you really?

Greg Lestrade said...

Nope, can't at all. Well, never even tried, if I'm honest.

Horseriding? Car maintenance? Welding? Basic plumbing? Karate? Tai chi? Cake decoration? Embroidery? Animal husbandry?

This is for your birthday, so ignore what I may or may not like!

Greg Lestrade said...

By the way, not going to make it over tonight. Will finish late here, then have things to do at mine. Sorry.

John H. D. Watson said...

Do they really have classes in animal husbandry? That's not an expression of interest by the way, only amazement.

All right, have a nice evening.

Greg Lestrade said...

I have no idea, and I'm far too scared to Google it. I'll follow your tag advice.

And I won't. It'll be wretched. Think of me.

John H. D. Watson said...

They do. They have whole schools for farmers. I don't know how I got this far in life without knowing that. I suppose I thought farmers learned from other farmers. About...farm things. Shit, apparently, according to you.

Why will it be wretched? Work?

Greg Lestrade said...

I knew you could do it if you were a farmer. Wasn't sure you could take an evening class in the middle of London with your boyfriend just on a whim. I'm fairly sure people have been arrested for less.

And yes, work until I leave here, owing to losing half this afternoon to meetings, then more work at home interspersed with trying to remember which way up to hold my guitar and possibly even risk attempting s few chords

John H. D. Watson said...

Actually there is some place on craigslist with evening classes. I'm somewhat concerned.

I never asked - electric guitar or acoustic?

Greg Lestrade said...

I'm more than somewhat concerned. Stop looking! Unless it really is what you want for your birthday...in which case we'll discuss it.

Both. I mean, I started as a kid with acoustic, and still have one. But with the band it was all electric and speakers that went up to 11.

John H. D. Watson said...

I was thinking more along the lines of you reporting them to the appropriate authorities. Whoever that might be.

And which are you practicing on?

Greg Lestrade said...

I'll look into it. The reporting-of I mean, not the course... Anyway, you've escaped the original subject. What do YOU want to do?

Electric. Haven't played since I did my fingers in on my fretting hand on the locker, and the electric is easier to play. Didn't feel quite up to the acoustic.

Which would you prefer I played to you?

John H. D. Watson said...

Either's fine with me. Whichever you feel more comfortable with.

Greg Lestrade said...

I'll see how practice progresses.

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